For we do not have a high priest who is unable to "suffer with" (literal translation) our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are . . . (Hebrews 4:15).
Jesus did not call us to be sympathetic and pity the lost, rather he called us to be empathetic and be compassionate to the lost. Pit is the expression of sympathy and compassion is the expression of empathy. Jesus is the example of empathy and compassion. He made a decision to enter into human flesh and suffer what every human being suffers. No longer can anyone complain, "God! You do not understand what it is like to be me," because God does understand--he knows what it is like to be you. God made the supreme effort to come into understanding distance of you and me in Jesus Christ!!!
Pity is commiserating with the hurting one, agreeing that one should feel as he or she does. A common example of this is when a child falls and bumps his head. Mother comes running and says, "Poor dear!" "Poor dear!" and the child cries harder than before. Mom, in her pity, has just increased the emotional reaction of the child, making the problem worse.
Compassion is the expression of the understanding that comes with empathy. Perhaps complete understanding of feelings and problems of another can never be attained, but we are all more alike than we are different. There is a great deal of common experience and feeling among all people. So, when the child of a compassionate parent falls, there is concern because dad or mom knows it hurts, "been there and done that." They observe and ask questions for indications of possible injury. Finding none they say, "You will be alright. This kiss will make it feel better.. Now go and play." This expression of empathy/compassion is much more likely to help the child cope with the realities of life than the expression of sympathy/pity.
Taking the time to come into understanding distance is the greatest gift we can give to another; that is compassion. God knows, it isn't easy, but it is in this way that we will have the greatest possibility of helping others.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*I think it must be emphasised that having the same feeling as the hurting one does not result in understanding when it is emotionally driven. The intensity of the emotion itself prevents one from seeing the "whole picture."
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
EMPATHY, COMPASSION, SYMPATHY, PITY*
When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; pray therefore the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest" (Matthew 9:36-37).
Not all that is called empathy is empathy. Even professionals confuse empathy and sympathy, sometimes intentionally I think, politicians being the worst offenders. Confusing sympathy and empathy can have severe consequences so it is essential to be able to tell the difference. Sympathetic counsel almost always results in freezing the problem in place, if not making it worse. While empathy alone is not the "silver bullet" that heals all problems, it is foundational to problem solving and healing because in empathy one reaches an understanding of the person with the problem.
Sympathy seems to come to human beings fairly naturally, but empathy is a skill that needs to be learned and developed. Some people seem to be more naturally inclined towards empathy than others, but the skill can be developed in most people through the example of a role model, education and training.
A classic definition of sympathy is sameness of feeling--"I feel your pain." A classic definition of empathy is the power to enter into the feeling of another resulting in understanding. In other words, empathy is the decision to come into understanding distance of another by entering into their pain. Sympathy is completely an emotional experience while empathy is decision to enter into the world of another to gain understanding and with understanding one is more likely to bring about solutions and healing. (To be continued)
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post
Not all that is called empathy is empathy. Even professionals confuse empathy and sympathy, sometimes intentionally I think, politicians being the worst offenders. Confusing sympathy and empathy can have severe consequences so it is essential to be able to tell the difference. Sympathetic counsel almost always results in freezing the problem in place, if not making it worse. While empathy alone is not the "silver bullet" that heals all problems, it is foundational to problem solving and healing because in empathy one reaches an understanding of the person with the problem.
Sympathy seems to come to human beings fairly naturally, but empathy is a skill that needs to be learned and developed. Some people seem to be more naturally inclined towards empathy than others, but the skill can be developed in most people through the example of a role model, education and training.
A classic definition of sympathy is sameness of feeling--"I feel your pain." A classic definition of empathy is the power to enter into the feeling of another resulting in understanding. In other words, empathy is the decision to come into understanding distance of another by entering into their pain. Sympathy is completely an emotional experience while empathy is decision to enter into the world of another to gain understanding and with understanding one is more likely to bring about solutions and healing. (To be continued)
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post
Friday, June 12, 2009
FINANCIAL ADULTERY*
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also (Matthew 6:21).
