SEX IN MARRIAGE: A DISCLAIMER

Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control (I Corinthians 7:5).

In subsequent posts about sex in marriage, the reader might get the idea that this writer thinks that sex is the cure-all for everything that ails a marriage.  I do not believe that, but I do know that a sexless marriage is not a healthy marriage--no sex means that there is little real intimacy in a marriage.  Nevertheless, it is just common sense that there are times in married life when sex should be abstained from.  In times of sickness, surgery, after birth and even for seasons of fasting and prayer it is right to abstain from sexual activity with a spouse.  Those times can be very lengthy so self-control becomes a huge issue for the one who has the strongest sex-drive; most of the time it is the male, but in many cases it is the female that has to contend with sexual self-control.

As time goes on and a couple ages, sexual self-control becomes less of an issue because sexual hormone production decreases.  Sex doesn't seem to be as urgent as is reflected in these statistics: The average amount of sex by married couples over all is 58 times a year.  The average amount of sex by married couples under 30 is 111 times a year.  To me it looks like the under 30 crowd is making up for a lot of the over 30 crowd.  When George Burns, the comedian, was in his eighties and was commenting about octogenarian sex he said, "The one in the spring is the best one."  My goal is to be as good as Moses (Deuteronomy 34:7) though it might be that I'm only as good as George Burns. 

In married life there are times from which sex should be abstained.  For either spouse not to recognize that is to violate the vow to love and cherish.  Though sex is very important to married life, if there is really love and respect for each other, and for God, there will be times of sexual abstinence.  I hope you all remember this as you read the sequels of sex in marriage.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom