An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, and the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless! (Contributed by TJE)
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
THE NEED OF SELF EVALUATION
"Some people are afraid of taking stock of themselves because they know, however subconsciously, that if they do, they will have to change--that is, surrender comfortable but unproductive patterns of living, work more diligently, suffer the pain of loss, acquire skills needed to live more effectively, and so on" (Gerard Egan, The Skilled Helper).
It is interesting to me that psychotherapists discover truths that have been in the Scripture for millennia. Long before Egan, Paul the Apostle challenged Christians, "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are holding to your faith" (II Corinthians 13:5). I believe this is the reason behind the command in I Corinthians 11:28 that a Christian examine himself before participating in communion. Serious self-examination means that we cannot settle; that growth must continue to occur in our lives. Real self-examination is not easy nor is it comfortable, but it is life changing because, by doing it, we have given God permission to partner with us in the process of being made whole. Self evaluation must happen each time we meet around the Lord's Table to remember Him.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
It is interesting to me that psychotherapists discover truths that have been in the Scripture for millennia. Long before Egan, Paul the Apostle challenged Christians, "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are holding to your faith" (II Corinthians 13:5). I believe this is the reason behind the command in I Corinthians 11:28 that a Christian examine himself before participating in communion. Serious self-examination means that we cannot settle; that growth must continue to occur in our lives. Real self-examination is not easy nor is it comfortable, but it is life changing because, by doing it, we have given God permission to partner with us in the process of being made whole. Self evaluation must happen each time we meet around the Lord's Table to remember Him.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
THE VALUE OF FRIENDS
I found the following blurb on the pages of Psychology Today. "People who have many friends and who spend a large amount of time with them live longer than people with fewer social outlets, according to a study of elderly adults. . .Over the course of 10 years, the most socially connected of subjects were 22 percent less likely to die than people who had few close friends and little social contact. Researchers speculate that close friends help their companions stay on top of physical and emotional problems." The researchers did not see the same connection with longevity and time spent with family. Could it be that one cannot open up to family in the same way as with friends? I think so. There is a lot of emotion connected with family relationships.
One of the primary characteristics of the first century church was fellowship (Acts 2:42). They liked to be together! There is nothing better than having a small-group Bible study and coffee!
Grace & Peace
Tom
One of the primary characteristics of the first century church was fellowship (Acts 2:42). They liked to be together! There is nothing better than having a small-group Bible study and coffee!
Grace & Peace
Tom
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
EFUDEX AND THE GREAT RESURRECTION
I'm a fair-skinned kind of person. That means that I'm really white and tend to sunburn easily. If my skin was the only consideration, I probably shouldn't be a farmer because I am out in the sun so much. Four years ago, an elder brother of mine died as a result of melanoma, an aggressive type of skin cancer. He was more fair-skinned than I. Since then, I have tried to take care of my skin a little more, seeing the dermatologist once a year. The last time I saw the skin-doctor, he gave me a prescription of efudex for my skin. Efudex causes the first layer of skin to peel off, taking away the precancerous lesions with it. I didn't realize I had so many. It takes twenty one days to complete the process, but when it is finished and healed, the skin will be new. This process reminded me of a little known fact, every seven years there is a complete change of cells in your body. You are a completely different person than you were seven years ago except you look the same, act the same, personality is the same and memories are the same.
Efudex made me think about the resurrection. Paul, the apostle, says, "But some will ask, 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come" (I Corinthians 15:35)? If God has created a means by which all of the cells in our body can change in seven years and yet we retain our identity, He will have no problem retaining our identity in the resurrection. We will live in perfect bodies powered by the Spirit, rather than a body powerfully influenced by the desires of the flesh. That is the difference between our old bodies and the new ones we will receive in the resurrection. The new body is still a real, tangible and recognizable body. It will not be ghost-like! "It is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body" (I Corinthians 15:44). What a great future we have in Christ!
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Efudex made me think about the resurrection. Paul, the apostle, says, "But some will ask, 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come" (I Corinthians 15:35)? If God has created a means by which all of the cells in our body can change in seven years and yet we retain our identity, He will have no problem retaining our identity in the resurrection. We will live in perfect bodies powered by the Spirit, rather than a body powerfully influenced by the desires of the flesh. That is the difference between our old bodies and the new ones we will receive in the resurrection. The new body is still a real, tangible and recognizable body. It will not be ghost-like! "It is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body" (I Corinthians 15:44). What a great future we have in Christ!
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
CHILDREN AND DIVORCE
Because personal peace, happiness and prosperity are the core values of contemporary life, a marriage and children are expendable. Personal happiness, peace and prosperity for the parents have not translated into happiness and peace for the children of divorce. Children pay the price!
In the little speeches divorcing parents give to their children, the authorities tell them to say, "Mommy and daddy can't live together any more because we can't get along, but we will always love you, we will always be your parents." On the face of it, it sounds good, but when a child is able to ruminate on it a while it is easy to come to the conclusion, "If mommy and daddy can't get along and so they can't live together, when I am bad they won't want to live with me." When a couple violates marriage vows, that they will break their promise to the child is a very real possibility to the child. Adding to this is being shuttled back and forth between parents. The kids have not a place to call their own, thus having less of a sense of permanence and significance.
Though we say that the best interest of a child comes first, children are commonly used in our culture to reward and punish adults. The custody battles reflect this. That there is psychological damage that results from this is not to be doubted. Yet the divorce literature says that our divorce speech to the children should "admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone" (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry). Children have to pay the price for the parents' sins. Actually, a kind of role reversal is the result. Adults get to break the rules and be sad, and the children, when they are feeling sad, are supposed to remember how sad mom and dad are and be good! How twisted and dysfunctional is that?
If parents can be civil to one another, even if they are unhappy and can't get along, they should stay married. The children will fare and do much better. It is right to do it for the kids!
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
In the little speeches divorcing parents give to their children, the authorities tell them to say, "Mommy and daddy can't live together any more because we can't get along, but we will always love you, we will always be your parents." On the face of it, it sounds good, but when a child is able to ruminate on it a while it is easy to come to the conclusion, "If mommy and daddy can't get along and so they can't live together, when I am bad they won't want to live with me." When a couple violates marriage vows, that they will break their promise to the child is a very real possibility to the child. Adding to this is being shuttled back and forth between parents. The kids have not a place to call their own, thus having less of a sense of permanence and significance.
Though we say that the best interest of a child comes first, children are commonly used in our culture to reward and punish adults. The custody battles reflect this. That there is psychological damage that results from this is not to be doubted. Yet the divorce literature says that our divorce speech to the children should "admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone" (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry). Children have to pay the price for the parents' sins. Actually, a kind of role reversal is the result. Adults get to break the rules and be sad, and the children, when they are feeling sad, are supposed to remember how sad mom and dad are and be good! How twisted and dysfunctional is that?
If parents can be civil to one another, even if they are unhappy and can't get along, they should stay married. The children will fare and do much better. It is right to do it for the kids!
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Monday, March 27, 2006
MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN
How many have a stake in the success of a marriage? Today's marriage and family therapists would say, "We are in the business of saving individuals, not marriages." Today the view is that it is only the married individuals that have a stake in a marriage, but most certainly, children have a stake in the success of their parents' marriage, extended families, and because of the social costs, the entire nation has a stake in the success of a marriage.
Because of my Faith and counseling experience, I believe that "marriage for the sake of the children" is a valid concept. There are three caveats to this, easily remembered by the triple A's, Abuse, Addictions and Affairs. If any of the triple A's is present in a marriage, the spouse must protect the children and him/her self. Practice "safety first" in these situations. Each one of these A's is a violation of the marriage vow and thus constitutes adultery. Surprisingly, these situations are not the cause of most divorces. The triple A's only account for about forty per cent of divorces. Where family safety is not an issue, marriage for the sake of the children, is a valid concept.
There is more at stake in a marriage than personal happiness. Increased happiness for the adults has not translated into increased happiness for the children. Statistically, children from divorced families suffer much, much higher rates of abuse. They do not do as well academically and drop out of school at higher rates. The become involved in early sexual activity and resulting pregnancy at higher rates. They tend to be involved with drugs and alcohol higher rates. They are more likely to suffer poverty. Finally, kids from divorced families need psychotherapy at higher rates. Kids who lack an appropriate dad in their lives are more likely to be involved with gangs and violence. Girls have a dad-shaped hole in their soul that they tend to try to fill in relationships with guys.
Statistically, there is a fifty-fifty chance one can beat the odds and things will seem to work out okay for the kids. But after working with forty-something adults who still struggle with their parents' divorce, it is my opinion that no child comes out of a divorce without a few scars that will be a source of pain for years to come.
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Because of my Faith and counseling experience, I believe that "marriage for the sake of the children" is a valid concept. There are three caveats to this, easily remembered by the triple A's, Abuse, Addictions and Affairs. If any of the triple A's is present in a marriage, the spouse must protect the children and him/her self. Practice "safety first" in these situations. Each one of these A's is a violation of the marriage vow and thus constitutes adultery. Surprisingly, these situations are not the cause of most divorces. The triple A's only account for about forty per cent of divorces. Where family safety is not an issue, marriage for the sake of the children, is a valid concept.
There is more at stake in a marriage than personal happiness. Increased happiness for the adults has not translated into increased happiness for the children. Statistically, children from divorced families suffer much, much higher rates of abuse. They do not do as well academically and drop out of school at higher rates. The become involved in early sexual activity and resulting pregnancy at higher rates. They tend to be involved with drugs and alcohol higher rates. They are more likely to suffer poverty. Finally, kids from divorced families need psychotherapy at higher rates. Kids who lack an appropriate dad in their lives are more likely to be involved with gangs and violence. Girls have a dad-shaped hole in their soul that they tend to try to fill in relationships with guys.
Statistically, there is a fifty-fifty chance one can beat the odds and things will seem to work out okay for the kids. But after working with forty-something adults who still struggle with their parents' divorce, it is my opinion that no child comes out of a divorce without a few scars that will be a source of pain for years to come.
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Saturday, March 25, 2006
SATURDAY HUMOR
Have you ever been around a person who uses finger quotes? They will say, "quote, quote" at the same time as lifting both hands and moving extended index and middle fingers of both hands to frame a word or phrase. People who do this tend to do it often, so I'm sure if one had to live with a person who did it, it would annoy to the point of exasperation.
So I have this couple in my counseling office. The wife says, "'Harry,' if you say 'I love you' with finger quotes one more time, I'm outa' here!" Well, you probably know the rest of the story because there is no curing a finger quoter!
Many Blessings;
Tom
p.s. Yes, I know the guy had intimacy issues.
So I have this couple in my counseling office. The wife says, "'Harry,' if you say 'I love you' with finger quotes one more time, I'm outa' here!" Well, you probably know the rest of the story because there is no curing a finger quoter!
Many Blessings;
Tom
p.s. Yes, I know the guy had intimacy issues.
Friday, March 24, 2006
THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE TO KIDS
When a young couple with marital problems comes to me for counsel, the first question I ask them is, "Do you have children?" If they do, I tell them what their marriage means to their kids. I cite to them some data from Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead's book, "The Divorce Culture." In it she cites a Canadian study, which found that children in stepfamilies are FORTY TIMES more likely to suffer physical or sexual abuse as children from intact families. Then I ask them the question, "Is this what you want for your children?" If they are mature enough to understand that life isn't "all about me," I have bought some time and purpose for them to work on their marriage.
In this time when cohabitation is becoming accepted as normal as divorce and remarriage to our culture, we have to stop and think about the price our kids are paying for all this. I can't stop thinking about a little three-year-old Shelby Duez who was unfortunate enough to have a mother in a live-in relationship with a man. Shelby died of abuse even though the Iowa Department of Human Services supervised the arrangement!
Marriage isn't all about personal fulfillment. It is about raising a family and providing a stable, nurturing environment for the children. What more could a father do to "exasperate"(Ephesians 6:4) his children than to cause a breakup of a marriage?
Grace & Peace;
Tom
In this time when cohabitation is becoming accepted as normal as divorce and remarriage to our culture, we have to stop and think about the price our kids are paying for all this. I can't stop thinking about a little three-year-old Shelby Duez who was unfortunate enough to have a mother in a live-in relationship with a man. Shelby died of abuse even though the Iowa Department of Human Services supervised the arrangement!
Marriage isn't all about personal fulfillment. It is about raising a family and providing a stable, nurturing environment for the children. What more could a father do to "exasperate"(Ephesians 6:4) his children than to cause a breakup of a marriage?
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Thursday, March 23, 2006
CHICKEN OR THE EGG?
From research we have learned two things: emotions can effect body chemistry and body chemistry can effect emotions. For example, perceived danger causes the body to produce more adrenaline (epinephrine), which prepares the body for fight or flight, or, a malfunctioning thyroid gland can be a cause for depression.
God created us, but in some ways we are co creators of our selves. Those who believe in organic diets often use the phrase, "we are what we eat." What is even truer is that we are what we believe, or we are what we think, because our thoughts and beliefs can change our body chemistry, resulting in health or disease. Our bodies are naturally subject to disease; so much of human behavior can be attributed to diseased bodies. True mental illness results from a body that isn't functioning properly.. By far, however, dysfunctional behavior, otherwise known as sin, begins in our thoughts.
Our bodies are not immortal. They are subject to disease, decay and death. The best maintenance for our personal lives is faith in Christ because pure thoughts, true beliefs, as opposed to deceitful beliefs, and a legitimate hope result in properly stressed and healthful lives.
". . .Lord, I believe;help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24 kjv).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
p.s. Sorry I didn't talk about chickens or eggs
God created us, but in some ways we are co creators of our selves. Those who believe in organic diets often use the phrase, "we are what we eat." What is even truer is that we are what we believe, or we are what we think, because our thoughts and beliefs can change our body chemistry, resulting in health or disease. Our bodies are naturally subject to disease; so much of human behavior can be attributed to diseased bodies. True mental illness results from a body that isn't functioning properly.. By far, however, dysfunctional behavior, otherwise known as sin, begins in our thoughts.
Our bodies are not immortal. They are subject to disease, decay and death. The best maintenance for our personal lives is faith in Christ because pure thoughts, true beliefs, as opposed to deceitful beliefs, and a legitimate hope result in properly stressed and healthful lives.
". . .Lord, I believe;help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24 kjv).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
p.s. Sorry I didn't talk about chickens or eggs
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATOR?
Christianity is a motivated life; it is not a regulated life. Life lived under the Old Testament Law was regulated, but life lived by the Holy Spirit under the New Covenant is motivated. There is a world of difference, and that difference is freedom in Christ.
The question is, how do we know what motivates us? Is it the world? The flesh? The devil? The Holy Spirit? Perhaps the following Scripture will help you decide. "Now the works of the flesh are plain: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy drunkenness, carousing and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:19-23).
We can lie to others. We can lie to God. We can lie to ourselves, but our behavior does not lie. Evaluate your behavior and you will know your motivator. Those who are motivated by the world, the flesh and the devil will not be a part of God's Kingdom. Those who are motivated by His Spirit will. Who will you allow to motivate you?
Grace & Peace;
Tom
The question is, how do we know what motivates us? Is it the world? The flesh? The devil? The Holy Spirit? Perhaps the following Scripture will help you decide. "Now the works of the flesh are plain: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy drunkenness, carousing and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:19-23).
We can lie to others. We can lie to God. We can lie to ourselves, but our behavior does not lie. Evaluate your behavior and you will know your motivator. Those who are motivated by the world, the flesh and the devil will not be a part of God's Kingdom. Those who are motivated by His Spirit will. Who will you allow to motivate you?
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
THE DOLLAR VALUE OF MARRIAGE
I found this blurb in a book called "The Divorce Culture" by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. It is somewhat dated information, as this book was published in 1996, but I think it would be true in what ever time frame it was written because human nature and the laws of economics change very little.
"Indeed, recent data suggest that marriage may be a more important economic resource than a college degree. According to an analysis of 1994 income patterns, the median income of married-parent households whose heads have only a high school diploma is ten percent higher than the median income of college-educated single-parent households."
Marriage is a Divine institution through which God blesses people and nations in so many ways. The economics of it is just one of them.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
"Indeed, recent data suggest that marriage may be a more important economic resource than a college degree. According to an analysis of 1994 income patterns, the median income of married-parent households whose heads have only a high school diploma is ten percent higher than the median income of college-educated single-parent households."
Marriage is a Divine institution through which God blesses people and nations in so many ways. The economics of it is just one of them.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Monday, March 20, 2006
SPRING IS HERE
Unbelievable! Spring is here already, though I have shoveled a lot of first-day-of-spring, it's nice that it is here! That means my life will become much more complicated and busy for a couple of months. Preparing machinery for the field; doing the list minute planning for application of fertilizers, herbicide and insecticides; doing the actual work of soil preparation and planting will mean that I will have to get up earlier and stay up later for a while. I'm saying this because I do not know if I will be able to post on a daily basis until the crop is in the ground, but I will try.
Another matter that is on my plate is a proposed building project for the church of which I am a member and president of the board. The building proposal is a gymnasium and classroom addition that will also have restrooms and a kitchen. We believe this to be an important tool for evangelism in a community of 700 that has no gym. Sutherland is a part of the South O'Brien school district that continues to experience declining enrollment. Nevertheless, there are still significant numbers of people who are unchurched and unsaved in the immediate area. We want to have a tool that will help us to reach them. The cost of that tool is $300,000. For a church of 100 people of modest incomes, it seems like an impossibility. We do serve a God that makes the impossible possible and can bring together the resources to make this happen. There is a reader of this blog who could write a check for the whole thing. May the Lord touch his heart to do half that.
This project has to be brought to a congregational vote on April 9th. We have a congregational informational meeting March 26th. This week I have to prepare for that meeting. I would appreciate your prayer support for me, and the church, in this matter.
"With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Another matter that is on my plate is a proposed building project for the church of which I am a member and president of the board. The building proposal is a gymnasium and classroom addition that will also have restrooms and a kitchen. We believe this to be an important tool for evangelism in a community of 700 that has no gym. Sutherland is a part of the South O'Brien school district that continues to experience declining enrollment. Nevertheless, there are still significant numbers of people who are unchurched and unsaved in the immediate area. We want to have a tool that will help us to reach them. The cost of that tool is $300,000. For a church of 100 people of modest incomes, it seems like an impossibility. We do serve a God that makes the impossible possible and can bring together the resources to make this happen. There is a reader of this blog who could write a check for the whole thing. May the Lord touch his heart to do half that.
This project has to be brought to a congregational vote on April 9th. We have a congregational informational meeting March 26th. This week I have to prepare for that meeting. I would appreciate your prayer support for me, and the church, in this matter.
"With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Saturday, March 18, 2006
SATURDAY HUMOR
Did you hear about the guy who was crossing a street in the city? He was hit by a bus and he thought he was dying. So, as a group of people began to gather he called out, "will somebody get a priest?" One of the group said, "I'm not a priest, but I listen to the services at St. Agnes church." So he kneels over the injured man and chants, "B-14; I-19; N-38; G-54; O-72 . . ."
Friday, March 17, 2006
MANAGING GRIEF 4
". . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13).
As I have said earlier, my belief is that one never really stops grieving; one learns to manage grief. Ask any widow how many years it has been since their spouse passed away, or any parent how long it has been since their child died. They know! Grief feelings can come at any time, even many years later. Any loss leaves a scar, even though there has been healing, a scar can be a source of pain.
There are some folks who will not heal. This is called "unresolved" or "complicated" grief. It is diagnosed by the intensity of the symptoms or by the extended length of time. This is a complicated area that I will try to handle with sensitivity, but it is also an area where one can refuse to make the choice which will bring health to him/her self. I believe that God has provided the resources but one must make the choice to make use of them! If a person is already suffering from clinical depression and is already taking an antidepressant, managing grief will be much more difficult. Learning to manage grief will take an extended period of time.
Sometimes unresolved grief results from circumstances i.e. a young woman has an abortion. She ended a life. She might feel that she is doing penance by grieving. Because of the guilt she is feeling, she would feel shame if she stopped grieving, and so she believes there is virtue in wallowing in grief. The Scripture is clear, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). God does not want us to wallow in grief; He wants us to live healthy, Godly lives for Him.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
As I have said earlier, my belief is that one never really stops grieving; one learns to manage grief. Ask any widow how many years it has been since their spouse passed away, or any parent how long it has been since their child died. They know! Grief feelings can come at any time, even many years later. Any loss leaves a scar, even though there has been healing, a scar can be a source of pain.
There are some folks who will not heal. This is called "unresolved" or "complicated" grief. It is diagnosed by the intensity of the symptoms or by the extended length of time. This is a complicated area that I will try to handle with sensitivity, but it is also an area where one can refuse to make the choice which will bring health to him/her self. I believe that God has provided the resources but one must make the choice to make use of them! If a person is already suffering from clinical depression and is already taking an antidepressant, managing grief will be much more difficult. Learning to manage grief will take an extended period of time.
Sometimes unresolved grief results from circumstances i.e. a young woman has an abortion. She ended a life. She might feel that she is doing penance by grieving. Because of the guilt she is feeling, she would feel shame if she stopped grieving, and so she believes there is virtue in wallowing in grief. The Scripture is clear, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). God does not want us to wallow in grief; He wants us to live healthy, Godly lives for Him.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Thursday, March 16, 2006
MANAGING GRIEF 3
". . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope (I Thessalonians 4:13).
Managing grief is teamwork. I suppose it is possible for grief to be managed alone, but that is not the way of Christ. The Scripture directs Christians to, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ"(Galatians 6:2). Grief management is a shared responsibility and it is first shared by our presence. Little can be said that can ameliorate grief in its deepest and darkest moments. "If only I knew that God cared!" sobs the grieving heart. God shows his care in the Faith, and in His presence, as His people are present. "Just being there" is an essential ministry!
If words are spoken, they should be appropriate positive thoughts about the one who has died. To the one who is grieving, this is recognition that the loss is real--it shows some appreciation of the depth of loss that is being experienced. Whether the loss was a pet or a person, something good can be said about the one who was lost.
Words of faith can be used, but must be used carefully and appropriately, not to minimize the depth of loss, but as a simple reminder of the hope that is ONLY found in Jesus Christ. It is this hope that is the most effective in grief management.
Diet and exercise are important components of grief management. Poor nutritional choices and lack of exercise can maintain depression, sorrow, anger and anxiety. If you want to help another in grief, give them some good, nutritious food, or take that one on a walk, play some golf, or other moderately strenuous activity. This is a way of sharing burdens too.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Managing grief is teamwork. I suppose it is possible for grief to be managed alone, but that is not the way of Christ. The Scripture directs Christians to, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ"(Galatians 6:2). Grief management is a shared responsibility and it is first shared by our presence. Little can be said that can ameliorate grief in its deepest and darkest moments. "If only I knew that God cared!" sobs the grieving heart. God shows his care in the Faith, and in His presence, as His people are present. "Just being there" is an essential ministry!
If words are spoken, they should be appropriate positive thoughts about the one who has died. To the one who is grieving, this is recognition that the loss is real--it shows some appreciation of the depth of loss that is being experienced. Whether the loss was a pet or a person, something good can be said about the one who was lost.
Words of faith can be used, but must be used carefully and appropriately, not to minimize the depth of loss, but as a simple reminder of the hope that is ONLY found in Jesus Christ. It is this hope that is the most effective in grief management.
Diet and exercise are important components of grief management. Poor nutritional choices and lack of exercise can maintain depression, sorrow, anger and anxiety. If you want to help another in grief, give them some good, nutritious food, or take that one on a walk, play some golf, or other moderately strenuous activity. This is a way of sharing burdens too.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
MANAGING GRIEF 2
". . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13b).
Much more can be said about grief management than I will share with you, but hopefully, these thoughts will bless your life and, in some small way, help you to cope with the feelings you may be experiencing.
