MORE ON DREAMS AND VISIONS

For God speaks in in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it.  In a dream, in a vision in the night, when deep sleep falls upon men, while they slumber on their beds . . . (Job 33:14-15).

What started this discussion on dreams and visions was a discussion with my son in which he related a story about an African student who went to Ozark Christian College because he had a dream with "Ozark" in it.  He had no previous knowledge of Ozark, so he "googled" it and found Ozark Christian College.  As a result of the story, I "googled" dreams that convert Muslims to Christ and found that the fourth leading cause of Muslims converting to Christianity is dreams and visions.  So just for that reason dreams and visions are worthy of discussion.

Does God still speak to us in dreams and visions?  With the completion of the canon of Scripture, the Bible, I would assume that the need for such dreams would become much less, but the Bible does not absolutely say these kinds of dreams and visions would end.  One has to be careful in determining the origin of those dreams, however.  It has always been true that there have been people who have said, "The Lord has said . . ." when the Lord has said nothing.  Note Ezekiel 13:7, Have you not seen a delusive vision, and uttered a lying divination, whenever you have said, "says the Lord," although I have not spoken?
The measure of the Spiritual truth of any of our dreams is the Bible.  It is by the word of truth that dreams and visions are measured, thus John wrote, Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God . . . (I John 4:1).

While helping at 5th & 6th grade camp as a dorm dad earlier this summer, I had a dream.   One of the reasons I remember it so well is that as a result of it, I fell out of bed.  In the dream I was fighting another man.  The man had no face so that I could identify him as a different person, so my interpretation of him is that he is me--I am fighting myself.  I kicked the man I am fighting so hard that I fell out of bed.  Both my Spiritual and psychological interpretation of this is that to have any real achievement in my life, I must win the battle with my flesh.  I am as prone to being subject to the flesh as anyone.  I am not a person with great natural ability, and so to achieve, I must take chances, push and work hard.  These are things I do not like to do.  I interpret the falling out of bed as part of the dream.  Though I did hit the floor hard, it seemed as though all the counselors and boys were laughing at me.  My interpretation of that part of the dream is that my efforts to achieve and live for the Lord are laughable to many.  As my head cleared up and I noticed that everyone around me was fast asleep, it occurred to me that everyone is so busy with their own battles that they seldom notice the battles of another.

I have not had a reccurrence of this dream.  If you would like to take a shot at the interpretation of my dream, you are welcome.  If you would like to share your dream you are welcome to do that too.  In any case, do not discount your dreams because it might be that something really important is going on.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WHERE THERE IS NO VISION, THE PEOPLE PERISH

Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he (Proverbs 29:18 KJV).

Motivational speakers love to use this verse.  Life isn't static.  If one does not have a vision of what he or she can achieve and aspire to then one is doomed to a life of being ordinary and under achievement.  When the motivational speaker talks about vision he is talking about setting lofty goals and having great aspirations because anything less is not fulfilling the purpose for which God put us on this earth for.  There is a lot of truth in the motivational approach to this verse, but that is not the purpose for which it was written.

Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law (Proverbs 29:18 NIV).

The New International Version makes the purpose of the verse a little more clear.  The vision spoken of in the King James Version is a prophetic vision--it is a word from God.  If people do not get a word from the Lord, they cast off restraint, doing what ever seems right in their own eyes.  In the days before all Scripture was recorded in the Bible, prophetic vision was essential for the guidance of God's people, but now that Scripture is freely available to anyone who desires, there is no need for additional revelation.  After John wrote the book of Revelation on Patmos, the need for miraculous revelation through visions ended.

I'm not saying that God will not give us a vision for what is possible in our personal lives and in our churches because when the Holy Spirit is involved, things beyond all that we can ask or think can happen!  However, in terms of new prophetic doctrinal revelation, Holy Spirit pronounces a curse on any who would add or subtract from the words of this book.

Father in Heaven, give me a vision of service and achievement in your kingdom.  May I not be found as a lazy and slothful servant because I had no vision.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WIFE IS GOOD

A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

Helen and I finally returned home after delivering three of our grand children, Faith, Deacon and Parker home to their parents in California.  If was a long drive, but we enjoy driving, and it was even more fun for half the journey with the kids along too.  With Helen along, it was all very easy for me, as she did most of the work--and even some of the driving from the "back seat."

So when I saw the guy in Kearney, Nebraska with the T-shirt that was inscribed with "Wife is good," I could concur, Yes! wife is good!  Now I have always said, "Life is good and it is going to get gooder,"  but it could also be said, "Wife is good and she is getting gooder."

There are a million things to do to catch up, but I will be back to dreams and visions soon.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

DREAMS AND VISIONS

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams (Acts 2:17).

This is a subject that I will revisit at a later time because present family priorities take precedence over research.  What has peeked my interest in the subject was hearing that many Muslims convert to Christ because of the influence of dreams and visions.  Indeed, I did a quick "google" search of the factors that influence Muslims to convert to Christ and found that dreams and visions were the 4th leading dynamic which influenced Muslims to convert.  Is this a fulfillment of Joel's prophecy as quoted by Peter in Acts 2:17?
Is every dream psychologically significant?  Is every dream spiritually significant?  These are questions I will attempt to answer when I visit this subject again in a couple of weeks.

I tend to dream a lot, though I remember very few of them.  I am of the opinion that one needs to be intentional about remembering dreams and keep a note pad by the bed so that the minute one naturally awakens he is able to write it down.  While I was serving as dorm dad a month ago at church camp, I had a very vivid dream of being involved in a fight with another man.  When I kicked him I fell out of bed and the very next sensation I had was of laying on the cold concrete floor and it sounded like everyone was laughing at me.  As my head cleared from the two-foot fall, I saw that everyone was still fast asleep.  Evidently the laughing was part of the dream.  My chest and shoulder are still sore as a result of that fall, though I am healing nicely. So far, I have not had a recurrence of this dream, but it was so vivid that it does seem as if it should be significant either spiritually or psychologically.  We will deal with this dream, and perhaps, some others in a couple of weeks.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

FAITH IS A SYNECDOCHE

You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone (James 2:24).

What is a synecdoche?  It is not a strange animal.  It is not an alien from outer space.  It is not a word for a bad politician, of which there seems to be many these days.  A synechdoche is a figure of speech in which the part stands for the whole.  I have nine hundred head of pigs in my pig barn.  It would be a strange sight out of an old science fiction movie to walk into the barn and see only pig heads there.  There are also plenty of loins, chops and hams too--that's what I see when I go into the barn.  But it is the head that is the predominant feature of most any animal and that is why I have nine hundred head of pigs, not nine hundred loin of pigs.  When a buyer buys my pigs he buys them with the full expectation that the loins, hams and chops will come along with the head.

So it is with faith.  If a person truly believes in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, the change in his/her life is a forgone conclusion.  It will happen.  Faith is the predominant feature of the Christian life.  If a person says that he has faith, but there is no obedience and submission to the Lord, if he does not evidence a life of  compassion and a desire to invest in the things of God, his faith is like one of my pigs with only a head and no body.  A creature like that only happens in a bad science-fiction movie, otherwise it is dead. 

Reading the context of James 2:24, one easily discovers that James is dealing with the believe-and-be-saved mentality that is so foreign to the scriptures.  Texts like Acts 16:31 which say, "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, you and your household" are synecdochial; the context demonstrates the synecdoche.  Belief is not something that exists apart from obedience.

No one has perfect faith and thus no one has perfect trust, obedience and compassion, but one of our prayers should always be, "Lord Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief."

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WE ARE BACK

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

Yesterday, my son, Paul married Jenny Franklin of Austin, MN.  Helen and I, our children, grandchildren and in laws spent last week staying in the Log-Cabin Inn of Rose Creek, Minnesota vacationing as well as preparing for the wedding.  The cabin was made of real twelve-inch logs; it was rustic yet very enjoyable and perfect for our family.  On the wall of the cabin was a hanging which said, "Life is not the number of breaths you take, but it is the number of moments that take your breath away."  An author wasn't credited on the hanging, but whoever wrote it gave us an important means of evaluating our lives.

We are home now, tired and weary, but it is a weariness that is good because of all of those good moments associated with it.  Those moments took our breath away--what a blessing!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

PROVIDING FOR YOUR FAMILY

If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (I Timothy 5:8).

With Father's Day on Sunday, and QE2 arriving on June 30th, I thought it necessary to share some of my thinking.

