"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. . ." (I Corinthians 13:4-8a).
In the assessment and diagnostic phase of a counseling relationship, the counselor has to arrive at an accurate understanding of the client. Different kinds of assessment tools are used to accomplish this. One of them is the "Love Inventory" that comes directly from the Bible; fifteen different love indicators are listed in this inventory by which the presence or absence of love can be recognized.
- Patience with people. It is important to be patient with circumstances, but even more so with people. According to Barclay, the word that is translated "patient" here always has to do with patience with people in the New Testament.
- Kindness. It is slow to anger, rather it returns a kind spirit.
- No envy or jealousy. One who loves is not made unhappy by the good fortune of another.
- Does not brag, not boasting of superiority over another.
- Love is not proud or arrogant so that humble service is beneath his dignity. One who loves is always willing to serve.
- Love is not rude, says the New International version. Love is always courteous and charismatic.
- Love is not self-seeking or selfish, insisting on his own rights and privileges. Thus, love recognizes his responsibilities and is willing to sacrifice for others.
- Love does not fly into a rage! Lovers work on anger management.
- Love keeps no record of wrongs. Relationships cannot heal if the past cannot be put away.*
- Love does not delight in the failure of anyone, but it does rejoice in the truth of Love's triumphs.
- Love is not overcome, bearing up through any situation, protecting those in need.
- Love is not suspicious. It brings out the best in people when they are trusted.*
- Love never loses hope. People who love are people with positive attitudes even in the face of overwhelming odds against them.
- Love always perseveres, patiently enduring very difficult times.
- Love never fails, that means that it is eternal--it doesn't come and go.
It is humbling for me to take the Bible's love inventory and become aware of how much growing I have yet to do in love. I hope it helped you too!
Grace&Peace,
Tom
*By necessity, empathy and compassion fit in here. Empathy risks coming into understanding distance to show compassion. It is necessary that a person be understood so that they can be helped in the way that is best for everyone. It is completely irresponsible to take the word of an addict or criminal at face value--it will not help him or those close to him. Empathy involves having a true understanding so that the best possible solution can be worked out.
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