TRY FORGIVENESS

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses ( Mark 11:25 RSV).

Some of the goals of marriage counseling are to improve communication, to increase understanding in each spouse and to build conflict resolution skills.  While being successful in accomplishing these goals in marriage counseling is a good thing, and is exceedingly helpful, nevertheless, healing will never be complete unless there is forgiveness.

When Jesus taught about forgiveness he tended to frame it in financial terms; "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors."  People are familiar with finance so it makes forgiveness a little more easy to understand when he pictures forgiveness this way.  When a debt is forgiven, the note is put through the paper shredder; there is no longer a legal basis to hold the debtor accountable for his debt.  Though the debt might not be forgotten, it cannot be brought up again.

That two sinful people can be united in marriage and not hurt one another is nearly impossible and that is why forgiveness is so necessary.  Most of the time the hurts are minor, sometimes they are major, but always they will be sources of anger and conflict unless they are forgiven.  Forgiveness is a core value of being a Christian; to forgive is to love like God loves in Jesus Christ.

One of the hindrances to effective prayer is when forgiveness is withheld even when it is asked for by the spouse.  God will not hear our prayers if we do not forgive the one who has hurt us. 

My understanding of Christian forgiveness is that it is not unconditional; there must be a change of mind which is repentance.  Sometimes there are pathological abusers out there who take advantage of forgiveness as a means to continue the abuse, but to ask for forgiveness implies a desire to change.  According to first John 1:9 forgiveness is conditioned on the offender recognizing his behavior as sinful and thus asking for forgiveness.

God loves each person; Jesus died for all.  The sins of every person are paid for in the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ--while we were yet sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  God stands willing to forgive anyone who recognizes their sin and embraces Jesus Christ as their lord and savior.  Apart from that they stand unforgiven.  Likewise, we must be so ready to forgive that forgiveness is a foregone conclusion if one asks us for forgiveness!!!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom