When a young couple with marital problems comes to me for counsel, the first question I ask them is, "Do you have children?" If they do, I tell them what their marriage means to their kids. I cite to them some data from Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead's book, "The Divorce Culture." In it she cites a Canadian study, which found that children in stepfamilies are FORTY TIMES more likely to suffer physical or sexual abuse as children from intact families. Then I ask them the question, "Is this what you want for your children?" If they are mature enough to understand that life isn't "all about me," I have bought some time and purpose for them to work on their marriage.
In this time when cohabitation is becoming accepted as normal as divorce and remarriage to our culture, we have to stop and think about the price our kids are paying for all this. I can't stop thinking about a little three-year-old Shelby Duez who was unfortunate enough to have a mother in a live-in relationship with a man. Shelby died of abuse even though the Iowa Department of Human Services supervised the arrangement!
Marriage isn't all about personal fulfillment. It is about raising a family and providing a stable, nurturing environment for the children. What more could a father do to "exasperate"(Ephesians 6:4) his children than to cause a breakup of a marriage?
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I agree with most of your post, but how long does one stay in marriage being ignored, taken advantage of, and serving as maid and whore?
If people are mature, educated adults, they can make a divorce "work" for the kids. Of course its not the ideal situation; but putting the kids first in marriage AND divorce is imperative. Remaining civil with each other after a separation is far better than ignorance and bitterness in a marriage.
Post a Comment