WHY/

"Plausible as it may seem, we must never delude ourselves into wrongly concluding that unhappiness led to the patient's behavior, that a delinquent child broke the law because he was miserable, and that therefore our job is to make him happy. He broke the law not because he was angry or bored, but because he was irresponsible. The unhappiness is not a cause but a companion (emphasis mine) to his irresponsible behavior." William Glasser MD

CHANGING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN

IT IS EASIER TO ACT YOUR WAY INTO A NEW WAY OF FEELING THAN TO FEEL YOUR WAY INTO A NEW WAY OF ACTING.

I believe it was William Glasser who first said it, but that little saying has etched its way into the dark recesses of my mind. It is one of the principles I use in counseling. Jesus, I think, was the first to state the principle when he commanded us to love (agape) our enemies (Luke 6:27). Generally outward change follows inward change. Sometimes, though, one must first change behavior to change feelings. Agape love is not based on feelings and emotions, it is based on faith and obedience. If we waited until we had loving feelings for an enemy to love him, we never would! To develop loving feelings one must first go through the action of showing love to him. Whether the enemy is a spouse or a coworker, one must show love before one will feel love.

Oh--uh! The love may never be returned but you will be rewarded with a changed outlook on life!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

UNDENIABLE TRUTH 4

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF PEOPLE DIE

I know that some of these undeniable truths are stating the obvious. Yet there are those who live in denial of the truth. Some of us simply want to die naturally in our own good time rather than have someone, something or some disease hasten the event, but the event cannot be escaped. It cannot be denied, except for the generation that is privileged to be alive at the return of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, every person will experience physical death.

". . . it is appointed for men to die once, and after that comes judgment . . . (Hebrews 9:27).

UNDENIABLE TRUTH 3

PAIN IS AN UNAVOIDABLE FACT OF LIFE. A legitimate hope makes it bearable.

". . . He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more for the old order of things has passed away . . . these words are trustworthy and true" (Revelation 21:4-5).

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Grace and Peace;
Tom

UNDENIABLE TRUTH 2

OBEDIENCE TO THE WILL OF GOD MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY AND DISOBEDIENCE MAKES THEM UNHAPPY.

"Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

UNDENIABLE TRUTH

WHEN FIRST THINGS ARE PUT FIRST, SECOND THINGS DO NOT DECREASE, THEY INCREASE!  This was a thought from C.S. Lewis, but it certainly fits with what the Word of Truth says:

"But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33 NRSV).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

WHO IS JESUS?

This is intended for the one whom Divine Providence leads to read it. Though this quote from C.S. Lewis has often been cited, it still blesses me.

"A man who was merely a man and said the things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic...or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice...You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."

Grace & Peace;
Tom

What is Your Strongest Wish?

When C.S. Lewis was an atheist, his strongest wish was that God not exist. Has that ever been your wish? Tell me about it.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

WANT TO BE HAPPY?

"I've learned that about 90 percent of the things that happen to me are good and only about 10 percent are bad. To be happy, I just have to focus on the 90 percent." --H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Want an Education?

"One of the reasons why it needs no special education to be a Christian is that Christianity is an education itself." --C.S. Lewis

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

If 1 is awful and 10 is great, on a scale of 1 to 10, how are you today? If you are 4 to -1, ask yourself, how did I get to feeling this way? Also, how often is it that I feel this way? If you would like to share your answers with me I would appreciate it.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

EXTRO / INTRO 2

One of the big problems for extroverts is integrity. Because extroverts are likeable and assertive, it is relatively easy for them to manipulate others. My personal rule in making new acquaintances is that they must earn my trust. I've learned from hard experience. Extroverts must submit their manipulative abilities to the will of Christ!!! Whether they are in sales, politics or evangelism, the integrity of Christ must guide their work.

Introverts have to remember that it is not God's will for them to be alone. The command of God is that we love (agape) one another. One cannot love in isolation. Just working to fulfill our physical needs requires human contact at some point. But God wants us to be actively involved in the lives of other people. Going into all the world with the Gospel cannot be done in isolation, and as I understand it, that is Christ's command to every Christian. We introverts may have to pick and choose different methods of obeying it, but at some point we have to get away from our computer screens and work with actual people!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

EXTROVERSION / INTROVERSION

Most of the time it is easy to identify one of the characteristics of personality after visiting with a person only a short time. The degree on extroversion is known fairly quickly by how communicative a person is. While most people are found in the middle range on the extroversion / introversion continuum, there are significant numbers that can be found on either end of it. Those who are more extroverted like people, even large groups of people. Extroverts are energized by social contact. Hell, for the extrovert, would be to be completely alone. Extroverts are friendly, assertive and tend to be more optimistic in nature. It is important to remember that on the extroversion / introversion continuum, introversion is not the polar opposite of extroversion. Introverts can like people too. They can be friendly too, but they are reserved. Instead of being energized by being around other people, social activities expend the energy of the introvert. As a result, introverts require time alone to "recharge their batteries."

The world seems to be a world that favors extroverts, and wh wouldn't it? We all like people who are easily friendly, humorous, and optimistic; the assertiveness gets old after while though. That seems to be unfair since extroversion / introversion is understood to be a genetic trait. There doesn't seem to be a lot that can be done to change where we are on the extroversion continuum. What introverts must remember is that God can use them too! One of the blessings of introversion is the quiet time alone, time to be thoughtful and reflect and meditate. Think of how the world has been blessed by the fruits of the thoughtful meditations of the introvert. Nevertheless, introverts have to remember that it is necessary to express some people-pleasing traits in this world that rewards extroverts. Wearing a smile and being pleasant is saying, "I'm safe." Looking for ways to assist another person is more than a matter of courtesy; it is saying,"I care." To laugh at yourself and your situation says; "I have a sense of humor," and "I am optimistic. Life will not always be this way for me." As the Proverb says, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."

A CONCLUSION FROM THE 5 QUOTES

Almost everyone wants to take credit when things go well and avoid responsibility when things do not. We blame parents for not raising us right, our spouses and bosses for stressing us out. We blame the cops and judges for being "out to get" us or someone else for trying to "frame" us. We even blame God for giving us a "sinful nature," poor health, unfortunate circumstances and bad weather. Many years ago one TV evangelist even claimed that his sexual sin was in his genes--he couldn't help it. Well, I guess it was in his jeans:-). What is clear is that God does not accept our excusses!!!!!

It is well documented that there is a mind/body relationship in which the mind can make the body sick; e.g. migraines and stomach problems, or the body can make the mind sick; e.g. chronic pain and depression. In either case it is generally true that "People do not act irresponsibly because they are 'ill'; they are 'ill' because they act irresponsibly.

One of the truths I have learned from my counseling experience is that those who will not accept an appropriate level of personal responsibility are immature. The prospect for change in their situation is small. If they only understood that they are cheating themselves because they are making too little of themselves. There is something fulfilling about accepting responsibility. It means, "I am a person," "I have made a wrong choice, but I can make a right choice." Of such people, the Bible says, "Happy are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" Matthew 5:5).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

Personal Responsibility 5

"What do you mean by repeating this proverb concerning the land of Israel, 'The parents have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge'? As I live, says the Lord God, this proverb shall no more be used by you in Israel. Know that all lives are mine; the life of the parent as well as the life of the child is mine; it is only the person who sins that shall die" (Ezekiel 18:2-4 NRSV).

Personal Responsibility 4

". . . happiness includes the self-respect that comes from accepting responsibility for one's own life and earning one's own way in the world." --Dr. Gerard Egan

Grace and Peace; Tom

Personal Responsibility 3

While there are some specific instances where the following quote is not true, I believe that, as a general statement, it is true: "People do not act irresponsibly because they are 'ill'; they are 'ill' because they act irresponsibly." --William Glasser

Grace and Peace; Tom

Personal Responsibility 2

". . . all of our behavior is our attempt to control our own lives. When, for example, we blame our misery on a child, spouse, or parent, we are acting as if they, not we, are in control of our lives." --William Glasser.

