DANGERS INHERENT IN PASTORAL MINISTRY AND COUNSELING

"He who digs a pit may fall into it. . .He who quarries stones my be hurt by them, and he who splits logs may be endangered by them. If the axe is dull and he does not sharpen its edge, then he must exert more strength. Wisdom has the advantage of giving success" (Ecclesiastes 10:8-10).

While clearing my office clutter for an important visitor I happened on an article by Dr. Diane Langberg. It was one that I used in my Pastoral Counseling lectures at Nebraska Christian College. I will share some thoughts taken from it with you.

As the writer of Ecclesiastes wisely points out, there are dangers that are inherent to any job. A wise person is more likely to be safe and successful. Pastors and pastoral counselors have good inside jobs, working with good people. So what is so dangerous about that? After all, they function in a sphere of professionalism with faith, codes of ethics and accountability to protect them.

Can people dealing with abuse, addiction, rage, fear and grief be dangerous? Those of us who listen to their stories can easily begin to question the character of God, why does He allow this to happen and why is it that many times change does not come? Where is God? We begin to see God through the lens of sin and sorrow, rather than viewing sin and sorrow through the lens of His character. This is what erodes faith.

Another danger is over-involvement. It is the thinking process that says, "Success ultimately depends on me." "If God isn't going to do anything, then, I have to." It is this kind of thinking that leads to the justification of all kinds of evils. Over-involvement is just a symptom of an eroded faith in the life of the pastor.

Another danger is that sin is contagious. The truth is that the roots of those sins we find so abhorrent in others lie within us as well. We must be careful that we do not catch the full-blown disease that we are treating in others--nor become infected with the pride of self-righteousness instead.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

MONEY: VALUES AND FIDELITY

One's bank statements are a record of a person's true values. Where a person's money is spent is where her heart is. A person's money follows the heart, the heart doesn't generally follow the money. A person's "treasure" is what one see's as valuable. She doesn't put it where her heart doesn't want it to be.

Financial problems are the leading factor in divorce. In most cases, it isn't that there isn't sufficient money, but it is that there isn't sufficient money to satisfy competing values. Of course there is never enough money to satisfy our wants, but there is enough to satisfy our needs. When couples marry, they promise faithfulness to one another. Why is it that we tend to think that it is sexual faithfulness that is primary, and that other kinds of faithlessness are less serious, when actually financial faithlessness is just as serious a breach of trust as any other!!

This is a quote from Dr. Val Farmer that I used to share with my Marriage and Family students, "Complete trust about money is about as basic to a relationship as is sexual and emotional loyalty." Financial unfaithfulness in a marriage is just as destructive to a marriage as any other kind. Of course, just as an affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage, financial infidelity doesn't have to end it either, but the recovering of trust can be just as difficult.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE HIGH-PRICE OF A GIFT

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God--not because of works, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).

I am rereading a book that was assigned reading in my seminary days. The book is BOLD LOVE by Dan Allender. I thought I would share this quote from today's reading, "The cost to the recipient of God's grace is NOTHING--and no price could be higher for arrogant people to pay."

Grace&Peace,
Tom

ARE THERE ANY CONSERVATIVES IN THE HUNT?

Jay Leno has humerously commented, "Rudy Giuliani has defended Newt Gingrich, saying it's okay Newt had an affair and that no one is perfect. That's when you know the Republicans are in trouble--when a guy with three marriages and an affair is defending the guy with three marriages and two affairs so they can team up and beat a Clinton."

The situation with the Republicans is not good. Ultimately, I may have to hold my nose and vote for Giuliani, but until that time I've come to the conclusion that Huckabee will recieve my support.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

CHANGE: INSIDE OUT OR OUTSIDE IN?

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).

It is a truism that there must be changes on the inside so that there can be changes on the outside of a person. But sometimes internal change begins with changes in external behavior. There is evidence both from research and the Bible that what one does on the outside effects what is on the inside too.

There is an old saying which has been very helpful to people with phobias, "Do the thing you fear and fear will pass from you." When one is able to confront the thing that frightens him, then the fear that is on the inside will go away.

Outside action is a powerful influence on the attitude of the heart. When parents deal with the outside behaviors of their children through congruence between proper teaching and personal example, then the inside commitment of the child's heart to the Lord is almost a forgone conclusion (Proverbs 22:6 and Hebrews 5:14). On the negative side of this principle is Colossians 1:21, "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior." Jesus taught that we are to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us. Why? Not that they will become our friends, but that we will change what we think about them.

Modifying external behavior to effect internal change is the guiding principle of several therapeutic interventions. At virtually all juvenile residential treatment facilities, swearing is not allowed in casual conversation because it is recognized that swearing negative effects personal and other resident' attitudes. Dr. William Glasser says in Reality Therapy, "People do not act irresponsibly because they are 'ill'; they are 'ill' because they act irresponsibly" (p.XV). In reality therapy it is assumed that responsible behavior will result in good mental health.

A conversion of the heart does not automatically determine that one's outward behavior will change; anyone who has worked with Christians who have addictions can attest to that truth (note also Romans 7:17-20).

Ultimately, there must be a change on the inside! No behavior change will be permanent without it. It has to be understood that Proverbs 22:6 is not a promise but a probability. If the child does not internalize her training she will go her own way rather than God's way.

Grace&Peace,
Tom