THOUGHTS ABOUT LEADERSHIP

Where there is no guidance, a people falls . . . (Proverbs 11:14).

Farm Journal television interviewed Barry Posner, author of a book called, The Truth About Leadership and I happened to watch that interview at five in the morning.  Posner shared four essential qualities for leadership a person must possess if he/she is to lead: 1) To be a leader one must be honest and possess integrity.  A lie is generally not hidden for ever; the truth comes out eventually so that a person's ability to lead is seriously compromised, if not ended.  Politicians are great illustrations of this point.

2) To be a leader one must possess vision.  Where is it that the leader wants to take those who follow?  Much of the time leader want-to-be's do not have followers because they have no clear vision of where they want to go and cannot articulate how to get there.

3) To be a leader one must be inspiring.  This is a quality of leadership that is a gift and not all people possess it to the same degree though most people possess it to some degree.  Charisma, achievement, power, position and relationships are inspirational qualities, but, it seems to me that there is an intangible quality to this quality of leadership.  Charisma might come the closest in describing it, but there are some who are recognized as leaders simply by how they carry themselves with self confidence and personal authority.

4). To be a good leader, one must be competent.  Each of us is a leader to somebody, so each of us has to make the effort to become as knowledgeable and skillful as we can be.  Good leadership does not just happen.  One has to be intentional about becoming the best leader he/she can be because there are many who are watching . . . And if a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit (Matthew 15:14).

5)  Dr Posner did not include this one as necessary for leadership, but the Lord did: . . . and the leader as one who serves (Luke 22:26). Leadership is about love and service.  I have almost no hope that our politicians will ever get it.  They call themselves public servants while enriching themselves in political office, acting like kings and nobles while fleecing the citizens of the United States.  Being a servant is leadership by example, teaching by behavior.

You will lead someone in 2012. Do what it takes to become the best leader you can be.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT: WHAT HEAVEN IS LIKE OR KNOWING THE ONE WHO MADE HEAVEN?

For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him (John 3:17).

Recently, I have had occasion to think about heaven more.  I've wondered why God does not tell us more of what heaven will be like--perhaps more people would desire to go there if they had a clearer picture of heaven.  We all want to go to heaven, but if the Lord is getting a bus load up today, maybe we will want to take a later bus.

I was thinking about this as I was reading the Bible this morning and decided that what is really important is not so much the destination, but who one will be with at the destination.  If one is a disciplined reader of the Bible, then one will get a clearer picture of the nature of the Creator, Redeemer, Father, Brother and Friend with whom we will spend eternity.  Anywhere will be Heaven if they are there.  Anywhere will be hell if they are not.

The Christmas story reveals the nature of our God.  I hope you spend this Christmas getting to know the One who truly loves you.

Our Father's Love,
Tom

IS TEBOW A HERO?

For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the son of man also be ashamed, when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels (Mark 8:38).

For my non-American readers, Tim Tebow is a professional football player, quarterback of the Denver, Broncos.  Since Tebow has been elevated to the starting quarterback, the Broncos have won six games in a row, vaulting the team to first place in the western division.  For the Tom Steele family, this has been a wonderful thing because we have been Denver fans since we lived in Colorado--about 35 years.

What has made Tebow such a subject of controversy is that he is a devout Christian and is not afraid to let others know about his faith.  He is not an "arrogant twit" about it, but seems to be the real deal; he is quite refreshing.  Actually, Tebow is not the greatest athlete in the world, but he is a great one and he seems to have this intangible quality about him that is more than leadership, it is about inspiring the players around him to play better than they are otherwise able; Larry Bird is one of the few other professional athletes who had this gift.

The criticism, mocking and shaming that have been directed towards Tebow have not seemed to affect him at all; he still stands firmly for the Lord.  Some have suggested that if real bullets were being shot at Tebow he wouldn't be so brave.  I think just the opposite, standing for the the Lord in spite of the onslaught of very public criticism indicates real courage that would be steady under fire.

What about you?  Do you have the courage to take the stand that Tebow has?

Go Tebow!  Go Broncos!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

DID JESUS LAUGH OR DOES GOD HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).

The short answer is yes, even though the Bible does not speak of Jesus, God become flesh, as laughing. In the New Testament Jesus wept, but it does not say, "Jesus laughed." In the Old Testament it is recorded that God laughs, but it is a laugh of derision, not a belly laugh of humor.  So how can I say that Jesus did laugh and that God does have a sense of humor?  First and foremost, human beings have a sense of humor and laugh.  I believe because human beings are created in the image of God, I infer from that truth that because humans have an innate sense of humor and laugh, then the God who created us in His image, must have a sense of humor and laugh too.  How could we survive in this sinful world without humor?  A lot of humor comes from the shared experience of the struggle of living in this world.

All of us laugh.  If we do not laugh then we are struggling with twisted theology or mental illness because clean joking and laughing are hallmarks of health.  I know that in the world of theology there are those who believe the fall of Adam caused the total depravity and that depravity completely obscures the image of God so that what is seen in the natural man is only depravity; even if a natural person does something apparently good it was from an evil motive.

I believe in original righteousness, not in original sin.  There is no question that the fall of Adam does obscure the image of God in our lives, but not completely.  God's image, original righteousness, does shine through the clouds once in a while and allows people to do noble things, to cheer each other up, and to laugh.  I wonder if when Jesus was eating with sinners or hanging around children he told a joke or two and laughed.  There are some stories in the New Testament that, I believe, cannot be properly interpreted without the humor factor.

It is interesting that hell is described as a place of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and it is never said there is laughter there.  In contrast, it is said that in Heaven there are no tears, grief, pain or death, but it does not say laughter will be taken away!  It appears to me that Heaven will be a place where there is lots of love and laughter.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

FEELING TRAPPED?

So they took Jeremiah and cast him into the cistern of Malchia, the king's son, which was in the court of the guard, letting Jeremiah down by ropes.  And there was no water in the cistern, only mire, and Jeremiah sank in the mire (Jeremiah 38:6).

I have been reading through Jeremiah.  For some unknown reason, as I read this verse, I thought about the clients who have spoken of feeling trapped in their marriages, jobs and even their lives.  It's funny how a single verse can trigger such thoughts--humm.

Sometimes being trapped is not one's own fault.  Being trapped can come through simply being faithful, as Jeremiah was a faithful prophet for God.  In those situations, one can, at the very least, have a clear conscience about the situation; it goes a long way toward helping one sleep at night!  Of course, if it is true that one is trapped because he/she was being faithful to God's word, then God will also make a way out; Jeremiah was pulled from the cistern.

Most of the time, feeling trapped and/or being trapped is of our own doing; we make the prisons that imprison us.  I am not blaming here because we all make mistakes and errors in judgement that are not intentional, but, nevertheless, form the bars of our prison cells. It should go without saying that  intentional sins have the same result.

Feeling trapped is hopeless anxiety.  It is the feeling that a situation will never change and there is nothing I can do about it; I have no resources or power to bring about change.  If one believes in the God of the Bible, he/she already has resources to deal with a hopeless situation, even one of our own making.  God is our Redeemer, paying the price for freedom from the prisons in which we find ourselves.

So the place to begin is prayer, asking God's help to see and understand.  Sometimes the prisons in which we find ourselves are not prisons at all, it is just a matter of perspective.  Reframing a situation can make all the difference in the world.  If one can meaning in imprisonment, one can find, not only the strength to persevere, but to flourish.  It can be that those in a literal prison can be the most free people, the apostle Paul being an example, because there is meaning in the imprisonment.

The prisons of addiction are the most difficult to deal with, not only because of the dysfunctional family dynamics that form much of the prison, but because of altered body chemistry and brain dysfunction.  Even with God's help, it is a tough way out.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit (II Corinthians 3:17-18).

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

CHARACTER FORMATION/SPIRITUAL FORMATION

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit (II Corinthians 3:17-18).

The goal of character and spiritual formation is Christ-likeness.  It is foolish to think that this can be accomplished by pastors, parents, teachers, counselors, coaches and their methods alone.  Without the dynamic of Holy Spirit, it is futility to think that we can accomplish more than Pavlovian responses from those in our charge.  So, character/spiritual formation has to begin with prayer!

