CONCESSION TO HARD HEARTS: POLYGAMY

If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights (Exodus 21:10).

Over the course of my ministry I have been asked several times about the men of God in the Old Testament who had more than one wife.  There are some, who believe that these men were living in adultery because they had more than one wife.  However, no where in the Bible does it say that having more than one wife is sinful.  Rather, like divorce, the Scripture actually gives one the idea that polygamy is remedial, levirate marriage being one example.  Levirate marriage is spoken of in Deuteronomy 25: 5-10 when a man is to marry his deceased brother's wife, regardless of his marital status, so that there can be children to carry on the brother's name.  Jesus recognizes the truth of this law in Matthew 22: 23-32.

It appears that polygamy was a better remedy for marital strife than divorce because when a man divorces his wife to marry another he commits adultery.  When a man marries another, according to Old Testament law, he is not released from his responsibility to his first wife.  Real men stand up and take responsibility for their relationships.

In the New Testament, it is never said that polygamy is a sin either, but it does say that church leaders are to be the husband of one wife and they are to parent their households well.  I believe the reason for this is that the ideal marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, and church leaders are to live that picture out in their lives (Ephesians 5: 25-29).

Is polygamy sinful today?  Well, it is against the civil law of the United States.  Modern marriage ceremonies have the couple vow that they will forsake all others, so to have another wife is to forsake the vow, which is adultery.  Depending on the situation, when a man has an affair and his wife has come to me for counseling I ask her, "Do you want to be one of his harem?  That wasn't part of your marriage covenant."  Some will go along with being one of the harem.

I believe that God's plan is one man married to one woman for a life time.  There is nothing more romantic than a man and a woman working together, supporting each other to achieve their goals, dreams and purpose.  Because of hard and sinful hearts and difficult circumstances there were remedies for the civil governance of society, polygamy being one of them.  The best remedy is the changing of hearts, but if there can be no change of heart then law has to bring some kind of order out of disorder.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom