Let a man examine himself . . . (I Corinthians 11:28).
Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other (Psalms 85:10).
One of the assignments I give to clients who are having marital problems is to take a week and keep track of how many positive communications occur and how many negative communications occur. My purpose is to help them to become aware of how they communicate. I have never had a couple actually complete the assignment, but it is one of the most important assignments to be done in marriage counseling.
Self evaluation is not easy because it requires intentional awareness of the give and take of communication, and often we communicate in ways in which we are not aware. For instance, what does it mean when a spouse walks into the room and his/her partner does not acknowledge his/her presence? It might mean nothing, but if it is part of a pattern of ignoring, it could be more than discourtesy and be actual passive aggresive behavior. When I was taking my student practicum in seminary, the counseling sessions were video taped. Though this was painful for me to watch me, video taping was an excellent way to become aware of the non-verbal communication that was being covered up by the verbal.
There is as much non-verbal communication, if not more, than verbal. A twinkle or wink of the eye, a touch or a love pat, a little kiss or a smile on the face says to the spouse, "You are important to me" or "I love you." However, if one is busy and the husband or wife walks in the room and there is no verbal or non-verbal acknowledgement then what is being communicated is, "My work is more important than you right now." That is an example of negative communication.
Predicting the success or failure of a marriage is almost as simple as doing the math. It takes no less than 5 positives to one negative in marital communication or the marriage will become problematic. Negatives weigh more than positives so it is absolutely necessary to make sure positives far out weigh negatives--it has to be intentional.
Our communication reflects what we believe about our spouse, and/or others, so perhaps marriage therapy should begin by dealing with those beliefs. However, one of my rules for marriage and family therapy is that the couple or the family members communicate with respect. It is not possible to change beliefs if the communication is disrespectful, so the first lesson they learn in therapy is that of respectful communication.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE (PART 2) Direct Communication
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in his right hand (Proverbs 27:15-16).
With 700 wives and 300 concubines, many men might look with envy on Solomon, but Solomon knew very well what he was saying from experience. I'm sure that there were more than 2 or 3 of his women who fit that description. This is quite a contrast to the ideal wife of whom he would write about in Proverbs 31. I should add that there are many men who are just as contentious and would fit Solomon's description just as well.
Helen and I had the privilege of serving on a marriage panel at a Christian conference workshop. I spoke briefly of the value of direct communication in marriage while Helen spoke negatively, and by her facial expressions, expressed strong disagreement with what I had said. So, you could rightly say, "Physician, heal yourself." Helen's real problem is understanding what direct communication looks like, so that is where I will begin.
Direct communication is not saying directly whatever one feels like saying. For people who tend to be driven by their emotions, that is how they see direct communication, saying what they feel at the time. They will insist that it is not honest communication if one cannot say what he/she feels. However, emotionally driven communication is almost always negative in its effect.
Direct communication is not emotionless, but its purpose is to convey information. Air-traffic controllers, hospitals, police departments are examples of where direct communication has to be used--marriages are no less important. Direct communication has no implied meanings or mixed messages. Direct communication is not sarcastic or defensive, it does not have a tone of voice or a facial expression that says one thing but means another. In other words, there is congruence in direct communication. Direct communication fosters intimacy because one knows that their thoughts will be handled with respect by the other who is listening, and vice versa. Intimacy is very difficult when communication is emotionally driven.
Marriages require intimacy and communication is the road to intimacy. When a spouse feels safe sharing his/her innermost thoughts with someone other than the marital partner then there will be an affair. I tend to be emotionally driven, so I am including myself in this, there will be times of conflict in marriage. It is easy to let emotions take over the conflict. Then one of the spouses has to say, "My emotions have taken over, let's not talk about it until we can cool down." This is direct communication that preserves each other's dignity.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
With 700 wives and 300 concubines, many men might look with envy on Solomon, but Solomon knew very well what he was saying from experience. I'm sure that there were more than 2 or 3 of his women who fit that description. This is quite a contrast to the ideal wife of whom he would write about in Proverbs 31. I should add that there are many men who are just as contentious and would fit Solomon's description just as well.
