THE FAMILY TABLE

"And when it was evening he came with the twelve. And as they were at the table eating, Jesus said. . . ." (Mark 14:17,18).

The some of the greatest memories are those surrounding the family table. I was cleaning the house, preparing for the arrival of a former minister and his wife. [Our church is celebrating its 125th anniversary. As part of the celebration, former ministers and "Timothy's" have been invited to speak the first Sunday of each month during the year. Helen and I are hosting this month, June.] As I changed the table cloth I remembered that this table is one that our guests would have gathered around, and eaten from, many years ago because this is the only table I remember being in my childhood home during their ministry with us. Returning to the farm in 1980, Helen and I inherited the table and raised our own children around it.

I suppose if this table were sold at an auction that it would bring very little. The legs have an ornate design, but the top is somewhat of an embarrassment to look at, and that is why it stays covered with a table cloth. Yet, that table tells the story of the Steele family history in a way no written word can tell. So, it will live on in our home until the day of my passing comes. Perhaps it will find its way to an auction where it will be sold for a "song." Who would want a table with a linoleum top? The top is a testimony to my mother's thrifty practicality--it is great for cutting up meat or processing vegetables. There is a burn mark in that linoleum table top from the time in 1953 during a terrible storm and the electricity was out that my sisters tried to make some light by starting a fire in a pan, my parents being occupied by livestock.

It is around this table that we started every meal with prayer, asking God's blessing on what we were about to eat. Food is always more filling and nourishing when it is eaten with gratitude and God's blessing, and with six hungry children, food needed all the blessing it could get. Dad always ended his prayers at that table with, "Bless this food to its intenda juice." I pondered for a long time what intenda juice was until I came home from college one time and heard, "intended use." The lessons about prayer that I learned from dad around that table I have tried to teach and model for my own children and grandchildren around that same old table.

I remember a lot of good times, important discussions, fellowship with dear friends and ministers. I bought my first life insurance policy at that old table. There were has been anger shown there, tears shed there, belly laughs laughed there, games played there and a lot of food and drinks spilled there. This is all normal stuff for raising a family and having friends. The rungs show the wear of all the big and little feet that have been there.

Helen has never complained about keeping that old dining-room table around. I suppose that is partly because she has a lot of history with that table too, and because she is like my mom, a practical woman who can use a sturdy table with a linoleum top, as well as being able to put up with my "quirkiness." Someday that table will probably sell at an auction for very little, but the memories, of which it bears the marks, are priceless!

Go now. Find a good sturdy dining-room table that you can make some good family memories around and make them. A good family table will always remind you of the really important things.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

COMMUNICATION PATTERNS IN MARRIAGE

"A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in his right hand" (Proverbs 27:15-16).

The most complimentary writing about a woman is found in Proverbs 31--she definitely was not a contentious woman. Scattered throughout Proverbs are references to the contentious woman. This proves that in whatever culture in whatever period of time human nature has not changed very much.

Communication patterns are at the center of the success of a marriage. One of the things premarital counselors should evaluate are the communication patterns of the engaged couple because it is communication patterns that are pretty reliable predictors of the success of the marriage. Negative patterns are far more predictive than positive ones. It takes 5 to 20 positive comments to equal the power of 1 negative comment. Sometimes with a nagging and critical spouse in marriage counseling it is hard to find a positive comment. It is hard for a marriage to survive a contentious woman----or man. Predicting the success of a marriage is almost as simple as doing the math. If there are at least 5 positives to 1 negative comment in their communication, they will probably do OK. If there is less than that, there will be trouble.

Here are some negative communication patterns that are extremely destructive to a marriage:
1) Withdrawal--men are most guilty of this. Working late, hobbies and activities which become excuses for not being with spouse. All of this busyness says something, thus it is communication.

2) Escalation--raising of voice or anything that raises the temperature--slamming a door.

3) Invalidation--name calling, rolling eyeballs, heavy breathing, the silent treatment(this could be the worst).