From the context of the verse, it is obvious that Paul is speaking of providing necessary material things for the family. Nevertheless, spiritual provision is a necessary provision for the family because, as Jesus said, Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.  If a Christian man does not provide spiritual leadership in his home then he is not truly providing for his family.

The end of Quantitative Easing 2 is when the Fed stops printing money.  Because of the financial crisis in Europe and the huge amounts of deficit spending at home, no one knows what will happen when the printing presses stop on June 30th. The mood of congress is for austerity measures and with a tighter money supply it might soon become very difficult to provide for one's family.  Of course the reason that the U.S. is in this mess is precisely because there are many people who feel entitled to other people's money.  There are many family members who can pay for the support of their family, but want the government to do it for them.  When the basic law of providing for one's own family is violated then, eventually, a whole nation can be destroyed.  Look what is happening in Greece--the U.S. is almost there.

My investment advisor (I subscribe an investment newsletter that will remain nameless) shared 3 things to prepare for QE2:

1. Hold plenty of cash; up to 40% of your investments.

2. Hold gold and silver bullion.

3. Sell risky stocks.

Obviously, if one doesn't have a lot of net worth (me), those three steps do not help a lot.  However, it sure wouldn't hurt to stock up on basic necessities as a precaution.  Ultimately, the Lord is our provider.  Christians need to be ready to take hold of the opportunities that a loving Father provides his children so that they can provide for theirs.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

HOME FROM CAMP 2

And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them.  But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God" (Mark 10:13-14).

The legal definition of a child in the state of Iowa is a person under the age of 18.  In the culture of Jesus' time a person was well into adulthood by the time he/she reached the age of 18.  Even the 11 and 12 year-olds who Helen and I worked with at camp were older than the children Jesus was speaking about in this scripture text.  But 11 and 12 year-olds still have some innocence about them because there is so much of life that is still new to them.

For some of them, the trust that should characterize the relationship they have to their parents is gone because the parents have pursued their own selfish agenda rather than what is best for their children.  Trust is the most important characteristic of children that make them part of the Kingdom of Heaven.  The picture Jesus paints here of children is not one of total depravity, but one of innocence, love and trust.  Children become sinful because of the influence of the world, the flesh and the devil.

Another characteristic of a child that makes them dear to the Lord is that they see things in black and white.  They make their decisions much more easily than adults who see everything in various shades of grey.  Often, adults are so nuanced that they stand for nothing.

So, working with kids at church and at camp helps one to stay young.  In them I see some of the things I have lost and need to get back.  Lord, give me the strength to go back next year.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

HOME FROM CAMP

Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3).

Helen and I just returned from a week of being dorm parents for 5th and 6th graders at NEBOWA Christian Camp.  It was a great time.  The two hot days nearly did me in, and we are worn out now, but the investment in the lives of the young is worth it!!!

The children whom Jesus was talking about were probably younger than the 11 and 12 year-olds that Helen and I worked with, but there is still some of that "children" in them that Jesus was talking about.  Life is new to children.  As each phase of maturation is entered, it is an all new experience to them.  They are creative and see life in a new way.  Those who have said, "experience is the best teacher," are wrong.  Sometimes experience teaches bad things, not good things.  Sometimes experience hinders openness and curiosity.  Part of the job description of a teacher/counselor is to help the child interpret the meaning of an experience so that he/she can grow from it, not be hindered by it.  It was a privilege for me to be able to participate in that process at camp.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO VALERIE?

For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."  But if you bite and devour one another take heed that you are not consumed by one another (Galatians 5:14-15).

A couple of days ago I was checking out some of my archived material (perhaps I'm my own biggest fan) when I happened on a "Bullet" that was posted March 24, 2006 called THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE TO KIDS.  A lady named Valerie commented on it and for some unknown reason I did not respond to her.  (It might be good to go to the archive and read it for yourself.)  Here is her comment:

I agree with most of your post, but how long does one stay in marriage being ignored, taken advantage of, and serving as maid and whore?

If people are mature, educated adults, they can make a divorce "work" for kids.  Of course its not the ideal situation; but putting the kids first in marriage AND divorce is imperative. remaining civil with each other after a separation is far better than ignorance and bitterness in a marriage.

Dear Valerie, if you were my client one of my first priorities would be to determine whether or not you and the children are safe in your marriage relationship.  If there is abuse, addictions and on-going affairs then a spouse and children are not safe.  If  basic safety exists then mom and dad need to understand the dangers they are presenting to their children when they divorce.  Though many children are able to deal with the divorce of their parents okay, there are many children who are not and I am not sure any children get through a divorce without being scarred--my own case work bears it out.

The argument that children fare better when mom and dad are happy living separately rather than living together in bitterness sounds logical sounds reasonable, but in fact, it is not.  Because of the loss of income that is a consequence of most divorces and the loss of a place to call their own, children suffer material loss.  Because of the sexualized atmosphere of their parent's new romantic interests, children are predisposed to early sexual behavior and sexual abuse.  Because the new "significant others" have no investment in the lives of the children, physical and verbal abuse is much more likely.  Emotional and psychological  harm result from the grief of the loss of relationships as they were, and the thought, in the children's mind, that they caused the loss.  No matter how much the parent's tell them that they are not the cause, the children still believe it because the parents have lied about other things.  The children believe they are not loved too.

Finally, your response indicates that, though you and your husband might be educated adults, emotionally you are not acting like mature adults.  Your children have the greatest stake in your marriage.  It is time to grow up for the sake of the children.  If, when your youngest child is 18, you still feel as you do towards your husband, then go for a divorce but your children need you and your husband to provide a stable home life for them now.  From the tone of your letter, it sounds like your communication style is that the husband demands and you withdraw.  You are about to extremely withdraw in divorce.  Do not.  Rather, learn to set boundaries and clearly communicate what you expect of him.  If you do that, in 18 years you will probably enjoy being his wife.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNION MEDITATION INSPIRED BY HAROLD CAMPING

And as they were eating, he took bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take; this is my body."  And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, and they all drank of it.  And he said to them, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.  Truly, I say to you, I shall not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God" (Mark 14:22-25).

It was my turn on the rotation to bring the communion meditation.  As I pondered what thoughts to bring it struck me that something connected with what has been on most people's mind this last week might be most meaningful.  Because of the publicity given to Harold Camping's prediction of the rapture on the 21st, I thought these thoughts would be meaningful.

The celebration of the Lord's Supper is a backward look.  Jesus said that the purpose of the Lord's Supper was a memorial to him (I Corinthians 11:24&25).  We must never forget the reason for our hope, pardon and forgiveness!

The celebration of the Lord's Supper is an inward look.  The celebration of Communion in a worthy manner includes self-examination.  There cannot be any appreciation of what Jesus has done for us if there is not an honest appraisal of one's own heart.  While our evil thoughts and actions might not be evident to others, God knows and we know.  Any one who thinks, "I'm good enough to make it to Heaven" will likely not be there!

The celebration of the Lord's Supper is a forward look.  If Harold Camping was right, we would all be celebrating the Eucharist together with the Lord Jesus right now, but we are not.  How do you feel about that?  I am disappointed!  I would rather be raptured than to die.  However, I knew that Camping was wrong the minute I heard the date and the time because Jesus said, But of the day and hour now one know, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only (Matthew 24:36).  How is it that otherwise intelligent people can be so stupid as to contradict the clear teachings of Scripture.  In an effort to discourage the date-setters of his time, Isaac Newton said that the Lord will not return before 2060.  Nevertheless, datesetters still abound.  Celebrating the Lord's Supper does remind us to look ahead to the time when we will all celebrate it together in Heaven with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  What a celebration that will be!!!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 KJV).

While there are much better translations of Hebrews 11:1, the King James Version provides a truth about faith that is missing in the other translations and that is the evidence of things not seen.  The faith that we have in God is not a leap of faith, it is not blind faith, but it is a reasonable faith based on evidence.

God has always required faith as the basis of a relationship with Him.  And without faith it is impossible to please God.  Those who come to Him must believe that He exists and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).  Faith in an invisible God is a tough sell, but that faith has always distinguished Hebrews and Christians from others.  Paul writes a wonderful benediction to Timothy: Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever.  Amen (I T. 1:17). 

God has not left us without evidence of His existence and presence!  The heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands (Psalms 19:1).  For since the creation of the world, His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made so that they are without excuse (Romans 1:20).  There is plenty of evidence in our universe of intelligent design.  Even though that evidence "slaps them in the face" many refuse to see because of the implication of what life means if there is a creator God.

God has left us with the evidence of fulfilled prophecy.  The Bible is full of examples of prophecy fulfilled.  Daniel's seventy-weeks prophecy comes most readily to mind in Daniel chapter 9, but there are many others.  Because of Daniel's prophecy, there were many like Anna and Simeon waiting in expectancy for the promised Messiah when Jesus came (see Luke 2:21-38).

Ultimately, the evidence of things not seen is the resurrection of Christ from the dead.  Christians have always said that without the resurrection there is no Christianity: and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless . . . (I Corinthians 15:17).  The risen Christ was seen by more than five hundred people.  They are credible witnesses because they were martyred for their witness.  People do not knowingly die for a lie.

Blaise Pascal was a Christian, philosopher and mathematician.  He is famous for his wager that goes something like this:  If one lives his life as if God is and He isn't then he has lost nothing.  If one lives his life as if God isn't and He is he has lost everything.  While Pascal's wager is true, it should not be the reason for why a person is a Christian.  Pascal's wager is not the basis of a relationship--faith is.  We have a faith relationship with God, confident in the expectation of Heaven because of what Jesus has done for us.  It is confidence in a relationship, not in a wager.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom 

A LATE MOTHER'S-DAY THOUGHT

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).

Because of the season, I have been very busy on the farm.  As a result, I have not kept up on my writing responsibilities as I should; please forgive me.

One of the thoughts I wanted to develop for Mother's Day was this: Even though Jesus taught us to address God as our Father, the complete expression of God's personality is both masculine and feminine.  Both males and females are created in the image of God.  Though my study on this subject is far from complete, I will share four verses that point to God's desire to nurture, and care for people as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings to protect them.

I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings (Psalms 61:4).

Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings (Psalms 63:7).

The Lord recompense you for what you have done, and a full reward be given to you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge (Ruth 2:12).

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, killing the prophets and stoning those who are sent to you!  How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not! (Matthew 23:37).

Much more can be said about this, but the point I want to emphasize it this: Those women who manifest the image of God in their lives of loving and nurturing children are mothers whether they have given birth or not.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

WALKING WITH MY GRANDSON

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3).

Helen and I do not have many grandchildren (Only five) but the ones we do have are the best!  This past weekend, Helen and I drove to Iowa City to attend grandparents day at Heritage Christian School where Alex and Samantha attend.  We were able to visit the classes that Alex and Samantha attend and have a first-hand look at academics from a Christian perspective.  It was well worth the time to do this!

The remainder of the weekend we just had a good time "hanging out" together.  It is part of my daily routine to take a walk, so Alex volunteered to walk with his grampa.  As it turned out, grampa walked with Alex more than he walked with me.  Alex is just 12 years old, but he already stands 5' 10" and has long legs.  He nearly walked my legs off!  I have never been a fast walker, liking to think, meditate and pray as I walk.  Walking with Alex, one has to concentrate on keeping up with the pace--no time for dallying!  For Alex we were just walking his normal pace. 

Often people cannot walk together because they have cut themselves off from each other so that even a simple walk in the park is not doable because of anger, bitterness, and false beliefs.  While I was walking with Alex I was thinking how blessed I am to be able to enjoy something so simple as a daily walk with my grandson.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE BUDGET MESS

See that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I tell you that in heaven their angels always behold the face of the Father who is in heaven (Matthew 18:10).

As a result of the recent budget battle in Washington, I am not optimistic that we will ever balance the budget.  The result of deficit spending is always inflation.  Inflation is a cruel thief, stealing from the poor and the elderly, those who can least afford it.  The irony is that liberal/progressive politicians, who claim to be the champions of the poor and the elderly, are the ones who are responsible for the huge deficits that are the cause of the high inflation rates staring us in the face.  In spite of the rhetoric, these politicians have done as much to hurt the cause of the poor and elderly as to help them.

The reason I am so negative about our financial future is that we cannot even stop tax-payer dollars from going to support planned population control--I should say planned parenthood. Planned parenthood is the single largest abortion provider in the United States and the single largest abortion promoter in the world.  PP has challenged common-sense legislation such as right-to-know laws and has backed partial birth abortion. In 2009 PP took in $149.9 million of revenue just from doing abortions which accounts for more than a third of the the $404.9 million of total PP revenue.  In terms of the total US budget that is small potatoes, but life is a core value. How we, as a society, look at the value of the unborn is indicative of how we, as a society, arrive at our other values.  If we refuse to protect the right to life of the unborn, the rights of every other person are expendable too.  I think as we begin to know more and more of what is in ObamaCare we will understand how expendable our rights are.

Materialists view every problem as a money problem.  But there are some problems that money cannot solve no matter how much is spent.  The real problem is a "heart" problem that will be resolved in Jesus Christ or in judgment.  The angels of the "little ones" might not prevent their abuse and deaths, but they certainly make a record of their abusers, preparing for them the hottest places in perdition.

Our Father's Love,
Tom

WHY GOD MATTERS

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep (Psalms 127:1-2 RSV).

I am reading through the Psalms, but not reading very fast.  This was in my reading yesterday and I thought it appropriate to share with you, my dear reader.

As we live our lives there are some basics that must be in place so that our lives can be lived with confidence and in peace of mind.  The most important basic is God, believing in Him, trusting in Him and obeying Him.  Without God as the foundation, the building of your life will come apart.  Without God as the watchman the city of your life will be invaded by every enemy and no defense mechanism can stop it.

With God as our co-builder and as our co-watchman we can be assured that our lives will matter, giving blessing  and peace to those around us.

I like how the New American Standard Version translates the last line of this text:  for he gives to his beloved even in his sleep.  When God is made the foundation stone of our lives, he blesses the labors of our hands so that, even while we are getting a normal night's sleep, God is working for us.  It is not to say that there will never be a time when we do not put in loong hours, but the anxious working of long hours to get ahead can destroy the most important things in life; like a family. 

So remember this verse from the book of Hebrews: Without faith it is impossible to please God.  Those who come to Him must believe that he exists and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him  (Hebrews 11:6 Tom Steele's Memory Version).

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE BENEFITS OF BELIEVING

The 103rd Psalm is a Psalm of David.  If anyone needed these blessings from the Lord, he did!  David committed the "big" sins of theft, adultery and murder.  David was much like us.  Though his sins were big and many, he tried to cover them up just as we do.  We might not have committed the "big" sins, but we have deceived ourselves into thinking that lust, gossip, greed and laziness are not quite so bad as the "big" sins.  God doesn't see it that way, so we are just as much in need of God's pardon, forgiveness and other blessings as David was.  Because of His grace and mercy, God supplies these blessings to those who believe in Him and seek Him:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the Pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's (Psalms 103: 2-5).

I encourage you to read the whole of Psalms 103--it is one of my favorite Psalms.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE: (PART 3): Self Evaluation

Let a man examine himself . . . (I Corinthians 11:28).

Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other (Psalms 85:10).

One of the assignments I give to clients who are having marital problems is to take a week and keep track of how many positive communications occur and how many negative communications occur.  My purpose is to help them to become aware of how they communicate.  I have never had a couple actually complete the assignment, but it is one of the most important assignments to be done in marriage counseling.

Self evaluation is not easy because it requires intentional awareness of the give and take of communication, and often we communicate in ways in which we are not aware.  For instance, what does it mean when a spouse walks into the room and his/her partner does not acknowledge his/her presence?  It might mean nothing, but if it is part of a pattern of ignoring, it could be more than discourtesy and be actual passive aggresive behavior.  When I was taking my student practicum in seminary, the counseling sessions were video taped.  Though this was painful for me to watch me, video taping was an excellent way to become aware of the non-verbal communication that was being covered up by the verbal.

There is as much non-verbal communication, if not more, than verbal.  A twinkle or wink of the eye, a touch or a love pat, a little kiss or a smile on the face says to the spouse, "You are important to me"  or "I love you."  However, if one is busy and the husband or wife walks in the room and there is no verbal or non-verbal acknowledgement then what is being communicated is, "My work is more important than you right now."  That is an example of negative communication.

Predicting the success or failure of a marriage is almost as simple as doing the math.  It takes no less than 5 positives to one negative in marital communication or the marriage will become problematic.  Negatives weigh more than positives so it is absolutely necessary to make sure positives far out weigh negatives--it has to be intentional. 

