YOU CANNOT DRAW ON RESOURCES YOU DO NOT HAVE

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be mad know to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).

In the May/June issue of Psychology Today, in an interview with psychologist, David Schnarch, writer Pamela Weintraub reports:  And when you become your own person within a relationship, you leave room for someone else to do the same.  Instead of depending on a partner to help you manage your own feelings and maintain your equilibrium, you are free to be with your partner.  "You can offer your partner a hand instead of just your needs."  Schnarch goes on to emphasize, You have to learn to sooth your own discomfort, regulate your own emotions, and pursue your own goals. To stop being a drain on your partner and to handle problems on your own.

I liked the article and would recommend its reading, nevertheless, as a Bowenist*, Dr. Schnarch should understand that learning to sooth one's own discomforts is almost impossible.  I know that skills can be taught, but when stress levels increase, people will return to their old selves.  One cannot draw on resources he does not have.  That is the problem with a lot of approaches to therapy, people are asked to draw on resources they do not have.  Purpose and meaning cannot be drawn out of thin air.  Soothing one's own anxieties demands resources that one cannot generate within himself when stress becomes unbearable.

Generally, psychologists do not regard faith as being a legitimate approach to therapy, but trusting in God has helped many, many people deal with difficult marriages, anxiety, depression and addictions.  God is the source of the resources needed to sooth your own feelings and maintain your equilibrium so that you can be the kind of marriage partner who can help your spouse grow and your marriage flourish.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

*I respect Dr. Bowen's work, but as an atheist, ultimately, he does leave those with a lot of undifferentiated ego mass without any real resources to deal with their problems.  Bowen does, for me, provide a good lense through which to diagnose and even to design treatment, but there has to be a resource from which strength is drawn, otherwise during periods of high stress a person will revert to his original condition.