So, here I am, Helen too and our two grand children in Ceres, California. We are visiting in my daughter's home. We are having a great time, presently, but we will probably be here a day longer than planned. Our 2003 Chrysler minivan lost it's transmission in Winnemucca, Nevada last Saturday afternoon. The car was a recent purchase for us; we bought an extended warrenty. The car needed to be towed 50 miles to the nearest Chrysler dealership; cost, $260.
We had to stay in Winnemucca, Saturday nite and Sunday nite. We walked to the nearest church, a Baptist church to worship on Sunday. On Monday morning we put in a call to the Enterprise car rental agency and were able to rent a vehicle, just ahead of the forest service who wanted to rent it for firefighting crews. (Somewhere in the West a fire is burning a little longer because the forest service didn't get a truck.) The gal at Enterprise was so busy, she forgot about us so we lingered at the motel until 12:30p.m. Through communications with both dealers, we learn that it will be 5 working days for them to get a transmission and a day to install it, at a cost of $2200. We were scheduled to leave on Monday, but now it will be Tues.
During all this, I cannot say that anyone has been unkind or discourtious, but I think many have been thoughtless and uncaring. From the dealership from which we bought the car to the dealership that is working on the car, to the Baptist church and the rental agency. No one ever really gave any indication that they cared beyond a customer relationship.
It has made us examine ourselves; are we willing to go the "second mile?"
Great service is always a part of success in business. Demonstrating love is always a part of a successful Christian life.
It is a great life! We are having a great time! Lord help us learn from each situation!
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
YOUR LIFE IS LIKE. . .
"Your life is like a book: The title page is your name; the preface, your introduction to the world. The pages are a daily record of your efforts, trials, pleasures, prayers, hopes and discouragement. In Hebrews 12 it says; 'The race is set before us.' We are reminded it is God's job to set the course; it's your job to run it. As you pass onward, day by day, your thoughts and acts are inscribed in your book of life. Hour by hour, the record is being made that must stand for all time. One day the word finis must be written. Let it then be said of your book that it is a record of noble purpose, generous service, and work well done. . . And that all will see the values of faith, love and hope demonstrated in your life. 'We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ'" (I Thessalonian 1:3). --From the Leininger Collection
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
ASSURANCE FOR AN ANXIOUS HEART
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22, 23).
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
LEARN FROM LIFE
"A wicked man puts on a bold face, but an upright man considers his ways. No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the Lord" (Proverbs 21:29-30).
My time has been limited so I have had to rely on the "Leininger Collection." Here are a couple of Quotes from LC.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" (Soren Kierkegaard).
"Life is the greatest therapist. It is the only one that does not ask us if we will take the treatment" (Karen Horney).
Grace&Peace;
Tom
My time has been limited so I have had to rely on the "Leininger Collection." Here are a couple of Quotes from LC.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" (Soren Kierkegaard).
"Life is the greatest therapist. It is the only one that does not ask us if we will take the treatment" (Karen Horney).
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Monday, July 17, 2006
VALUE EACH MOMENT
"LISTEN TO YOUR LIFE, SEE IT FOR THE FATHOMLESS MYSTERY THAT IT IS. IN THE BOREDOM AND PAIN OF IT NO LESS THAN THE EXCITEMENT AND GLADNESS; TOUCH, TASTE, SMELL YOUR WAY TO THE HOLY AND HIDDEN HEART OF IT, BECAUSE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS, ALL MOMENTS ARE KEY MOMENTS, AND LIFE ITSELF IS GRACE" (Frederich Buechner, from the Leininger Collection).
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Saturday, July 15, 2006
WHY IS THERE SOMETHING INSTEAD OF NOTHING?
"He is the image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creation; for in him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or authorities--all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:15-17).
"It seems to me that when confronted with the marvels of life and the universe one must ask why and not just how. The only possible answers are religious . . . I find need for God in the universe and in my life" (Arthur L. Schawlow, professor of physics at Stanford University, Nobel prize in physics, 1981).
There never has been "nothing." Purely naturalistic cosmologists have speculated a beginning resulting from a coalescence of subatomic particles. But a particle, no matter how small it is, is still a particle.* It reminds me of the story about a boy who asked his grandmother, "What holds the world up?" "The world sits on the back of a turtle," gramma replied. The boy asked gramma, "What does the turtle stand on, gramma?" "The back of another turtle," gramma answered. What does that turtle stand on, gramma?" Becoming frustrated with all the questions, gramma replied, "Stop asking questions! It's turtles all the way down!"