People are more than animals, they are also spiritual beings.  John Rosemond, in an article called, Children, Rats and Mazes, pointed out: . . . the principles that govern the behavior of a rat do not govern the behavior of a human being.  A rat is subject to the force of reward and punishment.  A human is not.  Reward a child for obedience and he is likely to turn right around and disobey the first chance he gets.  Punish a child for misbehaving and the misbehavior may get worse.  This is not because the child carries a gene that makes him impervious to "normal forms of discipline."  It is because of all the species on the planet, only human beings are capable of acting deliberately contrary to their best interests, even when they know where their best interests lie.  While I do not know the faith-perspective of Dr. Rosemond, I do know that what he has said is consistent with Biblical revelation.  I also infer from Dr. Rosemond's quote that external circumstances are not determiners of behavior, only dynamics.  It means that a person has it in his power to act completely different from what powerful family and work dynamics seem to dictate. 

The purpose of spiritual/character formation is not for the glory and convenience of the parents, pastors or life coaches, but it is for the glory of God and the good of those in whom the character of Holy Spirit is to be formed.  It is important to mention this because properly behaving children make life much easier for parents, but good behavior is not for the parent's convenience, it is for the welfare of the children in this life and the life to come.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNION MEDITATION FOR THANKSGIVING

. . . and if anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire (Revelation 20:15).

On the Saturday night after Thanksgiving, Helen and I were driving home from Kansas after having celebrated the holiday with Helen's side of the family.  Making an effort to keep me awake and knowing I was scheduled to have the Communion meditation the next day, she asked me, "What are you planning for a Communion meditation?"  I said, "I've been thinking about Revelation 20:15," and then I quoted the scripture to her.  I can't remember the exact words Helen used, but she strongly implied that she thought I was being excessively negative.  However, I went ahead and did do the meditation based on that text.

The truth is that the most important blessing that we have for which to give thanks is the pardon and forgiveness we have because of the incarnation, crucifixtion and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ; that is good news!  God has warned us about the wrath to come: . . . Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come (I Thessalonians 1:10).  Consider also Romans chapter 5 verse 9: Since, therefore, we are now justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 

During the Thanksgiving season we often make an attempt to make a list of things for which we are thankful.  Prominent on that list should be the salvation we have in Christ Jesus because we are able to look to our own coming death with peace and hope because of him!

The wrath of God has been the subject of many theological debates, but what is undebatable is the existence of hell and that people outside the protection of Christ will find that as their destination.  Thankyou, Father, for Jesus Christ.

Our Father's Love,
Tom

CHARACTER FORMATION, NOT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

The following is an interesting quote from a column by Dr. John Rosemond: "The term 'behavior modification' has been a distraction because it implies that the discipline of a child is all about proper behavior.  In fact, the discipline of a child is all about shaping his or her character. Proper behavior will follow of its own accord."*
I will add my own "AMEN" to this, and if I have time, follow up on it later.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

*I read this in the http://www.jewishworldreview.com

FOR THE HEAVEN OF IT

And the tongue is a fire.  The tongue is an unrighteous world among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the cycle of nature, and set on fire by hell (James 3:6, emphasis mine).

Sometimes, listening to the tractor radio stimulates my thinking as I work.  Listening to a sports broadcast or call-in show, it is not uncommon to hear it said, "That was a helluva play," or "he's a hell of a coach."  But, if one stops to think about it, those descriptions meant to be complimentary are anything but complimentary.  Hell is a place for those with no positive self-discipline; there is only excellence in evil.  Hell is a place for the destructive.  Hell is a place for the self-centered, there are no team players in hell.  Hell is the capital city of evil, destruction and torment.  I never want it to be said about me, "He's a hell of a guy," though there have been times when that statement would have been true.  Thank you, Jesus, for making it not true!!!

Think about it.  God's people should be the toughest competitors because they can persevere.  They are tough because they are willing to do what it takes to become the best they can be.  More than anybody, God people practice teamwork, working together to bring about success for each member, not just for one's self.  God's team is not a team of individual stars, but a team made up of people who serve each other.  Heaven's team practices teamwork, hell's team is individual stars out for their own glory.

Perhaps it is because there is no single syllable word for Heaven, that Heaven has not achieved the same popularity as hell, but I really believe that the lost really enjoy spitting at God and raising hell, not Heaven.  What team are you part of: Heaven's or hell's?  Your language indicates the team you are cheering for.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THERE IS NO TEACHING, ONLY LEARNING

This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand (Matthew 13:13).

My wife, the lovely and gracious Helen, is an educator.  She has spoken to me often of the frustrations of teaching children who are unprepared to learn and who do not want to learn.  This is not only true of children, but also of adults.  In a news letter I receive, the author spoke of his frustration with adults who would not accept new concepts of investing.  That frustration prompted him to say, "There is no teaching, only learning."  He went on to say that one must be emotionally prepared to learn before learning can take place.  An old school board member who wanted to keep teachers in their place used to say, 'No teaching has been done if the students haven't learned.'  There is enough truth in it so his premise sounds logical, but the truth is, if one refuses to learn, no teaching can make him learn; "My mind is made up, do not confuse me with the facts."

Is our culture emotionally preparing our children to learn?  If one studies the demographics of our country it will be found that parents are pursuing more self-satisfying lives rather than lives that are in the best interest of their children.  With those kinds of parents, how can children be prepared to learn?  Our problems in education are more of a crisis of culture than any lack of money.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR WORLD

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth (Colossians 3:2).

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do (John Wooden, greatest ever basketball coach).

If I remember correctly, the phrase that is used as the title to this blurb is by Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking.

The Bible says much about thinking, the mind and the heart; Colossians 3:2 is only one of many references.  Paul's instruction to us does not have to do with thinking about angels, or what heaven is going to be like, but it to do with thinking about God, what He is like--His nature and His values, and then begin to appropriate them into our lives.  Certainly, God is righteous and His desire is for us to be righteous too.  God is love and His desire is for us to love like He does.  God is all powerful, we are weak but He is strong.  Christians are God's adopted children, and, one of the blessings of being His children is that He gives us what we need when we need it much better than Bomgaars.*

I have said all that to say this, Christians should not be negative thinkers, focusing on matters of the flesh.  A trite example: A week ago Iowa lost to Minnesota in football; I was bummed the whole week until we beat Michigan.  What a silly waste of emotional energy!  I am still an avid Hawkeye fan, but, when the game is over it is over, move on.  The game didn't change the price of corn nor did it solve the economic crisis.

Positive thinking begins by trusting God and who He is.  God has not created His children to be exactly alike, but He is Father to each of them.  At no time should we think negatively and believe that we cannot have a significant impact in the world because we are not talented, or we do not have money--we have God as our Father who can do all things beyond what we can even dream (See Ephesians 3:14-21).  Do not think negatively and allow lack of money or lack of talent to keep you from doing what you can do!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

*Bomgaars is a small chain of stores in the upper Midwestern United States with the slogan, "What you need, When you need it."

HABITS OF THE HEART

You have heard that it was said to the men of old, 'You shall not kill, and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.'  But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgement . . . (Matthew 5:21-22).

This guy was in a counseling session when he told his therapist about an incident that happened the previous week.  He said he was out for his daily walk, as the therapist had instructed him to do, when he came to a thorny thistle patch.  He took off all his clothes and rolled around in the thistle patch naked.  The therapist asked the man why he would do such a thing.  The man replied, "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Though the story is fiction, yet there are many who roll around in that proverbial "thistle patch" because they cultivated emotions and thoughts that, nurtured long enough over time, resulted in painful and destructive behaviors that "seemed like a good idea at the time."  That is why Jesus went to the root of negative and destructive behaviors, our thought and emotional lives, and condemned the nurture of them.  One cannot stop a thought from coming into his mind, but he can refuse to nurture negative thoughts and emotions by thinking and doing positive things.

Have you let your heart fall into the habit of negative thinking?  Do you nurture negative emotions?  Perhaps you could plant and nurture the positive by resolving to read and meditate on God's Word each day, choosing to be a happy person in spite of being surrounded by sin and negativity.  There are a lot of depressing things happening in the world, and there will always be until the Lord returns, so, choose not to participate in the depression by developing positive habits of the heart.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

FAITH IS . . .

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of us all, who is above all and through all and in all (Ephesians 4:4-6).

Though there are seven unities listed in this text, I am only emphasising the one faith.  There is essential material that must be believed if a person is to be called a Christian.  Essential to the Christian faith is belief in the testimony of the four evangelists, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  Faith is the belief of credible testimony.  Belief of incredible testimony is credulity, believing too easily.  God does not expect us to believe incredible testimony, but he does expect us to believe testimony that is credible, and he has supplied us with much testimony that has all the evidences of credibility.