A person's bank statements are a record of one's true values. Do you suppose God has a direct line to the local bank's records? In any case, Jesus taught that where a person's money is spent is where the heart is. If one spends his money on heaven, his heart will be there too.
Financial problems are the leading factor involved in divorce. In most cases it isn't that there isn't sufficient money, but it is that there isn't sufficient money to satisfy competing values. Of course, there is never enough money to satisfy our wants, but there is enough to satisfy our needs.
When couples marry, they promise faithfulness to one another, but if one of the partners spends money in disregard of the other, thinking only of personal desires, that is what I call, Financial Adultery. The way the money is being spent indicates where the heart is--it is not in the marriage, if fact, it undercuts the stability of the marriage. Financial infidelity is just as serious a breach of trust as an affair.
I have said all this to introduce a quote from Dr. Val Farmer, a psychotherapist and columnist in a weekly area farm paper I used to receive, Complete trust about money is about as basic to a relationship as is sexual and emotional loyalty. Financial unfaithfulness in a marriage is just as destructive to a marriage as any other kind of unfaithfulness. Of course, just as an affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage, financial infidelity doesn't have to end it either, but the recovering of trust can be just as difficult.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post.
**I will be a dorm dad to about 35 boys for the next week, so be patient about receiving a new post.
A person's bank statements are a record of one's true values. Do you suppose God has a direct line to the local bank's records? In any case, Jesus taught that where a person's money is spent is where the heart is. If one spends his money on heaven, his heart will be there too.
Financial problems are the leading factor involved in divorce. In most cases it isn't that there isn't sufficient money, but it is that there isn't sufficient money to satisfy competing values. Of course, there is never enough money to satisfy our wants, but there is enough to satisfy our needs.
When couples marry, they promise faithfulness to one another, but if one of the partners spends money in disregard of the other, thinking only of personal desires, that is what I call, Financial Adultery. The way the money is being spent indicates where the heart is--it is not in the marriage, if fact, it undercuts the stability of the marriage. Financial infidelity is just as serious a breach of trust as an affair.
I have said all this to introduce a quote from Dr. Val Farmer, a psychotherapist and columnist in a weekly area farm paper I used to receive, Complete trust about money is about as basic to a relationship as is sexual and emotional loyalty. Financial unfaithfulness in a marriage is just as destructive to a marriage as any other kind of unfaithfulness. Of course, just as an affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage, financial infidelity doesn't have to end it either, but the recovering of trust can be just as difficult.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post.
**I will be a dorm dad to about 35 boys for the next week, so be patient about receiving a new post.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 5*
But when the time had fully come, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman . . . (Galatians 4:4).
God is the ultimate non-anxious presence. From the first promise of a Savior, as announced in Genesis 3:15, until the birth of Jesus was no less than four thousand years. Over those many years there were countless prayers for God's intervention to deal with the problems of his people. In some cases he did intervene in miraculous fashion, but always intervening according to his covenants. It is according to his purposes that God intervenes in the lives of humanity--he is not emotionally driven to do something because someone might not believe in him. The Bible very clearly says that God had a plan for us, before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). Before the creation, God had a plan for those whom he would create, so when the time was right, he sent forth his Son.
God does not use quick fixes to meet our whims and make us feel better. God takes the long view toward bringing about healing. God does not ordinarily "zap" us with a cure. He is willing to spend what ever it takes to bring about true healing for us. God will not give to us that which costs him nothing. The great salvation that we enjoy was bought and paid for by our Lord Jesus Christ. Oh how we have been blessed by God's non-anxious presence!!!
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from a previous post and, thank God, the last in the series!
God is the ultimate non-anxious presence. From the first promise of a Savior, as announced in Genesis 3:15, until the birth of Jesus was no less than four thousand years. Over those many years there were countless prayers for God's intervention to deal with the problems of his people. In some cases he did intervene in miraculous fashion, but always intervening according to his covenants. It is according to his purposes that God intervenes in the lives of humanity--he is not emotionally driven to do something because someone might not believe in him. The Bible very clearly says that God had a plan for us, before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). Before the creation, God had a plan for those whom he would create, so when the time was right, he sent forth his Son.