It would be easier to have nothing than something--ask any poor person! But, here we are living in a world teeming with diverse, complex, intricate, beautiful, ugly life. If we try to account for this life completely by macro-evolution, we would expect scientists to be able to duplicate evolution in the lab, making life from non-organic materials. They can't! If we use macro-evolution as an explanation for this life, we would expect to see the universe teeming with life, since evolutionists credit minerals with self-organizing properties to adjust to the environment in which they exist. There isn't! What drives the space program is the desperate search for life in other places in the universe to support the faith of the naturalist. This great diversity of life in our solar system is found only on earth. It is the only place that will support life as we know it. Is that by chance? Hummmmm.
To macro-evolutionists, one form of life is no better than another. A human being is no more significant than a cockroach. There is no love in their world, only altruism; what a sterile word!
This is the description of a world that is the result of time plus chance.
There has always been something, I should say, Someone, who stands above the laws of physics; who was the author of them. That Someone stepped into space and time for a few years that we should know Him. It is only in Him that we have hope for a great future.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
*I'm fully aware that the smallest sub-atomic particles are not particles but energy. But it always begs the question, "Where did that come from?"
"It seems to me that when confronted with the marvels of life and the universe one must ask why and not just how. The only possible answers are religious . . . I find need for God in the universe and in my life" (Arthur L. Schawlow, professor of physics at Stanford University, Nobel prize in physics, 1981).
There never has been "nothing." Purely naturalistic cosmologists have speculated a beginning resulting from a coalescence of subatomic particles. But a particle, no matter how small it is, is still a particle.* It reminds me of the story about a boy who asked his grandmother, "What holds the world up?" "The world sits on the back of a turtle," gramma replied. The boy asked gramma, "What does the turtle stand on, gramma?" "The back of another turtle," gramma answered. What does that turtle stand on, gramma?" Becoming frustrated with all the questions, gramma replied, "Stop asking questions! It's turtles all the way down!"
It would be easier to have nothing than something--ask any poor person! But, here we are living in a world teeming with diverse, complex, intricate, beautiful, ugly life. If we try to account for this life completely by macro-evolution, we would expect scientists to be able to duplicate evolution in the lab, making life from non-organic materials. They can't! If we use macro-evolution as an explanation for this life, we would expect to see the universe teeming with life, since evolutionists credit minerals with self-organizing properties to adjust to the environment in which they exist. There isn't! What drives the space program is the desperate search for life in other places in the universe to support the faith of the naturalist. This great diversity of life in our solar system is found only on earth. It is the only place that will support life as we know it. Is that by chance? Hummmmm.
To macro-evolutionists, one form of life is no better than another. A human being is no more significant than a cockroach. There is no love in their world, only altruism; what a sterile word!
This is the description of a world that is the result of time plus chance.
There has always been something, I should say, Someone, who stands above the laws of physics; who was the author of them. That Someone stepped into space and time for a few years that we should know Him. It is only in Him that we have hope for a great future.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
*I'm fully aware that the smallest sub-atomic particles are not particles but energy. But it always begs the question, "Where did that come from?"
Friday, July 14, 2006
TOO MUCH HELP
"Eight people can do the work of ten people better than twelve people can" (Leininger Collection).
Thursday, July 13, 2006
THOUGHTS ABOUT LEADERSHIP
"For a bishop, as God's steward, must be blameless; he must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of goodness, master of himself, upright, holy, and self-controlled; he must hold firm to the sure word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to confute those who contradict it" (Titus 1:7-9).
Ministry is more than something a person does, rather ministry must be something a person is. That is the concept of servant leadership. Servant leadership requires the development of personal and social skills: Personal discipline, compassion, positive attitude, speech, manners and dress. In most cases, these qualities do not come naturally, but a developed and failure to be diligent in the development of these qualities is planning to fail at leadership.
Like King Caspian of Narnia could not leave himself in the far eastern lands for the greatest adventure because he belonged to his people, so the servant-leader belongs to his people. Sometimes the great adventurer disqualifies himself from leadership because he leaves his sheep without a shepherd for an adventure.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Ministry is more than something a person does, rather ministry must be something a person is. That is the concept of servant leadership. Servant leadership requires the development of personal and social skills: Personal discipline, compassion, positive attitude, speech, manners and dress. In most cases, these qualities do not come naturally, but a developed and failure to be diligent in the development of these qualities is planning to fail at leadership.
Like King Caspian of Narnia could not leave himself in the far eastern lands for the greatest adventure because he belonged to his people, so the servant-leader belongs to his people. Sometimes the great adventurer disqualifies himself from leadership because he leaves his sheep without a shepherd for an adventure.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
WINNING IS FINISHING
". . . and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1b).