Our communication reflects what we believe about our spouse, and/or others, so perhaps marriage therapy should begin by dealing with those beliefs.  However, one of my rules for marriage and family therapy is that the couple or the family members communicate with respect.  It is not possible to change beliefs if the communication is disrespectful, so the first lesson they learn in therapy is that of respectful communication.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE (PART 2) Direct Communication

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in his right hand (Proverbs 27:15-16).

With 700 wives and 300 concubines, many men might look with envy on Solomon, but Solomon knew very well what he was saying from experience.  I'm sure that there were more than 2 or 3 of his women who fit that description.  This is quite a contrast to the ideal wife of whom he would write about in Proverbs 31.  I should add that there are many men who are just as contentious and would fit Solomon's description just as well.

Helen and I had the privilege of serving on a marriage panel at a Christian conference workshop.  I spoke briefly of the value of direct communication in marriage while Helen spoke negatively, and by her facial expressions, expressed strong disagreement with what I had said.  So, you could rightly say, "Physician, heal yourself."  Helen's real problem is understanding what direct communication looks like, so that is where I will begin.

Direct communication is not saying directly whatever one feels like saying.  For people who tend to be driven by their emotions, that is how they see direct communication, saying what they feel at the time.  They will insist that it is not honest communication if one cannot say what he/she feels.  However, emotionally driven communication is almost always negative in its effect.

Direct communication is not emotionless, but its purpose is to convey information.  Air-traffic controllers, hospitals, police departments are examples of where direct communication has to be used--marriages are no less important.  Direct communication has no implied meanings or mixed messages.  Direct communication is not sarcastic or defensive, it does not have a tone of voice or a facial expression that says one thing but means another.  In other words, there is congruence in direct communication. Direct communication fosters intimacy because one knows that their thoughts will be handled with respect by the other who is listening, and vice versa.  Intimacy is very difficult when communication is emotionally driven.

Marriages require intimacy and communication is the road to intimacy.  When a spouse feels safe sharing his/her innermost thoughts with someone other than the marital partner then there will be an affair.   I tend to be emotionally driven, so I am including myself in this, there will be times of conflict in marriage.  It is easy to let emotions take over the conflict.  Then one of the spouses has to say, "My emotions have taken over, let's not talk about it until we can cool down."  This is direct communication that preserves each other's dignity.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone (Colossians 4:6).

Communication is essential to relationship.  The success or failure of a relationship can be predicted by the communication patterns in that relationship.  Some marriage communication experts have said that they can predict with as high as 96% accuracy whether or not a marriage will succeed based on the communication patterns in the premarital relationship, so you can see how important this subject is.  Communication patterns in the premarital relationship are not likely to change very much for the better in the marital relationship.  

First, I will discuss some negative communication patterns, and then, in a sequel, write about positive communication.  The following are communication patterns that are extremely destructive to a marriage:

1) Withdrawal.  It is impossible not to communicate in a relationship.  When one of the partners withdraws, the other partner is left guessing what this withdrawal means, but it does mean something.  Withdrawal can take the form of working long hours, being over involved in hobbies or other activities, giving the spouse the silent treatment.  Withdrawal can be extremely frightening to the other spouse because he/she is left guessing what it means.  So, withdrawal is a kind of spousal abuse.

2) Escalation.  Escalation is increases the conflict.  Raising the voice, slamming the door or throwing objects are intended to intimidate the spouse, or putting the most positive spin on it, get the spouses attention, but yelling, screaming and throwing objects will never strengthen a relationship.  Escalation will destroy a relationship!

3) Invalidation.  Invalidation is name calling, putting down spouse in front of others, ignoring the spouse for a time, rolling eyeballs and heavy breathing when spouse asks to do something apparently stupid.  Constant criticism is another hall-mark of invalidation.

4) Negative interpretation.  Negative interpretation is when a spouses positives are interpreted negatively, for example, if a husband brings his wife flowers and the wife says, "Oh, you just want to have sex tonight."  This might be the most dangerous pattern because the spouse has judged the motives of his/her partner and found it wanting--it reveals the value placed on the relationship.

I share this with you so that you can become more aware of how you communicate.  It isn't just profanity that is unholy communication, but each one of these communication patterns as well.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

SEX IN MARRIAGE: PORNOGRAPHY

You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'  But I say to you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart ( Matthew 5:27-28).

Many things could be said about this text, but I am using it to emphasize the point that the use of pornography undermines an intimate relationship between husband and wife in marriage.

More so in our time than any other, sexual images are so freely available.  Perfect bodies, sexual prowess and free, "no-strings-attached" sexuality, are on display daily on television during family viewing times.  Add to this internet pornography and it is a wonder that not everyone has a distorted view of sex.  Perhaps what we have is a necessary consequence of free-speech rights, but we do pay a heavy price for it.

The result of all of this is plunging our kids into a world of sexual fantasy that is not real--sex that is wild passion.  The worst part of this is, that for many, unless the fantasy becomes reality, then it is boring.  In my case work I have encountered  several marriages in which the underlying problem was the use of pornography on the part of the husband.  Men tend to be more influenced by visual images than women, but addiction to pornography is not limited to men.  When pornography is a factor in marital relationships there is an attempt to make fantasy reality.  If the wife is not pretty enough to match up with fantasy, then there will be an attempt to find a way to include someone who is, or there could be a fantasy scenario that will be attempted to act out.  Fantasizing is an act of self absorption and an attempt to escape reality; it does not lead to greater intimacy, but to greater isolation, emptiness and selfcenteredness.

There are quite a few reasons to restrict sexual behavior in society, but one of them is that restriction enhances sexuality.  Too much candy makes a person sick.  Too much of a good thing makes it ordinary.  In the words of Dr.Val Farmer, a psychologist, Sex "punctuates a relationship instead of being the entire dialogue." 

The measure of good sex is this: Does it enhance emotional closeness with one's spouse?  Though this sounds like circular reasoning, emotional closeness will enhance good sex.  Pornography will undermine both good sex and emotional closeness.

If pornography is a problem with you,  find a counselor who can help you with it--you will be blessed!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

SEX IN MARRIAGE: THE IMPORTANCE OF

But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.  The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.  For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does.  Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season . . .  (I Corinthians 7:2-5a).

Marriage is a complex relationship between a man and a woman.  A great sex life, by itself, will not save a relationship, but the lack of an adequate sex life is a symptom of other problems in a marriage.  The lack of sex in marriage might simply be a symptom of failing physical health and should be checked out.  If one is to obey the Scriptures, there is an obligation to maintain physical health as long as possible in order to meet the sexual needs of the spouse.  Married couples who have regular sex have a life expectancy that is 5 to 7 years longer.

The lack of sex in a marriage is a symptom of the lack of intimacy in a marriage.  Intimacy is giving yourself away--it is feeling safe enough to become vulnerable and share the most deep feelings of one's heart without having them ridiculed and made fun of.  While sex itself is not intimacy, sex makes intimacy more likely and the end of sex is a signal of the end of intimacy.

Low sex and no sex marriages are not as happy.  In a New York Times interview with Dr. Denise Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, Dr. Donnelly asserted that according to her research she found that, "People in low sex and sexless marriages are not as happy and are more likely to consider divorce."

The sex-drive of both men and women is a bell-shaped curve; that is a normal distribution.  There are some men and women with high sex drives and some with low.  Given the laws of attraction it is very likely that a low sex-drive man will be attracted to a high sex-drive woman, and vice versa.  One's sex drive is nothing to be ashamed of--God made us this way.  Nevertheless, when these kinds of matches are made, how can they be resolved?  For the low sex-drive partner sex has to become intentional.  One has to intentionally make time for it.  One has to intentionally get in the mood for it.  The low sex-drive partner will have to intentionally stay in good physical condition, and the man might have to take "Viagra" for it. 

One of the purposes of marriage is to help deal with the temptation to sexual immorality.  Both the Corinthian culture and our culture is highly sexualized--it is easy to fall into sexual immorality.  A healthy marriage is a marriage that has a healthy sex life.  How much sex is needed for a healthy sex-life?  The amount on which both partners agree.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

Addendum: Sex-drive can be conditioned to be either greater or lesser.  Sex abuse as a child can condition a child toward a greater or lesser sex drive.  Much of sex is in the psychology of a person, that is why this is the case.  Pornography can have the same kind of influence.  Of course, physical ailments influence sex drive too.  If any of these things are influencing your married sex life, it is worth seeking professional help.  Your marriage will be blessed because of it.

SEX IN MARRIAGE: A DISCLAIMER

Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control (I Corinthians 7:5).