4) Negative interpretation--when even a spouse's positives become a negative if the motive is believed to be negative. The spouse can do nothing right. When communication is in this mode the marriage will not turn around unless there is a miraculous change in perspective!

Check out your communication patterns! Are you a contentious woman----or man?

Grace&Peace,
Tom

INVITING MORE TROUBLE

"When the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he passes through waterless places seeking rest; and finding none he says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' And when he comes he finds it swept and put in order. Then he goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first" (Luke 11:24-30).

Problem solving is complex. Apparent solutions can simply lead to more problems. It has long been my belief that changes can be made in a person's life, in a business, in a church or an institution, but unless the necessary changes are made, all other changes are meaningless. According to the cited Scripture text, they can be worse than meaningless, they can actually invite more trouble. One can change addresses, jobs, bosses and spouses, but if the personal changes are not made that need to be made, it is opening up the door to something worse. It isn't enough to rid one's life of a demon. One has to fill his life with something to take the demon's place. The something that takes the demon's place has to be the right stuff. The Greek word translated, "put in order" literally means to decorate, adorn." That decoration was done from the set of values that got the man in trouble the first time; what needed to be changed was not changed. As a result the demon returned with seven other demons. And the man was worse off than before.

When the values of the world (kosmeo, to decorate or adorn) are the values that order our lives, then we invite more trouble into our lives. It is such a sad thing that Christians and churches look to the world for their standards of success and worth. Actually, it is hard not to do since we are surrounded by the world. Nevertheless, it is by faith that we look at God's standards of morality, success, achievement, value and personal worth and use them to order our lives.

In focusing on solutions for our problems it is absolutely necessary that we understand the road that led us to the problems we have and change directions. That is repentance. The failing to do this is inviting more trouble into our lives.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

BACKWARDS BILL---LIVES WAY UP ON BACKWARDS HILL

Conan O'Brien reported this little news blurb: "The Washington Post reports that Sen. Hillary Clinton is trying to win the Democratic nomination by reaching out to women. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'Oh sure, when she does it, it's OK.'"

Blessings,
Tom

SHOW YOURSELF A MAN

"When David's time to die drew near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, 'I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and SHOW YOURSELF A MAN, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his ordinances, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses . . ." (I Kings 2 :1-3).

It is Friday and I need to have a sermon on Sunday. My mind is a little barren right now so I needed some inspiration as to where to start with a sermon. Perhaps "googling" is not the best place to start, but that is what I did. I "googled" Sunday Sermons. What I found were some sermons by Billy Sunday. Billy Sunday was a professional baseball player from 1883-1891, making $5,000 a year. During that time Billy became a Christian and became convicted to become a preacher of the gospel. He then made $75 a month. During the 40 some years of his ministry it is estimated that 300,000 people came to believe in Jesus.

The title "Show Yourself a Man" was interesting to me. In his sermon he talks about biblical manhood. It's a great sermon and it is really one for both genders. Being a man isn't about having a pair of "big-ones," but it is about having courage enough to walk in God's ways. Sampson was a man full of testosterone but small in self-control.

I'm not going to do Sunday's sermon as written, but it is a good place to start.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

LIFE IS HOW YOU LOOK AT IT

"We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Alex and his grampa were wrestling on the family room floor. After a short time, grampa got Alex pinned on the floor. Grampa was laughing out loud when he said to Alex, "I've got you down now." Alex giggled as he replied, "No, grampa, I've got you up."

Alex did have his grampa "up." He was receiving his grand father's full attention. He could look at his situation in a completely different way because he knew that he was loved. We are loved by our Heavenly Father so we are able to look at the events of our lives in a completely different way too. Christians should not look on the dark side of things even though there are many dark things happening. It is my natural tendency to look at life through "dark glasses;" I have to work at being optimistic. A little lesson from a child reminds me that life is a whole lot better if we have love and faith enough to look at it in a different way. Quoting again from Romans, "'For thy sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No! In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us!" (Romans 8:36-37).

Grace&Peace,
Tom