And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses (Mark 11:25).
Some of the goals of marriage counseling are to improve communication, to increase understanding in each spouse, and to build conflict resolution skills. While being successful in accomplishing these goals in marriage counseling is a good thing, nevertheless, healing will never be complete unless there is forgiveness.
When Jesus taught about forgiveness, he tended to frame it in financial terms, Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" he taught us to pray. People are familiar with finance so it makes forgiveness a little more easy to understand when Jesus pictures forgiveness this way. When a debt is forgiven, the note is put through the paper shredder; there is no longer a legal basis to hold the debtor accountable for his debt. Though the debt might not be forgotten, it cannot be brought up again.
That two sinful people can be united in marriage and not hurt one another is nearly impossible and that is why forgiveness is so necessary. Most of the time the hurts are minor, sometimes they are major, but always they will be sources of anger and conflict unless they are forgiven. Forgiveness is a core value of being a Christian; to forgive is to love like God loves in Jesus Christ.
One of the hindrances to effective prayer is when forgiveness is withheld even when it is asked for. God will not hear our prayers if we are not willing to forgive the one who has hurt us.
My understanding of Christian forgiveness is that it is not unconditional; there must be a change of mind which leads the offender to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes there a pathological abusers out there who take advantage of forgiveness as a means of continuing the abuse and we must be wise in that regard. Generally, asking for forgiveness implies a desire to change. According to First John 1:9, forgiveness is conditioned on the offender recognizing that his behavior is sinful and, as a result, asks for forgiveness.
God loves each person; Jesus died on the cross for all! The sins of every person are paid for in the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ--while we were yet sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). God stands willing to forgive anyone who recognizes their sin and embraces Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Apart from that, they stand unforgiven. Likewise, we must be so ready to forgive that forgiveness is a foregone conclusion if one asks for it.
Our Father's Blessings and Love,
Tom
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
THE ACTIVITY OF SALVATION: BELIEVING IN DR. CHRIST
Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of man will give to you; for on him has God the Father set his seal. Then they said to him (Jesus), "What must we do to be doing the works of God?" Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he hath sent" (John 6: 27-29).
As I wrote in the Passivity of Salvation, salvation is something that only God can do to us--we cannot save our selves and make our selves whole! The sacrificial death of Jesus Christ for our sins is the only price that can be payed. The ministry of Holy Spirit is the only power that can make us whole.
It is only a coincidence that the doctor who is the doctor in charge of treating my sickness literally has the surname, Christ. It adds a nice touch to this devotional does it not? Dr. Christ is in charge of the treatment, but if I do not believe in him, can he heal me?
I do not show or feel any signs of the disease I have. It was only by an annual physical that it was discovered. I could say, "I'm doing okay, I do not need Dr. Christ." But I have seen what this disease does to men, so I do not want to take the risk. As a result, believing in Dr. Christ, I am willing to sign the consent form for treatment, follow his instructions, show up at the hospital at the appointed times for treatment. If the treatment is successful, I will be extremely thankful to Dr. Christ, even though I will pay him very well, because I could not have healed myself! If I did not believe in Dr. Christ, I would do none of those things.
If one truly believes in Jesus Christ, all that follows is a foregone conclusion. The activity of salvation is believing in Dr. Christ.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
As I wrote in the Passivity of Salvation, salvation is something that only God can do to us--we cannot save our selves and make our selves whole! The sacrificial death of Jesus Christ for our sins is the only price that can be payed. The ministry of Holy Spirit is the only power that can make us whole.
It is only a coincidence that the doctor who is the doctor in charge of treating my sickness literally has the surname, Christ. It adds a nice touch to this devotional does it not? Dr. Christ is in charge of the treatment, but if I do not believe in him, can he heal me?
I do not show or feel any signs of the disease I have. It was only by an annual physical that it was discovered. I could say, "I'm doing okay, I do not need Dr. Christ." But I have seen what this disease does to men, so I do not want to take the risk. As a result, believing in Dr. Christ, I am willing to sign the consent form for treatment, follow his instructions, show up at the hospital at the appointed times for treatment. If the treatment is successful, I will be extremely thankful to Dr. Christ, even though I will pay him very well, because I could not have healed myself! If I did not believe in Dr. Christ, I would do none of those things.
If one truly believes in Jesus Christ, all that follows is a foregone conclusion. The activity of salvation is believing in Dr. Christ.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
QUICK TRIP TO CALIFORNIA
(The Lord) who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's (Psalms 103:5).
We (Helen and I) just returned home from our annual President's Day holiday week-end trip to the great state of California to visit our grandchildren, Faith, Deacon and Parker and their wonderful parents, Rebecca and Kirk. The weather was sunny and warm, a nice break from Iowa. It was nice to see green grass and the almond trees blossoming! The honey bees were out doing their job of spreading pollen around.
The state of California is truly the state of fruits & nuts. The church my son-in-law serves is building an out door baptistry. Since baptism is by immersion there has to be enough water to immerse a person under water. The local officials couldn't decide if this would be a pond or a pool. They finally decided that it would be a pool and, as a result, the church must post a "No Life Guard on Duty" sign on the baptistry.
It is a good thing to be connected to the family. For children to be connected to the extended family gives them a source of meaning, purpose and self-esteem during their growing-years. It is a blessing to grand parents too, keeping them young. I think God intended to renew the strength of grand parents through their grand children.
The flights were uneventful this year, thank God, but those airplane seats are the most uncomfortable place to park one's "keester" since the steel tractor seat.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
We (Helen and I) just returned home from our annual President's Day holiday week-end trip to the great state of California to visit our grandchildren, Faith, Deacon and Parker and their wonderful parents, Rebecca and Kirk. The weather was sunny and warm, a nice break from Iowa. It was nice to see green grass and the almond trees blossoming! The honey bees were out doing their job of spreading pollen around.
The state of California is truly the state of fruits & nuts. The church my son-in-law serves is building an out door baptistry. Since baptism is by immersion there has to be enough water to immerse a person under water. The local officials couldn't decide if this would be a pond or a pool. They finally decided that it would be a pool and, as a result, the church must post a "No Life Guard on Duty" sign on the baptistry.
It is a good thing to be connected to the family. For children to be connected to the extended family gives them a source of meaning, purpose and self-esteem during their growing-years. It is a blessing to grand parents too, keeping them young. I think God intended to renew the strength of grand parents through their grand children.
The flights were uneventful this year, thank God, but those airplane seats are the most uncomfortable place to park one's "keester" since the steel tractor seat.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
THOUGHTS BEFORE I WENT UNDER: THE PASSIVITY OF SALVATION
And we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18).
You know that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your fathers, not with perishable things such as silver and gold, but with the precious blood of Christ . . . (I Peter 1:18,19a).
When I was on the operating table waiting to be sedated, yesterday, I was thinking about the journey of physical healing I was beginning. In purely human terms, the healing is coming from the doctor, nurses and hospital staff. They provide the facility, expertise, medication and care needed for me to get well. In my case, the doctor was doing a procedure on me that will make me well. What would I be doing? Nothing, (I had already signed the consent forms) except letting the doctor and staff work on me. Then I thought, "Isn't that how salvation is, allowing the Divine healer to do his work in my life?" What is necessary for me to do is to sign the consent forms for treatment (Christian baptism) and to let go of the futile ways of the past.
I will have more to write about this in a following post. For now, remember that Dr. God wants to heal your life if you will allow Him.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
You know that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your fathers, not with perishable things such as silver and gold, but with the precious blood of Christ . . . (I Peter 1:18,19a).
When I was on the operating table waiting to be sedated, yesterday, I was thinking about the journey of physical healing I was beginning. In purely human terms, the healing is coming from the doctor, nurses and hospital staff. They provide the facility, expertise, medication and care needed for me to get well. In my case, the doctor was doing a procedure on me that will make me well. What would I be doing? Nothing, (I had already signed the consent forms) except letting the doctor and staff work on me. Then I thought, "Isn't that how salvation is, allowing the Divine healer to do his work in my life?" What is necessary for me to do is to sign the consent forms for treatment (Christian baptism) and to let go of the futile ways of the past.