I know it isn't easy when one is in sorrow because of the loss of a loved one, but it is essential to be thankful for what you had. Though the loss may have been a baby, or even one unborn, remember and be thankful for the joy that was brought into your life because of that little one. Length of life means little. Meaning is everything. The one who was in your life had purpose, no matter how long their life was. Be thankful for the blessing that was brought to your life because of that life. "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
It is possible to live your life in memory of the one who has died. Sometimes folks will give a memorial to a church or charitable institution in memory of a lost loved one. Is it possible to live a life that way? I think so. I suppose there is a danger that this could be over done, but to dedicate one's life to the memory of another can be motivating. Think how a life might be honored by dedicating one's own life to a noble calling. I can think of no higher honor that can be given than a life lived in a noble manner in memory of a loved one; a life lived for a great cause. The purpose is not to worship them, but to bring an honorable memory to their name. There are few things more dishonoring to a person's memory than lives that become dysfunctional and paralyzed by grief.
Grace & peace;
Tom
Much more can be said about grief management than I will share with you, but hopefully, these thoughts will bless your life and, in some small way, help you to cope with the feelings you may be experiencing.
I know it isn't easy when one is in sorrow because of the loss of a loved one, but it is essential to be thankful for what you had. Though the loss may have been a baby, or even one unborn, remember and be thankful for the joy that was brought into your life because of that little one. Length of life means little. Meaning is everything. The one who was in your life had purpose, no matter how long their life was. Be thankful for the blessing that was brought to your life because of that life. "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
It is possible to live your life in memory of the one who has died. Sometimes folks will give a memorial to a church or charitable institution in memory of a lost loved one. Is it possible to live a life that way? I think so. I suppose there is a danger that this could be over done, but to dedicate one's life to the memory of another can be motivating. Think how a life might be honored by dedicating one's own life to a noble calling. I can think of no higher honor that can be given than a life lived in a noble manner in memory of a loved one; a life lived for a great cause. The purpose is not to worship them, but to bring an honorable memory to their name. There are few things more dishonoring to a person's memory than lives that become dysfunctional and paralyzed by grief.
Grace & peace;
Tom
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
MANAGING GRIEF
". . . That you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13b).
I'm convinced that no one ever really conquers grief; one can only learn to manage it. Managing grief is not a neat six-step process which one works through, but managing emotions which return from time to time, sometimes when they are least expected, to bring tears, and other manifestations of anger, anxiety and gloom. Even in the years following a loss, after apparent stability has been reached, some random experience will trigger a grief experience.
The foundation of grief management is faith. To me legitimate faith is what makes grief survivable. I know that there are other "faiths" that promise life after death, but why should they be believed? Just because some religious leader promises life after death, why should he be believed? To believe someone like that is merely wishful thinking. It is credulity and nothing more. The faith in Christ is different. There was a moment in history when one man conquered death in resurrection, never to die again! The historical evidence points to the truth of this event! The meaning of Christ's resurrection is that death is not the end for those in Christ! It means that relationships on earth are not ended, only interrupted, in Christ! Those outside of Christ do not have this hope.
"For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep" (I Thessalonians 4:14).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
I'm convinced that no one ever really conquers grief; one can only learn to manage it. Managing grief is not a neat six-step process which one works through, but managing emotions which return from time to time, sometimes when they are least expected, to bring tears, and other manifestations of anger, anxiety and gloom. Even in the years following a loss, after apparent stability has been reached, some random experience will trigger a grief experience.
The foundation of grief management is faith. To me legitimate faith is what makes grief survivable. I know that there are other "faiths" that promise life after death, but why should they be believed? Just because some religious leader promises life after death, why should he be believed? To believe someone like that is merely wishful thinking. It is credulity and nothing more. The faith in Christ is different. There was a moment in history when one man conquered death in resurrection, never to die again! The historical evidence points to the truth of this event! The meaning of Christ's resurrection is that death is not the end for those in Christ! It means that relationships on earth are not ended, only interrupted, in Christ! Those outside of Christ do not have this hope.
"For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep" (I Thessalonians 4:14).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Monday, March 13, 2006
2 DANGERS
God has offered us a gift beyond the ability of words to communicate its value; the gift of salvation in Jesus Christ. There are some who do not accept it because they believe they have sinned too much. "If you really know how bad I am you would never care about me and certainly God could never forgive me" is the response a number of people give to those who share the Good News about the offer of salvation in Jesus Christ. But the Scripture is clear, the blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin. For those who believe in Him, change their thinking about who comes first in life's choices, and are baptized, forgiveness of sin, the Holy Spirit and salvation are freely offered (Acts 2:38). The first danger is to believe you have sinned too much for God to love you and to be saved.
The second danger is to believe that you are a good person, "I'm as good as anyone who goes to church. If they are going to heave, I will too." There are many unbelievers out there who are good people; maybe even better people than the ones in church. The truth is, though, that those in church know that they are sinners in need of redemption and seek the will of the Savior; those outside of Christ do not.
Which is the more dangerous of the two dangers? To believe you are good enough by your own merits and therefore never seek the pardon that is freely offered in Christ Jesus. Granted, some people are better than others. By social necessity, some have to be in jails and institutions. The truth is, however, that ALL have sinned and fallen short of God's standard of righteousness (Romans 3:21-26). We ALL stand before God in equal need of His Grace.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
The second danger is to believe that you are a good person, "I'm as good as anyone who goes to church. If they are going to heave, I will too." There are many unbelievers out there who are good people; maybe even better people than the ones in church. The truth is, though, that those in church know that they are sinners in need of redemption and seek the will of the Savior; those outside of Christ do not.
Which is the more dangerous of the two dangers? To believe you are good enough by your own merits and therefore never seek the pardon that is freely offered in Christ Jesus. Granted, some people are better than others. By social necessity, some have to be in jails and institutions. The truth is, however, that ALL have sinned and fallen short of God's standard of righteousness (Romans 3:21-26). We ALL stand before God in equal need of His Grace.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Saturday, March 11, 2006
SELF DISCLOSURE
I shared my request with Helen just this morning that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine. "If that ever happens, just pull the plug," I told her. So she gets up and unplugs the TV. Now you have a little peek at our relationship. I rest in comfort knowing that she will carry out my every wish.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
p.s. Just make sure, Helen, that it is a vegetative state!