Helen and I had the privilege of serving on a marriage panel at a Christian conference workshop. I spoke briefly of the value of direct communication in marriage while Helen spoke negatively, and by her facial expressions, expressed strong disagreement with what I had said. So, you could rightly say, "Physician, heal yourself." Helen's real problem is understanding what direct communication looks like, so that is where I will begin.
Direct communication is not saying directly whatever one feels like saying. For people who tend to be driven by their emotions, that is how they see direct communication, saying what they feel at the time. They will insist that it is not honest communication if one cannot say what he/she feels. However, emotionally driven communication is almost always negative in its effect.
Direct communication is not emotionless, but its purpose is to convey information. Air-traffic controllers, hospitals, police departments are examples of where direct communication has to be used--marriages are no less important. Direct communication has no implied meanings or mixed messages. Direct communication is not sarcastic or defensive, it does not have a tone of voice or a facial expression that says one thing but means another. In other words, there is congruence in direct communication. Direct communication fosters intimacy because one knows that their thoughts will be handled with respect by the other who is listening, and vice versa. Intimacy is very difficult when communication is emotionally driven.
Marriages require intimacy and communication is the road to intimacy. When a spouse feels safe sharing his/her innermost thoughts with someone other than the marital partner then there will be an affair. I tend to be emotionally driven, so I am including myself in this, there will be times of conflict in marriage. It is easy to let emotions take over the conflict. Then one of the spouses has to say, "My emotions have taken over, let's not talk about it until we can cool down." This is direct communication that preserves each other's dignity.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone (Colossians 4:6).
Communication is essential to relationship. The success or failure of a relationship can be predicted by the communication patterns in that relationship. Some marriage communication experts have said that they can predict with as high as 96% accuracy whether or not a marriage will succeed based on the communication patterns in the premarital relationship, so you can see how important this subject is. Communication patterns in the premarital relationship are not likely to change very much for the better in the marital relationship.
First, I will discuss some negative communication patterns, and then, in a sequel, write about positive communication. The following are communication patterns that are extremely destructive to a marriage:
1) Withdrawal. It is impossible not to communicate in a relationship. When one of the partners withdraws, the other partner is left guessing what this withdrawal means, but it does mean something. Withdrawal can take the form of working long hours, being over involved in hobbies or other activities, giving the spouse the silent treatment. Withdrawal can be extremely frightening to the other spouse because he/she is left guessing what it means. So, withdrawal is a kind of spousal abuse.
2) Escalation. Escalation is increases the conflict. Raising the voice, slamming the door or throwing objects are intended to intimidate the spouse, or putting the most positive spin on it, get the spouses attention, but yelling, screaming and throwing objects will never strengthen a relationship. Escalation will destroy a relationship!
3) Invalidation. Invalidation is name calling, putting down spouse in front of others, ignoring the spouse for a time, rolling eyeballs and heavy breathing when spouse asks to do something apparently stupid. Constant criticism is another hall-mark of invalidation.
4) Negative interpretation. Negative interpretation is when a spouses positives are interpreted negatively, for example, if a husband brings his wife flowers and the wife says, "Oh, you just want to have sex tonight." This might be the most dangerous pattern because the spouse has judged the motives of his/her partner and found it wanting--it reveals the value placed on the relationship.
I share this with you so that you can become more aware of how you communicate. It isn't just profanity that is unholy communication, but each one of these communication patterns as well.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Communication is essential to relationship. The success or failure of a relationship can be predicted by the communication patterns in that relationship. Some marriage communication experts have said that they can predict with as high as 96% accuracy whether or not a marriage will succeed based on the communication patterns in the premarital relationship, so you can see how important this subject is. Communication patterns in the premarital relationship are not likely to change very much for the better in the marital relationship.
First, I will discuss some negative communication patterns, and then, in a sequel, write about positive communication. The following are communication patterns that are extremely destructive to a marriage:
1) Withdrawal. It is impossible not to communicate in a relationship. When one of the partners withdraws, the other partner is left guessing what this withdrawal means, but it does mean something. Withdrawal can take the form of working long hours, being over involved in hobbies or other activities, giving the spouse the silent treatment. Withdrawal can be extremely frightening to the other spouse because he/she is left guessing what it means. So, withdrawal is a kind of spousal abuse.
2) Escalation. Escalation is increases the conflict. Raising the voice, slamming the door or throwing objects are intended to intimidate the spouse, or putting the most positive spin on it, get the spouses attention, but yelling, screaming and throwing objects will never strengthen a relationship. Escalation will destroy a relationship!
3) Invalidation. Invalidation is name calling, putting down spouse in front of others, ignoring the spouse for a time, rolling eyeballs and heavy breathing when spouse asks to do something apparently stupid. Constant criticism is another hall-mark of invalidation.
4) Negative interpretation. Negative interpretation is when a spouses positives are interpreted negatively, for example, if a husband brings his wife flowers and the wife says, "Oh, you just want to have sex tonight." This might be the most dangerous pattern because the spouse has judged the motives of his/her partner and found it wanting--it reveals the value placed on the relationship.
I share this with you so that you can become more aware of how you communicate. It isn't just profanity that is unholy communication, but each one of these communication patterns as well.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Monday, March 14, 2011
SEX IN MARRIAGE: PORNOGRAPHY
You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I say to you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart ( Matthew 5:27-28).
Many things could be said about this text, but I am using it to emphasize the point that the use of pornography undermines an intimate relationship between husband and wife in marriage.
More so in our time than any other, sexual images are so freely available. Perfect bodies, sexual prowess and free, "no-strings-attached" sexuality, are on display daily on television during family viewing times. Add to this internet pornography and it is a wonder that not everyone has a distorted view of sex. Perhaps what we have is a necessary consequence of free-speech rights, but we do pay a heavy price for it.
The result of all of this is plunging our kids into a world of sexual fantasy that is not real--sex that is wild passion. The worst part of this is, that for many, unless the fantasy becomes reality, then it is boring. In my case work I have encountered several marriages in which the underlying problem was the use of pornography on the part of the husband. Men tend to be more influenced by visual images than women, but addiction to pornography is not limited to men. When pornography is a factor in marital relationships there is an attempt to make fantasy reality. If the wife is not pretty enough to match up with fantasy, then there will be an attempt to find a way to include someone who is, or there could be a fantasy scenario that will be attempted to act out. Fantasizing is an act of self absorption and an attempt to escape reality; it does not lead to greater intimacy, but to greater isolation, emptiness and selfcenteredness.
There are quite a few reasons to restrict sexual behavior in society, but one of them is that restriction enhances sexuality. Too much candy makes a person sick. Too much of a good thing makes it ordinary. In the words of Dr.Val Farmer, a psychologist, Sex "punctuates a relationship instead of being the entire dialogue."
The measure of good sex is this: Does it enhance emotional closeness with one's spouse? Though this sounds like circular reasoning, emotional closeness will enhance good sex. Pornography will undermine both good sex and emotional closeness.
If pornography is a problem with you, find a counselor who can help you with it--you will be blessed!
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Many things could be said about this text, but I am using it to emphasize the point that the use of pornography undermines an intimate relationship between husband and wife in marriage.
More so in our time than any other, sexual images are so freely available. Perfect bodies, sexual prowess and free, "no-strings-attached" sexuality, are on display daily on television during family viewing times. Add to this internet pornography and it is a wonder that not everyone has a distorted view of sex. Perhaps what we have is a necessary consequence of free-speech rights, but we do pay a heavy price for it.
The result of all of this is plunging our kids into a world of sexual fantasy that is not real--sex that is wild passion. The worst part of this is, that for many, unless the fantasy becomes reality, then it is boring. In my case work I have encountered several marriages in which the underlying problem was the use of pornography on the part of the husband. Men tend to be more influenced by visual images than women, but addiction to pornography is not limited to men. When pornography is a factor in marital relationships there is an attempt to make fantasy reality. If the wife is not pretty enough to match up with fantasy, then there will be an attempt to find a way to include someone who is, or there could be a fantasy scenario that will be attempted to act out. Fantasizing is an act of self absorption and an attempt to escape reality; it does not lead to greater intimacy, but to greater isolation, emptiness and selfcenteredness.
There are quite a few reasons to restrict sexual behavior in society, but one of them is that restriction enhances sexuality. Too much candy makes a person sick. Too much of a good thing makes it ordinary. In the words of Dr.Val Farmer, a psychologist, Sex "punctuates a relationship instead of being the entire dialogue."
The measure of good sex is this: Does it enhance emotional closeness with one's spouse? Though this sounds like circular reasoning, emotional closeness will enhance good sex. Pornography will undermine both good sex and emotional closeness.
If pornography is a problem with you, find a counselor who can help you with it--you will be blessed!
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
SEX IN MARRIAGE: THE IMPORTANCE OF
But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season . . . (I Corinthians 7:2-5a).
Marriage is a complex relationship between a man and a woman. A great sex life, by itself, will not save a relationship, but the lack of an adequate sex life is a symptom of other problems in a marriage. The lack of sex in marriage might simply be a symptom of failing physical health and should be checked out. If one is to obey the Scriptures, there is an obligation to maintain physical health as long as possible in order to meet the sexual needs of the spouse. Married couples who have regular sex have a life expectancy that is 5 to 7 years longer.
The lack of sex in a marriage is a symptom of the lack of intimacy in a marriage. Intimacy is giving yourself away--it is feeling safe enough to become vulnerable and share the most deep feelings of one's heart without having them ridiculed and made fun of. While sex itself is not intimacy, sex makes intimacy more likely and the end of sex is a signal of the end of intimacy.
Low sex and no sex marriages are not as happy. In a New York Times interview with Dr. Denise Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, Dr. Donnelly asserted that according to her research she found that, "People in low sex and sexless marriages are not as happy and are more likely to consider divorce."
The sex-drive of both men and women is a bell-shaped curve; that is a normal distribution. There are some men and women with high sex drives and some with low. Given the laws of attraction it is very likely that a low sex-drive man will be attracted to a high sex-drive woman, and vice versa. One's sex drive is nothing to be ashamed of--God made us this way. Nevertheless, when these kinds of matches are made, how can they be resolved? For the low sex-drive partner sex has to become intentional. One has to intentionally make time for it. One has to intentionally get in the mood for it. The low sex-drive partner will have to intentionally stay in good physical condition, and the man might have to take "Viagra" for it.
One of the purposes of marriage is to help deal with the temptation to sexual immorality. Both the Corinthian culture and our culture is highly sexualized--it is easy to fall into sexual immorality. A healthy marriage is a marriage that has a healthy sex life. How much sex is needed for a healthy sex-life? The amount on which both partners agree.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Addendum: Sex-drive can be conditioned to be either greater or lesser. Sex abuse as a child can condition a child toward a greater or lesser sex drive. Much of sex is in the psychology of a person, that is why this is the case. Pornography can have the same kind of influence. Of course, physical ailments influence sex drive too. If any of these things are influencing your married sex life, it is worth seeking professional help. Your marriage will be blessed because of it.
Marriage is a complex relationship between a man and a woman. A great sex life, by itself, will not save a relationship, but the lack of an adequate sex life is a symptom of other problems in a marriage. The lack of sex in marriage might simply be a symptom of failing physical health and should be checked out. If one is to obey the Scriptures, there is an obligation to maintain physical health as long as possible in order to meet the sexual needs of the spouse. Married couples who have regular sex have a life expectancy that is 5 to 7 years longer.
The lack of sex in a marriage is a symptom of the lack of intimacy in a marriage. Intimacy is giving yourself away--it is feeling safe enough to become vulnerable and share the most deep feelings of one's heart without having them ridiculed and made fun of. While sex itself is not intimacy, sex makes intimacy more likely and the end of sex is a signal of the end of intimacy.
Low sex and no sex marriages are not as happy. In a New York Times interview with Dr. Denise Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, Dr. Donnelly asserted that according to her research she found that, "People in low sex and sexless marriages are not as happy and are more likely to consider divorce."
The sex-drive of both men and women is a bell-shaped curve; that is a normal distribution. There are some men and women with high sex drives and some with low. Given the laws of attraction it is very likely that a low sex-drive man will be attracted to a high sex-drive woman, and vice versa. One's sex drive is nothing to be ashamed of--God made us this way. Nevertheless, when these kinds of matches are made, how can they be resolved? For the low sex-drive partner sex has to become intentional. One has to intentionally make time for it. One has to intentionally get in the mood for it. The low sex-drive partner will have to intentionally stay in good physical condition, and the man might have to take "Viagra" for it.
One of the purposes of marriage is to help deal with the temptation to sexual immorality. Both the Corinthian culture and our culture is highly sexualized--it is easy to fall into sexual immorality. A healthy marriage is a marriage that has a healthy sex life. How much sex is needed for a healthy sex-life? The amount on which both partners agree.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Addendum: Sex-drive can be conditioned to be either greater or lesser. Sex abuse as a child can condition a child toward a greater or lesser sex drive. Much of sex is in the psychology of a person, that is why this is the case. Pornography can have the same kind of influence. Of course, physical ailments influence sex drive too. If any of these things are influencing your married sex life, it is worth seeking professional help. Your marriage will be blessed because of it.
Monday, March 07, 2011
SEX IN MARRIAGE: A DISCLAIMER
Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control (I Corinthians 7:5).
In subsequent posts about sex in marriage, the reader might get the idea that this writer thinks that sex is the cure-all for everything that ails a marriage. I do not believe that, but I do know that a sexless marriage is not a healthy marriage--no sex means that there is little real intimacy in a marriage. Nevertheless, it is just common sense that there are times in married life when sex should be abstained from. In times of sickness, surgery, after birth and even for seasons of fasting and prayer it is right to abstain from sexual activity with a spouse. Those times can be very lengthy so self-control becomes a huge issue for the one who has the strongest sex-drive; most of the time it is the male, but in many cases it is the female that has to contend with sexual self-control.
As time goes on and a couple ages, sexual self-control becomes less of an issue because sexual hormone production decreases. Sex doesn't seem to be as urgent as is reflected in these statistics: The average amount of sex by married couples over all is 58 times a year. The average amount of sex by married couples under 30 is 111 times a year. To me it looks like the under 30 crowd is making up for a lot of the over 30 crowd. When George Burns, the comedian, was in his eighties and was commenting about octogenarian sex he said, "The one in the spring is the best one." My goal is to be as good as Moses (Deuteronomy 34:7) though it might be that I'm only as good as George Burns.
In married life there are times from which sex should be abstained. For either spouse not to recognize that is to violate the vow to love and cherish. Though sex is very important to married life, if there is really love and respect for each other, and for God, there will be times of sexual abstinence. I hope you all remember this as you read the sequels of sex in marriage.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
In subsequent posts about sex in marriage, the reader might get the idea that this writer thinks that sex is the cure-all for everything that ails a marriage. I do not believe that, but I do know that a sexless marriage is not a healthy marriage--no sex means that there is little real intimacy in a marriage. Nevertheless, it is just common sense that there are times in married life when sex should be abstained from. In times of sickness, surgery, after birth and even for seasons of fasting and prayer it is right to abstain from sexual activity with a spouse. Those times can be very lengthy so self-control becomes a huge issue for the one who has the strongest sex-drive; most of the time it is the male, but in many cases it is the female that has to contend with sexual self-control.
As time goes on and a couple ages, sexual self-control becomes less of an issue because sexual hormone production decreases. Sex doesn't seem to be as urgent as is reflected in these statistics: The average amount of sex by married couples over all is 58 times a year. The average amount of sex by married couples under 30 is 111 times a year. To me it looks like the under 30 crowd is making up for a lot of the over 30 crowd. When George Burns, the comedian, was in his eighties and was commenting about octogenarian sex he said, "The one in the spring is the best one." My goal is to be as good as Moses (Deuteronomy 34:7) though it might be that I'm only as good as George Burns.