Personal Responsibility

Victor Frankl was a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi Concentration camps. He makes this observation after watching and experiencing the behavior of his inmates and guards, ". . . We watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions."

It is convenient to blame something or someone for our irresponsible and sinful behavior, but as long as a person is a blamer he/she will not make any progress in maturity; the hope for positive change is mighty slim.

Blessings; Tom

Living in the Past

'If you live in the past, you will die in the present' (Bill Belechick). ". . .forgetting what lies hehind and straining forward to what lies ahead" (the Apostle Paul).

Living in the past is recognized in several different forms: resting on ones "laurels;" fear of the future characterized in the expression, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it;" unfounded and self-limiting beliefs; being paralyzed by the negativism of significant others; and allowing the power of negative events to determine the future.

It is not a bad thing to visit the past because some good things can be found there. It is in history that a legitimate hope for the future is found, the death, burial and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Faith in Jesus to be with us as we travel into the future is founded on the evidence of history. We all have some inspirational influences in our past to motivate us. It is important to seek them out and celebrate them. Even the negative and pathological events of the past can be viewed as influences resulting in moving one to a better life.

Living in the past is death because it prevents one from truly living in and adapting to the present. Appropriate visiting of the past enables life because one is able to draw on the real resources that nourish life in the present and future. It is noteworthy that Paul's "forgetting what lies behind" had to do with putting confidence in past accomplishments and status, some of the things that hinder one from living in the present.

Blessings; Tom

Sports Philosophy

Some of the best philosophers are coaches. Here's a quote worth passing on. It's attributed to Bill Belichich, coach of the New England Patriots, "If you live in the past, you will die in the present." Blessings; Tom

Who is Tom Steele. . .?

Who is Tom Steele that you should listen to him? I'm not a man of great intellect, though of sufficient intellect to graduate from college with degrees in pastoral ministries and theology. I was also able to complete graduate studies in marriage and family therapy, receiving a Master of Arts degree. I started the marriage and family therapy program after my youngest daughter went to college and I was dealing with "empty-nest" syndrome.

My wife, the lovely and gracious, Helen, and I have raised a family of 2 sons and a daughter together, served in ministry together, and farmed together. Helen is currently teaching school in the "at risk" program. I operate the family grain and livestock farm, counsel and pastor. I think, through the educational and practical experiences I have had, that I might have some wisdom to share.

Blessings; Tom

What's with "Silver Bullets?"

When I was a boy, one of my heroes was the Lone Ranger. To the lawless frontier he brought a measure of law and order so that good, law-abiding citizens could be safe and build an orderly society. One of the trademarks of the Lone Ranger was his silver bullets. They represented justice and the rule of law. Because of his mask he was sometimes thought to be an outlaw, but when he showed any doubters his silver bullets, they knew he was on the side of law and order.

In our culture "silver bullet" has come to mean an easy, quick, sure and just solution to a problem. As the Lone Ranger almost always brought a just solution to a problem on the frontier in 30 minutes, so solutions to people problems should be found in 6 sessions with a counselor, or less. That isn't reality! There are many factors involved in why people behave the way they do. Human beings are unique and complex, that's why there are no quick, easy cures out there when dealing with human behavior.

I do not want to spend a lot of time doing this blog, so I have determined to keep it short. My "Silver Bullets" are intended to be short, true, just and loving. Some days the post may only be a couple of lines. Hopefully, my "Bullets" will bless your life as you live in relationship with God, your family and other people.

Blessings; Tom

About the Slogan

Frontier Pastoral Services is a provider for pulpit supply and counseling ministries. My philosophy of preaching and counseling is to provide a compass for guidance into the future. Every one has to ride their own trail, each person is unique and will express themselves differently, but unless Jesus is their compass, they will be lost. There are many things in a person's life that should be thrown out. Negative events do seem to have lasting power. Sometimes one might have to deal with negetives one by one, throwing them out one event at a time to make change possible. However, every person has some positives in their past that need to be embraced. The institutions, events and people that provide positive structure and hope will be preserved and celebrated.