Grace & Peace;
Tom
p.s. Just make sure, Helen, that it is a vegetative state!
Friday, March 10, 2006
M. SCOTT PECK & GRACE
During my seminary days some required reading was, "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Peck is to liberal for me, yet one could not accuse him of being dishonest. He would describe himself as being a 'mystic psychiatrist.' He is somewhere on the continuum between an Apostle and the Antichrist, though some have accused him of being just that. When "Psychology Today" interviewed him, I was interested in what he had to say for himself. A couple of things from that interview I would like to share with you:
". . . take people with phobias. Two things characterize them. One is that they see this world as a very dangerous place. The other is that they see themselves as isolated in this dangerous world. So it is up to them, by their wits alone, to keep themselves alive. You usually treat them by converting them to adopt a more benign view of the world as a less dangerous place, or by persuading them that there is something called grace protecting them so they don't have to worry about everything all the time." Grace is the environment in which we all live. It is the atmosphere that we breathe. It is the power of Christ that sustains and makes provision for His creation, and the salvation of His people (Colossians 1:15-17).
"Psychology Today" asked, "You had, many years ago, a problem with infidelity that you later overcame. How did you overcome it?" Peck replied, "I didn't overcome it. I lost my libido." What honesty! He didn't claim any virtue. His physiology changed so he had no sexual desire any longer. It emphasizes the point that there is no virtue in simply not doing something simply because one doesn't desire to do it. What makes "not doing" virtuous is to desire, and have the power to do, wrestle with it and make the decision not to do. My wrestling match may not be your wrestling match, but we all have them and we all lose them. The problem is that we tend to be judgmental of another person losing a wrestling match that we do not have. We all need to thank God for the provision of His abundant grace in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
". . . take people with phobias. Two things characterize them. One is that they see this world as a very dangerous place. The other is that they see themselves as isolated in this dangerous world. So it is up to them, by their wits alone, to keep themselves alive. You usually treat them by converting them to adopt a more benign view of the world as a less dangerous place, or by persuading them that there is something called grace protecting them so they don't have to worry about everything all the time." Grace is the environment in which we all live. It is the atmosphere that we breathe. It is the power of Christ that sustains and makes provision for His creation, and the salvation of His people (Colossians 1:15-17).
"Psychology Today" asked, "You had, many years ago, a problem with infidelity that you later overcame. How did you overcome it?" Peck replied, "I didn't overcome it. I lost my libido." What honesty! He didn't claim any virtue. His physiology changed so he had no sexual desire any longer. It emphasizes the point that there is no virtue in simply not doing something simply because one doesn't desire to do it. What makes "not doing" virtuous is to desire, and have the power to do, wrestle with it and make the decision not to do. My wrestling match may not be your wrestling match, but we all have them and we all lose them. The problem is that we tend to be judgmental of another person losing a wrestling match that we do not have. We all need to thank God for the provision of His abundant grace in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Thursday, March 09, 2006
FREEDOM
You all know that I have a great fondness for Victor Frankl because I quote him so much. In the world of psychotherapy he is a voice for personal responsibility that is refreshing when others see people as nothing but the result of heredity, body chemistry, environment and conditioning. He sees people as being capable of making free choices and the necessity of being responsible for those choices. His experiences in 4 Nazi concentration camps convinced him of this.
"Freedom . . . is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the east coast be supplanted by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast."
Or as the Apostle Paul said, "For you were called to freedom, brethren (and sisters); only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; but through love be servants of one another" (Galatians 5:13).
Or as the Apostle Peter said, "Live as free men (and women), yet without using your freedom as a pretext for evil; but live as servants of God" (I Peter 2:16).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
"Freedom . . . is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the east coast be supplanted by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast."
Or as the Apostle Paul said, "For you were called to freedom, brethren (and sisters); only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; but through love be servants of one another" (Galatians 5:13).
Or as the Apostle Peter said, "Live as free men (and women), yet without using your freedom as a pretext for evil; but live as servants of God" (I Peter 2:16).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
A REPLY TO "HUSKER RED"
Husker Red commented on my blurb "100% OF THE TIME." He/she said that making a gratitude list didn't work for him/her, and that nothing was going right in his life to be thankful for.
Husker, it sounds like there is a lot of blue in your life right now. I don't know why it is that you are feeling this way, but could you make a list of things you would like to continue? At the seminary where I took my graduate work, there was, and still is, a secretary who suffered from Multiple Sclerosis. One of the simple things she thanked God for was that her "personal plumbing" still worked. If you've ever had to deal with incontinence you would be thankful that your personal plumbing still worked and would want it to continue to work. With disciplined diet and exercise, she is doing all she can for that to continue. Do you want the food, clothing and shelter that you have to continue? Do you want the relationships that you have to continue? The freedom you have as an American? The storied and proud tradition you enjoy as a Husker fan? I do not know about your Christian faith, but how valuable is that? To make a list of the things you want to continue means that you place value on them and are thankful.
Remember this Scripture: "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
p.s. Stay in touch, Husker.
Husker, it sounds like there is a lot of blue in your life right now. I don't know why it is that you are feeling this way, but could you make a list of things you would like to continue? At the seminary where I took my graduate work, there was, and still is, a secretary who suffered from Multiple Sclerosis. One of the simple things she thanked God for was that her "personal plumbing" still worked. If you've ever had to deal with incontinence you would be thankful that your personal plumbing still worked and would want it to continue to work. With disciplined diet and exercise, she is doing all she can for that to continue. Do you want the food, clothing and shelter that you have to continue? Do you want the relationships that you have to continue? The freedom you have as an American? The storied and proud tradition you enjoy as a Husker fan? I do not know about your Christian faith, but how valuable is that? To make a list of the things you want to continue means that you place value on them and are thankful.
Remember this Scripture: "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Grace & Peace;
Tom
p.s. Stay in touch, Husker.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
100% OF THE TIME
There are not very many things that work 100% of the time, but I know one thing that does. Chris Peterson is a psychology professor at the University of Michigan. He has an assignment he gives his students: Write a gratitude letter. It's a kind of thank-you note to any one, including God. Peterson says his students feel happier 100% of the time. This exercise provides a long-lasting mood boost to the writers.
There is a caveat to this. If a student is skeptical that the exercise will work, it will still work. If a student is cynical, it will not. Cynicism is the attitude that, "I really do not have anything to be thankful for," or "I have to be thankful for this?" Then the gratitude note will not work.
So, do you want to feel happier today? Write a gratitude note today to anyone--oh, send it too. It works 100% of the time. Make Thanksgiving Day 365 days a year.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
There is a caveat to this. If a student is skeptical that the exercise will work, it will still work. If a student is cynical, it will not. Cynicism is the attitude that, "I really do not have anything to be thankful for," or "I have to be thankful for this?" Then the gratitude note will not work.
So, do you want to feel happier today? Write a gratitude note today to anyone--oh, send it too. It works 100% of the time. Make Thanksgiving Day 365 days a year.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Monday, March 06, 2006
SUMMARIZING SUBMISSION
That God has place men in such a privileged position is interesting. In my humble opinion it means that the order of creation and the order of the fall have a significance that we do not appreciate even though it is a very significant matter to God. It is a matter of faith because from a purely secular perspective, in today's society, there is no reason why a wife should be submissive to the husband. The truth is, though, that when husbands and dads take responsible leadership seriously, homes work better; regardless of the perspective one has on this issue.
There are times when a wife must act independently of her husband, for the sake of her family. To act independently of the husband is a dangerous thing, but extreme demands that violate the will of God, affairs, abuse and/or addictions can justify that independence. In every case, the wife will act in the husband's best interest, and will tell him why she did it. That is how Abigail acted with Nabal. There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman. One of the worst things a wife can do for her husband is to be an enabler, enabling him to continue in irresponsibility. I believe that to be a part of Biblical submission. But, when a wife acts independently of her husband, spending money at her whim, she endangers the well-being of the family and stresses the marriage. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. Financial stability is critical to the stability of the family. Irresponsible spending is a violation of the marriage vow, regardless of who is doing it, and thus constitutes adultery.
The husband's authority in the Christian home is to be guided by the Spirit of Christ. To rule as an autocrat is not the Spirit of Christ. It happens very often that when a husband leads his home in this way, the wife, or one of the children will develop symptoms. Addictions, affairs, irresponsible spending, eating disorders, running away from home, etc. can be symptoms of overly rigid, autocratic husbanding and fathering. Symptoms are a way of speaking without saying a word, voicing disagreement with the kind of leadership that is going on in the home. Always, when symptoms appear, husbands and fathers have to take stock of the kind of leadership they are manifesting in the home!
Grace & Peace;
Tom
There are times when a wife must act independently of her husband, for the sake of her family. To act independently of the husband is a dangerous thing, but extreme demands that violate the will of God, affairs, abuse and/or addictions can justify that independence. In every case, the wife will act in the husband's best interest, and will tell him why she did it. That is how Abigail acted with Nabal. There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman. One of the worst things a wife can do for her husband is to be an enabler, enabling him to continue in irresponsibility. I believe that to be a part of Biblical submission. But, when a wife acts independently of her husband, spending money at her whim, she endangers the well-being of the family and stresses the marriage. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. Financial stability is critical to the stability of the family. Irresponsible spending is a violation of the marriage vow, regardless of who is doing it, and thus constitutes adultery.
The husband's authority in the Christian home is to be guided by the Spirit of Christ. To rule as an autocrat is not the Spirit of Christ. It happens very often that when a husband leads his home in this way, the wife, or one of the children will develop symptoms. Addictions, affairs, irresponsible spending, eating disorders, running away from home, etc. can be symptoms of overly rigid, autocratic husbanding and fathering. Symptoms are a way of speaking without saying a word, voicing disagreement with the kind of leadership that is going on in the home. Always, when symptoms appear, husbands and fathers have to take stock of the kind of leadership they are manifesting in the home!
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Friday, March 03, 2006
WHY SHOULD WIVES BE SUBMISSIVE TO THEIR HUSBANDS?
What is there about a husband that is superior so that a wife should be submissive to him? Is it because he is smarter, wiser, more talented, more spiritual, or more sensitive? Is it because he has the ability to make more income? In many cases any of those things might be true, but they are not all true in all cases. In fact, in some cases the husband is a better nurturer than his wife! From a secular perspective, there is nothing about a husband that would indicate that a wife should be submissive to him. Even secular structural family systems therapists, however, admit that families work better when dad takes a functional place in the family hierarchy.
From a theological perspective, the reason a wife should be submissive to her husband is simply because God said so. It is a matter of faith. It is a privilege that God has granted men and it is a way of reminding us all of the order of creation, of the fall and the curse (I Timothy 2:11-14). In every case, there is responsibility that goes along with the privilege of being a husband and that is the responsibility to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). There are husbands who are simply autocrats, expecting the wife and the children to obey his whims. Such is not the Spirit of Christ. His leadership in the home is to be motivated by Christian love and is demonstrated by service and sacrifice. Just as the Lord listens with love, patience and understanding when we pour out our anxieties, requests and sins to Him (Hebrews 2:17,18) so husbands need to listen with the same love, patience and understanding, first to his wife, then to his children, for the wife is an essential partner in the executive hierarchy of the family.
Once in a while a very capable woman will get hooked up with a real loser. Abigail is a woman from the Bible who comes to mind. She was married to a wealthy farmer named Nabal. Nabal hardly seemed to be a loser as he had fields of grain, 3,000 sheep and 3,000 goats. He was a fool when it came to public relations and it nearly cost him his own life and the lives of all the men who worked for him, but his wife, Abigail, baled him out. She acted independently of him, but she did act in his best interest. That's what a wife of faith does. That is submission. You can read the story in 1 Samuel 25.
