A GENOGRAM CAN HELP

. . . for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments (Exodus 20:5-6).

An indispensable piece of my counseling treatment modality is to do a genogram with my client, or in the case of marriage counseling, a genogram with each spouse.  Some counselors might spend as much as four hours completing genograms for a married couple.  I try not to spend that much time, but the time spent doing a genogram is time well spent for it can make invisible family dynamics visible and be an aid in helping the client  understand the dysfunctional dynamics with which he or she is dealing.

A genogram is similar to doing a family tree.  It is a family map of at least three generations, outlining births, deaths, miscarriages, abortions, personality types, marriages, divorces, addictions, conflicts, over involements, military service, occupations, education, disease and medical problems, etc.  In other words, every aspect of a person's family life for three generations, that can be recalled, is discussed and diagrammed so that inter generational patterns come to light.  It might very well be seen that the problems the client is dealing with are problems that are being repeated from previous generations.  It is not uncommon for a client to reap the consequences of a grand parent's behavior.

At some point  the client, when he or she recognizes the dysfunctional emotional and behavioral patterns of the preceding 2 generations, has to commit to breaking the dysfunctional cycle in the family.  It is never easy to do and, I think, can really only be done with God's help because the dysfunction has become second nature, and once one of the family members begins to move toward health, another family member will, almost always, try to sabotage the attempt to become healthy because if one member of the family becomes healthy, every member will have to change.

The best way to bless yourself and your children, and your children's children, is to humble yourself before the Lord Jesus Christ, seeking his pardon and forgiveness, and follow him in the obedience of faith.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom