EMOTIONAL MATURITY

"A child is born with a nervous system that has all the biological wiring in place for anxious responses to parents' and other family members' anxieties. The child's anxious response to parental anxieties soon contributes as much to their anxieties as their anxieties contribute to his anxious responses" (Kerr/Bowen, 116).

"have no anxiety about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6,7).

One evening, during the course of Mom's Birthday Bash--it was of biblical proportions, 3 days long, my wife, children and I were discussing family dynamics. I shared my thoughts with them and thought I would outline them for you other readers too.

One facet of emotional maturity is the ability to regulate the emotions. Every person has a unique level of emotional maturity. Emotion isn't a bad thing; how dull would it be to live in a community of Vulcans like Spock?! However, it wouldn't be a lot of fun living in a community where everyone is dominated by their emotions either; we get enough histrionic displays as it is! I doubt that a community could even exist where everyone is completely emotionally driven. There has to be an appropriate balance between the rational and the emotional for a family, church or community to work functionally together.

Anyone who is observant recognizes that there are different temperaments that characterize each individual. One is born with a temperament; any mother will tell you that. Any mother will also tell you that she knows the differences in the temperaments of her children before they were born. Some children are more emotionally driven, and others more rational. Parental emotions influence the emotional maturity of the children, too, so that emotional maturity is a product of both biology and family emotional dynamics.

Emotional maturity levels are set in early childhood; they are hard to change, but one can learn to function at higher levels of emotional maturity. There are 3 dynamics that help a person raise their emotional maturity level:

1. Education. Knowledge can help a person develop a healthy perspective about life, and open doors to a less stressful life. Education is necessary for relationship skill development. I want to emphasize that intelligence is not much of a factor in emotional maturity. Some very smart people can have some very big personal problems because their emotions bind their intelligence. For all their intelligence, some never seem to learn!

2. Faith in Christ. Faith brings the power of God to bear on our emotions.. We are assured of His love because He created us and Jesus died for us. Even though we have problems, God loves us. His love is unconditional: that sure relieves us of a lot of pressure! I might add that it is through faith that we find wisdom; knowledge is not enough.

3. Fellowship. One can learn to function at a higher level if he hangs around the right people; it really is more caught than taught.

Grace&Peace;
Tom