You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I say to you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart ( Matthew 5:27-28).
Many things could be said about this text, but I am using it to emphasize the point that the use of pornography undermines an intimate relationship between husband and wife in marriage.
More so in our time than any other, sexual images are so freely available. Perfect bodies, sexual prowess and free, "no-strings-attached" sexuality, are on display daily on television during family viewing times. Add to this internet pornography and it is a wonder that not everyone has a distorted view of sex. Perhaps what we have is a necessary consequence of free-speech rights, but we do pay a heavy price for it.
The result of all of this is plunging our kids into a world of sexual fantasy that is not real--sex that is wild passion. The worst part of this is, that for many, unless the fantasy becomes reality, then it is boring. In my case work I have encountered several marriages in which the underlying problem was the use of pornography on the part of the husband. Men tend to be more influenced by visual images than women, but addiction to pornography is not limited to men. When pornography is a factor in marital relationships there is an attempt to make fantasy reality. If the wife is not pretty enough to match up with fantasy, then there will be an attempt to find a way to include someone who is, or there could be a fantasy scenario that will be attempted to act out. Fantasizing is an act of self absorption and an attempt to escape reality; it does not lead to greater intimacy, but to greater isolation, emptiness and selfcenteredness.
There are quite a few reasons to restrict sexual behavior in society, but one of them is that restriction enhances sexuality. Too much candy makes a person sick. Too much of a good thing makes it ordinary. In the words of Dr.Val Farmer, a psychologist, Sex "punctuates a relationship instead of being the entire dialogue."
The measure of good sex is this: Does it enhance emotional closeness with one's spouse? Though this sounds like circular reasoning, emotional closeness will enhance good sex. Pornography will undermine both good sex and emotional closeness.
If pornography is a problem with you, find a counselor who can help you with it--you will be blessed!
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
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