"But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love" (Ephesians 4:15,16).
I receive a farm journal called FEEDSTUFFS. It deals with the availability of feedstuffs for agribusiness. As I was reading early this morning I read this blurb that was interesting and possibly could make for a good sermon illustration. This blurb is taken from an article written by Dr. M.W. Orth who is associate professor of skeletal biology with the department of animal science at Michigan State University.
"With the advances made in genetics, certain livestock species have attained some impressive growth rates. To try to give some perspective, if a week-old, 10 lb. baby boy grew at the rate of a market pig, he would weigh about 467 lb. at 24 weeks of age. If the same baby grew at the rate of a turkey, he could weigh as much as 1320 lb. at 22 weeks of age. That is more than four times the size of Shaquille O'Neal. In addition, his body composition would likely compare to that of a middle linebacker."
If our children grew that fast we would want to make sure they were properly disciplined early because they could get out of control very quickly!
Grace&Peace,
Tom
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
REPLY TO BL
BL asked a question that reflects the popular psychology of our time, 'If the marriage is unhappy, isn't that harmful to the kids too?' There is just enough truth in that line of thinking to make it seem that a marriage must be a happy marriage or the children will be damaged. The research does not reflect this. Both boys and girls desperately need their dads for proper development. One huge dynamic of dysfunctional behavior in children and young adults is the lack of Dad's involvement in their lives--just having dad there is important.
Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of men's hearts. Indeed, divorce does serve a remedial function. There are marriages that are dysfunctional enough that they put the children and one of the spouses in danger. Affairs, addictions and abuse, the triple A's, are adulterous, being violations of the vows and endangering the family! Even these things do not require divorce in the short term--separation works better for short-term unfaithfulness. But, if any of the triple A's persist over the longer term, then divorce is an acceptable remedy for the sake of the family. The triple A's are so dysfunctional that the children will be damaged if the marriage continues!
But, by far, most marriages end because one, or both, of the spouses is not happy. Children from homes where the marriages are simply "not happy" get along much better, as a whole, than children from divorced parents. It is the right thing to do to stay together for the sake of the children. Personal happiness is not the number one concern here--the children are. Raising the kids until they are 19 is not a life-sentence in "prison"--only a 19+ year one. Then, of course, grandchildren are quite likely on the way. It is right to stay together for the grandchildren too; they need grampa and gramma together. By that time grampa and gramma might have just learned how to be happy in their marriage.
If parents who are not happy in their marriages can, at the very least, learn to be polite to each other in the home, the children will be OK.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of men's hearts. Indeed, divorce does serve a remedial function. There are marriages that are dysfunctional enough that they put the children and one of the spouses in danger. Affairs, addictions and abuse, the triple A's, are adulterous, being violations of the vows and endangering the family! Even these things do not require divorce in the short term--separation works better for short-term unfaithfulness. But, if any of the triple A's persist over the longer term, then divorce is an acceptable remedy for the sake of the family. The triple A's are so dysfunctional that the children will be damaged if the marriage continues!
But, by far, most marriages end because one, or both, of the spouses is not happy. Children from homes where the marriages are simply "not happy" get along much better, as a whole, than children from divorced parents. It is the right thing to do to stay together for the sake of the children. Personal happiness is not the number one concern here--the children are. Raising the kids until they are 19 is not a life-sentence in "prison"--only a 19+ year one. Then, of course, grandchildren are quite likely on the way. It is right to stay together for the grandchildren too; they need grampa and gramma together. By that time grampa and gramma might have just learned how to be happy in their marriage.
If parents who are not happy in their marriages can, at the very least, learn to be polite to each other in the home, the children will be OK.
Grace&Peace,
Tom
Friday, October 19, 2007
DIVORCE DAMAGES KIDS
"He will turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents, so that I will not come and strike the land with a curse" (Malachi 4:6).
Did you know that only about a third of the kids whose parents are divorcing only get as much as a 10 minute explanation about what is happening and why it is happening. Some just get a single sentence, like "Daddy's gone." How confusing and terrifying that is to a child!! Kids end up paying the price financially, academically, socially, psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. About 60% of kids apparently make it through their parent's divorce OK, but I remember having a 40 year old, and apparently successful, woman in my office who was still agonizing over her parents divorce 25 years ago. Then there are the 40% who require treatment.
The prophet Malachi implies that God will curse the land where parents put their own happiness ahead of the well being of their children and when the children are allowed to rule their parents. Are we there yet?
Grace&Peace,
Tom
Did you know that only about a third of the kids whose parents are divorcing only get as much as a 10 minute explanation about what is happening and why it is happening. Some just get a single sentence, like "Daddy's gone." How confusing and terrifying that is to a child!! Kids end up paying the price financially, academically, socially, psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. About 60% of kids apparently make it through their parent's divorce OK, but I remember having a 40 year old, and apparently successful, woman in my office who was still agonizing over her parents divorce 25 years ago. Then there are the 40% who require treatment.
The prophet Malachi implies that God will curse the land where parents put their own happiness ahead of the well being of their children and when the children are allowed to rule their parents. Are we there yet?
Grace&Peace,
Tom
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Are 29 Dimensions of Compatibility Sufficient?
I have written previously about eHarmony.com's 29 dimensions of compatibility. Being compatible is a good thing--Neil Clark Warren has done a good thing with eHarmony.com. Did you know that there are more than 30,000 marriages a year that result from eHarmony? In about 3 years there should be enough data to do some meaningful research on eHarmony marriages.
I said all that to reaffirm to my vast reading audience that I am not against eHarmony. However, I am going to share a blurb from Christian Counseling Today, by Joshua D. Straub, M.A..
"May I assert, however, this requires humility. . . an attitude of the heart. The famous love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 describes love as patient and kind. It is not envious, proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, trusts, hopes perseveres, and rejoices with truth. This passage exemplifies the attitude of the heart necessary for the marital relationship to be healthy and satisfying.
"Although similarity may be a factor in marital success, it is only one of the many that must be understood and respected by researchers and clinicians alike. And for the eHarmony couple now living out that good marriage, they must be wary of assuming that compatibility alone will carry them through the troubled times inevitable in any marital relationship..
"We know that marital satisfaction is a function of at least two significant variables: compatibility and the attitude of the heart. Especially a man or woman after God's own heart."
Grace&Peace,
Tom
I said all that to reaffirm to my vast reading audience that I am not against eHarmony. However, I am going to share a blurb from Christian Counseling Today, by Joshua D. Straub, M.A..
"May I assert, however, this requires humility. . . an attitude of the heart. The famous love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 describes love as patient and kind. It is not envious, proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, trusts, hopes perseveres, and rejoices with truth. This passage exemplifies the attitude of the heart necessary for the marital relationship to be healthy and satisfying.
"Although similarity may be a factor in marital success, it is only one of the many that must be understood and respected by researchers and clinicians alike. And for the eHarmony couple now living out that good marriage, they must be wary of assuming that compatibility alone will carry them through the troubled times inevitable in any marital relationship..
"We know that marital satisfaction is a function of at least two significant variables: compatibility and the attitude of the heart. Especially a man or woman after God's own heart."
Grace&Peace,
Tom
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