INTIMACY

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces" (Matthew 7:6).

What is intimate is what is inmost or private. An intimate relationship is when one can share what is most inmost or most private with another without fear. Safety is an essential requisite for intimacy. To become vulnerable and share one's inner most thoughts, feelings and dreams with another without them being trampled on and disrespected is essential to intimacy. The surrendering of one's self to a sexual relationship in love, only to have the other view it as a conquest or a business transaction is exactly one of the meanings of these words of Jesus.

Understanding is another requisite for intimacy. One of the killers of intimacy is criticism. Why should one of the spouses share his/her share inner most thoughts and feelings with the other who is constantly critical. As a result, the spouses grow apart, though they live in the same house and sleep in the same bed. Granted, one's inmost thoughts, feelings and dreams may be dysfunctional and unrealistic, but they must be understood. Doing this takes effort, making time to listen and understand. Most of the time, intimacy wanes in a marriage because there are too many things to do, making a living and living up to our responsibilities, we think we already understand. One of the biggest reasons for affairs is the search for intimacy.

Intimacy is a real need. It is the need to love and be loved for who we are. There are many who try to fill this need by throwing their inmost selves out there to be ravaged by "pigs" and "dogs" only to have their needs unmet and to become course and hard themselves. Be careful who you give yourself to.

Grace&Peace,
Tom