In married life there are times from which sex should be abstained. For either spouse not to recognize that is to violate the vow to love and cherish. Though sex is very important to married life, if there is really love and respect for each other, and for God, there will be times of sexual abstinence. I hope you all remember this as you read the sequels of sex in marriage.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Thursday, March 03, 2011
SEX IN MARRIAGE: Introduction
And God saw everything he had made, and behold, it was very good (Genesis 1:31).
I have written little about sex in the postings of Silver bullets, its neglect is a glaring omission. Because one cannot turn anywhere in our culture and not be confronted with sexual themes, it is important to have a Christian perspective on sex and sex in marriage. As well, the competition between sexual issues and money issues as a cause of divorce is nearly equal, so for this reason it is important that I write something about sex in marriage. Much has been written in other venues about sex, perhaps I have nothing to add that is new, but in any case, a Christian perspective provides an important balance to the ubiquitous worldly perspective.
God made men and women sexual beings, telling them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). It was after that that God pronounced his creation as being very good. Sex was truly good before the fall of mankind into sin. The way some think about sex is that it only became fun after the "fall," but in truth, it was before the "fall" that it was very good and really fun. My personal opinion is that like Adam and Eve knew that they were naked and so tried to cover themselves after their fall into sin, so sex itself fell into shame and has been a cause of power plays, abuse, and controversy ever after. But God intended that sex be a blessing, not a curse, something by which bonding and mutual strengthening would occur.
According to the Bible, sex is a good thing in the context of marriage. It was in that context that sex is introduced and it is in that context that sex is healthy and good. Sex is like fire. When fire is in the fireplace fire is good, bringing warmth and comfort to all in the house. If the fire gets out of the fireplace it burns the house down. So it is with sex. As long as it is kept in the context of marriage, husband and wife are warmed, comforted and strengthened by it--indirectly, even the children are blessed because the bond of dad and mom is strong. For those who think that the best sex is outside of marriage, there is no research that I know about that indicates that it is. The history of sex out of marriage is one of illness, poverty, alienation. The research shows that married couples have the most sex and the best sex. However, in more than a third of marriages sex is a problem and it is for that reason a sequel will follow.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
I have written little about sex in the postings of Silver bullets, its neglect is a glaring omission. Because one cannot turn anywhere in our culture and not be confronted with sexual themes, it is important to have a Christian perspective on sex and sex in marriage. As well, the competition between sexual issues and money issues as a cause of divorce is nearly equal, so for this reason it is important that I write something about sex in marriage. Much has been written in other venues about sex, perhaps I have nothing to add that is new, but in any case, a Christian perspective provides an important balance to the ubiquitous worldly perspective.
God made men and women sexual beings, telling them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). It was after that that God pronounced his creation as being very good. Sex was truly good before the fall of mankind into sin. The way some think about sex is that it only became fun after the "fall," but in truth, it was before the "fall" that it was very good and really fun. My personal opinion is that like Adam and Eve knew that they were naked and so tried to cover themselves after their fall into sin, so sex itself fell into shame and has been a cause of power plays, abuse, and controversy ever after. But God intended that sex be a blessing, not a curse, something by which bonding and mutual strengthening would occur.
According to the Bible, sex is a good thing in the context of marriage. It was in that context that sex is introduced and it is in that context that sex is healthy and good. Sex is like fire. When fire is in the fireplace fire is good, bringing warmth and comfort to all in the house. If the fire gets out of the fireplace it burns the house down. So it is with sex. As long as it is kept in the context of marriage, husband and wife are warmed, comforted and strengthened by it--indirectly, even the children are blessed because the bond of dad and mom is strong. For those who think that the best sex is outside of marriage, there is no research that I know about that indicates that it is. The history of sex out of marriage is one of illness, poverty, alienation. The research shows that married couples have the most sex and the best sex. However, in more than a third of marriages sex is a problem and it is for that reason a sequel will follow.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
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