NONSEXUAL ADULTERY?4

"So Steele, what's the point of all this nonsexual adultery stuff?" you ask. It is important, in my view, to understand that adultery isn't about unlawful sex. Adultery is about basic disloyalty. Sometimes sexual intercourse is involved, many times not! In Hosea 7:4 God says of Israel, "They are all adulterers. . ." In 7:1 God says the "committed falsehood and thievery." In 7:5 God says they misused wine, and in 7:7 God says they devoured their rulers. These people were adulterers because they, as God's people, were disloyal to Him. It is for the same reason that a sign-seeker is an adulterer (Matthew 12:39). As God's people, we live by faith in Him. We trust in His provision. To ask for a sign is to accuse God of unfaithfulness. He may choose to give us a sign. As in the case of Ahaz, He may tell us to ask for a sign. But, generally, it is unfaithfulness that causes one to be a sign-seeker.

In marriage, the same is true. We have covenanted to love and cherish our spouse. When one of the partners acts in disloyalty to the vow, adultery has been committed. It's about an attitude, "I do not care what my wife says, I'm going to do it any way." It is about running up credit-card debt, or over-drawing a checking account without a spouse's knowledge. It is about abuse and addiction. It is about constant criticism, little positive communication where the positive to negative communication ratio falls below 5 positives to 1 negative. It's nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship at less than 5 to 1.

All of those deficiencies destroy trust and create bitterness just as surely as an affair. One cannot be self-righteous about this matter of adultery because nearly everyone has committed it in one way or another. So confess it, ask God for forgiveness and learn to do better.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

PS I'm indebted to Olan Hicks' book, What the Bible Says About Divorce, Marriage and Remarriage for helping me to think about this subject.