In subsequent posts about sex in marriage, the reader might get the idea that this writer thinks that sex is the cure-all for everything that ails a marriage.  I do not believe that, but I do know that a sexless marriage is not a healthy marriage--no sex means that there is little real intimacy in a marriage.  Nevertheless, it is just common sense that there are times in married life when sex should be abstained from.  In times of sickness, surgery, after birth and even for seasons of fasting and prayer it is right to abstain from sexual activity with a spouse.  Those times can be very lengthy so self-control becomes a huge issue for the one who has the strongest sex-drive; most of the time it is the male, but in many cases it is the female that has to contend with sexual self-control.

As time goes on and a couple ages, sexual self-control becomes less of an issue because sexual hormone production decreases.  Sex doesn't seem to be as urgent as is reflected in these statistics: The average amount of sex by married couples over all is 58 times a year.  The average amount of sex by married couples under 30 is 111 times a year.  To me it looks like the under 30 crowd is making up for a lot of the over 30 crowd.  When George Burns, the comedian, was in his eighties and was commenting about octogenarian sex he said, "The one in the spring is the best one."  My goal is to be as good as Moses (Deuteronomy 34:7) though it might be that I'm only as good as George Burns. 

In married life there are times from which sex should be abstained.  For either spouse not to recognize that is to violate the vow to love and cherish.  Though sex is very important to married life, if there is really love and respect for each other, and for God, there will be times of sexual abstinence.  I hope you all remember this as you read the sequels of sex in marriage.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

SEX IN MARRIAGE: Introduction

And God saw everything he had made, and behold, it was very good (Genesis 1:31).

I have written little about sex in the postings of Silver bullets, its neglect is a glaring omission.  Because one cannot turn anywhere in our culture and not be confronted with sexual themes, it is important to have a Christian perspective on sex and sex in marriage.  As well, the competition between sexual issues and money issues as a cause of divorce is nearly equal, so for this reason it is important that I write something about sex in marriage.  Much has been written in other venues about sex, perhaps I have nothing to add that is new, but in any case, a Christian perspective provides an important balance to the ubiquitous worldly perspective.

God made men and women sexual beings, telling them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28).  It was after that that God pronounced his creation as being very good.  Sex was truly good before the fall of mankind into sin. The way some think about sex is that it only became fun after the "fall," but in truth, it was before the "fall" that it was very good and really fun.  My personal opinion is that like Adam and Eve knew that they were naked and so tried to cover themselves after their fall into sin, so sex itself fell into shame and has been a cause of power plays, abuse, and controversy ever after.  But God intended that sex be a blessing, not a curse, something by which bonding and mutual strengthening would occur.

According to the Bible, sex is a good thing in the context of marriage.  It was in that context that sex is introduced and it is in that context that sex is healthy and good.  Sex is like fire.  When fire is in the fireplace fire is good, bringing warmth and comfort to all in the house.  If the fire gets out of the fireplace it burns the house down.  So it is with sex.  As long as it is kept in the context of marriage, husband and wife are warmed, comforted and strengthened by it--indirectly, even the children are blessed because the bond of dad and mom is strong. For those who think that the best sex is outside of marriage, there is no research that I know about that indicates that it is.  The history of sex out of marriage is one of illness, poverty, alienation.  The research shows that married couples have the most sex and the best sex.  However, in more than a third of marriages sex is a problem and it is for that reason a sequel will follow.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES

But they who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).

President's Day weekend, Helen and I flew to California to help celebrate daughter Rebecca's, son-in-law Kirk's and grandson Parker's February birthdays.  Even though the California weather was on the gloomy side, we had a great time together!  Flying is not one of my favorite things to do, but if we allow our fears and dislikes to dictate our lives we will never eat of the best fruit!

One of my dealing-with-anxiety strategies is to say the 23rd Psalm as the big jet engines begin to roar and the plane begins it ascent into the heavens.  Knowing the one who cares for me and provides for me is very reassuring.  Actually, the flying part of the trip was without a problem this year as compared with other years when we flew another airline--I do think that some are better than others!  But, the driving part of the trip did have its perils.  Helen and I had to be on the road at 2 in the morning to be ready for a 6:40 departure in Omaha.  It was a foggy morning and I was driving a little faster than I should have been driving given the conditions.  Suddenly a small herd of deer appeared on the road.  I'm still not sure how we made it through them without damage, but we did, passing between the 2nd and 3rd ones with only a hard brush.

The other driving incident was in Stockton, CA when our son-in-law, absorbed in conversation, ran a red light.  Wow!  In California traffic, to not have a bad collision was something almost miraculous!  Before I begin a trip, I always ask the Lord for traveling mercies and I am certainly glad I did on this trip!

Helen and I are glad to be at home, back in our routines, but we are certainly thankful for the wonderful weekend with which our Heavenly Father blessed us!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

AN UNEXPECTED BLESSING

The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands.  For the righteous man is taken away from calamity, he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness (Isaiah 57:1-2).

The building where my counseling office is located has been sold so I have to move my office.  I have to be moved by March 1st.  As a result I have been weeding through old files and books and am confronted by the age-old dilemma, "What should I keep and what should I throw away?"  I found a devotional book by Max Lucado that a friend had given to me when I graduated from seminary.  The book fell open to a devotional on Isaiah 57:1-2 from the Living Bible.  The Living Bible says it this way: The good men perish; the godly die before their time and no one seems to care or wonder why.  No one seems to realize that God is taking them away from the evil days ahead.  For the godly who die shall rest in peace.  This scripture helped me come to terms with my own personal questions and grief.

I've seen it happen several times in the course of my pastoral ministry where a family member will die and the "wheels" seem to come off the family.  The family will fall into immorality, alcohol, substance abuse and estrangement, rejecting the very values by which the family apparently lived.  It has often been my question to God, "If that person wouldn't have died, his family would still be functional.  Why did you let him die?"  In many cases, family unity on family values is only apparent.  It wouldn't have made any difference if the family member lived or died, eventually the family would have come apart.  The death of the righteous one spares him from the heart ache and sorrows of the evil days ahead.  It might be that the grave is God's protection from a terrible future.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

A ROMANTIC THOUGHT FROM THE BIBLE

My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi (Song of Solomon 1:14).

I thought that short verse might inspire some one to use the remaining hours of Valentine's Day in a romantic fashion.  So get to it, the time is short!!!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

AN ADDENDUM:  Seriously, there is nothing more romantic than a husband and wife working together to achieve the same goal and purpose.  The reason so many marriages fail is that the couple has differing expectations that are often unspoken, and no unifying purpose as to what they want to accomplish in marriage.  Real romance is not feeling in love, but is knowing why you are together and appreciating each other for it.  Feeling in love is not enough.

I've been to the Engedi--it is an oasis in the desert.  That may be a clue as to the meaning of the verse.

YOUR PERSONAL APOCALYPTIC MOMENT

It is appointed for men to die once, and after that comes judgement (Hebrews 9:27).

If you are a prophecy enthusiast you are probably looking for signs of the coming apocalypse.  Personally, I believe there are some general signs, but no specific signs indicating the decade, year, month, day or hour.  That is why the apocalypse is spoken of by Jesus and the Apostles as coming as a "thief in the night."  There are no prophecies yet to be fulfilled, the Lord could return at any moment.  Though the Lord Jesus' return could be today or in a hundred years, we forget that our personal apocalypse could be at any moment as well; death could come calling today!

Russell Boatman, in his book What the Bible Says About the End Times, tells a story about a salesman's personal apocalypse.  While sleeping a salesman dreamed that he had an encounter with death.  The dream was so real that he thought it to be a Divine warning to change his ways.  He could not bear the thought of dying so he thought he might outwit death.  Instead of changing his ways he thought he would change his work routine.  In his dream he had seen the time and place of his death, and so he thought, "If I get another salesman to take this route and I take his there should be no problem."  It was not a problem to trade routes with another salesman because more money could be made on his route.  As the day ended on the different sales route he decided to quit a little early to avoid the traffic rush and the risk that went with it--he didn't want to push his luck.  When he parked his car in the hotel parking garage and stepped out the car door he felt a rush of cold air, just as he had felt in his dream just before an out-of-control car hit him and killed him.  Just before the out-of-control vehicle rammed into him he found himself looking into the surprised face of death.  "What are you doing here?" Death asked,  "I had scheduled an appointment with you in Boston later this afternoon, and was wondering how I was going to keep it."