Belief of testimony is not faith if it does not result in obedience to Christ as Lord, and no trust in him as Savior.  It was the mission of the apostle Paul, and every other Christian evangelist to call all peoples to . . . the obedience that comes from faith (Romans 1:5).  If belief is truly faith then life-change is a foregone conclusion.  One will love what Jesus loves and will hate what Jesus hates.  He/she will invest in what the Lord is invested and make sacrifices like the Lord sacrificed.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNION MEDITATION FROM THE BOOK OF JUDGES

In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes (Judges 21:25).

I just finished reading the book of Judges for my own personal Bible study.  Judges is one of the books of Hebrew history in the Bible, but as I was reading it I found myself asking the Lord to help me make something of it--to make sense of what it means because the images of homosexual practice, rape, murder, a war that killed many thousands, etc., was not inspirational to me.  What follows is what the Lord helped me to understand.

About four times in the book of Judges the theme is repeated, 'there was no king in Israel.'  Why did they need a king?  They had the Law.  And, if they had the Law, they did have a king who was the Law-giver, Jehovah God.  When the Israelites were asking for a king to lead them, Samuel told them, "the Lord God was your king" (I Samuel 12:12b).  What is clear is that they did not want God for their king.  The Israelites disregarded the priesthood and the Law and, as a nation, sank to the lowest depths of depravity.  It is interesting to note that the people of Jesus' day did not want a king from Heaven either. Jesus told them, "My kingship is not of this world" (John 18:36). The Jews of Jesus' time were like those of the Judges, they wanted a king from earth, not of Heaven, and, as a result, crucified Jesus on a cross.

The Lord's Supper, the Eucharist, communion reminds us that Jesus is the King sent from Heaven, but rather than rejecting him, we renew our commitment to him.*

Our Father's Love,
Tom

*Often what I write needs some refinement in expression, but I think the broad outline is sound.  Communion is a time for recommitting our lives to King Jesus.

CONTENTEDLY DISCONTENT OR DISCONTENTEDLY CONTENT?

Not that I complain of want; for I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content (Philippians 4:11).

Perhaps the real secret of contentment is found more in the context of Philippians 4:11 than in the verse itself, except to say, contentment is something that needs learned.  In that I hope this post helps.

Discontentment is not a good thing because it is what makes people over spend which leads people to over work, over play, over stress, cheat, steal, lie and murder.  It is as the Bible says, "The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil" (I Timothy 6:10).  Hebrews 13:5 gives us a little more insight into contentment: "Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have: for he has said, 'I will never fail you nor forsake you.' "  In almost every case, when contentment is spoken of in the Bible it is in the context of money and material wealth.  Thinking in this way, contentment is rooted in faith, trusting God, our loving Father in Heaven, to make provision for us.  This does not mean that we are to stop working, but it does mean that God will provide the means for His children to have a job and make a living.  So, will we trust God or not?

In the dictionary contentment and satisfaction are said to be synonymous, in other words, they mean the same thing.  If one is content, or satisfied, there might be a tendency to relax and think there is no need to compete, to achieve excellence, or at least to become the best that we can be.  To think that way is to misunderstand Biblical contentment.  Contentment is rooted in faith and it grows in gratitude, taking time to recognize the many blessings God has already given us.  One of the greatest means of achieving contentment is to count your blessings, intentionally becoming aware of what God has already blessed you with.  Because we are His children and His servants, His commands and His blessings spur us on to greater achievement, making the most of what He has given us.  Certainly, God is not honored when we bury our blessings and contentedly sit on them.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

PS.  We all have a little materialism in us, the idea that if I just had enough money my problems would be solved.  When we do not have enough money is when discontentment enters the picture.  The truth is that there will never be enough money to solve our problems because very few of our problems are really money problems and money will not solve non-money problems.  The One who can really solve your problems is where to begin--person, church or state.

THE VIRTUE OF ACCUMULATING WEALTH

Wealth and riches are in his house; and his righteousness endures forever (Psalms 112:3).

As much negative as the Bible has to say about material wealth and riches, one would think that there is no virtue in accumulating it.  First Timothy 6:9 has this to say, But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.  So, it is true that the accumulation of material wealth cannot be the first priority of one who is committed to Christ, but the earning of material wealth is an absolute necessity.  Consider these texts: If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (I Timothy 5:8); For even when we were with you we gave you this command: If anyone will not work, let him not eat (II Thessalonians 3:10).  This was standard Hebrew teaching, every little Jewish boy was taught these work ethics as he grew up--generally, the gentiles were not so blessed.

When a person lives up to his responsibility to God, his family and his community, wealth almost always accumulates: A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich (Proverbs 10:4).*
When a person diligently works at honest labor, spending less that he or she makes, over the years a small fortune will accumulate (Some of the things we need to teach our children about money are: 1. Debt is expensive; 2. The power of compound interest.)  Generally, those who try all the get-rich-quick schemes end up in their own personal poverty.

Because of the tendency for material wealth to accumulate when a person is living up to his responsibilities it is easy to make an erroneous assumption, that material wealth, in itself, is a sign of righteousness and salvation because material wealth is a sign of God's blessing.  When Jesus said, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,"  the disciples were exceedingly astonished and they asked, "Then who can be saved?" (Mark 10:25-26).  To the disciples, material wealth was a sign of God's approval on a person's life. When the Lord asked the question, "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?" he made it crystal clear that the accumulation of material wealth has little to do with salvation so one should not make accumulating wealth the purpose of his life!!!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

*Where the government allows lawlessness to exist, or the government, itself, is corrupt then the opportunity to accumulate material wealth is severely reduced!

GIVING IS GOOD FOR YOU

And he said to them, "The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath" (Mark 2:27).

But he answered, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God' " (Matthew 4:4).

Jesus countered the hyper legalistic critics of his time by telling them that the institution of the sabbath was to bless humanity, not to hinder it.  While I am not "Lord of the sabbath" like Jesus was, I believe that this principle could be applied to other areas of faith as well, in this case, giving.

It is strange that those who emphasize grace and Holy Spirit the most are the ones who are some of the most legalistic about money--at a minimum one must give 10% of his gross income, not his net income.  Often pastoral sermons on stewardship will speak of money as the Christian's treasure.  The thinking is that if one gives his treasure to the Lord, his heart will follow it.  Such theology is purely materialistic and thus undermines and distorts the message of Christ.  Often such pastoral sermons will lament what the church isn't doing because the church does not have the funding.  That is the problem with materialistic theology, it makes finances the determining factor on what can or cannot be done by the church.  When materialism is emphasized, there is always a shortage of money, whether it be in the church or the state.

All this begs the question: Does God need our money to accomplish His purposes?  If God does need our money, then He is not God.  Just as God can 'raise up children of Abraham out of the stones,' so God can raise up givers of money to accomplish His purposes--if He wants to use financial means to accomplish them.  I believe one of the reasons the Lord wants us to give is to increase our faith and trust in Him.  If we give that which is necessary to physical life to Him, how will we be sustained but by Him?  As we rely on Him more and more, we will find riches that money cannot buy--giving is good for us!

The truth is that man, or churches, or states, do not live by bread alone!  Those who do believe in life by bread alone are always in poverty.  If Jesus Christ is our treasure, if we are led by His Spirit, then the money will follow where He leads.  If it seems that the lack of money is the biggest obstacle in your life, or church life, then a radical reassessment of one's relationship with Christ needs to be done.

Finally, if one is not giving his money, and his time and talents, to Jesus Christ, he needs to do a radical assessment of his relationship to Christ too!  The truth is that all you have follows your heart--if Jesus has your heart, He has your money.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

OUR RESPONSE TO GOD

Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless his holy name!  Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagles (Psalm 103:1-5).

When you think of all that God has done for you, do you not feel like you owe something to Him?  Is there something you could give Him in return?  Your heart?  If God truly has our hearts, He has everything else!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

KEEPING YOUR VISION

If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell (Matthew 5:29-30).

While my minister was preaching on this text, an old saying came to mind: "It is better to lose your sight than to lose your vision."  Rather than being led by the flesh, which dulls the vision, the one who is led by the Spirit has a vision of doing what does not seem possible.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THOUGHTS ABOUT WEALTH

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment (I Timothy 6:17).

The term wealth comes to us from an old Anglo-Saxon word, weal.  When one was in weal, he was in a state of well being resulting from being in a state of prosperity.  Thinking about this definition, I thought, "Is it possible for a person to be rich and not be wealthy?"  A rich person cannot buy his salvation with money; Jesus asked the question, "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?"  Even though a rich person might be able to extend his physical life many years because of his riches, the truth is one day death will come calling; human beings know that they will die.  What then?  Many times, in the homes of the rich, there is no love or peace.