I will have more to write about this in a following post. For now, remember that Dr. God wants to heal your life if you will allow Him.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Saturday, February 11, 2012
AMERICAN PICKERS: A COMMUNION MEDITATION
You know that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your fathers, not with perishable things such as silver and gold, but with the precious blood of Christ like a lamb without blemish or spot (I Peter 1:18-19).
One of the programs I enjoy watching on television is American Pickers--it's on the History Channel. The "pickers" are Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz, who are from Iowa, incidentally, and they travel the United States looking for junk that is really treasure. So, as they drive their van, they are looking for places that have lots of junk. Finding one, they will ask the owner if they can look through their junk. If they find some junk that is really a treasure, they will make an offer to buy that object for a certain amount of money, knowing they can re-sell that object for more money and make a profit on it.
Mike & Frank are funny to watch, but their program reminds me of one of the basic principles taught in economics 101: An item is only worth what a buyer will pay for it. Mike & Frank will not buy an object on which they cannot make a profit. If the seller wants too much money for an item, then they simply move on.
The point I want to make here is that God has established the value of every human being here by what He has paid for them. God did not cheap out here, trying to redeem us, buy our salvation, with mere gold and silver, but He bought us with the precious blood of Jesus Christ, His Son. God's motive is not the profit motive; the reason God is so extravagant in the payment price is that He loves us as much as His very own Son who was sacrificed on the cross for you and me.
Our Father's Love
Tom
One of the programs I enjoy watching on television is American Pickers--it's on the History Channel. The "pickers" are Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz, who are from Iowa, incidentally, and they travel the United States looking for junk that is really treasure. So, as they drive their van, they are looking for places that have lots of junk. Finding one, they will ask the owner if they can look through their junk. If they find some junk that is really a treasure, they will make an offer to buy that object for a certain amount of money, knowing they can re-sell that object for more money and make a profit on it.
Mike & Frank are funny to watch, but their program reminds me of one of the basic principles taught in economics 101: An item is only worth what a buyer will pay for it. Mike & Frank will not buy an object on which they cannot make a profit. If the seller wants too much money for an item, then they simply move on.
The point I want to make here is that God has established the value of every human being here by what He has paid for them. God did not cheap out here, trying to redeem us, buy our salvation, with mere gold and silver, but He bought us with the precious blood of Jesus Christ, His Son. God's motive is not the profit motive; the reason God is so extravagant in the payment price is that He loves us as much as His very own Son who was sacrificed on the cross for you and me.
Our Father's Love
Tom
Saturday, February 04, 2012
NARCISSISM: SELF-ESTEEM GONE TO SEED
For by the grace given to me I bid every one among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think . . . (Romans 12:3).
Whether it is an over emphasis on self-esteem, or a misunderstanding of how to deal with low self-esteem, it certainly seems like we are raising more and more narcissistic and self-centered people. Personal peace, happiness and prosperity are our chief values. We tend to be, in our culture, more "I" centered than "we" centered. Even among so-called low self-esteem people there are many times when they think, "rules are for other people, they do not apply to me." As a result, there is a lot of out-of-control behavior by low self-esteem people. Yes, low self-esteem people can be narcissistic.
What this means is that low self-esteem people are not always low self-esteem people. It just means that, more often than not, they seem to be low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is situation specific, it is not a constant. At work one may act with great confidence and competence while in her social life she might be a blushing, stumbling "wall flower." One of the tasks of the low self-esteemers is to identify the competencies they have and the beliefs they have that enable them to act in self-accepting ways, and try to strengthen them and expand them.
The opposite of low self-esteem is not self-centeredness, or narcissism, it is being comfortable with one's self and becoming what God created us to be.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Whether it is an over emphasis on self-esteem, or a misunderstanding of how to deal with low self-esteem, it certainly seems like we are raising more and more narcissistic and self-centered people. Personal peace, happiness and prosperity are our chief values. We tend to be, in our culture, more "I" centered than "we" centered. Even among so-called low self-esteem people there are many times when they think, "rules are for other people, they do not apply to me." As a result, there is a lot of out-of-control behavior by low self-esteem people. Yes, low self-esteem people can be narcissistic.