The whole story was a dream, but it was a dream with an important point--we cannot escape death!  No matter how one connives, how good of a diet one has or how much exercise one does, unless the Lord comes first, Death will have his due and you will have your personal apocalyptic moment.  Is Jesus Christ your Savior?

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

DEFINING MENTAL ILLNESS

Then the people went out to see what had happened, and they came to Jesus, and found the man from whom the demons had gone, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind . . . (Luke 8:35).

In my copy of the American Psychological Association's DSM-IV there is no classification of a mental illness due to demon possession, but that is exactly what afflicted the Gerasene demoniac.  He did suffer from mental illness because he was not in his right mind.  Jesus healed him by casting out the legion of demons that inhabited this man.  This case presented by Dr. Luke is not intended to suggest that every case of mental illness has a demonic cause, but one cannot escape reading the gospels and come to the understanding that whatever the cause of any illness, Jesus has power over it.

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, defines mental illness this way: Mental illnesses are medical conditions that disrupt a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning.  Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life.   True mental illness is a result of a bodily dysfunction, and some of those bodily dysfunctions we bring upon ourselves because of the mistaken and sinful choices that we make.  For some mental illnesses we bear personal responsibility--addictions come most readily to mind in this regard.

Dr. David Bean, M.D. is a professor of psychiatry in the Sanford School of Medicine at the University of South Dakota.  Dr. Bean presented some interesting statistics to our class on Ministering to the Mentally Ill at Sioux Falls Seminary: 1. 45 million Americans, age 12 or older, will experience mental illness over a year's time.  2.  Only 38 % of them will receive mental health services.  3. The uunemployed have an elevated risk  with 28% of them  suffering with mental illness as compared to 17% of the employed.  4.  In 2009, 11 million adults experienced mental illness serious enough to interfere with major life activities.  5.  8.4 million adults thought seriously about committing suicide, thinking of plans for it.  6.  26% of those with serious mental illnesses are also substance abusers.

These statistics help me make two points: 1.  People can move in and out of mental illness like one catches a cold and gets over it.  My mother tells a story about my grandmother.  Grandma was having hallucinations of ants crawling up and down her arms.  Mom took her to see Dr. Koser, our family doctor, and he said, "She's having a psychosis (this took place back in the 1950's) but she will get over it," and she did, without medication.  That doesn't mean that every mentally ill person will get better, however.  2.  YOU HAVE IN YOUR CHURCH SOMEONE WHO IS DEALING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS.  Do you pray for them?  Do you watch for them?  Do you make your church a welcoming and safe place for them?  Do you understand that just having a healthy relationship with them is one of the best treatments there is?  Do you understand that they need to feel loved and respected?  Oh, I think these are things we all need aren't they?!?

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love be servants of one another.  For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Galatians 5:13).

Christians are a free people, so free that we are subject to no one, but we are servants so we are subject to every one.  Most of that first sentence is attributed to a statement that Martin Luther is alleged to have said.  In any case, I believe it to be true.  The law of the Spirit is love, the kind of love that seeks the best for everyone, just as we seek it for ourselves.  In is in a spirit of love that I write, and in a spirit of love that each one should consider everything they do.

I was motivated to write this because I know that there is a pretty high percentage of Christians who drink and I wonder if they consider what they do in a spirit of love.  It was a letter in a recent "Dear Abby" column that moved me to interrupt my series on mental illness to write this.  Here is what the letter said: . . . "I am the president of a construction company, and it was standard practice for us to give alcohol at Christmas to a number of our customers.  Then one day, I received a call from a tearful woman who asked if we had given alcohol to her husband.  When I answered yes, she said that in the future, she would appreciate it if we wouldn't do that anymore.  Her husband, an alcoholic, had consumed the entire bottle, gone home and beaten her up.  We discontinued the practice immediately.  I would not advise people to gift alcohol unless they know the recipient very well and know it will not cause harm to him or her, or those around them. --SAFER IN TENNESSEE."

How can one ever know that alcohol will not cause harm?  Here are a few facts gleaned from a brief Internet search.  For the year 2005, alcohol dependence cost the U.S. economy $220 billion.  Half of U.S. adults have a relative who is presently or was an alcoholic.  There are 14,000,000 alcoholics in the U.S..  More than half a million alcoholics are age 9 to 12.  Four in ten of those who begin drinking before age 15 become alcoholics.  Thirty seven percent of all traffic fatalities are alcohol related.  The last one is really interesting: married drinkers have a 9% chance of becoming alcoholics, living-together drinkers have a 30% chance of becoming alcoholics. 

In terms of marriage and family, I'm sure I could have come up with more alcohol related statistics with a more detailed search, but I think there is enough here to make one think about how alcohol use effects those whom we love.  People do not drink alcohol because it tastes good, they drink it because it makes them feel good; it is a self medication.  Alcohol is a depressant to the central nervous system so it deadens the pain of depression and anxiety.  Every person who drinks, drinks for this reason--yes, even social drinkers.

Does this mean that I think every one who drinks alcohol is going to hell?  No, but I do believe that if we would fulfill the law of love we must carefully weigh the consequences of its use.  God gave the Rechabites (Jeremiah 35:14ff)* a special blessing because they did not use it; evidently, God appreciated their abstinence.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

*Wikipedia has an interesting entry about them.

MY SHORT THEOLOGY OF MENTAL ILLNESS

May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (I Thessalonians 5:23).

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).

then the Lord formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being (soul) (Genesis 2:7 RSV).

If scientists are given only the raw chemistry of life, they cannot create life in a test tube.  For scientists to "create" life there has to be material included that has life force in it, and that comes from God.  Anything living, plant or animal, has life force in it and only God can provide that.  But, of all living things, it is only said of human beings that they are created in the image of God; God has breathed spirit into every human being that is like himself.

Scientists have tirelessly researched the genome of the human body and have a pretty good understanding of the genetics that make it "tick."  While there is a lot of genetic variability among human beings so that no two of us are exactly alike, we are more alike than we are different so that basic genetic principals apply to us all.  When the God-created-in-his-own-image human spirit enters  the body, the unification of body and spirit makes a soul.  The human spirit impacts the body and the body impacts the spirit in such a way that both spirit and body will never be the same again--even after the body dies, the impact of the body on the spirit will always remain.  The spirit of a dead person will remain a soul.  Even though in our residence in Heaven we will have perfect bodies, living in the earthly body will have had a role in shaping our character.  Through the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives and in our environment we are shaped little by little into the likeness of our Lord Jesus Christ (II Corinthians 3:18).  Think of the sweet character of a downs syndrome person or one who has battled schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, or any other physical problem, God has worked in their lives, because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, shaping their character into the likeness of Christ.

In its self, the flesh is not evil.  The flesh serves as a house for the human spirit (II Corinthians 5:1-5).  The problem with the flesh is that it is very demanding so that it tends to want to dominate our lives! The flesh has needs; it tires easily, needs to be fed, it ages.  Not only that, it has its desires too, so the flesh is very demanding, wanting its needs and desires met NOW!  One very important principal that every child of God has to understand is that this body that we live in is to be our servant, not our master.  We make our decisions by faith in God, not by the demands of the flesh.  To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace, says Romans 8:6.  It is sin to allow the flesh to be the primary dynamic of decision making.

So what does this have to do with mental illness?  There are times when our brains and glands fail.  The body does not respond to the directives of the will of the spirit.  Is the spirit accountable for something it can do nothing about?  Only to the degree that there can be some control.  As I wrote in Mental Illness and Personal Responsibility, there are those who are mentally ill who take personal responsibility for their behavior and perform very well.  To have no expectations of responsibility for the mentally ill diminishes their person hood, and diminishes the possibility that they can ever function responsibly.

Mental illness is not a picnic for anyone--for the patient, his family and others to whom he is connected.  Mental illness is a result of the body not working properly.  Because the brain is so closely connected to the will, the will being the product of the human spirit's activity*, there is a stigma of the demonic or activity of the evil one attached to it.  Also, because it is beyond our control, and not understood, it is stigmatized and shunned.  The person afflicted with mental illness is still a person created in the image of God whom God loves.  God alone can accurately judge the degree of responsibility of each mentally ill person, but it would be wrong for those who are treating the mentally ill not to have some expectations of responsible behavior because the ill will not progress without them!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

* A neurosurgeon can strategically place electrodes on a patients brain and move the patients arms, but the patients will is absent--something is being done to the patient, not something done by him.

MENTAL ILLNESS AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

And on the morrow an evil spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house, while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day.  Saul had his spear in his hand; and Saul cast the spear, for he thought, "I will pin David to the wall."  But David evaded him twice (I Samuel 18:10-11 RSV).