I would have rather been sleeping,or doing about anything else, but at 6 a.m. I'm jogging down the gravel road with my wonder dog, "Obie"(Obediah) a purebred Border Collie. I am reminding myself about why I do this; it is critical to my physical and emotional health (I've been a reluctant jogger for 35 years). The thought entered my mind about the race we run for the Lord. It isn't about who crosses the finishing line first; it is about who finishes faithfully. It is an endurance race that we run for the Lord. To finish it, being faithful to Him, is winning!!
Grace&Peace;
Tom
I would have rather been sleeping,or doing about anything else, but at 6 a.m. I'm jogging down the gravel road with my wonder dog, "Obie"(Obediah) a purebred Border Collie. I am reminding myself about why I do this; it is critical to my physical and emotional health (I've been a reluctant jogger for 35 years). The thought entered my mind about the race we run for the Lord. It isn't about who crosses the finishing line first; it is about who finishes faithfully. It is an endurance race that we run for the Lord. To finish it, being faithful to Him, is winning!!
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
EMOTIONAL MATURITY WRAP-UP
"For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it" (James 2:10).
"Functioning based on principle requires a tolerance of anxiety and a willingness to focus on self. Functioning based on feelings and subjectivity succumbs to the pressure for a quick reduction in anxiety and is aimed at changing others rather than changing self" (Kerr/Bowen, p.133).
I hope the series on emotional maturity has been helpful. I've tried to keep it simple. There are so many variables to consider that emotional maturity can become a very complex subject. I decided to do the series for three reasons:
1. So that you readers can see the lens through which I view individuals and families. All counseling is really family therapy. Each individual has dynamic connections to those with whom he has blood, marital, fellowship and work relationships.
2. To do some conscientiousness raising about how emotion works. Not everyone displays his emotions in the same way. A person experiencing stress may appear to be nonreactive, but his inactivity, or hypoactivity, is as much an emotional response as the person who becomes hysterical and hyperactive. Indecisiveness and dysthymia are good indicators of high emotional reactivity.
3. To deal with self-righteousness. "She had the affair, I didn't" a husband might insist, thinking she is the cause of the problem, there's nothing he needs to change. Both contribute to the problem. Both must understand what they do contribute. It also must be understood that the same emotional process that leads to an affair leads to gossip, obesity and addictions.
Restating the best means of dealing with high levels of emotion:
1. Trust in God; faith in Christ.
2. Fellowship; hanging around good people.
3. Exercise. This wasn't in my first list; I thought that I should separate it out of education.
Exercise burns more than calories; it can burn stress too!!
4. Education.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
"Functioning based on principle requires a tolerance of anxiety and a willingness to focus on self. Functioning based on feelings and subjectivity succumbs to the pressure for a quick reduction in anxiety and is aimed at changing others rather than changing self" (Kerr/Bowen, p.133).
I hope the series on emotional maturity has been helpful. I've tried to keep it simple. There are so many variables to consider that emotional maturity can become a very complex subject. I decided to do the series for three reasons:
1. So that you readers can see the lens through which I view individuals and families. All counseling is really family therapy. Each individual has dynamic connections to those with whom he has blood, marital, fellowship and work relationships.
2. To do some conscientiousness raising about how emotion works. Not everyone displays his emotions in the same way. A person experiencing stress may appear to be nonreactive, but his inactivity, or hypoactivity, is as much an emotional response as the person who becomes hysterical and hyperactive. Indecisiveness and dysthymia are good indicators of high emotional reactivity.
3. To deal with self-righteousness. "She had the affair, I didn't" a husband might insist, thinking she is the cause of the problem, there's nothing he needs to change. Both contribute to the problem. Both must understand what they do contribute. It also must be understood that the same emotional process that leads to an affair leads to gossip, obesity and addictions.
Restating the best means of dealing with high levels of emotion:
1. Trust in God; faith in Christ.
2. Fellowship; hanging around good people.
3. Exercise. This wasn't in my first list; I thought that I should separate it out of education.
Exercise burns more than calories; it can burn stress too!!
4. Education.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Thursday, July 06, 2006
EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND TRIANGLES
"You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother's son" (Psalms 50:20).
"A two-person system may be stable as long as it is calm, but since that level of calm is very difficult to maintain, a two-person system is more accurately characterized as unstable. When anxiety increases, a third person becomes involved in the tension of the twosome, creating a triangle. This involvement of a third person decreases anxiety in the twosome by spreading it through three relationships" (Kerr/Bowen, 134).
Children learn early in life what a triangle is. Children also learn early how to triangle relationships. When sibling disagreement occurs, one of the siblings will run to one of the parents. This dynamic is carried into adulthood into adult relationships. When there is tension in a relationship, it has already been learned to go to another for support. Gossip is one of the ways this is done; so is having an affair. The third "person" in the triangle doesn't have to be a person at all; it can be a substitute like food, work, hobby or medication. The same emotional process at the root of an affair is at the root of obesity. Of course, going to a counselor, to God, or pastor, "God" with skin on, is triangulation too. Forming a triangle is not a bad thing, though we have seen that it can be, it just depends on who the "third person" is. A mature third person will support the person, but will not enable destructive emotional release! Many times immature people will not accept that and will find a new "third person;" one can always find a counselor that makes them happy.
I've run into several family problems that have incorporated this kind of triangle. A child makes himself a problem when tension reaches a certain level between his parents. This draws one or both parents' focus to him, thus reducing the emotional tension between them. Many, many "kid" problems find relief in marital therapy.
All psychotherapy is family therapy. None of us live our lives in solitary, though many attempt it. Even the apparent lack of relationships is a reaction to a relationship with someone. Any time a person has a problem, think in triangles.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
"A two-person system may be stable as long as it is calm, but since that level of calm is very difficult to maintain, a two-person system is more accurately characterized as unstable. When anxiety increases, a third person becomes involved in the tension of the twosome, creating a triangle. This involvement of a third person decreases anxiety in the twosome by spreading it through three relationships" (Kerr/Bowen, 134).
Children learn early in life what a triangle is. Children also learn early how to triangle relationships. When sibling disagreement occurs, one of the siblings will run to one of the parents. This dynamic is carried into adulthood into adult relationships. When there is tension in a relationship, it has already been learned to go to another for support. Gossip is one of the ways this is done; so is having an affair. The third "person" in the triangle doesn't have to be a person at all; it can be a substitute like food, work, hobby or medication. The same emotional process at the root of an affair is at the root of obesity. Of course, going to a counselor, to God, or pastor, "God" with skin on, is triangulation too. Forming a triangle is not a bad thing, though we have seen that it can be, it just depends on who the "third person" is. A mature third person will support the person, but will not enable destructive emotional release! Many times immature people will not accept that and will find a new "third person;" one can always find a counselor that makes them happy.
I've run into several family problems that have incorporated this kind of triangle. A child makes himself a problem when tension reaches a certain level between his parents. This draws one or both parents' focus to him, thus reducing the emotional tension between them. Many, many "kid" problems find relief in marital therapy.
All psychotherapy is family therapy. None of us live our lives in solitary, though many attempt it. Even the apparent lack of relationships is a reaction to a relationship with someone. Any time a person has a problem, think in triangles.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND HEALTH
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22).
"The activity of cells that comprise the immune system is assumed to be influenced by anxiety" (Kerr/Bowen, p.74).
Why is it that people can have cancer cells, tubercular bacilli and HIV and not develop clinical symptoms? Why is it that there are people who have been terminally ill, who were medically hopeless, who experienced healing when they found purpose for their lives? There is enough real casework history out there to show that these instances happen in significant numbers.
Emotion is a significant dynamic in the development of any disease; physical or psychiatric. Many people carry a heavy load of chronic anxiety with them. They are always thinking about what might happen, what could be or what other people might be thinking rather than dealing with what actually is. It is this constant load of emotion that stresses the immune system and can allow the development of disease.
It is important to remember, however, that even if we were all perfectly emotionally mature, we would still get sick. Nevertheless, emotional stress can hasten the development of disease. Any pastor, chaplain or counselor needs to think in terms of emotional dynamics when working with their patient. Why is my patient sick now; what has been going on in their life? What meaning can be found? Finding meaning and purpose for life diffuses a lot of emotion. Finding and strengthening faith in Christ does the same; check out Matthew 11:28-30.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
"The activity of cells that comprise the immune system is assumed to be influenced by anxiety" (Kerr/Bowen, p.74).
Why is it that people can have cancer cells, tubercular bacilli and HIV and not develop clinical symptoms? Why is it that there are people who have been terminally ill, who were medically hopeless, who experienced healing when they found purpose for their lives? There is enough real casework history out there to show that these instances happen in significant numbers.
Emotion is a significant dynamic in the development of any disease; physical or psychiatric. Many people carry a heavy load of chronic anxiety with them. They are always thinking about what might happen, what could be or what other people might be thinking rather than dealing with what actually is. It is this constant load of emotion that stresses the immune system and can allow the development of disease.
It is important to remember, however, that even if we were all perfectly emotionally mature, we would still get sick. Nevertheless, emotional stress can hasten the development of disease. Any pastor, chaplain or counselor needs to think in terms of emotional dynamics when working with their patient. Why is my patient sick now; what has been going on in their life? What meaning can be found? Finding meaning and purpose for life diffuses a lot of emotion. Finding and strengthening faith in Christ does the same; check out Matthew 11:28-30.
Grace&Peace;
Tom
Monday, July 03, 2006
EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND ATTRACTION
"My beloved is mine and I am his . . . " (Song of Solomon 2:16).
"The lower the level of differentiation (emotional maturity) the more likely it is that the source of peoples' compatibility will become the very sources of their incompatibility" (Kerr/Bowen).
Emotional maturity is not an exact equivalent of undifferentiated ego mass, or differentiation, but it's close enough and easier to understand. One who is emotionally mature is able to function as an autonomous, responsible, thoughtful person. She/he does not make decisions based on what feels right. Her/his functioning is not dependent on, or effected by, praise or criticism. Few people attain that level of emotional maturity (tes).
Like the opposite poles of magnets attract so too do "people opposites" tend to attract. In an earlier post I mentioned that people of similar levels of emotional maturity tended to be attracted to each other and get together. That much is true. The emotional maturity levels may be manifest is opposite ways, but the emotional maturity levels will be similar. For example, a bright, bubbly, spontaneous woman is attracted to a strong, silent-type man. They even see each other as beautiful and handsome because of the similarity of emotional maturity (There are objective measures of beauty, but much of it is subjective; it's in the eye of the beholder). Their oppositeness is a complement to each other. The strong, silent guy needs a little excitement in his life. The bubbly, spontaneous woman needs a dependable, stable guy. After a while, though, being married to a strong, stable guy can seem like prison to a bubbly, spontaneous woman. Likewise, being married to a bubbly spontaneous woman can seem like life is out of control to a strong, silent-type guy. What drew them together pushes them apart!
There should be some complementation in a relationship; wouldn't life be dull if there wasn't!?
But, the greater the complementation is that draws a couple together, the more likely it is that the same oppositeness will push them apart.
Anyone who is contemplating marriage should take time to make a list of positives and negatives about the potential spouse. The list of positives has to be a lot longer than the negatives. If the positive list is the same as, or, shorter than the negative list, don't get married! Negatives weigh more than positives.
Also, if you think you absolutely cannot live without the other, you need to try!! That is a typical symptom of too much oppositeness.
Grace&peace;
Tom
"The lower the level of differentiation (emotional maturity) the more likely it is that the source of peoples' compatibility will become the very sources of their incompatibility" (Kerr/Bowen).
Emotional maturity is not an exact equivalent of undifferentiated ego mass, or differentiation, but it's close enough and easier to understand. One who is emotionally mature is able to function as an autonomous, responsible, thoughtful person. She/he does not make decisions based on what feels right. Her/his functioning is not dependent on, or effected by, praise or criticism. Few people attain that level of emotional maturity (tes).
Like the opposite poles of magnets attract so too do "people opposites" tend to attract. In an earlier post I mentioned that people of similar levels of emotional maturity tended to be attracted to each other and get together. That much is true. The emotional maturity levels may be manifest is opposite ways, but the emotional maturity levels will be similar. For example, a bright, bubbly, spontaneous woman is attracted to a strong, silent-type man. They even see each other as beautiful and handsome because of the similarity of emotional maturity (There are objective measures of beauty, but much of it is subjective; it's in the eye of the beholder). Their oppositeness is a complement to each other. The strong, silent guy needs a little excitement in his life. The bubbly, spontaneous woman needs a dependable, stable guy. After a while, though, being married to a strong, stable guy can seem like prison to a bubbly, spontaneous woman. Likewise, being married to a bubbly spontaneous woman can seem like life is out of control to a strong, silent-type guy. What drew them together pushes them apart!
There should be some complementation in a relationship; wouldn't life be dull if there wasn't!?
But, the greater the complementation is that draws a couple together, the more likely it is that the same oppositeness will push them apart.
Anyone who is contemplating marriage should take time to make a list of positives and negatives about the potential spouse. The list of positives has to be a lot longer than the negatives. If the positive list is the same as, or, shorter than the negative list, don't get married! Negatives weigh more than positives.
Also, if you think you absolutely cannot live without the other, you need to try!! That is a typical symptom of too much oppositeness.
Grace&peace;
Tom
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