We have a rich Father, trusting in Him we are provided with that feeling of well-being even though we might have little in terms of material abundance.  During my growing-up years my family was poor.  While we were living through those times of poverty, admittedly, there was pain.  But, looking back, I treasure my growing up years.  We had a good family and we have great memories.  God did richly provide for us during those years.  It was something that money alone cannot buy--we were wealthy even though we were poor.

Are you wealthy or are you just rich?

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WHY I AM A CHRISTIAN

And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile . . . But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep (I Corinthians 15:17&20).

The bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead is a historical truth.  Following the rules of evidence, the resurrection of Christ is established as a historical fact.  That is why I am a Christian.  I am not a Christian because it makes be feel better.  I am not a Christian because of the social relationships in the church.  I am not a Christian because of the do-gooding opportunities in the church.  I am a Christian because Jesus Christ has risen!

Christ's resurrection means that the Bible is God's word and thus its words are true.  Therefore, we ought to pay attention to the Bible.  The resurrection of Christ means that we have not seen the last of our loved ones who are in Christ--we will see them again!  The resurrection of Christ means that God has the last word!  No matter how good of a lawyer you might have, God has the last word!

I enjoy church, but that is not why I am a Christian.  I am a Christian because of the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth--love, hope, joy and peace follow the resurrection.

 Our Father's Blessings
Tom

A PASTORAL PRAYER

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks , the door will be opened (Matthew 7:8).

Father in Heaven, may we keep your name holy always.

Father, we ask you for faith; we believe, but in difficult times our faith wavers, help our unbelief.  We know that without faith it is impossible to please you.

Father, we ask you for love so that we can recognize the needs of those around us and be truly compassionate towards those in need.

Father, we ask you for wisdom so that we might deal with difficult problems in a way that pleases you; so that we can know when show tough love rather than being enablers.

Father, we ask you for courage so that we will take a stand and live for your truth.  We are often tempted to take the easy way out rather than stand for what is right.

Father, we ask for strength so that we might persevere and not faint as we face the continual onslaught of the evil one.

Father, we ask for pardon and forgiveness because of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  We have sinned and we cling to Jesus as our only hope for eternity.  In His name we pray, Amen.

Our Father's Love,
Tom 

CONCESSION TO HARD HEARTS: POLYGAMY

If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights (Exodus 21:10).

Over the course of my ministry I have been asked several times about the men of God in the Old Testament who had more than one wife.  There are some, who believe that these men were living in adultery because they had more than one wife.  However, no where in the Bible does it say that having more than one wife is sinful.  Rather, like divorce, the Scripture actually gives one the idea that polygamy is remedial, levirate marriage being one example.  Levirate marriage is spoken of in Deuteronomy 25: 5-10 when a man is to marry his deceased brother's wife, regardless of his marital status, so that there can be children to carry on the brother's name.  Jesus recognizes the truth of this law in Matthew 22: 23-32.

It appears that polygamy was a better remedy for marital strife than divorce because when a man divorces his wife to marry another he commits adultery.  When a man marries another, according to Old Testament law, he is not released from his responsibility to his first wife.  Real men stand up and take responsibility for their relationships.

In the New Testament, it is never said that polygamy is a sin either, but it does say that church leaders are to be the husband of one wife and they are to parent their households well.  I believe the reason for this is that the ideal marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, and church leaders are to live that picture out in their lives (Ephesians 5: 25-29).

Is polygamy sinful today?  Well, it is against the civil law of the United States.  Modern marriage ceremonies have the couple vow that they will forsake all others, so to have another wife is to forsake the vow, which is adultery.  Depending on the situation, when a man has an affair and his wife has come to me for counseling I ask her, "Do you want to be one of his harem?  That wasn't part of your marriage covenant."  Some will go along with being one of the harem.

I believe that God's plan is one man married to one woman for a life time.  There is nothing more romantic than a man and a woman working together, supporting each other to achieve their goals, dreams and purpose.  Because of hard and sinful hearts and difficult circumstances there were remedies for the civil governance of society, polygamy being one of them.  The best remedy is the changing of hearts, but if there can be no change of heart then law has to bring some kind of order out of disorder.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

CONCESSION TO HARD HEARTS: DIVORCE

"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied.  But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate . . . Any one who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.  And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mark 10: 5-12 NIV)

While doing my daily Bible reading, I was reading from Mark 10 about Jesus' teaching on divorce and it struck me that Mark's gospel account is the most concise and readily understood, certainly being consistent, however, with the other teachings of Scripture about divorce.  It is in the divorcing to marry another that adultery is committed.  (Adultery is forsaking, disregarding, the vow.  Because we have sex on the brain, we think adultery only has to do with sex.)

The Mosaic law on divorce was intended to be remedial.  The options for any woman in ancient times were extremely limited.  Certainly, there were beautiful and talented women who were leaders and business women, but they were an extreme minority.  The options for a discarded woman was even more limited; cast out of her household, what was she to do?  She couldn't even marry because, technically, she was still married.  It was understood that the Mosaic law on divorce made it possible for the marriage to be ended so that the wife could legally marry again (Deuteronomy 24:2), having the option of marriage rather than resorting to immorality to sustain herself.  The option for divorce was not part of God's plan for marriage, but it was intended to be a practical remedy for those with sinful hearts.  One of the interesting facets of the Biblical teaching on divorce is that God views remarriage to the first partner to be an abomination if there has been a subsequent marriage (Deuteronomy 24:3-4).

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, more than Seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women.  These days women have a lot more options so they are much less dependent, plus the fact that the hearts of women are fully as hard as men's.  Another statistic indicative of that fact according to DHHS is that fully two thirds of child abuse is initiated by the biological mother. Given the Casey Anthony case, I'm not surprised.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

RANDOM THOUGHTS: COWBOYS AND HOGMEN

For as he thinks within himself, so he is (Proverbs 23:7).

I was in the cow/calf and cattle feeding business for 25 years.  In 1994 I entered the hog finishing business, so  I know a few things about livestock.  Last night Helen and I came home from a church social to find a couple of pigs wandering around in our back yard.  I made a quick inspection of the hog building while Helen called the two brothers who own the pigs--I needed their help to get them back in the building.  When they arrived they were very gentle as they moved the pigs, as a matter of fact, instead of chasing the pigs, they led the pigs into the building.  Helen told me, "they made it look too easy."  Being full of picnic supper, there is no way I could have done it myself, but these guys are true hogmen, working with those pigs in a fashion that was inspirational to me.  However, having said all said all that, it is still cowboys that they write songs about, not hogmen.

Way back in 2006 our little church (attendance averages in the 90's) in Sutherland, Iowa stepped out in faith and built a gymnasium, classroom and kitchen addition to the church building at a cost of $300,000.00.  It was the goal of the elders of our congregation (I am one of them) to pay off the facility in 5 years.  This is the fifth year and we still had $70,000.00 to go.  It was going to take a minor miracle to pay the balance, but it is a matter that we have been praying about for 5 years.  So, last week, a man walked into our local bank that financed the project and wrote out a check for $80,000.00 to pay off the bank note.  Praise the Lord!!!  Rumor has it that it was a cowboy.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

FAITH AND ANXIETY

Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6b-7).

Having ranched cattle for 25 years, I know there is a genetic component to anxiety.  An anxious cow will give birth to an anxious calf and they are easy to spot.  When a human being comes near the herd, their heads are the first ones up; they are hypervigillent.  They are the first ones to run and are the ones who will attempt to jump the fence no matter how strong or high it is.  Not only is there a genetic component to anxiety, there is an environmental component too.  In the cow herd, the ones who tend to have more calm dispositions will tend to follow the lead of the anxious cow or calf; anxiety is contagious.  In the cow-calf business, we want to "put wheels under" the anxious critters, hauling them off to the livestock auction, so that the whole herd doesn't become infected with anxiety.

Even though people are created in the image of God, these principles still apply because we are fleshy too, although we are not going to haul anyone off the livestock auction.  Coping with anxiety is a responsibility given to human beings, though this is one of the most difficult responsibilities we face, especially if one is genetically disposed to be anxious, it seems as if anxiety is normal life; this can also be true for one raised in an anxious environment as well.  Yet our bodies and our relationships tell the story of a life filled with stress: chronic illnesses, a string of broken relationships, addictions, sleepless nights are some of the tell-tale signs of of the role anxiety is playing in our lives.

I consider myself to be an anxious person because some of the classic symptoms of anxiety characterize my life.  Nevertheless, the thing that helps me to cope with my anxiety is sound theology; it is the truth of Scripture that gives me comfort.  Good Bible study, faith, prayer and meditation, in almost every case, ameliorates anxiety. 