Note: 1. The "evil spirit from God" is an example of a Hebrew verticalism.  Since God is all powerful, he could have prevented the "evil spirit" from dynamically influencing Saul, but he chose not to and thus God gets credit for the evil spirit.  2.  Was it an evil spirit that assailed Saul or was this just a matter of religious language being used to diagnose king Saul's mental problem?  My thinking is to take the Bible at its word, but in either case, personal responsibility is an important factor.

Often we think that those who suffer from illnesses are innocent victims, being unable to bear any responsibility while they are sick. But, anyone who is sick has to bear some responsibility for getting well.  It might be nothing more than being quiet so that the body's natural immune system has a chance to defeat the infection.  It might be just to follow doctors orders and take the medication as directed.  In any case, there is an appropriate level of personal responsibility to which a person can be held accountable.  When I was the director of a juvenile residential treatment facility, some of the women workers would insist that there were times when they couldn't help it if they were irritable. I told them that, regardless of how they were feeling, I expected them to act like professionals while they were on duty.  It diminishes person hood to not hold others accountable for their performance--even one's self.

I've said all this to lead into a quote by a member of a panel that presented to my mental health ministry class.  This lady was afflicted with a true mental illness, bipolar disorder.  She was functioning at a very high level, though a psychologist once told her that she wouldn't be able to function at more than a minimal level.  She was a woman of achievement, running her own business and being president of a service organization.  She was asked, "How do you take care of yourself so that you can function so well?"  She responded very emphatically, "Personal responsibility for how I live my life, for my goals and for what I am working on!  You have to have them!  When I take personal responsibility I find that I need to take less medication."  This woman did not see herself as a victim.  She understood that she had a disease, but she was not going to allow herself to be defined by it.

I will never forget what she said and I hope you don't either!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom  

THE CHURCH'S MINISTRY TO THE MENTALLY ILL

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39).

Every winter I try to do something to continue my education.  Last year I went to fire school to learn how to do prairie burns, next year, the Lord willing, I will either re tour the Holy Land or do the "seven churches in Asia" tour.  This year I did a 220 mile round trip commute each day for five days to Sioux Falls Seminary to take a class on the Church's ministry to the mentally ill.  I think this is an important subject because a lot of us are not comfortable in dealing with mental illness, yet 25% of us will deal with it in a years time.  Some of us will move in and out of it like one deals with the flu, while others mental illness will be life-long.  It is important for those who are dealing with mental illness to understand that God doesn't love them less than anyone else!

One of the things it means to live in a fallen world is that human beings have to deal with illness and body parts that get broken and do not work right.  The brain is one of those body parts.  The brain is one of the organs of the body, a very complex one, but an organ, nevertheless.  Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are a couple of examples of true mental illness that result from dysfunctional brains.  It could be said that we all suffer from mental illness, and quite probably, we do, from time to time.  For the Schizophrenic and those bipolar, though they have better days than others, they will always have to deal with their illness.  Should they be loved less?  No!  They certainly are not valued less by God; the population of Heaven will reveal that!

The Church on earth, to be true to the ministry of Christ, has to be a source of hope to the mentally ill!

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

A GENOGRAM CAN HELP

. . . for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments (Exodus 20:5-6).

An indispensable piece of my counseling treatment modality is to do a genogram with my client, or in the case of marriage counseling, a genogram with each spouse.  Some counselors might spend as much as four hours completing genograms for a married couple.  I try not to spend that much time, but the time spent doing a genogram is time well spent for it can make invisible family dynamics visible and be an aid in helping the client  understand the dysfunctional dynamics with which he or she is dealing.

A genogram is similar to doing a family tree.  It is a family map of at least three generations, outlining births, deaths, miscarriages, abortions, personality types, marriages, divorces, addictions, conflicts, over involements, military service, occupations, education, disease and medical problems, etc.  In other words, every aspect of a person's family life for three generations, that can be recalled, is discussed and diagrammed so that inter generational patterns come to light.  It might very well be seen that the problems the client is dealing with are problems that are being repeated from previous generations.  It is not uncommon for a client to reap the consequences of a grand parent's behavior.

At some point  the client, when he or she recognizes the dysfunctional emotional and behavioral patterns of the preceding 2 generations, has to commit to breaking the dysfunctional cycle in the family.  It is never easy to do and, I think, can really only be done with God's help because the dysfunction has become second nature, and once one of the family members begins to move toward health, another family member will, almost always, try to sabotage the attempt to become healthy because if one member of the family becomes healthy, every member will have to change.

The best way to bless yourself and your children, and your children's children, is to humble yourself before the Lord Jesus Christ, seeking his pardon and forgiveness, and follow him in the obedience of faith.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE GOOD CONFESSION

Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do men say that the Son of man is?"  And they said to him, "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah and others say Jeremiah or one of the prophets."  He said to them, but who do you say that I am?"  Simon Peter replied, "You are the Christ, the son of the living God."  And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you Simon Bar-Jona!  For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.  And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it" (Matthew 16:13-18).

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.  Do you believe this?"  She said to him, "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, he who is coming into the world" (John 11:25-27).

With this post I am merely sketching out a sermon, it will be a broad outline for my sermon.  If you would like to add to it, dear reader, you are welcome.

Getting the identity of Jesus of Nazareth right is essential to the Christian faith.  That is why the traditional prebaptismal confession, "I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God" is necessary for a valid baptism.  One isn't expected to have a mature faith at baptism, but one is expected to have a sufficient faith at baptism.  The truth of this confession is the foundation stone of the faith of God's people.

Though each member of God's family must personally possess this faith, I am not sure that many could defend it, let alone treasure it.  God has no grandchildren, only children.  Under normal circumstances, no one will make it into God's kingdom on the faith of a relative or loved one.  I know a family that is proud of the fact that a couple of its members are ministers of the gospel, but many of the family's members live like the devil; not like people who possess this faith.

One of the things that many orthodox Jews believe about Jesus is that he is a hoax, that he never really existed so their remarks about him and those who believe in Jesus are venomous.  Some things never change.  When Jesus asked his disciples, "Who do men say that I am?" they did not reply with all the venomous things that men had said about him, but only the more respectable things.  Jesus did not intend to be a "respectable" person, he intended to be a polarizing person.  Either his is who he says he is, or he is a liar, or something worse.  Though the evidence for the historical existence of Jesus is abundant, there are  those who fall into the same category as the Holocaust deniers and will never be convinced otherwise--they have a vested interest in keeping things the same.

The "Christ" is a rough Greek equivalent of the Hebrew term, "Messiah."  They both mean, "anointed one."  High Priests, Kings and Prophets were anointed in the Old Testament.  Jesus is the king of God's kingdom (Ephesians 1:20-23).  He is the perfect high priest (Hebrews 2:17-18).  He is a prophet in the sense that he was one like Moses (Acts 3:22).  Jesus was anointed with God's Spirit at his baptism in water (Matthew 3:13-17) similarly to a Christian's baptism.

Jesus is the Son of the living God.  Hebrews 1:1-3 gives us a clue as to what that means: In many and various ways God spoke of old to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by a Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things through whom he also he created the world.  He reflects the glory of God and bears the very stamp of his nature, upholding the universe by his word of power.  There is only one living God--all other gods are dead or bring death!  The living God is the only one who can bring life out of death!

We do not know what 2011 will bring, but whatever it brings, the confession is true.  It will bring strength in time of hardship and sorrow.  As Martha was grieving the loss of her brother, Lazarus, she confessed her faith in Christ.  Whatever happens in 2011, always hold fast to the good confession.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

THE GOOD WIFE

A good wife who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels . . . Strength and dignity are her clothing . . . Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised ( Proverbs 31:10, 25 & 30).

It is New Year's Eve.  The house is quiet and I have a little time to reflect.  Our Iowa children were home for a few days for Christmas.  The house was full and we just had a great time being together.  I always feel a little empty inside after the celebration is over and everyone goes home--lonely might be a better word than empty to describe my feelings.  Still, I have a great wife to keep me company, and I am grateful for that!

To prepare for our Christmas I pretty much cleaned the house, though Helen did a lot of cleaning, her job was stressing her out as she spent a lot of time at work.  I scrubbed and waxed the floors by hand.  I learned from a woman whom I respect as a cleaner that to clean floors right they must be done by hand.  So, I donned a set of knee pads and went to work.  Even with the knee pads, my knees hurt as I did the job, and my back hurt too.  Though age has something to do with it, even if one is young, cleaning is a taxing job.  Then I imagined myself as a young housewife with three children to care for, how hard it must be.  Young wives and mothers have to be very disciplined in order to run an orderly household.  I think many husbands simply do not appreciated what their women to.  Men need to be involved in the cleaning too, so they can appreciate what their wives do.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

JUDGMENT OR NOT?

. . . we make it our aim to pleas him.  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive good or evil, according to what he has done in the body (II Corinthians 5:9c-10).

This is one of the more sobering scriptures in the Bible because it was written to Christian people.  From my theological perspective it does mean that Christians will stand before Christ in judgement, but because we have trusted in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on our behalf, repentance and baptism being our witness, then Jesus counts us as his and does not see our sins.  My sins are as great as any man's so the only claim I have on salvation is on the basis of what Jesus has done for me.

One of the great enemies of the gospel is secularism because secularism suggests that when a person dies there is nothing of the person that lives on except for the children he/she has brought into the world and the family teachings and dynamics they live out.  They, and those who commit suicide assume that death is the end of it all.  Phenomenally, it might seem that they are right because after death the physical body is only so much dead meat, but God says otherwise.  Imagine the surprise of those who die without Christ.  First they go to sleep.  Then, they go through the experience of a dying brain, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, seeing relatives and other loved ones embedded in the memories of their brains.  Finally, being escorted by angels to their abode to await final judgment, though this temporary abode is a judgment in its self, being a foretaste of eternity. 

The 5th chapter of II Corinthians is one of the great chapters of the Bible, I just finished reading it as a daily Bible reading.  It begins with these words of hope with which it is good to close this Bullet:  For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands eternal in the heavens.  Here indeed we groan, and long to put on our heavenly dwelling, so that by putting it on we may not be found naked.  For while we are still in this tent, we sigh with anxiety; not that we be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee (II Corinthians 5:1-5).

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

CHARACTER AND COMPETENCY, IS THERE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER?

A righteous man turns away from evil, but the way of the wicked leads them astray (Proverbs 12:26 RSV).

What precipitated this bullet was an interview in Christian Counseling Today of Dr. Tim Irwin.  The interview simply set me to thinking about the role of character in counseling competency--or any competency for that matter.  The subject of the interview was, "Character Trumps Competence."  My thoughts are not intended to disagree with what was said in the interview, but merely add my perspective.

Rather than being two different categories, I believe that character is a necessary quality of competency so that one cannot be fully competent without it.  A dictionary definition of competency is having the necessary qualities and skills.  Is character a necessary quality for competency in any arena?  Yes!

Skill development requires a degree of character.  Some are so gifted that the development of skill requires little effort so the quality of their character is not revealed until significant stress sets in--it's a tragedy that this often happens when someone is desperately depending on him/her.  Those not so gifted might cut corners or cheat in their skill development, and thus do their work with compromised competency. 

In my Ethic and Legal Procedures class in seminary we talked of the ethics of sharing our faith in Christ with a client.  There are times in counseling when that might be appropriate, but basically the truth is that the counselor's faith and value system cannot help but be revealed indirectly; it just is part of the counselors personality.  Though the counselor might not speak of Christ directly, Christ is in the counselor, coming out in empathy, and how we respond and direct.  However, a compromised character is revealed in the same way.  A Counselor might very well be competent in the art and science of counseling, but if he/she is not a person of character, that will come out in their counseling too, thus short-term existential success can give way to long-term failure. 

I hope my thoughts made sense.  Though I applied this to counselors, I think it is applicable to all areas where competency and leadership is required--even on the football field.  The beloved Iowa Hawkeyes found that out this season.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom

REFLECTIONS ON PARENTING 101 (part 2)

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24).

The scripture here is often used as a proof text for spanking.  I do believe that spanking is an effective tool of discipline when used appropriately, but can be destructive when used inappropriately.  The emphasis of the text is on discipline and spanking is only one of the tools in the effective parent's disciplinary tool box.  Rosemond has more thoughts on effective discipline upon which I will reflect.

The parent must be at the center of the child's attention, not the other way around.  As a general rule, the more attention you pay a child, the less attention the child will pay to you.  It is much easier to discipline a child who is paying attention than one who is not.  What has been said should not be interpreted to mean that the child is out of your awareness as a parent--but the child should believe that he/she is not the center of your attention.

Your child must have a meaningful role in your family.  That means the child must have responsibilities known as chores.  Rosemond says that by the time a child is 4 years old, he/she should be contributing significant time and effort on a daily basis to the maintenance of the household.  This means keeping his/her own space clean and orderly as well as the common areas of the home--dusting and vacuuming.  Helen and I did not do well at this, but our children have grown to be responsible adults in this regard.  I think Helen would wish that her own husband would do much better himself about cleaning up around the house.  Having said that, without chores, children are mere consumers who think they are entitled to having the parents serve them.  Entitlements do not strengthen people or grow strong children.

"Keep television and other electronic media out of your child's life until your child as learned to read well and is self-entertaining.  The research is clear that electronic media shortens attention span, interferes with the development of certain critical thinking skills and develops a dependency that leads to frequent complaints of boredom."  This is one thing we did do well during our children's growing up years--we didn't have a television.  We read to the kids and the kids did a lot of reading--may be that's why they do so well now.

"From day 1, keep clutter out of your child's life by keeping toys and other 'stuff' at a minimum.  Paradoxically, children who entertain themselves well (low-maintenance children) tend to have few toys.  These children also are more grateful for and take better care of what they have."  Even among poor families, children tend to have too many toys--as did our children.  Too many toys make for too much clutter.  If children can learn to make their own entertainment, they will not require a lot of toys as adults.  They will tend to become more givers than takers.

"Emphasize manners, not skills.  Sixty years ago, most children came to overcrowded first grads not knowing their ABCs; yet, at the end of the year were reading at a higher level than today's kids, most of whom already are reading in kindergarten.  That happened because parents of 60 years ago taught proper behavior, not skills; therefore, teachers taught skills, not proper behavior.  Grow a polite child."  My wife is a teacher--I know she, and all of her colleagues, would agree.  They have to spend so much time teaching proper behavior that there is little quality time left for teaching skills.  Academic scores in the US have declined in direct correlation to the disintegration of the home.

"Love your child enough to grow a happy child."  This is the most important--it is in direct agreement with the cited scripture text.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom 

REFLECTIONS ON PARENTING 101

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

In the area of child psychology, John Rosemond is a hero of mine.  He does not worship at the alter of contemporary thought, but he does respect the tried and true wisdom the was reflected in the parenting of those who made our country great.  Rosemond recently wrote a two-part series called, "Parenting 101."  My reflections are in two parts as well.

If you are married with children, put your marriage first.  Dr. James Dobson always said the same thing.  Helen and I grew our family up on Dobson--he came into prominence just at the time we were growing our family.  Though we believed this, we did not do well at it.  Money was a big issue.  Small-church ministers, it seems like, live on the edge of poverty so the needs of the children come first.  Date nights with the spouse were hard to come by.  In any case, single parent or married parents, the children have to know that they are not the center of your universe, rather, you are the center of theirs.  Your children have a much greater feeling of security when they know that mom and dad are taking care of their marriage and other necessary business first. It must be remembered that workaholism and the romantic flings of a single parent are destructive.

By the time your children are three years old, you should build a boundary between yourself and them, one that limits their access to you.  Children need to understand that they are not at your beck and call.  I believe that it is impossible to spoil a child under two.  If he/she cries they should be picked up, but that third year is critical, they need to begin understanding that you have a life beyond them.  One shouldn't pick a child up every time he cries.  Differentiation is necessary!

Say "No" more than you say "Yes."  Rosemond says that the proportion of No's to Yes's should be about five to one.  Helen and I weren't aware of the ratio of no's to yes's, but we tried to say "Yes" as often as we could because we had to say "No" so often.  Children who will not take "No" for an answer have parents who do not say "No" often enough and with conviction!

"Put the horse of leadership in front of the cart of relationship."  This was probably my greatest failing.  During my years as a youth worker at a residential treatment facility I tried to build relationship with the residents first.  It is impossible to build a meaningful and therapeutic relationship if the child does not have a clear understanding of who is in charge.  If the leader is easily manipulated so that a relationship can continue, then the child becomes the leader.  As a result, there is relationship sickness rather than health.  The children must understand who makes the decisions and who is in charge.

Our Father's Blessings,
Tom