God does not use quick fixes to meet our whims and make us feel better. God takes the long view toward bringing about healing. God does not ordinarily "zap" us with a cure. He is willing to spend what ever it takes to bring about true healing for us. God will not give to us that which costs him nothing. The great salvation that we enjoy was bought and paid for by our Lord Jesus Christ. Oh how we have been blessed by God's non-anxious presence!!!
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from a previous post and, thank God, the last in the series!
Friday, June 05, 2009
THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 4*
For as the earth brings forth its shoots, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations (Isaiah 61:11).
One of the necessary characteristics of a leader is non-anxious presence. In the midst of conflict, chaos, tragedy and sorrow a leader will keep it together when everyone else has come apart. Does that mean that a good leader is emotionless? A thousand times, no! A leader weeps with those who weep! She rejoices with those who rejoice! He is shocked by immorality! Non-anxious presence is not emotionless, but it is the appropriate display of the emotions in a given situation. Those who do not display their emotions could be the most anxious of all because they are likely to be afraid of allowing someone else to see into their heart.
To be a non-anxious presence is to model God's presence. Do you know who you are? Do you know what you believe and act consistently with your beliefs in spite of opposing pressure? Does your presence inspire love, righteousness and praise to God? These are some of the qualities of a non-anxious presence.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post.
One of the necessary characteristics of a leader is non-anxious presence. In the midst of conflict, chaos, tragedy and sorrow a leader will keep it together when everyone else has come apart. Does that mean that a good leader is emotionless? A thousand times, no! A leader weeps with those who weep! She rejoices with those who rejoice! He is shocked by immorality! Non-anxious presence is not emotionless, but it is the appropriate display of the emotions in a given situation. Those who do not display their emotions could be the most anxious of all because they are likely to be afraid of allowing someone else to see into their heart.
To be a non-anxious presence is to model God's presence. Do you know who you are? Do you know what you believe and act consistently with your beliefs in spite of opposing pressure? Does your presence inspire love, righteousness and praise to God? These are some of the qualities of a non-anxious presence.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 3*
How long, O Lord? Wilt thou forget me for ever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day? (Psalms 13:1-2).*
By his wounds you have been healed (I Peter 2:2-4).
Is it our expectation of God to be to us a genie to grant our wishes? Should we be able to bring our requests to God, and to quote a great American philosopher, "boom"** we have what we want? If we do not get what we want, what is the use in trusting God? For what reason should we worship him? We tend to be pragmatic; if it works, do it. If it doesn't work, forgetaboutit!!
What is interesting to me is that God never worries that some one will not believe in him because he does not grant their request. God goes about his business according to his nature and according to his covenant, working out what is right and best for us. What is right and best for us may not square with what we think is right and best for us. We are frustrated when our pain is not relieved, when we feel like God isn't around.
What I want you to remember is that God is the great physician; he is not the great magician. It is not wrong to bring all our our requests to God! He who has the hairs on your head numbered is very interested in you and will give to you just as a responsible and loving earthly father gives to his children. He will not, however, be your "magic man" to satisfy your every whim, but he will grant to you what is best.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Our loving Heavenly Father does not feel threatened by our requests and emotions. One of the reasons I believe that the Bible is the word of God is because it is so true to life--it allows the full range of human emotion even if it is directed against him.
**John Madden.
By his wounds you have been healed (I Peter 2:2-4).
Is it our expectation of God to be to us a genie to grant our wishes? Should we be able to bring our requests to God, and to quote a great American philosopher, "boom"** we have what we want? If we do not get what we want, what is the use in trusting God? For what reason should we worship him? We tend to be pragmatic; if it works, do it. If it doesn't work, forgetaboutit!!
What is interesting to me is that God never worries that some one will not believe in him because he does not grant their request. God goes about his business according to his nature and according to his covenant, working out what is right and best for us. What is right and best for us may not square with what we think is right and best for us. We are frustrated when our pain is not relieved, when we feel like God isn't around.