Find a group of healthy Christians with whom to fellowship--this should be a matter of prayer.  There are some who are so ridged and legalistic with the Bible, and as a result, so judgemental, that they actually increase anxiety.  Sound theology increases health, not anxiety or laxity.  To me, it is an interesting phenomenon that people seem to follow an anxious leader, for instance, "We have to do something about global warming now or life as we know it is doomed."  Sound theology says human life will be going on about normally at the Lord's sudden return.  He is coming.  Are you prepared to meet Him?  That question might raise the anxiety level a little, but it shouldn't.  The Lord has made us for Himself and if we find our rest in Jesus Christ, the Lord's return is a comforting thought.

Our Father's Love,
Tom

DEALING WITH PANIC

Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you (I Peter 5:7).

These days it is easy to panic.  With the financial situation being what it is, many are losing their retirement savings at a time when they are old and not able to work.  Unemployment is much higher than the government reports so many are in very difficult situations.  I could go on and on, but my point is that many people find themselves in situations beyond their control and that is one of the factors that leads to panic.  (Panic Attacks Can They Be Stopped? ; John C. Thomas, Christian Counseling Today; Vol. 16 no. 2).

Another factor that leads to panic is simply genetic disposition; it's just in the genes.  Dr. Thomas, mentions it in his article.  A quick internet search seems to verify it.  In studies of identical twins, forty percent of the time if one twin develops panic disorder, the other will develop it in short order (about.com).  Genetic disposition is a cornerstone of Dr. Murray Bowen's family evaluation, too.  He believed that anxiety is genetically transmitted.  There is a theory among medical researchers that an imbalance of neurotransmitters, serotonin, norepinepherine and gammaminobutyric acid, play a large role in this.

So what is one to do?  It seems hopeless.  1. Read the Bible, pray, meditate, fellowship with healthy Christian people and do not neglect worship. 

2.  Do not allow yourself to be shamed because you have panic attacks--God still loves you.  A number of pastors have called anxiety and panic sins because if one trusts the Lord enough there is no room for anxiety.  What is important to remember here is that God is here in the time of panic and he still cares for us.

3.  One of the strategies for dealing with panic is to embrace it. I have read from several different sources about this technique:  When in the midst of an attack, actually speak to it saying, "Is this all you've got?  Give me some more!  Because of Jesus I can take all that you can give me!"  One of the factors that give panic attacks their power is the fear of having another one.  If that fear is taken away then the number of incidents will dramatically decrease. 

4.  As always, diet and exercise are factors too, eating and drinking nutritiously, staying fit and getting adequate rest.

5. Though this might be a bit repetitious, enjoy God, He cares for you!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

DIET AND MENTAL HEALTH

And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food" (Genesis 1:29).

As a young minister, suffering from a severe sinus infection, one of my elders told me that I would never be sick another day in my life if I followed his nutritional guidelines--he was a disciple of Adelle Davis.  He was the one who stimulated my interest in nutrition, even though I have been sick many more days of my life, and his recommendations might have been the cause of some of them--mega doses of vitamin C.

In spite of that, I'm still interested in nutrition and do believe that it does play a role in mental health.  So, when I read the title of an article in Christian Counseling Today by Michael Lyles, M.D. (Vol. 16 No. 3) called Dietary Issues and Mood Disorders, it caught my interest.  Dr. Lyles makes a strong statement, with which, from my own experience, I completely agree, "It is my opinion that all treatment resistant mood disordered patients (especially with multiple medical problems) should have their vitamin D status evaluated."  Vitamin D deficiency correlates with depression, seasonal affective disorder and schizophrenia.  Vitamin D deficiency impairs general immune system function.

I am a regular reader of Dr. Andrew Weil.  Dr. Weil has recommended 2000 units of vitamin D per day--especially during the winter months.  Last winter I followed his recommendation and found a couple of chronic winter conditions, for me, to be alleviated.  Sores at the corners of my mouth and seasonal affective disorder are conditions that have troubled me for years that were relieved this last winter.  Was this just a placebo affect?  While I have not ruled it out completely, I will have to say that I have tried many supplements over the course of my life and none of them have resulted in the kind of changes that I have experienced with increasing the role of vitamin D in my diet.

From the text: Make sure that you have a wide variety of food in your diet, learn to eat your vegetables, and generally, your nutrition will take care of itself.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THANK YOU, IOWA HAWKEYES

It is the hard-working farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops (2 Timothy 2:6).

During the farm crisis of the 1980's, erstwhile coach, Hayden Fry recognized the real crisis that farmers were dealing with.  While there was not much a coach who was building a football program could do, but he did do something.  As an awareness raising program, Hayden attached ANF, America Needs Farmers, stickers to the Iowa football helmets, and they still remain.  Iowa State didn't do it.  Nebraska didn't do it.  Ohio State didn't do it, etc., etc.  The Iowa Hawkeyes are the only football team in America with the ANF sticker on the helmets.  Thanks, Hawkeyes.

Victories have to be won on the field, but perhaps the good Lord could help a bounce or a call go your way this year in close games.

Blessings,
Tom

MORE ON DREAMS AND VISIONS

For God speaks in in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it.  In a dream, in a vision in the night, when deep sleep falls upon men, while they slumber on their beds . . . (Job 33:14-15).

What started this discussion on dreams and visions was a discussion with my son in which he related a story about an African student who went to Ozark Christian College because he had a dream with "Ozark" in it.  He had no previous knowledge of Ozark, so he "googled" it and found Ozark Christian College.  As a result of the story, I "googled" dreams that convert Muslims to Christ and found that the fourth leading cause of Muslims converting to Christianity is dreams and visions.  So just for that reason dreams and visions are worthy of discussion.

Does God still speak to us in dreams and visions?  With the completion of the canon of Scripture, the Bible, I would assume that the need for such dreams would become much less, but the Bible does not absolutely say these kinds of dreams and visions would end.  One has to be careful in determining the origin of those dreams, however.  It has always been true that there have been people who have said, "The Lord has said . . ." when the Lord has said nothing.  Note Ezekiel 13:7, Have you not seen a delusive vision, and uttered a lying divination, whenever you have said, "says the Lord," although I have not spoken?
The measure of the Spiritual truth of any of our dreams is the Bible.  It is by the word of truth that dreams and visions are measured, thus John wrote, Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God . . . (I John 4:1).

While helping at 5th & 6th grade camp as a dorm dad earlier this summer, I had a dream.   One of the reasons I remember it so well is that as a result of it, I fell out of bed.  In the dream I was fighting another man.  The man had no face so that I could identify him as a different person, so my interpretation of him is that he is me--I am fighting myself.  I kicked the man I am fighting so hard that I fell out of bed.  Both my Spiritual and psychological interpretation of this is that to have any real achievement in my life, I must win the battle with my flesh.  I am as prone to being subject to the flesh as anyone.  I am not a person with great natural ability, and so to achieve, I must take chances, push and work hard.  These are things I do not like to do.  I interpret the falling out of bed as part of the dream.  Though I did hit the floor hard, it seemed as though all the counselors and boys were laughing at me.  My interpretation of that part of the dream is that my efforts to achieve and live for the Lord are laughable to many.  As my head cleared up and I noticed that everyone around me was fast asleep, it occurred to me that everyone is so busy with their own battles that they seldom notice the battles of another.

I have not had a reccurrence of this dream.  If you would like to take a shot at the interpretation of my dream, you are welcome.  If you would like to share your dream you are welcome to do that too.  In any case, do not discount your dreams because it might be that something really important is going on.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WHERE THERE IS NO VISION, THE PEOPLE PERISH

Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he (Proverbs 29:18 KJV).

Motivational speakers love to use this verse.  Life isn't static.  If one does not have a vision of what he or she can achieve and aspire to then one is doomed to a life of being ordinary and under achievement.  When the motivational speaker talks about vision he is talking about setting lofty goals and having great aspirations because anything less is not fulfilling the purpose for which God put us on this earth for.  There is a lot of truth in the motivational approach to this verse, but that is not the purpose for which it was written.

Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law (Proverbs 29:18 NIV).

The New International Version makes the purpose of the verse a little more clear.  The vision spoken of in the King James Version is a prophetic vision--it is a word from God.  If people do not get a word from the Lord, they cast off restraint, doing what ever seems right in their own eyes.  In the days before all Scripture was recorded in the Bible, prophetic vision was essential for the guidance of God's people, but now that Scripture is freely available to anyone who desires, there is no need for additional revelation.  After John wrote the book of Revelation on Patmos, the need for miraculous revelation through visions ended.