Final thoughts on submission on Monday.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
From a theological perspective, the reason a wife should be submissive to her husband is simply because God said so. It is a matter of faith. It is a privilege that God has granted men and it is a way of reminding us all of the order of creation, of the fall and the curse (I Timothy 2:11-14). In every case, there is responsibility that goes along with the privilege of being a husband and that is the responsibility to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). There are husbands who are simply autocrats, expecting the wife and the children to obey his whims. Such is not the Spirit of Christ. His leadership in the home is to be motivated by Christian love and is demonstrated by service and sacrifice. Just as the Lord listens with love, patience and understanding when we pour out our anxieties, requests and sins to Him (Hebrews 2:17,18) so husbands need to listen with the same love, patience and understanding, first to his wife, then to his children, for the wife is an essential partner in the executive hierarchy of the family.
Once in a while a very capable woman will get hooked up with a real loser. Abigail is a woman from the Bible who comes to mind. She was married to a wealthy farmer named Nabal. Nabal hardly seemed to be a loser as he had fields of grain, 3,000 sheep and 3,000 goats. He was a fool when it came to public relations and it nearly cost him his own life and the lives of all the men who worked for him, but his wife, Abigail, baled him out. She acted independently of him, but she did act in his best interest. That's what a wife of faith does. That is submission. You can read the story in 1 Samuel 25.
Final thoughts on submission on Monday.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Thursday, March 02, 2006
SUBMIT 3
One of the ways we understand the meaning of Biblical submission is to look at the way the original word that is translated "submit" in the text, Ephesians 5:22-23, is translated in other texts of Scripture. The ancient translators who translated the Old Testament from Hebrew to Greek used the word found in our text to translate Psalm 37:7 and Psalm 62:1,5. Catherine Clark Kroeger, PhD, comments on the use of the word in these Scriptures, "hupatasso is employed to translate a Hebrew verb that signifies listening responsively in an attitude of expectancy. In line with this understanding, The Message renders hupatasso in 1 Peter 3:1 'Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs'" (Christian Counseling Today, 2005 vol. 13 no. 3).
Submission and obedience are not synonyms. Children and slaves are told to obey (hupakauo), but wives are commanded to "be subject" (hupatasso) ". . .to demonstrate loyalty and support rather than subterfuge"(Kroeger). Submissive wives are wives that are loyal to their husbands. Prior to marriage, one of the tasks for a potential wife is to find out if the aims and goals of this guy are aims and goals she shares and can be loyal to. Certainly, a submissive wife will not undermine her husband. When a wife runs up huge credit-card debt unknown to her husband, or is financially irresponsible, she is guilty of an infidelity fully as destructive to the marriage as an affair. This cannot be justified by the lack of the husband's income or the lack of available money she has to spend. It is a problem that needs to be worked out between the two of them, perhaps with the help of a counselor (I'm always trying to generate business).
A submissive wife is a woman who works at understanding her husband so that she can be responsive to his needs. Men are not to complicated. If some basic needs are met they are generally pretty easy to get along with. Good food, good lovin' and general affirmation, at least 5 compliments to every 1 criticism, and they will do well for the most part. A submissive wife will be loyal to the aims and goals of he husband unless those aims and goals violate the will of God. She will not undermine her husband.
What about the husbands!? Tomorrow.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Submission and obedience are not synonyms. Children and slaves are told to obey (hupakauo), but wives are commanded to "be subject" (hupatasso) ". . .to demonstrate loyalty and support rather than subterfuge"(Kroeger). Submissive wives are wives that are loyal to their husbands. Prior to marriage, one of the tasks for a potential wife is to find out if the aims and goals of this guy are aims and goals she shares and can be loyal to. Certainly, a submissive wife will not undermine her husband. When a wife runs up huge credit-card debt unknown to her husband, or is financially irresponsible, she is guilty of an infidelity fully as destructive to the marriage as an affair. This cannot be justified by the lack of the husband's income or the lack of available money she has to spend. It is a problem that needs to be worked out between the two of them, perhaps with the help of a counselor (I'm always trying to generate business).
A submissive wife is a woman who works at understanding her husband so that she can be responsive to his needs. Men are not to complicated. If some basic needs are met they are generally pretty easy to get along with. Good food, good lovin' and general affirmation, at least 5 compliments to every 1 criticism, and they will do well for the most part. A submissive wife will be loyal to the aims and goals of he husband unless those aims and goals violate the will of God. She will not undermine her husband.
What about the husbands!? Tomorrow.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Many years ago one of the men in the church I was serving with would tell his wife to, "submit!" She would ignore him, and they would laugh, and she would go on doing what she was doing. It is from this husband that these posts get their title. They had a good marriage and she was on of the most truly submissive wives I have known.
One of the clues to the meaning of Biblical submission is found in the description of the ideal wife of Proverbs 31:10-31. The picture of the ideal wife found here is not one of a woman who waits for a directive from her husband about every detail of life, but of a woman who is capable of making decisions, entering into business deals and administrating a household all in the best interest of her husband. This is what a God-fearing wife does.
The Scripture does not give us a picture of extreme dominance of the husband in the marital relationship, or of unqualified submission of the wife. In other words, the Bible does not teach, "knuckling under," but it certainly teaches submission. The Scripture does teach that, ultimately, "we must obey God rather than man" (Acts 5:29). In every case, the will of God comes before the will of any husband who is extreme in the demands he makes on his wife. Just as we all, as citizens, must submit to the civil governing authorities, yet when their demands become immoral, sinful and unlawful, it is right to resist them.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
One of the clues to the meaning of Biblical submission is found in the description of the ideal wife of Proverbs 31:10-31. The picture of the ideal wife found here is not one of a woman who waits for a directive from her husband about every detail of life, but of a woman who is capable of making decisions, entering into business deals and administrating a household all in the best interest of her husband. This is what a God-fearing wife does.
The Scripture does not give us a picture of extreme dominance of the husband in the marital relationship, or of unqualified submission of the wife. In other words, the Bible does not teach, "knuckling under," but it certainly teaches submission. The Scripture does teach that, ultimately, "we must obey God rather than man" (Acts 5:29). In every case, the will of God comes before the will of any husband who is extreme in the demands he makes on his wife. Just as we all, as citizens, must submit to the civil governing authorities, yet when their demands become immoral, sinful and unlawful, it is right to resist them.
Grace & Peace;
Tom
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