What this means is that low self-esteem people are not always low self-esteem people. It just means that, more often than not, they seem to be low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is situation specific, it is not a constant. At work one may act with great confidence and competence while in her social life she might be a blushing, stumbling "wall flower." One of the tasks of the low self-esteemers is to identify the competencies they have and the beliefs they have that enable them to act in self-accepting ways, and try to strengthen them and expand them.
The opposite of low self-esteem is not self-centeredness, or narcissism, it is being comfortable with one's self and becoming what God created us to be.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
Friday, February 03, 2012
SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIRMATION BIAS
. . . and you shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free (John 8:32).
There are no truly objective researchers. Any researcher who has set forth a hypothesis tends to favor evidence that confirms his hypothesis. That is the definition of confirmation bias. Not only is confirmation bias a problem for researchers, it is a problem for ordinary people too. If a person has come to the conclusion that he or she is worthless and has little to offer in terms of beauty, talent, intellect or finance, then that person only selects evidence that supports his conclusion. If one is told he is ugly, stupid, fat, clumsy and will not amount to anything enough, he will believe it.
In many cases, people with low self-esteem cannot be reasoned out of it. There's an old counselor story about a man, "John," who came to the counselor believing he was dead. The counselor reasoned with the man for most of the session, but then he finally used this argument when he asked the client, "John, do dead men bleed?" John replied, "no." So, the counselor gave John a needle and asked him to prick his finger. John did as the counselor asked and blood came from his finger. Then the counselor said, "See, John, you are alive because dead men do not bleed." Then John said, "Well what do you know, dead men do bleed!"
In dealing with depression and low self-esteem, this phenomena of confirmation bias is not easily dealt with, but the solution is always the truth. Dr. Chris Thurman wrote a book called, The Lies We Believe. It would be worthwhile reading for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Daily we are surrounded with messages about self-worth that are lies. The antidote to that is bathing in the truth every day. How do your beliefs and values line up with the sound teachings of the Bible? Low self-esteem does not cause false beliefs, rather, the lies we choose to believe cause low self-esteem.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
*There is an emotional component to low self-esteem that makes it so difficult to remedy. One additional facet of treatment is to fellowship with those who live the truth--those with healthy self-esteem.
There are no truly objective researchers. Any researcher who has set forth a hypothesis tends to favor evidence that confirms his hypothesis. That is the definition of confirmation bias. Not only is confirmation bias a problem for researchers, it is a problem for ordinary people too. If a person has come to the conclusion that he or she is worthless and has little to offer in terms of beauty, talent, intellect or finance, then that person only selects evidence that supports his conclusion. If one is told he is ugly, stupid, fat, clumsy and will not amount to anything enough, he will believe it.
In many cases, people with low self-esteem cannot be reasoned out of it. There's an old counselor story about a man, "John," who came to the counselor believing he was dead. The counselor reasoned with the man for most of the session, but then he finally used this argument when he asked the client, "John, do dead men bleed?" John replied, "no." So, the counselor gave John a needle and asked him to prick his finger. John did as the counselor asked and blood came from his finger. Then the counselor said, "See, John, you are alive because dead men do not bleed." Then John said, "Well what do you know, dead men do bleed!"
In dealing with depression and low self-esteem, this phenomena of confirmation bias is not easily dealt with, but the solution is always the truth. Dr. Chris Thurman wrote a book called, The Lies We Believe. It would be worthwhile reading for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Daily we are surrounded with messages about self-worth that are lies. The antidote to that is bathing in the truth every day. How do your beliefs and values line up with the sound teachings of the Bible? Low self-esteem does not cause false beliefs, rather, the lies we choose to believe cause low self-esteem.
Our Father's Blessings,
Tom
*There is an emotional component to low self-esteem that makes it so difficult to remedy. One additional facet of treatment is to fellowship with those who live the truth--those with healthy self-esteem.
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