I'm not saying that God will not give us a vision for what is possible in our personal lives and in our churches because when the Holy Spirit is involved, things beyond all that we can ask or think can happen!  However, in terms of new prophetic doctrinal revelation, Holy Spirit pronounces a curse on any who would add or subtract from the words of this book.

Father in Heaven, give me a vision of service and achievement in your kingdom.  May I not be found as a lazy and slothful servant because I had no vision.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WIFE IS GOOD

A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

Helen and I finally returned home after delivering three of our grand children, Faith, Deacon and Parker home to their parents in California.  If was a long drive, but we enjoy driving, and it was even more fun for half the journey with the kids along too.  With Helen along, it was all very easy for me, as she did most of the work--and even some of the driving from the "back seat."

So when I saw the guy in Kearney, Nebraska with the T-shirt that was inscribed with "Wife is good," I could concur, Yes! wife is good!  Now I have always said, "Life is good and it is going to get gooder,"  but it could also be said, "Wife is good and she is getting gooder."

There are a million things to do to catch up, but I will be back to dreams and visions soon.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

DREAMS AND VISIONS

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams (Acts 2:17).

This is a subject that I will revisit at a later time because present family priorities take precedence over research.  What has peeked my interest in the subject was hearing that many Muslims convert to Christ because of the influence of dreams and visions.  Indeed, I did a quick "google" search of the factors that influence Muslims to convert to Christ and found that dreams and visions were the 4th leading dynamic which influenced Muslims to convert.  Is this a fulfillment of Joel's prophecy as quoted by Peter in Acts 2:17?
Is every dream psychologically significant?  Is every dream spiritually significant?  These are questions I will attempt to answer when I visit this subject again in a couple of weeks.

I tend to dream a lot, though I remember very few of them.  I am of the opinion that one needs to be intentional about remembering dreams and keep a note pad by the bed so that the minute one naturally awakens he is able to write it down.  While I was serving as dorm dad a month ago at church camp, I had a very vivid dream of being involved in a fight with another man.  When I kicked him I fell out of bed and the very next sensation I had was of laying on the cold concrete floor and it sounded like everyone was laughing at me.  As my head cleared from the two-foot fall, I saw that everyone was still fast asleep.  Evidently the laughing was part of the dream.  My chest and shoulder are still sore as a result of that fall, though I am healing nicely. So far, I have not had a recurrence of this dream, but it was so vivid that it does seem as if it should be significant either spiritually or psychologically.  We will deal with this dream, and perhaps, some others in a couple of weeks.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

FAITH IS A SYNECDOCHE

You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone (James 2:24).

What is a synecdoche?  It is not a strange animal.  It is not an alien from outer space.  It is not a word for a bad politician, of which there seems to be many these days.  A synechdoche is a figure of speech in which the part stands for the whole.  I have nine hundred head of pigs in my pig barn.  It would be a strange sight out of an old science fiction movie to walk into the barn and see only pig heads there.  There are also plenty of loins, chops and hams too--that's what I see when I go into the barn.  But it is the head that is the predominant feature of most any animal and that is why I have nine hundred head of pigs, not nine hundred loin of pigs.  When a buyer buys my pigs he buys them with the full expectation that the loins, hams and chops will come along with the head.

So it is with faith.  If a person truly believes in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, the change in his/her life is a forgone conclusion.  It will happen.  Faith is the predominant feature of the Christian life.  If a person says that he has faith, but there is no obedience and submission to the Lord, if he does not evidence a life of  compassion and a desire to invest in the things of God, his faith is like one of my pigs with only a head and no body.  A creature like that only happens in a bad science-fiction movie, otherwise it is dead. 

Reading the context of James 2:24, one easily discovers that James is dealing with the believe-and-be-saved mentality that is so foreign to the scriptures.  Texts like Acts 16:31 which say, "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, you and your household" are synecdochial; the context demonstrates the synecdoche.  Belief is not something that exists apart from obedience.

No one has perfect faith and thus no one has perfect trust, obedience and compassion, but one of our prayers should always be, "Lord Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief."

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WE ARE BACK

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

Yesterday, my son, Paul married Jenny Franklin of Austin, MN.  Helen and I, our children, grandchildren and in laws spent last week staying in the Log-Cabin Inn of Rose Creek, Minnesota vacationing as well as preparing for the wedding.  The cabin was made of real twelve-inch logs; it was rustic yet very enjoyable and perfect for our family.  On the wall of the cabin was a hanging which said, "Life is not the number of breaths you take, but it is the number of moments that take your breath away."  An author wasn't credited on the hanging, but whoever wrote it gave us an important means of evaluating our lives.

We are home now, tired and weary, but it is a weariness that is good because of all of those good moments associated with it.  Those moments took our breath away--what a blessing!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

PROVIDING FOR YOUR FAMILY

If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (I Timothy 5:8).

With Father's Day on Sunday, and QE2 arriving on June 30th, I thought it necessary to share some of my thinking.

From the context of the verse, it is obvious that Paul is speaking of providing necessary material things for the family. Nevertheless, spiritual provision is a necessary provision for the family because, as Jesus said, Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.  If a Christian man does not provide spiritual leadership in his home then he is not truly providing for his family.

The end of Quantitative Easing 2 is when the Fed stops printing money.  Because of the financial crisis in Europe and the huge amounts of deficit spending at home, no one knows what will happen when the printing presses stop on June 30th. The mood of congress is for austerity measures and with a tighter money supply it might soon become very difficult to provide for one's family.  Of course the reason that the U.S. is in this mess is precisely because there are many people who feel entitled to other people's money.  There are many family members who can pay for the support of their family, but want the government to do it for them.  When the basic law of providing for one's own family is violated then, eventually, a whole nation can be destroyed.  Look what is happening in Greece--the U.S. is almost there.

My investment advisor (I subscribe an investment newsletter that will remain nameless) shared 3 things to prepare for QE2:

1. Hold plenty of cash; up to 40% of your investments.

2. Hold gold and silver bullion.

3. Sell risky stocks.

Obviously, if one doesn't have a lot of net worth (me), those three steps do not help a lot.  However, it sure wouldn't hurt to stock up on basic necessities as a precaution.  Ultimately, the Lord is our provider.  Christians need to be ready to take hold of the opportunities that a loving Father provides his children so that they can provide for theirs.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

HOME FROM CAMP 2

And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them.  But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God" (Mark 10:13-14).

The legal definition of a child in the state of Iowa is a person under the age of 18.  In the culture of Jesus' time a person was well into adulthood by the time he/she reached the age of 18.  Even the 11 and 12 year-olds who Helen and I worked with at camp were older than the children Jesus was speaking about in this scripture text.  But 11 and 12 year-olds still have some innocence about them because there is so much of life that is still new to them.

For some of them, the trust that should characterize the relationship they have to their parents is gone because the parents have pursued their own selfish agenda rather than what is best for their children.  Trust is the most important characteristic of children that make them part of the Kingdom of Heaven.  The picture Jesus paints here of children is not one of total depravity, but one of innocence, love and trust.  Children become sinful because of the influence of the world, the flesh and the devil.

Another characteristic of a child that makes them dear to the Lord is that they see things in black and white.  They make their decisions much more easily than adults who see everything in various shades of grey.  Often, adults are so nuanced that they stand for nothing.

So, working with kids at church and at camp helps one to stay young.  In them I see some of the things I have lost and need to get back.  Lord, give me the strength to go back next year.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

HOME FROM CAMP

Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3).

Helen and I just returned from a week of being dorm parents for 5th and 6th graders at NEBOWA Christian Camp.  It was a great time.  The two hot days nearly did me in, and we are worn out now, but the investment in the lives of the young is worth it!!!

The children whom Jesus was talking about were probably younger than the 11 and 12 year-olds that Helen and I worked with, but there is still some of that "children" in them that Jesus was talking about.  Life is new to children.  As each phase of maturation is entered, it is an all new experience to them.  They are creative and see life in a new way.  Those who have said, "experience is the best teacher," are wrong.  Sometimes experience teaches bad things, not good things.  Sometimes experience hinders openness and curiosity.  Part of the job description of a teacher/counselor is to help the child interpret the meaning of an experience so that he/she can grow from it, not be hindered by it.  It was a privilege for me to be able to participate in that process at camp.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO VALERIE?

For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."  But if you bite and devour one another take heed that you are not consumed by one another (Galatians 5:14-15).

A couple of days ago I was checking out some of my archived material (perhaps I'm my own biggest fan) when I happened on a "Bullet" that was posted March 24, 2006 called THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE TO KIDS.  A lady named Valerie commented on it and for some unknown reason I did not respond to her.  (It might be good to go to the archive and read it for yourself.)  Here is her comment:

I agree with most of your post, but how long does one stay in marriage being ignored, taken advantage of, and serving as maid and whore?

If people are mature, educated adults, they can make a divorce "work" for kids.  Of course its not the ideal situation; but putting the kids first in marriage AND divorce is imperative. remaining civil with each other after a separation is far better than ignorance and bitterness in a marriage.

Dear Valerie, if you were my client one of my first priorities would be to determine whether or not you and the children are safe in your marriage relationship.  If there is abuse, addictions and on-going affairs then a spouse and children are not safe.  If  basic safety exists then mom and dad need to understand the dangers they are presenting to their children when they divorce.  Though many children are able to deal with the divorce of their parents okay, there are many children who are not and I am not sure any children get through a divorce without being scarred--my own case work bears it out.

The argument that children fare better when mom and dad are happy living separately rather than living together in bitterness sounds logical sounds reasonable, but in fact, it is not.  Because of the loss of income that is a consequence of most divorces and the loss of a place to call their own, children suffer material loss.  Because of the sexualized atmosphere of their parent's new romantic interests, children are predisposed to early sexual behavior and sexual abuse.  Because the new "significant others" have no investment in the lives of the children, physical and verbal abuse is much more likely.  Emotional and psychological  harm result from the grief of the loss of relationships as they were, and the thought, in the children's mind, that they caused the loss.  No matter how much the parent's tell them that they are not the cause, the children still believe it because the parents have lied about other things.  The children believe they are not loved too.

Finally, your response indicates that, though you and your husband might be educated adults, emotionally you are not acting like mature adults.  Your children have the greatest stake in your marriage.  It is time to grow up for the sake of the children.  If, when your youngest child is 18, you still feel as you do towards your husband, then go for a divorce but your children need you and your husband to provide a stable home life for them now.  From the tone of your letter, it sounds like your communication style is that the husband demands and you withdraw.  You are about to extremely withdraw in divorce.  Do not.  Rather, learn to set boundaries and clearly communicate what you expect of him.  If you do that, in 18 years you will probably enjoy being his wife.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNION MEDITATION INSPIRED BY HAROLD CAMPING

And as they were eating, he took bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take; this is my body."  And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, and they all drank of it.  And he said to them, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.  Truly, I say to you, I shall not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God" (Mark 14:22-25).

It was my turn on the rotation to bring the communion meditation.  As I pondered what thoughts to bring it struck me that something connected with what has been on most people's mind this last week might be most meaningful.  Because of the publicity given to Harold Camping's prediction of the rapture on the 21st, I thought these thoughts would be meaningful.

The celebration of the Lord's Supper is a backward look.  Jesus said that the purpose of the Lord's Supper was a memorial to him (I Corinthians 11:24&25).  We must never forget the reason for our hope, pardon and forgiveness!

The celebration of the Lord's Supper is an inward look.  The celebration of Communion in a worthy manner includes self-examination.  There cannot be any appreciation of what Jesus has done for us if there is not an honest appraisal of one's own heart.  While our evil thoughts and actions might not be evident to others, God knows and we know.  Any one who thinks, "I'm good enough to make it to Heaven" will likely not be there!

The celebration of the Lord's Supper is a forward look.  If Harold Camping was right, we would all be celebrating the Eucharist together with the Lord Jesus right now, but we are not.  How do you feel about that?  I am disappointed!  I would rather be raptured than to die.  However, I knew that Camping was wrong the minute I heard the date and the time because Jesus said, But of the day and hour now one know, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only (Matthew 24:36).  How is it that otherwise intelligent people can be so stupid as to contradict the clear teachings of Scripture.  In an effort to discourage the date-setters of his time, Isaac Newton said that the Lord will not return before 2060.  Nevertheless, datesetters still abound.  Celebrating the Lord's Supper does remind us to look ahead to the time when we will all celebrate it together in Heaven with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  What a celebration that will be!!!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 KJV).

While there are much better translations of Hebrews 11:1, the King James Version provides a truth about faith that is missing in the other translations and that is the evidence of things not seen.  The faith that we have in God is not a leap of faith, it is not blind faith, but it is a reasonable faith based on evidence.

God has always required faith as the basis of a relationship with Him.  And without faith it is impossible to please God.  Those who come to Him must believe that He exists and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).  Faith in an invisible God is a tough sell, but that faith has always distinguished Hebrews and Christians from others.  Paul writes a wonderful benediction to Timothy: Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever.  Amen (I T. 1:17). 

God has not left us without evidence of His existence and presence!  The heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands (Psalms 19:1).  For since the creation of the world, His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made so that they are without excuse (Romans 1:20).  There is plenty of evidence in our universe of intelligent design.  Even though that evidence "slaps them in the face" many refuse to see because of the implication of what life means if there is a creator God.

God has left us with the evidence of fulfilled prophecy.  The Bible is full of examples of prophecy fulfilled.  Daniel's seventy-weeks prophecy comes most readily to mind in Daniel chapter 9, but there are many others.  Because of Daniel's prophecy, there were many like Anna and Simeon waiting in expectancy for the promised Messiah when Jesus came (see Luke 2:21-38).

Ultimately, the evidence of things not seen is the resurrection of Christ from the dead.  Christians have always said that without the resurrection there is no Christianity: and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless . . . (I Corinthians 15:17).  The risen Christ was seen by more than five hundred people.  They are credible witnesses because they were martyred for their witness.  People do not knowingly die for a lie.

Blaise Pascal was a Christian, philosopher and mathematician.  He is famous for his wager that goes something like this:  If one lives his life as if God is and He isn't then he has lost nothing.  If one lives his life as if God isn't and He is he has lost everything.  While Pascal's wager is true, it should not be the reason for why a person is a Christian.  Pascal's wager is not the basis of a relationship--faith is.  We have a faith relationship with God, confident in the expectation of Heaven because of what Jesus has done for us.  It is confidence in a relationship, not in a wager.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom 

A LATE MOTHER'S-DAY THOUGHT

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).

Because of the season, I have been very busy on the farm.  As a result, I have not kept up on my writing responsibilities as I should; please forgive me.

One of the thoughts I wanted to develop for Mother's Day was this: Even though Jesus taught us to address God as our Father, the complete expression of God's personality is both masculine and feminine.  Both males and females are created in the image of God.  Though my study on this subject is far from complete, I will share four verses that point to God's desire to nurture, and care for people as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings to protect them.

I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings (Psalms 61:4).

Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings (Psalms 63:7).

The Lord recompense you for what you have done, and a full reward be given to you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge (Ruth 2:12).

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, killing the prophets and stoning those who are sent to you!  How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not! (Matthew 23:37).

Much more can be said about this, but the point I want to emphasize it this: Those women who manifest the image of God in their lives of loving and nurturing children are mothers whether they have given birth or not.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WALKING WITH MY GRANDSON

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3).

Helen and I do not have many grandchildren (Only five) but the ones we do have are the best!  This past weekend, Helen and I drove to Iowa City to attend grandparents day at Heritage Christian School where Alex and Samantha attend.  We were able to visit the classes that Alex and Samantha attend and have a first-hand look at academics from a Christian perspective.  It was well worth the time to do this!

The remainder of the weekend we just had a good time "hanging out" together.  It is part of my daily routine to take a walk, so Alex volunteered to walk with his grampa.  As it turned out, grampa walked with Alex more than he walked with me.  Alex is just 12 years old, but he already stands 5' 10" and has long legs.  He nearly walked my legs off!  I have never been a fast walker, liking to think, meditate and pray as I walk.  Walking with Alex, one has to concentrate on keeping up with the pace--no time for dallying!  For Alex we were just walking his normal pace. 

Often people cannot walk together because they have cut themselves off from each other so that even a simple walk in the park is not doable because of anger, bitterness, and false beliefs.  While I was walking with Alex I was thinking how blessed I am to be able to enjoy something so simple as a daily walk with my grandson.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE BUDGET MESS

See that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I tell you that in heaven their angels always behold the face of the Father who is in heaven (Matthew 18:10).

As a result of the recent budget battle in Washington, I am not optimistic that we will ever balance the budget.  The result of deficit spending is always inflation.  Inflation is a cruel thief, stealing from the poor and the elderly, those who can least afford it.  The irony is that liberal/progressive politicians, who claim to be the champions of the poor and the elderly, are the ones who are responsible for the huge deficits that are the cause of the high inflation rates staring us in the face.  In spite of the rhetoric, these politicians have done as much to hurt the cause of the poor and elderly as to help them.