What I want you to remember is that God is the great physician; he is not the great magician. It is not wrong to bring all our our requests to God! He who has the hairs on your head numbered is very interested in you and will give to you just as a responsible and loving earthly father gives to his children. He will not, however, be your "magic man" to satisfy your every whim, but he will grant to you what is best.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Our loving Heavenly Father does not feel threatened by our requests and emotions. One of the reasons I believe that the Bible is the word of God is because it is so true to life--it allows the full range of human emotion even if it is directed against him.
**John Madden.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 2*
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy (Psalms 126:5).
Problems are not solved until we attack them as intelligent beings. We suffer in our attempt to escape this obvious fact. Wailing about diphtheria for centuries got us nowhere. Robert Koch began to grow bacteria on his wife's kitchen stove. The end was diphtheria antitoxin, and diphtheria has been practically wiped off the face of the earth. Perhaps this was the answer to centuries of prayer. My father, a very devout man, believed a striving to the limit in a worthy cause constituted the most eloquent form of prayer (Arthur E. Hertzler, MD).
I know a psychologist who understands non-anxious presence. His practice is to not speak until his client speaks to him. A client came for an appointment and didn't say anything. The client walked to the corner of the office, lay down on the carpeted floor in a fetal position and stayed that way for the fifty-minute session. No words were ever spoken, but just having someone understand and be accepting was powerful therapy. God is that way--he understands! The Messiah was described as the Wonderful Counselor. The Holy Spirit is another counselor, the Comforter, the One who walks along side. The Bible is clear, God is love and he loves each one.
We live in a world that is, in the words of Paul the apostle, "in bondage to decay." In this fallen world there is sickness, hate, death, greed, lust, unfaithfulness and weeds, to name a few. God has determined that it be so, but he has commanded us to deal with this fallen world in practical ways. That is why we have theology, civil law, science, medicine, engineering, biotechnology, etc..
Suppose God always dealt with our prayers by miracle or direct intervention of some sort. We would have never learned, progressed or achieved, except in learned helplessness. Think of the blessings we enjoy as a result of the pain and the sacrifices of those who have gone on before us! God's non-anxious presence has provided for the achievement of the comforts and blessings we enjoy today! Soren Kierkegaard is said to have said, Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. God changes us in his non-anxious presence.
Have you ever considered that those who labor in their chosen field of work that benefits humanity are answers to prayer?
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post.
Problems are not solved until we attack them as intelligent beings. We suffer in our attempt to escape this obvious fact. Wailing about diphtheria for centuries got us nowhere. Robert Koch began to grow bacteria on his wife's kitchen stove. The end was diphtheria antitoxin, and diphtheria has been practically wiped off the face of the earth. Perhaps this was the answer to centuries of prayer. My father, a very devout man, believed a striving to the limit in a worthy cause constituted the most eloquent form of prayer (Arthur E. Hertzler, MD).
I know a psychologist who understands non-anxious presence. His practice is to not speak until his client speaks to him. A client came for an appointment and didn't say anything. The client walked to the corner of the office, lay down on the carpeted floor in a fetal position and stayed that way for the fifty-minute session. No words were ever spoken, but just having someone understand and be accepting was powerful therapy. God is that way--he understands! The Messiah was described as the Wonderful Counselor. The Holy Spirit is another counselor, the Comforter, the One who walks along side. The Bible is clear, God is love and he loves each one.
We live in a world that is, in the words of Paul the apostle, "in bondage to decay." In this fallen world there is sickness, hate, death, greed, lust, unfaithfulness and weeds, to name a few. God has determined that it be so, but he has commanded us to deal with this fallen world in practical ways. That is why we have theology, civil law, science, medicine, engineering, biotechnology, etc..
Suppose God always dealt with our prayers by miracle or direct intervention of some sort. We would have never learned, progressed or achieved, except in learned helplessness. Think of the blessings we enjoy as a result of the pain and the sacrifices of those who have gone on before us! God's non-anxious presence has provided for the achievement of the comforts and blessings we enjoy today! Soren Kierkegaard is said to have said, Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. God changes us in his non-anxious presence.
Have you ever considered that those who labor in their chosen field of work that benefits humanity are answers to prayer?
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE*
Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me (John 14:1).
After more than sixty years I can still hear the eloquent prayers that filled the countryside when epidemics of diphtheria appeared. One tube of antitoxin will do more good than all of these (Arthur Hertzler, MD).
Doctor Hertzler practiced medicine in both the 19th and 20th centuries, building a clinic of some renown in Halstead, Kansas. My first ministry was in Abbyville, Kansas, some 40 miles from Halstead so when I read his book, Horse and Buggy Doctor, I connected with it. Dr. Hertzler's father was a Mennonite lay minister, but Dr. Hertzler, himself, was skeptical of prayer and of Christians as they practiced their Christianity, but he did believe in God.
If a person can keep his head on when everyone else is losing theirs, this is what is called, "non-anxious presence." If one can do that over an extended period of time then those who are around him, or her, will begin to regain their heads. This is more easily said than done because the only true "non-anxious presence" is God--to be human is to be anxious. Just as God has a plan for His creation and is working his plan, to be non-anxious ourselves is to trust in God, believe that he is working his plan, and as Christians, live out that plan. As a result, non-anxious people live by their faith and do not allow themselves to be drawn into anxious defensive behaviors like gossip, destructive criticism, outbursts of anger or addictive behaviors.
Non-anxious presence is emotional, but it is not emotionally driven. When one is emotionally driven, he or she ceases to think and only reacts. God, being the only true non-anxious presence, is not stampeded into action by our anxious prayers, rather he answers in the way that is right. One of the reasons Hertzler was skeptical of prayer was that God did not answer in the way he thought God should answer. Eventually, Hertzler did come to the understanding that the answer to prayer is the diligent pursuit of a worthy cause. In this way he saw diphtheria antitoxin as an answer to prayer. God did answer in the way that was best. How much poorer would we be if God "zapped" us with answers to prayer with no effort on our part?
One of the qualities of Godliness is being a non-anxious presence.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post
After more than sixty years I can still hear the eloquent prayers that filled the countryside when epidemics of diphtheria appeared. One tube of antitoxin will do more good than all of these (Arthur Hertzler, MD).
Doctor Hertzler practiced medicine in both the 19th and 20th centuries, building a clinic of some renown in Halstead, Kansas. My first ministry was in Abbyville, Kansas, some 40 miles from Halstead so when I read his book, Horse and Buggy Doctor, I connected with it. Dr. Hertzler's father was a Mennonite lay minister, but Dr. Hertzler, himself, was skeptical of prayer and of Christians as they practiced their Christianity, but he did believe in God.
If a person can keep his head on when everyone else is losing theirs, this is what is called, "non-anxious presence." If one can do that over an extended period of time then those who are around him, or her, will begin to regain their heads. This is more easily said than done because the only true "non-anxious presence" is God--to be human is to be anxious. Just as God has a plan for His creation and is working his plan, to be non-anxious ourselves is to trust in God, believe that he is working his plan, and as Christians, live out that plan. As a result, non-anxious people live by their faith and do not allow themselves to be drawn into anxious defensive behaviors like gossip, destructive criticism, outbursts of anger or addictive behaviors.
Non-anxious presence is emotional, but it is not emotionally driven. When one is emotionally driven, he or she ceases to think and only reacts. God, being the only true non-anxious presence, is not stampeded into action by our anxious prayers, rather he answers in the way that is right. One of the reasons Hertzler was skeptical of prayer was that God did not answer in the way he thought God should answer. Eventually, Hertzler did come to the understanding that the answer to prayer is the diligent pursuit of a worthy cause. In this way he saw diphtheria antitoxin as an answer to prayer. God did answer in the way that was best. How much poorer would we be if God "zapped" us with answers to prayer with no effort on our part?
One of the qualities of Godliness is being a non-anxious presence.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*Revised from an earlier post
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