The reason I am so negative about our financial future is that we cannot even stop tax-payer dollars from going to support planned population control--I should say planned parenthood. Planned parenthood is the single largest abortion provider in the United States and the single largest abortion promoter in the world.  PP has challenged common-sense legislation such as right-to-know laws and has backed partial birth abortion. In 2009 PP took in $149.9 million of revenue just from doing abortions which accounts for more than a third of the the $404.9 million of total PP revenue.  In terms of the total US budget that is small potatoes, but life is a core value. How we, as a society, look at the value of the unborn is indicative of how we, as a society, arrive at our other values.  If we refuse to protect the right to life of the unborn, the rights of every other person are expendable too.  I think as we begin to know more and more of what is in ObamaCare we will understand how expendable our rights are.

Materialists view every problem as a money problem.  But there are some problems that money cannot solve no matter how much is spent.  The real problem is a "heart" problem that will be resolved in Jesus Christ or in judgment.  The angels of the "little ones" might not prevent their abuse and deaths, but they certainly make a record of their abusers, preparing for them the hottest places in perdition.

Our Father's Love,
Tom

WHY GOD MATTERS

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep (Psalms 127:1-2 RSV).

I am reading through the Psalms, but not reading very fast.  This was in my reading yesterday and I thought it appropriate to share with you, my dear reader.

As we live our lives there are some basics that must be in place so that our lives can be lived with confidence and in peace of mind.  The most important basic is God, believing in Him, trusting in Him and obeying Him.  Without God as the foundation, the building of your life will come apart.  Without God as the watchman the city of your life will be invaded by every enemy and no defense mechanism can stop it.

With God as our co-builder and as our co-watchman we can be assured that our lives will matter, giving blessing  and peace to those around us.

I like how the New American Standard Version translates the last line of this text:  for he gives to his beloved even in his sleep.  When God is made the foundation stone of our lives, he blesses the labors of our hands so that, even while we are getting a normal night's sleep, God is working for us.  It is not to say that there will never be a time when we do not put in loong hours, but the anxious working of long hours to get ahead can destroy the most important things in life; like a family. 

So remember this verse from the book of Hebrews: Without faith it is impossible to please God.  Those who come to Him must believe that he exists and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him  (Hebrews 11:6 Tom Steele's Memory Version).

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE BENEFITS OF BELIEVING

The 103rd Psalm is a Psalm of David.  If anyone needed these blessings from the Lord, he did!  David committed the "big" sins of theft, adultery and murder.  David was much like us.  Though his sins were big and many, he tried to cover them up just as we do.  We might not have committed the "big" sins, but we have deceived ourselves into thinking that lust, gossip, greed and laziness are not quite so bad as the "big" sins.  God doesn't see it that way, so we are just as much in need of God's pardon, forgiveness and other blessings as David was.  Because of His grace and mercy, God supplies these blessings to those who believe in Him and seek Him:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the Pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's (Psalms 103: 2-5).

I encourage you to read the whole of Psalms 103--it is one of my favorite Psalms.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE: (PART 3): Self Evaluation

Let a man examine himself . . . (I Corinthians 11:28).

Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other (Psalms 85:10).

One of the assignments I give to clients who are having marital problems is to take a week and keep track of how many positive communications occur and how many negative communications occur.  My purpose is to help them to become aware of how they communicate.  I have never had a couple actually complete the assignment, but it is one of the most important assignments to be done in marriage counseling.

Self evaluation is not easy because it requires intentional awareness of the give and take of communication, and often we communicate in ways in which we are not aware.  For instance, what does it mean when a spouse walks into the room and his/her partner does not acknowledge his/her presence?  It might mean nothing, but if it is part of a pattern of ignoring, it could be more than discourtesy and be actual passive aggresive behavior.  When I was taking my student practicum in seminary, the counseling sessions were video taped.  Though this was painful for me to watch me, video taping was an excellent way to become aware of the non-verbal communication that was being covered up by the verbal.

There is as much non-verbal communication, if not more, than verbal.  A twinkle or wink of the eye, a touch or a love pat, a little kiss or a smile on the face says to the spouse, "You are important to me"  or "I love you."  However, if one is busy and the husband or wife walks in the room and there is no verbal or non-verbal acknowledgement then what is being communicated is, "My work is more important than you right now."  That is an example of negative communication.

Predicting the success or failure of a marriage is almost as simple as doing the math.  It takes no less than 5 positives to one negative in marital communication or the marriage will become problematic.  Negatives weigh more than positives so it is absolutely necessary to make sure positives far out weigh negatives--it has to be intentional. 

Our communication reflects what we believe about our spouse, and/or others, so perhaps marriage therapy should begin by dealing with those beliefs.  However, one of my rules for marriage and family therapy is that the couple or the family members communicate with respect.  It is not possible to change beliefs if the communication is disrespectful, so the first lesson they learn in therapy is that of respectful communication.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE (PART 2) Direct Communication

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in his right hand (Proverbs 27:15-16).

With 700 wives and 300 concubines, many men might look with envy on Solomon, but Solomon knew very well what he was saying from experience.  I'm sure that there were more than 2 or 3 of his women who fit that description.  This is quite a contrast to the ideal wife of whom he would write about in Proverbs 31.  I should add that there are many men who are just as contentious and would fit Solomon's description just as well.

Helen and I had the privilege of serving on a marriage panel at a Christian conference workshop.  I spoke briefly of the value of direct communication in marriage while Helen spoke negatively, and by her facial expressions, expressed strong disagreement with what I had said.  So, you could rightly say, "Physician, heal yourself."  Helen's real problem is understanding what direct communication looks like, so that is where I will begin.

Direct communication is not saying directly whatever one feels like saying.  For people who tend to be driven by their emotions, that is how they see direct communication, saying what they feel at the time.  They will insist that it is not honest communication if one cannot say what he/she feels.  However, emotionally driven communication is almost always negative in its effect.

Direct communication is not emotionless, but its purpose is to convey information.  Air-traffic controllers, hospitals, police departments are examples of where direct communication has to be used--marriages are no less important.  Direct communication has no implied meanings or mixed messages.  Direct communication is not sarcastic or defensive, it does not have a tone of voice or a facial expression that says one thing but means another.  In other words, there is congruence in direct communication. Direct communication fosters intimacy because one knows that their thoughts will be handled with respect by the other who is listening, and vice versa.  Intimacy is very difficult when communication is emotionally driven.

Marriages require intimacy and communication is the road to intimacy.  When a spouse feels safe sharing his/her innermost thoughts with someone other than the marital partner then there will be an affair.   I tend to be emotionally driven, so I am including myself in this, there will be times of conflict in marriage.  It is easy to let emotions take over the conflict.  Then one of the spouses has to say, "My emotions have taken over, let's not talk about it until we can cool down."  This is direct communication that preserves each other's dignity.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone (Colossians 4:6).

Communication is essential to relationship.  The success or failure of a relationship can be predicted by the communication patterns in that relationship.  Some marriage communication experts have said that they can predict with as high as 96% accuracy whether or not a marriage will succeed based on the communication patterns in the premarital relationship, so you can see how important this subject is.  Communication patterns in the premarital relationship are not likely to change very much for the better in the marital relationship.  

First, I will discuss some negative communication patterns, and then, in a sequel, write about positive communication.  The following are communication patterns that are extremely destructive to a marriage:

1) Withdrawal.  It is impossible not to communicate in a relationship.  When one of the partners withdraws, the other partner is left guessing what this withdrawal means, but it does mean something.  Withdrawal can take the form of working long hours, being over involved in hobbies or other activities, giving the spouse the silent treatment.  Withdrawal can be extremely frightening to the other spouse because he/she is left guessing what it means.  So, withdrawal is a kind of spousal abuse.

2) Escalation.  Escalation is increases the conflict.  Raising the voice, slamming the door or throwing objects are intended to intimidate the spouse, or putting the most positive spin on it, get the spouses attention, but yelling, screaming and throwing objects will never strengthen a relationship.  Escalation will destroy a relationship!

3) Invalidation.  Invalidation is name calling, putting down spouse in front of others, ignoring the spouse for a time, rolling eyeballs and heavy breathing when spouse asks to do something apparently stupid.  Constant criticism is another hall-mark of invalidation.

4) Negative interpretation.  Negative interpretation is when a spouses positives are interpreted negatively, for example, if a husband brings his wife flowers and the wife says, "Oh, you just want to have sex tonight."  This might be the most dangerous pattern because the spouse has judged the motives of his/her partner and found it wanting--it reveals the value placed on the relationship.

I share this with you so that you can become more aware of how you communicate.  It isn't just profanity that is unholy communication, but each one of these communication patterns as well.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom