YOU MIGHT BE A LIBERAL IF. . .

"A wise man will hear and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels" (Proverbs 1:5).

If you have ever had a question about whether you are a liberal or conservative consider the following:

1. You might be a liberal if you are against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You might be a liberal if you believe businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You might be a liberal if you believe tha guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of the Chinese, North Koreans and Iran.

4. You might be a liberal if you believe there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You might be a liberal if you believe global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's and burping cows.

6. You might be a liberal if you believe gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You might be a liberal if you believe that the AIDS virus is spread by lack of Federal funding.

8. You might be a liberal if that the government school system that cannot teach our children how to read is some how competent enough to teach them about sex.

9. You might be a liberal if you believe that hunters do not care about nature, but activists who haven't been outside San Francisco do.

10. You might be a liberal if you believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You might be a liberal if you believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST for financial gain only.

12. You might be a liberal if you believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You might be a liberal if you believe that taxes are too low and ATM fees are too high.

14. You might be a liberal if you believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history that Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison and Alexand Graham Bell.

15. You might be a liberal if you believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You might be a liberal if you believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and a very nice person.

17. You might be a liberal if you believe that the only reason that socialism has failed every where and every time it has been tried is because the right people have not been in charge.

18. You might be a liberal if you believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail and a liars, frauds and sex offenders belong in congress and the White House.

19. You might be a liberal if you belive that funding provided by the Chinese and Saudi governments to the Democrat Party is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

20. You might be a liberal if you believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and beastiality should be constitutionally protected, but that manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

21. You might be a liberal if you believe that it's OK to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day, but it is no OK to say "Merry Christmas."

22. You might be a liberal if you believe that this post is part of a "vast, right-wing conspiracy,"
though it was adapted from a contribution from a dear friend.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE BONES OF JESUS?

Apparently, the ossuaries of Jesus and his family have been found. I doubt that the timing for the release of this story was coincidental, being released during the Easter season for maximum exposure and maximum profits for the Discovery Channel.

Arguably, the greatest evidence for the truth of the Christian faith is that it exists at all. From day one, Pentecost, 29 A.D. at Jerusalem, the bodily resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth was preached as being foundational to the faith. It was consistently preached that way, as Paul would later say, "If Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile..." Both friend and foe alike knew the location of the tomb of Jesus. At the first public preaching of the faith, which was heard by thousands of people, the foes could have extinguished the faith by producing the body, but they could not. This accounts for the explosive growth of the faith in the very place where Jesus was crucified.

If Christ has not risen one has to contend with the unlikely scenario that the disciples perpetrated a fraud. It takes about a year for bones to be prepared for an ossuary, so they had to be very secretive about what they were doing. Then it was these same disciples who were perpetrating the fraud that suffered torture and died to defend its truth. People die for false beliefs all the time, suicide bombers are evidence of that. However, people are extremely unlikely to die to defend the truth of a fraud they are perpetrating. James, Jude and each of the apostles of Jesus, suffered torture unto death without recanting the Easter story!

There is no question that the Christian hope is audacious, but it is not delusional! It is founded on the solid truth that Jesus Christ has risen. Whose ever bones are in the ossuary, they are not the bones of Jesus of Nazareth, as the name would have been inscribed on the ossuary of a Galilean.

So, now, have a joyful Easter!!!

Grace&Peace,
Tom

DANGERS INHERENT IN PASTORAL MINISTRY AND COUNSELING

"He who digs a pit may fall into it. . .He who quarries stones my be hurt by them, and he who splits logs may be endangered by them. If the axe is dull and he does not sharpen its edge, then he must exert more strength. Wisdom has the advantage of giving success" (Ecclesiastes 10:8-10).

While clearing my office clutter for an important visitor I happened on an article by Dr. Diane Langberg. It was one that I used in my Pastoral Counseling lectures at Nebraska Christian College. I will share some thoughts taken from it with you.

As the writer of Ecclesiastes wisely points out, there are dangers that are inherent to any job. A wise person is more likely to be safe and successful. Pastors and pastoral counselors have good inside jobs, working with good people. So what is so dangerous about that? After all, they function in a sphere of professionalism with faith, codes of ethics and accountability to protect them.

Can people dealing with abuse, addiction, rage, fear and grief be dangerous? Those of us who listen to their stories can easily begin to question the character of God, why does He allow this to happen and why is it that many times change does not come? Where is God? We begin to see God through the lens of sin and sorrow, rather than viewing sin and sorrow through the lens of His character. This is what erodes faith.

Another danger is over-involvement. It is the thinking process that says, "Success ultimately depends on me." "If God isn't going to do anything, then, I have to." It is this kind of thinking that leads to the justification of all kinds of evils. Over-involvement is just a symptom of an eroded faith in the life of the pastor.

Another danger is that sin is contagious. The truth is that the roots of those sins we find so abhorrent in others lie within us as well. We must be careful that we do not catch the full-blown disease that we are treating in others--nor become infected with the pride of self-righteousness instead.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

MONEY: VALUES AND FIDELITY

One's bank statements are a record of a person's true values. Where a person's money is spent is where her heart is. A person's money follows the heart, the heart doesn't generally follow the money. A person's "treasure" is what one see's as valuable. She doesn't put it where her heart doesn't want it to be.

Financial problems are the leading factor in divorce. In most cases, it isn't that there isn't sufficient money, but it is that there isn't sufficient money to satisfy competing values. Of course there is never enough money to satisfy our wants, but there is enough to satisfy our needs. When couples marry, they promise faithfulness to one another. Why is it that we tend to think that it is sexual faithfulness that is primary, and that other kinds of faithlessness are less serious, when actually financial faithlessness is just as serious a breach of trust as any other!!

This is a quote from Dr. Val Farmer that I used to share with my Marriage and Family students, "Complete trust about money is about as basic to a relationship as is sexual and emotional loyalty." Financial unfaithfulness in a marriage is just as destructive to a marriage as any other kind. Of course, just as an affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage, financial infidelity doesn't have to end it either, but the recovering of trust can be just as difficult.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE HIGH-PRICE OF A GIFT

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God--not because of works, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).

I am rereading a book that was assigned reading in my seminary days. The book is BOLD LOVE by Dan Allender. I thought I would share this quote from today's reading, "The cost to the recipient of God's grace is NOTHING--and no price could be higher for arrogant people to pay."

Grace&Peace,
Tom

ARE THERE ANY CONSERVATIVES IN THE HUNT?

Jay Leno has humerously commented, "Rudy Giuliani has defended Newt Gingrich, saying it's okay Newt had an affair and that no one is perfect. That's when you know the Republicans are in trouble--when a guy with three marriages and an affair is defending the guy with three marriages and two affairs so they can team up and beat a Clinton."

The situation with the Republicans is not good. Ultimately, I may have to hold my nose and vote for Giuliani, but until that time I've come to the conclusion that Huckabee will recieve my support.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

CHANGE: INSIDE OUT OR OUTSIDE IN?

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).

It is a truism that there must be changes on the inside so that there can be changes on the outside of a person. But sometimes internal change begins with changes in external behavior. There is evidence both from research and the Bible that what one does on the outside effects what is on the inside too.

There is an old saying which has been very helpful to people with phobias, "Do the thing you fear and fear will pass from you." When one is able to confront the thing that frightens him, then the fear that is on the inside will go away.

Outside action is a powerful influence on the attitude of the heart. When parents deal with the outside behaviors of their children through congruence between proper teaching and personal example, then the inside commitment of the child's heart to the Lord is almost a forgone conclusion (Proverbs 22:6 and Hebrews 5:14). On the negative side of this principle is Colossians 1:21, "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior." Jesus taught that we are to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us. Why? Not that they will become our friends, but that we will change what we think about them.

Modifying external behavior to effect internal change is the guiding principle of several therapeutic interventions. At virtually all juvenile residential treatment facilities, swearing is not allowed in casual conversation because it is recognized that swearing negative effects personal and other resident' attitudes. Dr. William Glasser says in Reality Therapy, "People do not act irresponsibly because they are 'ill'; they are 'ill' because they act irresponsibly" (p.XV). In reality therapy it is assumed that responsible behavior will result in good mental health.

A conversion of the heart does not automatically determine that one's outward behavior will change; anyone who has worked with Christians who have addictions can attest to that truth (note also Romans 7:17-20).

Ultimately, there must be a change on the inside! No behavior change will be permanent without it. It has to be understood that Proverbs 22:6 is not a promise but a probability. If the child does not internalize her training she will go her own way rather than God's way.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE AUDACITY OF HOPE

"God will make a way where there seems to be no way, He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me . . ." (Don Moen).

"Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead" (1 Peter 1:3).

Barack Obama has written a book called THE AUDACITY OF HOPE, I believe that was also the title of his speech at the 2004 Democrat convention. I have not read the book, nor did I listen to the speech, it is not high on my reading priority list, unless in the extremely unlikely case he is able to defeat Hillaryfor the nomination of president. Then I will need to know what makes him "tic." But THE AUDACITY OF HOPE is a great title because one needs to be audacious in order to truly hope.

According to Greek mythology, when Pandora opened her box she loosed all the miseries of mankind: greed, vanity, slander, envy and pining. Only ELPIS was left inside. ELPIS is the Greek word that is translated by HOPE in the New Testament. The Greek goddess, Elpis, is the personification of hope. She is portrayed as a beautiful young woman with a smile on her face and a flower in her hand. Eventually, Pandora revisited her box and released Elpis. What would the world be like without hope?

What makes hope hope? Is hope merely the belief that good tends to win in the end? That is optimism. Though hopefulness is listed as a synonym for optimism in a thesaurus, I see a shade of difference. And that difference has to do with evidence to the contrary. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary one still clings to hope of a positive outcome long after the optimist has given up. That is why hope is so audacious.

An audacious hope is delusional and sheer lunacy except for God. If God says it will be so, it will be so!!! Have you ever touched the body in a casket? You know immediately from the touch that the personality that animated the body is gone. All the evidence says the person is dead, it is over, the dead person will never be seen again. But God says otherwise. In Christ, we are assured of a great family reunion in eternity in the face of the negative evidence to the contrary. It is the power of God that makes an audacious hope reasonable rather than delusional.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

A SPORTS METAPHOR FROM BO RYAN

"and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1).

I was reading in "Hawk Central" the account of the Iowa-Wisconsin basketball game. It has been a matter of great concern to me how Wisconsin has dominated Iowa in sports this year. Oh well, there are some great things that result from intense competition regardless of who wins. Sports competition is life concentrated. I think this is why some of the most decent people on any university campus are in the athletic departments. Their life philosophies are always being tested in athletic competition. The success or failure of their philosophies are witnessed by thousands of people. They are not hidden away in some obscure paper, lab or classroom where intellectual freedom is denied.

Anyway, this quote from Ryan was great and I wanted to share it with you: "Hustle opportunities, they are there for anybody to get if they get the right position and keep working hard. People always say, 'Well, the ball doesn't bounce our way.' But in life what are you going to do? Wait for things to come to you? So we just treat an offensive rebound as grabbing life by the horns and riding it."

Grace&Peace,
Tom

ABOUT BEING AUTHENTIC

"I have discovered that no marriage can be triumphant until both people are able to be fully and freely themselves" (Neil Clark Warren).

"And we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit" (II Corinthians 3:18).

Psychologists tell us that one of the characteristics of good mental health is the ability to be authentic; to be able to live with your guard down; to be able to be a self, not the self someone else wants you to be. Now that sounds good, but there are some good reasons for a person to have his guard up--one might get punched in the nose if he doesn't. There are some good reasons for one to be the self someone else expects him to be--he might not graduate or he might be fired from his job. There are inumerable people who authentically wanted to say, "take this job and shove it" to their boss, but didn't.

One principal I want you to remember is that you cannot not be authentic. Pardon the use of a double negative. A counterfeit dollar bill is a genuine counterfeit dollar bill--it is what it is, a real counterfeit dollar bill. You are what you are doing. Jesus said that it is out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The totality of our behavior is the mouth speaking. The question we all need to ask ourselves is, "What is in my heart that makes me conform to other's expectations and keep my guard up?"

The most important principal to remember is this paradox: We are our most authentic selves when we become like Jesus. It is in putting Him on as a garment that we are freed to find and be our true selves. To be a truly authentic person, one has to have an intentional philosophy of life to live by. The most freeing philosophy is that of surrendering to the rule of Jesus Christ. It is in trusting Him that the fear factor is taken out of your life. It is in obedience to Him that our words are spoken with wisdom rather than "shoot-from-the-hip" emotion. That is what is required for true marital intimacy.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE POWER OF RITUAL

"For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until He comes" (I Corinthians 11:26).

In modern western culture we have devalued the necessity and power of ritual. In psychotherapy and contemporary Christian religion, we have invented our own substitute rituals because we understand that people need to recognize a foundational turning point in their lives. But why use substitutes when the real thing is easily available. Baptism is the statement of trust in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ for our salvation. Participation in the Lord's Supper is renewing that statement of trust. In my congregation, we observe the Lord's Supper each week for this reason. We are as human as any one else, and as subject to the frailties of the flesh as much as anybody else. We need to strengthen our trust and renew our faith each week. Once a week is not too often.

I say this because I wanted to share a blurb from Neil Clark Warren, of E-harmoney fame, that is applicable in this regard:

"That's exactly why I am proposing to change the frequency of the marriage vow. Instead of its being taken once in a lifetime under stressful conditions, I suggest that it needs to be said two to three times a week for the first ten years of marriage--and at least once a week for the rest of marriage. Why? In order to maintain a steady focus on the promises that form the steel framework of the marriage. With this structure in place, it is much more likely that commitment will shape the attitudes of a person, as well as the behavioral expression of those attitudes."

During stressful times in marriage, wedding vows seem like yesterday's news. They seem remote and irrelevant. It is in repetition of the vows that relevancy is restored. I hate to admit it, but I have not repeted my vows to Helen since we were married--it's like being baptized, but never taking the Lord's Supper.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

BEWARE OF THE FACTOIDS

Though it has always been true in the old media, in the age of the internet it is even more true, beware of the factoids! Norman Mailer coined the term and defined it, "A factoid is something that looks like a fact, could be a fact, but in fact is not a fact." Now if that quote is not a fact, don't blame me. It came from a column by Wesley Pruden.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

SIGNS IN THE HEAVENS

"Learn not the way of nations, nor be dismayed at the signs of the heavens because the nations are dismayed at them, for the customs of the peoples are false" (Jeremiah 10:2).

There is a huge amount of anxiety in our culture about global warming, so much so that there are people who are ready to "cash in" their God-given rights to stop it. It appears that there is consensus in the scientific community that global warming is a reality and if we do not do something about it, humanity will become extinct--if not all life. To me it is interesting that believers in macro evolution, that life formed from inert matter, would have this much anxiety about "global warming" at all. After all, humanity is the problem. If it became extinct some life form would adapt and evolve and start the whole process over again--maybe in a better way.

Of course, any time a group of scientists get together with a political agenda, their consensus becomes junk science. It was the scientific consensus that there would be many hurricanes during the last season. There was not. If the scientists cannot accurately forcast a hurricane season 6 months ahead of time, why should we believe that they can forcast what would happen if global warming really is a reality? I have a suspicion that one simply needs to look at the "money trail" and political agendas to get to the bottom of the "scientific consensus" on global warming.

The signs in the heavens could well be a sign of the times. The Hebrews understood that there were 3 heavens: the atmosphere was the first heaven; where the sun, moon and stars are constituted the second heaven and the place where God resides constituted the third. Global warming qualifies as a sign in the heavens because it is in the atmosphere. One of the qualities of a corrupt generation is when its fears come from the imaginations of its heart. Trust and obey the Lord. It's gonna be OK.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

FAMININE?

"Hear this word, you cows of Bashan, who are in the mountain of Sameria, who oppress the poor, who crush the needy, who say to their husbands, 'Bring, that we may drink!'" (Amos 4:1).

"Husker Red" gave me a little heat for my poor spelling ability. Yet "faminine" is not a mispelled word--I just coined a new one. Famines have to do with scarcity and dryness. Femininity has to do with qualities of the female gender. When a system is excessively female driven and there is a scarcity of masculine and Spiritual leadership that is what is a "faminine system." It is one of the most common systems in Western culture. The father with draws from a dominating female influence in the family, church or workplace. The result of such a system is just as dysfunctional as when there is too much male dominance. Is your family, church, workplace, or government too faminine?

It is interesting to me that this dynamic is not new. It has been present in every era of history when men have not lived up to their God-given responsibility to be the Spiritual leaders in their homes. The hen-pecked husbands of Israel of which Amos speaks are but one example.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 5 -- MERRY CHRISTMAS

"But when the time had fully come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman . . ." (Galations 4:4).

At the risk of over-doing "non-anxious presence" I wanted to share this thought I had about Christmas:

From the first promise of a savior as anounced in Genesis 3:15 until the birth of Jesus was no less than four thousand years. Over those many years there were countless prayers for God's intervention to deal with the problems of His people. In some cases He did miraculously, but only according to His covenants. God is not emotionally driven, though He is emotional; it is according to His purposes that He intervenes in the lives of humanity. So, it was when the time had fully come--when the time was right, that He sent forth His Son.

God doesn't use quick fixes to meet our whims and make us feel better. God takes the long view toward bringing about healing. God doesn't "zap" us with a cure. He is willing to spend what ever it takes to give true healing to us. He will not give to us that which costs Him nothing. The great salvation that is given to us was bought and paid for by our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of Him we will have a very merry Christmas!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 4

"For as the earth brings forth its shoots, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations" (Isaiah 61:11).

Much has been written about the necessity of leaders manifesting a non-anxious presence in the presence of conflict, chaos, tragedy and sorrow. Does "non-anxious presence" mean that a leader shouldn't be emotional? No! We weep with those who weep! We rejoice with those who rejoice! We are shocked at immorality! Non-anxious presence is not emotionless, it is the appropriate display of the emotions in a given situation. Those who do not display their emotions are probably the most anxious of all because they are afraid of allowing someone else to see into their heart.

To be a non-anxious presence is to model God's presence. Do you know who you are, what you believe and act consistantly with that in spite of opposing pressure? As a result of your presence do you inspire praise, love and righteousness? These are some of the facets of non-anxious presence.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 3

"How long, O Lord? Wilt thou forget me for ever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day?" (Psalm 13:1-2).

"By his wounds you have been healed" (I Peter 2:24b).

Our expectation of God is that He would be to as a genie to grant our wishes. We bring our requests to Him and, to quote a great American philosopher,* "boom" we have what we want. If we do not get what we want, what is the use in trusting Him? For what reason should we worship Him? We tend to be pragmatic; if it works, do it. If it doesn't work , "shoo"it.

What is interesting to me is that God never worries that some one will not believe in Him because He does not grant their request. God goes about His business according to His nature and according to His covenant, working out what is right and best for us. What is right and best for us may not square with what we think is right and best for us. We are frustrated when our pain isn't relieved; when we feel like God isn't around.

What I want you all to remember, God is the great physician, He is not the great magician. It is not wrong to bring all of your requests to God--many times over! He who has the hairs on your head numbered is very interested in you and will give to you just as a responsible and loving earthly father gives to his children.**

Grace&Peace;
Tom

* John Madden

**One of the reasons I believe this is from reading the Psalms. In Psalms God allows the expression of the whole range of human emotion. Our loving Hevenly Father is not threatened by our requests or by our emotions. Truely, He is a non-anxious presence.

QUICK ANSWER TO BL & HUSKER RED

"Jesus wept. So the Jews said, 'See how he loved him'" (John 11:35-36).

God isn't some Spock-like personality who has no emotion but is only logical. I think the Bible and Jesus himself clearly demonstrate the emotion of God. Is God anxious? Probably not like our anxiety. Some of our anxiety has a positive benefit. It makes us put on deoderant, brush our teeth and wear clean clothes because we worry about what people will think of us if we don't.

God's ways are not man's ways. His understanding is infinite while ours is bound by the finite. Trusting His ways are a matter of faith in what He has revealed to us in Scripture. In our prayer life we may ask Him for requests that seem to go unanswered--it seems our prayers go no higher than the ceiling. God is not anxious that we will no longer believe in Him if He doesn't answer. He will do what is right even though it may not seem right to us. He is the great Physician, not the great magician to bestow on us our every whim, but gives us the healing we really need--sometimes the medicine can be bitter.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE 2

"Problems are not solved until we attack them as intelligent beings. We suffer in our attempt to escape his obvious fact. Wailing about diphtheria for centuries got us nowhere. Robert Koch began to grow bacteria on his wife's kitchen stove. The end was diphtheria antitoxin, and diphtheria has been practically wiped of the face of the earth. Perhaps this was the answer to centuries of prayer. My father, a very devout man, believed a striving to the limit in a worthy cause constituted the most eloquent form of prayer" (Arthur E. Hertzler, M.D.).

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" (Psalms 126:5).

I know a psychologist who understands non-anxious presence. His practice is to not speak until his client speaks to him. A client came for an appointment and didn't say anything. The client walked to the corner of the office, lay down on the carpeted floor in a fetal position and stayed that way for the fifty-minute session. No words were ever spoken, but just having some one understand and be accepting is powerful. God is that way. He does understand our pain and He loves us inspite of our failures, sins and mistakes. The Bible describes the Messiah as the Wonderful Counselor. The Holy Spirit is another counselor who is the Paraclete, the one who walks along side, the Comforter. The Bible is clear, God is love and He loves every human being.

It is also true that we live in a world that is, in the words of Paul, "in bondage to decay." It is a fallen world in which we live. There is sickness, there is hate, there is death, there is greed, there is lust, there is unfaithfulness, and there are weeds, to name a few. God allows this. He has given us freedom to deal with this fallen world in practical ways. That is why we have civil law, science, medicine and herbicides.

Suppose God always dealt with our prayers by a miracle or direct intervention of some sort. We would have never learned, progressed or achieved except in learned helplessness. Think of the blessings we enjoy as a result of the sweat, pain and sacrifices of those who have gone before us. Perhaps one of the reasons God wants us to deal with the effects of the fall in these ways is so that we will understand that salvation and wholeness can not be brought about without pain, sacrifice and death.

Am I saying that God has not been involved in the progress that we have enjoyed on this planet? No! But His non-anxious presence has provided the comfort and sustenance necessary for the achievment of the comforts and blessings of our lives today. Soren Keirkegaard is said to have said, "Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays."

God's non-anxious presence changes us.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

THE NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE

"After more than sixty years I can still hear the eloquent prayers that filled the countryside when epidemics of diphtheria appeared. One tube of antitoxin will do more good than all of these" (Arthur Hertzler M.D.).

"Let not your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me" (Jesus Christ, Jn. 14:1).

I'm sorry it has taken so long to make another contribution. I caught a cold during the holiday, and it has taken this long to feel like writing. Helen and I went to visit her parents for Thanksgiving. Since we were already in Kansas, we made a quick trip (150 miles west) to Abbyville, where we visited loved ones from our first pastoral ministry of 31 years ago. Our travel to Abbyville took us through the area where Dr. Hertzler practiced medicine a hundred years ago. It reminded me again of his book, HORSE AND BUGGY DOCTOR, which is one of my cherished posessions. Dr. Hertzler's father was a Mennonite lay minister, but the doctor was skeptical about prayer, Christians and how they practiced Christianity, though he did believe in God.

According to family systems theory, if a person can maintain a non-anxious presence in the presence of anxious family, church members or co-workes for a sustained period of time, then that non-anxious presence will change the family, church or workplace. It is easier said than done because none of us are non-anxious, only God is, though some are more non-anxious than others. A non-anxious person knows who he/she is. Non-anxious people live consistently by their values and faith and do not allow themselves to be drawn into gossip, destructive criticism, defensivness and emotional reactivity ("you've got to do something now!").

God, being the only non-anxious presence there is, is not stampeded into action by our anxious prayers. One of the things that made Hertzler skeptical about prayer was that God did not answer in the way he thought He should. His childhood experiences with prayer and shallow Sunday school teaching had a profound effect on his adult life. Hertzler did finally adopt his father's understanding of prayer as the diligent pursuit of a worthy cause. In this way he said diphtheria antitoxin was an answer to prayer.

While in Kansas we were able to watch BRUCE ALMIGHTY on cable. Bruce was given Divine power to answer prayer. He answered all the lottery players prayers with a "yes." The forty thousand winners received almost no money. How confusing the world would be if God answered every prayer with a "yes," though there are some prayers that God will always answer "yes" to. Care to guess what they are?

God brings change through His non-anxious presence.

Grace&Peace,
Tom

SALVATION: MORE THAN WE BARGINED FOR?

"For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved" (John 3:17).

We might think of salvation more in terms of climate control and safety; after all Heaven is going to be a much more pleasant place to spend eternity than hell. From a Biblical perspective, salvation refers to bringing wholness to the ENTIRE lives of those who believe. It is through faith that we have a relationship with God; we can't have one without it. It is in this faith relationship that we allow God to make us whole. Sometimes it isn't pleasant, but God is aiming for more than eternal safety; He is aiming for eternal wholeness as He changes us little by little, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (II Cor. 3:18).

We are saved. We are being saved. We shall be saved.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

RIDING REALITY 5

"...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, enabling you both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippeans 2:12b-13).

Riding Reality requires all of one's ability and skill. Ability is a gift. Some are physically gifted with beauty and athleticism. Some are gifted with brain-power, articism or emotional toughness. Whatever one's natural gift, God expects one to sharpen them with education, discipline and self discipline of training. It is in this way that skill is developed. If one is not will to work at learning, accepting discipline and be willing to discipline herself, there is little hope that one will accept the ride on Reality, adopting unrealistic behaviors will mark the course of their lives.

As a boy, I had been around horses for years, developing some skill, feeding, grooming, training and ridding. That is why I had some confidence that my ride Reality had a chance of success.

The last thing that I want to emphasize is that a successful ride on Reality requires that one put their hand in the glove of Faith. I didn't use a glove; that wasn't smart. It took a couple of weeks for that hand to heal--the power generated by Reality was so great.

Faith absorbs much of the power of Reality. God works with us, and in us, as we trust Him for the outcome. What a blessing it is to know that God is forging something meaningful out of our lives when we trust Him. He uses our skills and abilities to bless those around us and help those who follow to ride Reality too. It is faith that turns the ride of Reality into an adventure to be enjoyed rather than an ordeal to be endured. Reality, what a ride!!

Grace&Peace,
Tom

RIDING REALITY 4

No one ever really controls "Reality," though some seem to have a greater degree of control than others. It is this lack of control that creates the stress that bucks us off and puts us down. How do we get a measure of control?

Yesterday the people of the United States voted, exercising their God-given right. This is a means of gaining some control. How we voted is a message to God about the kind of control we want. Themorningafter, it appears that we voted for less personal control--not more. It is reassuring that God is in control and that the time-line for history is on schedule, "From one ancestor, He made all nations to inhabit the whole earth and the allotted times of their existance and the boundaries of the places where they would live" (Acts 17:26).

At the outset, I said that one thing needed to ride "Reality" was to pray hard! Books have been written about prayer; many of them filled with cliches, half-truths and easy answers. I realize that there are times when prayer seems like nothing more than talking to your self--that they go no higher than the ceiling. If you have ever felt that way you are in good company. Abraham, Job, David and Jesus had unanswered prayers. Tell God how you are feeling and what you are thinking from your heart. It is this kind of honest, intimate sharing that enables fellowship with the One who is in control.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

RIDING REALITY 3

"Reality" is good, but it is also difficult. It is not easy to live the life that we have been given. Faced with the task of riding "Reality," we all, at some time or another, choose behaviors that are unrealistic, to avoid the ride. Many of those behaviors are easy to see: We lie because the truth can be unpleasant; We cheat and steal because work is hard; We have affairs because really intimate relationships require risk, self-sacrifice and positive communication for a life-time.

Some of the behavior we use to avoid the "ride" are not as easy to spot: depressing, back-aching, addicting or stomach aching. While the illnesses are real, they become real as a means of a person subconsciously, creatively, trying to meet their needs by avoiding "Reality." It is a dysfunctional means, because the avoidance of "Reality" is not possible.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

RIDING REALITY 2

I apologize for taking so long to write a sequal to "Riding Reality." What does riding a bronco called "Reality" have to do with life?

I have often told my kids, grand kids and other kids that I work with, "Life is good and it is gonna get gooder." That is not an original statement with me; it is the product of some motivational speaker whose name I have long forgotten. Nevertheless, life is good, it is a gift and it gives us great oportunities to become ourselves and express ourselves and to leave our mark on this world. That is good. The gift of life allows us to enjoy the graces that are gifted to us each day, and that is good. Because of our faith in God who is gracious and good, we have a reasonable hope that life will get gooder and gooder! Our faith does not deny Reality, however, but it is a realistic means of coping with it.

The Reality is that we live in a fallen world, "In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19). There are weeds, rot, sickness, pain, atrophy, death, etc.. The reality is that these are an inescapable part of life. Faced with the difficulties of riding Reality, many adopt behaviors that are unrealistic. I'll write about those tomorrow.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

RIDING REALITY

One of the reasons I write a blog is to "play" around with thoughts and ideas turning them into sermon illustrations, meditations and counseling stories. They do not always get "fleshed out" completely, but you get to see some of the raw material. Remember "LIFE IS A RODEO?" I told you a little about the time I rode a bare-back bronco in the rodeo. This is a continuation of that.

Everybody has to be a cowboy because we each have to ride "Reality," the bronco that cannot be broken. There are times when it seems to be a beautiful and gentle horse, but in a flash it can turn into a raging, kicking, twisting, turning, bucking beast that will put down the best of riders. I remember that first Frontier-Days rodeo, the cowboy that rode just ahead of me was a seasoned veteran rider. When the gate opened on the chute, the horse lunged out of the chute, bucked high in the air and twisted. That cowboy was down on the first buck. Naturally athletic, and humble, and having ridden many horses, I had been confident, but after seeing what that bronc did to the previous rider, I wondered how I would ride "Reality," the horse that I had drawn. For a moment I thought about backing out, but too-late, my name was called. I climbed over the top of the chute, gripping the rigging with my right hand, the left hand had to be in the air and I had to "spur" with my heels. The gate opened and Reality lunged out of the chute, bucking high and hard, hard enough to tear the skin out of the palm of my right hand. I spurred, holding my left-hand free. The buzzer sounded, the pick-up man yelled, "Tom, I'm here," but I could not see him because the horse was bucking so hard that my vision was just a blurr. So I just jumped off. My time on Reality was just about 8 seconds--in real reality, it is a life-time.

So what does this have to do with life? See you tomorrow.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

"Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward being . . ." (Psalms 51:6a).

Not everyone who comes to a counselor with a problem wants a solution. There is a payoff in having the problem and the counselee simply desires confirmation that the problem is unsolvable. A person like this is a victim and desires to retain their victim status. Many are the clients who come with a problem, and there is always a misfortune which prevents them from doing anything about it. "The car broke down so I couldn't make it to the job interview" kind of thing, or "I've sent out ten applications, but no one answers."

I have had a number of clients who seem to have a never ending run of bad luck which prevents them from accomplishment. They see themselves as victims of life's unlucky lottery. A person like this cannot be helped until they see the truth. The truth is that they do not want to accept responsibility nor do they want to take any risks. These kind of people see money as a solution to their problem, but one of the great truths of life is, MONEY WILL NOT SOLVE A NONMONEY PROBLEM!!!!

"therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart" (Psalms 51:6b). The real problem behind most of our external problems is spiritual. We do not trust God, we do not want to obey God, and we do not want to accept responsibility, we would rather be victims. Until a person is brought face to face with this, they cannot be helped.

There was one in the Bible who was an exception to this, Job. Now that would be a tough counseling job. But the Job's are rare. Almost all of our problems have their roots in a spiritual problem.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

I BELIEVE. . .

I'm going to the funeral today of an old friend. As I was doing my devotional reading this morning I read these words which allied forces found in an abandoned house in Germany following World War II; probably words of a holocaust victim. They were God's gift to me for the day and I wanted to share them with you. "I believe in the sun, even when it does not shine. I believe in love, even when it is not shown. I believe in God, even when He is silent."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

COUNTING THE COST

One of the truths of problem solving is, "there is no cost-free or painless way of dealing with the problem situation." Most of the time people expect the counselor to work find an easy-does-it cure, win-win solution, but that is an unrealistic expectation. The only pain-free cure is a miracle. I believe in miracles, but one of the characteristics of miracles is that they are rare. For the Christian, the Spirit will be along side and strengthen as problems are appropriately faced. The Spirit will help deal with the pain.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

CHOICES

"It is not your abilities, but your choices, that determine who you are." --professor Dumbledor to Harry Potter

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE BAD AND THE GOOD HABITS OF RELATIONSHIPS

Everybody is into controlling the actions of someone else--we all do it! Evangelical Christians do it more than most, which is one of the reasons that the divorce rate for evangelical Christians is a tad higher than the general population. There are 8 deadly habits that can kill a relationship:
1. Criticizing,
2. Blaming,
3. Complaining,
4. Nagging,
5. Threatening,
6. Punishing,
7. Bribery,
8. Ignoring.

There are also 8 healthy habits that can bless any relationship:
1. Supporting,
2. Encouraging,
3. LISTENING,
4. Accepting,
5. Trusting,
6. Respecting,
7. Negotiating differences,
8. Praying for each other.

This is simple "common-sense" stuff, but apparently, common sense isn't that common. If these positive skills can be made into habits, any relationship will be blessed.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

RELAX

When you are sick, relax. A lot of stress inhibits the function of the immune system. When you are sick you are already under a lot of stress, do not add to it with a lot of anxious or negative thinking. That will only prolong your illness. One of the ways to disarm negative stressors is to emphasize the positive and good. This is my paraphrase of Psalm 1:1-3:

Happy is the one whose way is not determined by the influence of the world nor the lies of satan. He delight is in the Word of God. It is in the Word that he meditates constantly, relating it to his life day and night. One who does this will always be able to bear fruit, even in times of great distress because God is his nourishment and his comfort.

Remember: Satan is the great discourager; the Spirit of Christ the great encourager. Meditation is the best relaxation.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

SWEAT EQUITY

According to some recent research at Iowa State, exercising elderly mice boosts their immunity systems so that they are more like young mice. For people it seems to be true too. Many of the diseases that afflict us in old age are simply caused by weakening immune systems. Exercise enough to sweat every day, that will help keep you young.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

LIFE IS A RODEO

This week I received a call from Abbyville, Kansas, the location of my first pastoral ministry. The church there has built a new building; it is being dedicated this Sunday. I sent the congregation a note of blessing on their new building to be read at their dedication service. Writing the note started memories flowing in my humble little brain.

Abbyville was my first ministry. Preaching and scholarship are not strong points of mine, but the church was blessed and Helen and I were blessed by them.

It was in Abbyville that I had my first pastoral counseling sessions. I knew a little psychology, a little counseling method, a little Bible and a little theology so I walked in where angels fear to tread.

It was in Abbyville that I did my first rodeo performance. The first weekend of May, Abbyville hosts the Frontier Days Rodeo. It was in 1973 that I rode a bare-back bronc in the rodeo before thousands of spectators. The horse was a good bucker, but I did the time, and I did score well--I should have made a career of it.

From all this I made the observation that preaching, counseling and bronc riding have some similarities. You have to pray hard, get a firm grip, use all your ability and skill, and trust God for the out-come. I could write a chapter about each of those similarities, but I want to quickly mention that the "firm grip" is having a firm grip on "Reality," the bronco we all ride. Having a firm grip in the gloved-hand of faith. When I rode that bronco I did it without a glove. It tore the skin out of the palm of my hand, so great was the power generated by that horse. Faith is a great protector(Ephesians 6:16). *

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I'm watching my granddaughter so I haven't time to finish it as it should be. If you have any thoughts, let me know.

BEAUTY TIPS WRAP UP 2

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14).

I meant to include this in the first beauty wrap up and simply forgot it. But it is too important just to let it go. The writer of Esther describes her as being "beautiful and lovely" (2:7). Esther had a natural gift of physical beauty. During a time of crisis the future of a people rested on her beauty and grace. Beauty is not an unimportant gift. It is good to cultivate it and enhance it with charisma because beauty without grace doesn't get one very far either; check out queen Vashti in that same book of Esther.

The blessing of natural beauty is a gift. It is necessary for those who possess it to consider how God wants them to use it; it may be for such a time as this!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS WRAP UP

Did you know that babies as young as eight months will stare at an attractive female face, of any race and culture, longer than an average or less attractive face. This early recognition of beauty may be one indication of what it means to be created in the image of God. God loves beauty. He creates it. He lives in it, "...strength and beauty are in His sanctuary" (Psalms 96:6b). "He has made everything beautiful in its time. . ."(Ecclesiates 3:11). I'm not a Hebrew scholar, but I do know that the word which is translated "beautiful" in this verse is the same one used to describe the countinance of David in I Sam. 16:12. It is only God who can take what is ugly and turn it into something beautiful!

The best makeup is a makeover for the soul, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, and the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (I Peter 3:3-4). It is not that good hair styles, jewelry and clothes are wrong. They can enhance your physical appearance. However if one depends on those things for beauty, it is wasted money! I have seen plenty of people who had all these things that literally looked miserable. Joyless lives were written into their faces.

Of Jesus it was prophesied that, "...he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him" (Isa. 53:2b). I doubt that Jesus was a handsome person. I see him as being Lincolnesque. Lincoln, the second great emancipator, was ridiculed because of his looks, but was made handsome by what he did. I have never thought of him as being anything other than handsome. So I think it was with Jesus. He was probably not a physically handsome individual, but was made beautiful by what he accomplished for you and me. So it can be with you. Great people wind up being gorgeous, but gorgeous people seldom wind up being great!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS 4

7. You get better with age. If we can keep a smiles on our faces so that we have smile wrinkles in our faces and work out with some degree of regularity, we will tend to look better and feel more attractive as we age. It amazes me at the amount of young people who already have frowns etched in their faces and flab stretched in their figuares. Just smiling and working out makes one feel more attractive, even more so as one ages.

8. Beauty isn't the "silver bullet" that will transform your life. Naturally beautiful people are no happier than the rest of us. I asked my wife once if I was handsome. She said, "Weeeeeell, yooou areeee ruggedly handsome." Even us "ruggedly handsome" folks have to deal with life like everyone else. Sure, there are times when we receive preferential treatment because of our looks, but our loved-ones die, we suffer from accidents, disease and hardship too. There has to be something more substantive that helps us through these things. Life can't be successfully lived on looks alone.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*The eight BEAUTY TIPS were adapted from an article in "Psychology Today"(June 2006).

BEAUTY TIPS 3

Have you considered that God wants His people to be attractive people? When one thinks of John the Baptizer, well may be not. A guy that didn't shave, dressed in camel's hair, ate locusts and wild honey doesn't sound like an attractive dude. However, he was a great speaker, was blunt and to-the-point. His style makes Dr. Laura sound soft and sweet, but just like callers call Dr. Laura, many came to the desert to have their toes stomped on by John. There is something about confident commitment to God that is attractive.

5. Become aware of your self-talk. I doubt that John ever said to himself, "You loser. What are you doing wandering around in the desert in this itchey camel's hair sweater. Why don't you get a real job?!?" Stop the negative self talk. God created you. Jesus died for you. You are of greater worth than anything in all the world. It is because of this truth that you are desirable to other people. When you understand this you become warm and interesting to other people.

6. Dress in a way that says, "I'm approachable." I'm sure John's camel's hair sweater said, "come and talk to me." It is not how beautiful you are but how approachable you are.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS 2

I apologize for keeping you all waiting on "Beauty Tips 2." With soy harvesting in full swing I have been busy. You might ask, "What does an old geezer like you know about beauty anyway?" I'm starting to get up there in years, but I'm not dead yet! Any one who knows the Lord knows something about beauty because God is the author of beauty. He is surrounded by it, and He is the one who knows what it takes to be truly beautiful.

3. It's not about you. Do not focus on your self. When you do that you become more critical of yourself. Rather, make yourself approach others and make them feel wanted. Then your own insecurities will diminish. It is this kind of socialization that will make you appear to be more attractive to others.

4. Do not think of your body as an object to be gazed upon, but as a performing object. If it is a performing object it can be trained and transformed. This change in thinking changes one from being helpless and passive to being more proactive and powerful and that is attractive.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS 1

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).

Beauty is important in any culture; even those of more that 3,000 years ago. What makes a beautiful person? I think I can share some common-sense thoughts about beauty that are applicble to both women and men.

1. Do not compare yourself to others; it will not make you any happier. Even those who truly have a gift of physical beauty compare themselves to other beautiful people. It only creates anxiety, and in the long-run, that is not pretty. Rather, accentuate the positive with good grooming, dress and becoming the kind of person God wants you to be.

2. Develop positive relationships. Positive relationships help us to see ourselves in the best light while negative and critical relationships tend to make us view ourselves in a harsh light. If you have come to believe you are unattractive, perhaps you need to evaluate your relationships.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE GAIN IN GRIEF

A friend commented to me that the positive perspective of loss is that it opens the way for new opportunity. That it does. I think the following poem called THE VALLEY OF VISION expresses that truth.

Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
Where I live in the depths but see thee
in the heights;
Hemmed in by the mountains of sin
I behold thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
That to be low is to be high,
That the broken heart is the healed heart,
That the contrite spirit is the
rejoicing spirit,
That the repenting soul is the
victorious soul,
That to have nothing is to possess all,
That to bear the cross is to wear
the crown,
That to give is to recieve,
That the valley is a place of vision...
Let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley
(author unknown to me).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

MOVING ON

'Teach people to live with loss as opposed to forget and move on' (A paraphrased statement from grief workshop).

In our culture, dealing with grief has become a neat five-step process that, when it is finished, enables one to "move on" with their life. "Move on" has always been a troublesome phrase for me because of the implication that what is past should be left behind and that there should be no pain.

Moving on is necessary because life moves on; one is sick when they live in the past. Nevertheless, our very identity is linked to the past. The people, places and situations of our past all have something to do with who we are now. To leave them behind, try to forget and act as they never existed is sick too. Even heaven will not be a healthy place if there is no memory, no connection to the past because without that there is no personal identity.

Even though a person needs to learn to adjust to a new life and learn to function acceptably, does not mean that pain will end. There will be songs, smells, sights, and sounds, touches and tastes that will suddenly bring back memories of the one lost; at some unguarded moment feelings of grief will return. It must be understood that moving on means that some pain comes along in the baggage.

"...that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13). The great dynamic that helps us to move on is the hope that we have ahead of us when we will live for eternity with our loved ones in Christ!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

GRIEF IS ALWAYS AN ISSUE

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

I went to a workshop on loss and grief yesterday. One of the points the psychologist, who was the presenter, made was, "Loss is anytime life is different from how I wanted or expected it to be." If that is the case, and I think it is, then there are few counseling situations in which grief is not an issue. With every problem comes the realization that life doesn't match the picture of what life should be in our head. Our "should-be" world has been lost. So grief is always an issue.

Grief is a normal human response. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that only God can help you find meaning in.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE GOSPEL

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galations 3:28).

It was in the light of the cited text that James Russell Lowell wrote the following poem in 1845. Lowell was an abolitionist and the poem was intended to shape Christian thought as to their responsibility.

"Once to every man and nation
Comes the moment to decide,
In the strife of truth with falsehood,
For the good or evil side;
Some great cause, God's new Messiah,
Offering each the bloom or blight,
And the choice goes by for ever
'Twixt that darkness and that light.

"By the light of burning martyrs
Jesus' bleeding feet I track,
Toiling up new Calvaries ever
With the cross that turns not back;
New occasions teach new duties,
Time makes ancient good uncouth;
They must upward still, and onward,
Who would keep abreast of truth."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

FRANKLIN'S ASSESSMENT

A few weeks before his death, Benjamin Franklin wrote to Ezra Stiles, president of Yale College: "As to Jesus of Nazareth, my opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the system of morals and religion, as he left them to us, the best the world ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting changes, and I have, with most of the present dissenters in England, some doubts as to his divinity, tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the truth with less trouble. I see no harm, however, in its being believed, if that belief has the good consequence, as probably it has, of making his doctrines more respected and better observed." *

Franklin stood in judgement of Jesus the Christ and found him to be a great moral teacher, but that is all. Franklin expected to find out the truth when he died, but why did he not stop to think that at his death it might be a little late to do anything about it? Franklin was a man of common sense. Poor Richard's Almanac was a reflection of Franklin's philosophy and even some of the teaching of Jesus. However, though one must have common sense, God says that those who are righteous will live by faith and will trust Jesus the Christ.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*Jesus Through the Centuries
Jaroslav Pelican
Yale University Press

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED

"And the crowds asked him, 'What then should we do?' In reply he said to them, 'Whoever has two coats must share with anyone who has none; and whever has food must do likewise.' Even tax collectors came to be baptized, and they asked him, 'Teacher, what should we do?' He said to them, 'Collect no more than the amount prescribed for you.' Soldiers also asked him, 'And we, what should we do?' He said to them, 'Do not extort money from anyone by threats or false accusation, and be satisfied with your wages'" (Luke 3: 10-14).

Both tax collecting and soldering were not thought of as honorable occupations by many people then and now. But God sees them as necessary occupations in a fallen world. I'm not sure why he didn't include lawyering here--maybe that's because they are beyond redemption. That's just a joke. While there are some occupations that are not honorable, these are. Dignity is brought to them by how they are done. John the baptizer did not tell tax collectors to stop collecting or soldiers to stop soldiering! He told them how to do it in a way that honors God.

What are you doing? Where ever Divine providence has placed you, bring dignity to what you do.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

When God made us in His image, even though the fall into sin blurred that image, it was not obliterated; it can still be seen, and thus the need for connection with God is still in our hearts. We try to fill our need with other gods, other relationships and experiences, but the hole in our hearts will not be filled except by Him. I say that to introduce St. Augustine's confession, "Thou hast made us for thyself, and restless is our heart until it comes to rest in thee."

We have a need that ONLY God can fulfill.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

IS THERE EVIL OR JUST DYSFUNCTION?

When one studies psychology it is easy to come to the conclusion that people who do bad things are just dysfunctional. Is there truely evil? The Bible says there is. As we remember 9/11 this little blurb I found written by Walter Lippmann on October 30, 1941 is very appropriate; even more so in these present days. This was written when the Nazis were causing havoc in Europe and just five weeks before Pearl Harbor.

"The modern skeptical world has been taught for some 200 years a conception of human nature in which the reality of evil, so well known to the ages of faith, has been discounted. Almost all of us grew up in an environment of such easy optimism that we can scarcely know what is meant, though our ancestors knew it well, by the satanic will. We shall have to recover this forgotten but essential truth--along with so many others that we lost when, thinking we were enlightened and advanced, we were merely shallow and blind."

Walter Lippmann was a syndicated columnist during the 30's through the 60's. He tended to be on the liberal side, but he was right on target with this comment!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BE MERCIFUL

"for he (the Most High) is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:36).

In my personal Bible study I am reading through the gospel of Luke. This verse stood out at me this morning. How is God kind to the ungrateful and wicked? He allows them to live, enjoy the sunshine and the rain, and have an opportunity to choose the life He offers. Some will, but most will not; it's their choice.

We are to be that merciful. We are to be kind and gracious to all people. It is a terrible burden to carry anger and be judgemental. In the Matthew's sermon on the mount Jesus says, "blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy." That is not only true in our relationship with God, but it is also true in our relationship with our fellow men. We tend to be treated in the same way we treat others. If we are gracious it will tend to follow that we will be treated graciously.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

PROPER MOTIVES FOR PRAYER

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10).

A recent respondent questioned, 'How can I know I have a proper motive in my prayer?' John Calvin believed that a human being could do nothing good. If a person did something apparently good, it was done with an improper motive. The only way a person could do a genuinely good thing is if the Spirit of God motivated him to do it. I do not agree entirely with Calvin's conviction because we human beings are created in the image of God and do good things for each other.

It is a legitimate concern about the motive of our prayers, they may even seem to be selfish but remain legitimate. When the Lord taught his disciples to pray he said that we are expected to pray for our daily bread--our sustinance. Isn't that selfish? God cares for His children and wants them to have goood things!

Generally, though, our motive is to be to glorify God. I might want to do something or have something that isn't wrong in its self, but if having it or doing it doesn't result in glorifying God, the motive is self-serving. That is why self-examination is to be a constant in the life of the Christian. "Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup" (I Corinthians 11:28).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

HALF-HEARTED PRAYERS

". . . yet because of the mans's persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs" (Luke 11:8b NIV).

My son, Tom, is doing a sermon series on prayer. In preparation, he asked the question, 'does our persistence in prayer change God's mind?' One of the respondents to Tom's question pointed out the "persistence" might not be the best translation of the original. The KJV uses the word "importunity" and, indeed, that is what my analytical Greek lexicon uses as a translation. Importunity is to vex by demanding too often, to vehemently or unreasonably, according to "Webster."

When a person is importune he is bold and shameless in his requests. He doesn't care what the other person thinks. He is going to get what he wants! Earlier this week I published the prayer of Martin Luther for his friend, Frederick Myconius. Luther only prayed it once, but it was certainly bold. One beloved reader responded that she was finished with "whimpy prayers." That certainly fits here! I do believe that our bold persistence has value and significance because it is indicative of the passion that we have. Will God listen to half-hearted prayers?

Grace&Peace;
Tom

NO "WIMPY" PRAYERS!

"You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures. Adulterers!" (James 4:3-4a).

God wants us to ask! Because of Christ, we can boldly approach the throne of grace and make requests of God. We do not have to cower in fear, only bow in reverence and respect to our loving and gracious Father who wants us to have what is good for us. We needn't be wimps! We can ask for the impossible! The only requisit is that our requests be not selfish. Our commitment is to God. When our requests are self-centered we are being unfaithful in our relationship to God. We can pray for great and impossible things, but not with a selfish motive!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

GOD INVITES YOU TO ASK

"Ask and it shall be given. . ." (Matthew 7:7).

Many times in the Scriptures, God invites His children to ask, 'You have not because you ask not' the apostle James says in his letter. God is our rich friend; He is our rich father who wants us to have what is best.

I found this story in a sermon by Peter Marshall that I want to share with you; it is supposed to be historically accurate.

In 1540, Martin Luther's great friend and assistant, Frederick Myconius, became sick and was expected to die within a short time. On his bed, he wrote a loving farewell note to Luther with a trembling hand. Luther received the letter and instantly sent back a reply, "I command thee in the name of God to live. I still have need of thee in the work of reforming the church. The Lord will never let me hear that thou art dead, but will permit thee to survive me. For this I am praying, this is my will and my will be done, because I seek only to glorify the name of God." One week later, Myconius recovered and died two months after the death of Luther.

Our motives have a lot to do with how our requests to God are answered!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

What Keeps Me Going?

"Christ is not only the source for my work; He is also the outcome. If the dominant note is the needs of others, then success is measured by how many of those I meet. However, if Christ is to be the outcome of our work, then success becomes another thing altogether. Success is what pleases Him, glorifies Him, and looks like Him. Success is not a body count of those who turned out a certain way. Success is rather whether or not I looked like Him no matter the outcome."

"We are in great danger when we put the emphasis on the results we see in the lives of others. The work of the Spirit in our lives is not evidenced in the number of people we fix, but in the character we manifest whether people are fixed or not. What happens in the lives He brings across my path is under His jurisdiction, not mine" (Diane Langberg, PhD).*

*Dr. Langberg is a licensed psychologist and a contributer to the Christian Counseling Connection, from which I obtained this blurb. She spoke what I believe and I wanted to share it with you.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE PRAYER OF FAITH

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well. . ." (James 5:15).

Many, many times people have prayed for physical healing that did not come. Any hospital chaplain will tell you about the testimonies shared with them of people who have been able to cope with the stress of illness because of prayer. What kept them going despite difficult circumstances? Prayer!

Many will testify that prayer has changed the course of an illness, but many more will testify that prayer has changed how they viewed their illness or their situation. It is in changing the view of a situation or an illness that changes false beliefs and helps a person develop true ones. It is the truth that brings freedom and health.

The change in my perspective as a result of prayer has blessed me at significant moments in my life.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

PRAYER AND RELATIONSHIP

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will com in to him and dine with him, and he with me" (Revelation 3:20).

The context of this verse concerns the church at Laodicia. Jesus is inviting Christians, who have allowed their relationship with him to stagnate, to allow him back into their lives. The lack of prayer, opening the door, in the life of the Christian is symptomatic of a lack of relationship with Christ. If you love him, you will talk to him!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHY SHOULD WE PRAY?

"Our Father who art in heaven . . ." (Matt. 6:9).

Because it works? Tell that to those who have prayed and prayed about loved-ones who were teminally ill and died anyway, or those who have lived in desperate situations and found no way out. There have been several double-blind studies done which have shown that hospital patients who were prayed for recovered at a rate no better than those not prayed for.

If what I have just said means to you that there is no reason to pray then your relationship with God is suspect. What kind of relationship is it that is predicated on what works? It is like being friends with a very rich person who could give us whatever our hearts desired. If we spent all of our time asking for the desires of our heart, wouldn't our rich friend wonder if we would be friends at all if he had no riches? What kind of relationship is that?

Having a relationship with anyone means that there is some mutuality. We care about the same things, we have similar values and we enjoy spending time together. Spending time together isn't done just when it is convenient. God is our very rich friend, in fact, our Father. He wants to spend time with us. Do you with Him, except to ask for favors? If prayer is only utilitarian to you, forgetaboutit!

By the way, a double-blind study makes God nothing more than a natural force, a majic act or a genie. God is super natural, not natural--He can't be measured by natural means. Not only that but who can guarantee that those in the not-prayed-for group weren't prayed for? Almost everyone has someone who cares about them enough to pray.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

2 MORE EVIDENCES FOR CHRIST'S RESURRECTION

While doing some reading early this morning, I stumbled on some bits of evidence that I had never attributed much significance to, and yet they are significant and one of them is a salient feature of the resurrection story. Because of limited time, I will not fully discuss the implications of the evidence, but only cover it in broad strokes.

1. The bodily resurrection of Christ from the grave is the foundation of the Christian faith; if Christ did not rise from the dead, none of it is true (I Corinthians 15:12-19). Every time the gospel was preached to the Greeks the resurrection is spoken of as evidence of the truth of the gospel. Yet, because of the religious and philosophical background of the Greeks, resurrection of a body was not a good thing--matter was not good, it was evil. The tendency of the Greeks would have been to disbelieve it or to change it to something more acceptable. There was no advantage in making converts by speaking of resurrection!

2. It was the women who found the tomb empty and met the risen Christ first. Given the male preference and dominance of that culture, this is evidence of the truth of the story. If the story were made up it would have been one of the male apostles, Peter or John probably, who first met the risen Christ to give gravitas to the story. But, no, it was the lowly women, perhaps the most lowly one, Mary Magdalene who had the honor of first meeting the risen Christ. When the story was related to the men, 'it seemed as an idle tale to them.'

These are just bits of evidence that only enhance the great amount of evidence for the resurrection of Jesus. It is because of this event that we can hope to enter the eternal country whose builder and make is God.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHAT?

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before.

--The Leininger Collection

Grace&Peace;
Tom

DEALING WITH ANXIETY

Since returning from California I have been struggling with a bad sinus infection. To treat it I have been using a couple of products containing pseudoephedrine. Though these medications work fairly well, one of the side effects I experience is anxiety. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that my wife, the lovely and gracious Helen, is in Kansas visiting her parents; the house feels so empty. So this morning I woke up at about three with feelings of anxiety. To try to stay in bed merely fosters racing thoughts, so I begin with a remedy that has always worked, running. I have a great running buddy, Obie the wonder dog. We headed down the gravel road together, covering a mile plus a hundred-yard wind sprint at the end. The rhythm of the exercise, the deeper breathing, the companionship of my dog, does wonders for dealing with stress--it is a remedy that always works for me. It is a weird time of the day to be running, but it is a lot better than sitting around dealing with racing thoughts.

Returning to the house a few minutes later, I heated some water and made some herbal tea and read these words, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Try some exercise with your prayers.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

COMMUNION MEDITATION

Purely materialistic scientists believe that 'man is the result of a purposeless and natural process that did not have him in mind.'** That makes you feel special, doesn't it? When they say this they have left the realm of science and entered the realm of faith, because that is an untestable position. These scientists believe that life spontaneously generated from nonliving matter. One of the factors that drives the space program is the need to find life elsewhere in the universe. I'm not much of a scientist, but my response to the materialist is, "If life evolved from nonliving matter then demonstrate it in the lab. Surely, with all of our knowledge and technology, we should be able to duplicate the nonlife to life process." It has not been done, but wouldn't it be great if it could? Our seedstock companies would love it.

The Bible says that God created us in His image; that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). The Bible says that God loves us and that Jesus died on the cross for our sins! (Romans 5:8). That makes you feel special! Why do I believe it? Because according to credible witnesses, Jesus rose from the dead. The truth of all we believe rests on that event (I Corinthians 15:14). By the way, that event is repeatable as we will rise from the grave some day.

God created us for a purpose. God loves us enough to sacrifice for us in Jesus. This is what we celebrate as we gather at the Lord's Table.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*We made it safely home from California. It was a great adventure!
**Paraphrased from a science article whose author I have forgotten.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THIS?

So, here I am, Helen too and our two grand children in Ceres, California. We are visiting in my daughter's home. We are having a great time, presently, but we will probably be here a day longer than planned. Our 2003 Chrysler minivan lost it's transmission in Winnemucca, Nevada last Saturday afternoon. The car was a recent purchase for us; we bought an extended warrenty. The car needed to be towed 50 miles to the nearest Chrysler dealership; cost, $260.
We had to stay in Winnemucca, Saturday nite and Sunday nite. We walked to the nearest church, a Baptist church to worship on Sunday. On Monday morning we put in a call to the Enterprise car rental agency and were able to rent a vehicle, just ahead of the forest service who wanted to rent it for firefighting crews. (Somewhere in the West a fire is burning a little longer because the forest service didn't get a truck.) The gal at Enterprise was so busy, she forgot about us so we lingered at the motel until 12:30p.m. Through communications with both dealers, we learn that it will be 5 working days for them to get a transmission and a day to install it, at a cost of $2200. We were scheduled to leave on Monday, but now it will be Tues.

During all this, I cannot say that anyone has been unkind or discourtious, but I think many have been thoughtless and uncaring. From the dealership from which we bought the car to the dealership that is working on the car, to the Baptist church and the rental agency. No one ever really gave any indication that they cared beyond a customer relationship.

It has made us examine ourselves; are we willing to go the "second mile?"
Great service is always a part of success in business. Demonstrating love is always a part of a successful Christian life.

It is a great life! We are having a great time! Lord help us learn from each situation!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

YOUR LIFE IS LIKE. . .

"Your life is like a book: The title page is your name; the preface, your introduction to the world. The pages are a daily record of your efforts, trials, pleasures, prayers, hopes and discouragement. In Hebrews 12 it says; 'The race is set before us.' We are reminded it is God's job to set the course; it's your job to run it. As you pass onward, day by day, your thoughts and acts are inscribed in your book of life. Hour by hour, the record is being made that must stand for all time. One day the word finis must be written. Let it then be said of your book that it is a record of noble purpose, generous service, and work well done. . . And that all will see the values of faith, love and hope demonstrated in your life. 'We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ'" (I Thessalonian 1:3). --From the Leininger Collection

Grace&Peace;
Tom

ASSURANCE FOR AN ANXIOUS HEART

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22, 23).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

LEARN FROM LIFE

"A wicked man puts on a bold face, but an upright man considers his ways. No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the Lord" (Proverbs 21:29-30).

My time has been limited so I have had to rely on the "Leininger Collection." Here are a couple of Quotes from LC.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" (Soren Kierkegaard).

"Life is the greatest therapist. It is the only one that does not ask us if we will take the treatment" (Karen Horney).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

VALUE EACH MOMENT

"LISTEN TO YOUR LIFE, SEE IT FOR THE FATHOMLESS MYSTERY THAT IT IS. IN THE BOREDOM AND PAIN OF IT NO LESS THAN THE EXCITEMENT AND GLADNESS; TOUCH, TASTE, SMELL YOUR WAY TO THE HOLY AND HIDDEN HEART OF IT, BECAUSE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS, ALL MOMENTS ARE KEY MOMENTS, AND LIFE ITSELF IS GRACE" (Frederich Buechner, from the Leininger Collection).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING INSTEAD OF NOTHING?

"He is the image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creation; for in him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or authorities--all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:15-17).

"It seems to me that when confronted with the marvels of life and the universe one must ask why and not just how. The only possible answers are religious . . . I find need for God in the universe and in my life" (Arthur L. Schawlow, professor of physics at Stanford University, Nobel prize in physics, 1981).

There never has been "nothing." Purely naturalistic cosmologists have speculated a beginning resulting from a coalescence of subatomic particles. But a particle, no matter how small it is, is still a particle.* It reminds me of the story about a boy who asked his grandmother, "What holds the world up?" "The world sits on the back of a turtle," gramma replied. The boy asked gramma, "What does the turtle stand on, gramma?" "The back of another turtle," gramma answered. What does that turtle stand on, gramma?" Becoming frustrated with all the questions, gramma replied, "Stop asking questions! It's turtles all the way down!"

It would be easier to have nothing than something--ask any poor person! But, here we are living in a world teeming with diverse, complex, intricate, beautiful, ugly life. If we try to account for this life completely by macro-evolution, we would expect scientists to be able to duplicate evolution in the lab, making life from non-organic materials. They can't! If we use macro-evolution as an explanation for this life, we would expect to see the universe teeming with life, since evolutionists credit minerals with self-organizing properties to adjust to the environment in which they exist. There isn't! What drives the space program is the desperate search for life in other places in the universe to support the faith of the naturalist. This great diversity of life in our solar system is found only on earth. It is the only place that will support life as we know it. Is that by chance? Hummmmm.

To macro-evolutionists, one form of life is no better than another. A human being is no more significant than a cockroach. There is no love in their world, only altruism; what a sterile word!
This is the description of a world that is the result of time plus chance.

There has always been something, I should say, Someone, who stands above the laws of physics; who was the author of them. That Someone stepped into space and time for a few years that we should know Him. It is only in Him that we have hope for a great future.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I'm fully aware that the smallest sub-atomic particles are not particles but energy. But it always begs the question, "Where did that come from?"

TOO MUCH HELP

"Eight people can do the work of ten people better than twelve people can" (Leininger Collection).

THOUGHTS ABOUT LEADERSHIP

"For a bishop, as God's steward, must be blameless; he must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of goodness, master of himself, upright, holy, and self-controlled; he must hold firm to the sure word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to confute those who contradict it" (Titus 1:7-9).

Ministry is more than something a person does, rather ministry must be something a person is. That is the concept of servant leadership. Servant leadership requires the development of personal and social skills: Personal discipline, compassion, positive attitude, speech, manners and dress. In most cases, these qualities do not come naturally, but a developed and failure to be diligent in the development of these qualities is planning to fail at leadership.

Like King Caspian of Narnia could not leave himself in the far eastern lands for the greatest adventure because he belonged to his people, so the servant-leader belongs to his people. Sometimes the great adventurer disqualifies himself from leadership because he leaves his sheep without a shepherd for an adventure.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WINNING IS FINISHING

". . . and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1b).

I would have rather been sleeping,or doing about anything else, but at 6 a.m. I'm jogging down the gravel road with my wonder dog, "Obie"(Obediah) a purebred Border Collie. I am reminding myself about why I do this; it is critical to my physical and emotional health (I've been a reluctant jogger for 35 years). The thought entered my mind about the race we run for the Lord. It isn't about who crosses the finishing line first; it is about who finishes faithfully. It is an endurance race that we run for the Lord. To finish it, being faithful to Him, is winning!!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

LIVE INTENTIONALLY

"If you don't know where you are going, all roads lead there."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY WRAP-UP

"For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it" (James 2:10).

"Functioning based on principle requires a tolerance of anxiety and a willingness to focus on self. Functioning based on feelings and subjectivity succumbs to the pressure for a quick reduction in anxiety and is aimed at changing others rather than changing self" (Kerr/Bowen, p.133).

I hope the series on emotional maturity has been helpful. I've tried to keep it simple. There are so many variables to consider that emotional maturity can become a very complex subject. I decided to do the series for three reasons:

1. So that you readers can see the lens through which I view individuals and families. All counseling is really family therapy. Each individual has dynamic connections to those with whom he has blood, marital, fellowship and work relationships.

2. To do some conscientiousness raising about how emotion works. Not everyone displays his emotions in the same way. A person experiencing stress may appear to be nonreactive, but his inactivity, or hypoactivity, is as much an emotional response as the person who becomes hysterical and hyperactive. Indecisiveness and dysthymia are good indicators of high emotional reactivity.

3. To deal with self-righteousness. "She had the affair, I didn't" a husband might insist, thinking she is the cause of the problem, there's nothing he needs to change. Both contribute to the problem. Both must understand what they do contribute. It also must be understood that the same emotional process that leads to an affair leads to gossip, obesity and addictions.

Restating the best means of dealing with high levels of emotion:

1. Trust in God; faith in Christ.

2. Fellowship; hanging around good people.

3. Exercise. This wasn't in my first list; I thought that I should separate it out of education.
Exercise burns more than calories; it can burn stress too!!

4. Education.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND TRIANGLES

"You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother's son" (Psalms 50:20).

"A two-person system may be stable as long as it is calm, but since that level of calm is very difficult to maintain, a two-person system is more accurately characterized as unstable. When anxiety increases, a third person becomes involved in the tension of the twosome, creating a triangle. This involvement of a third person decreases anxiety in the twosome by spreading it through three relationships" (Kerr/Bowen, 134).

Children learn early in life what a triangle is. Children also learn early how to triangle relationships. When sibling disagreement occurs, one of the siblings will run to one of the parents. This dynamic is carried into adulthood into adult relationships. When there is tension in a relationship, it has already been learned to go to another for support. Gossip is one of the ways this is done; so is having an affair. The third "person" in the triangle doesn't have to be a person at all; it can be a substitute like food, work, hobby or medication. The same emotional process at the root of an affair is at the root of obesity. Of course, going to a counselor, to God, or pastor, "God" with skin on, is triangulation too. Forming a triangle is not a bad thing, though we have seen that it can be, it just depends on who the "third person" is. A mature third person will support the person, but will not enable destructive emotional release! Many times immature people will not accept that and will find a new "third person;" one can always find a counselor that makes them happy.

I've run into several family problems that have incorporated this kind of triangle. A child makes himself a problem when tension reaches a certain level between his parents. This draws one or both parents' focus to him, thus reducing the emotional tension between them. Many, many "kid" problems find relief in marital therapy.

All psychotherapy is family therapy. None of us live our lives in solitary, though many attempt it. Even the apparent lack of relationships is a reaction to a relationship with someone. Any time a person has a problem, think in triangles.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND HEALTH

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22).

"The activity of cells that comprise the immune system is assumed to be influenced by anxiety" (Kerr/Bowen, p.74).

Why is it that people can have cancer cells, tubercular bacilli and HIV and not develop clinical symptoms? Why is it that there are people who have been terminally ill, who were medically hopeless, who experienced healing when they found purpose for their lives? There is enough real casework history out there to show that these instances happen in significant numbers.

Emotion is a significant dynamic in the development of any disease; physical or psychiatric. Many people carry a heavy load of chronic anxiety with them. They are always thinking about what might happen, what could be or what other people might be thinking rather than dealing with what actually is. It is this constant load of emotion that stresses the immune system and can allow the development of disease.

It is important to remember, however, that even if we were all perfectly emotionally mature, we would still get sick. Nevertheless, emotional stress can hasten the development of disease. Any pastor, chaplain or counselor needs to think in terms of emotional dynamics when working with their patient. Why is my patient sick now; what has been going on in their life? What meaning can be found? Finding meaning and purpose for life diffuses a lot of emotion. Finding and strengthening faith in Christ does the same; check out Matthew 11:28-30.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND ATTRACTION

"My beloved is mine and I am his . . . " (Song of Solomon 2:16).

"The lower the level of differentiation (emotional maturity) the more likely it is that the source of peoples' compatibility will become the very sources of their incompatibility" (Kerr/Bowen).

Emotional maturity is not an exact equivalent of undifferentiated ego mass, or differentiation, but it's close enough and easier to understand. One who is emotionally mature is able to function as an autonomous, responsible, thoughtful person. She/he does not make decisions based on what feels right. Her/his functioning is not dependent on, or effected by, praise or criticism. Few people attain that level of emotional maturity (tes).

Like the opposite poles of magnets attract so too do "people opposites" tend to attract. In an earlier post I mentioned that people of similar levels of emotional maturity tended to be attracted to each other and get together. That much is true. The emotional maturity levels may be manifest is opposite ways, but the emotional maturity levels will be similar. For example, a bright, bubbly, spontaneous woman is attracted to a strong, silent-type man. They even see each other as beautiful and handsome because of the similarity of emotional maturity (There are objective measures of beauty, but much of it is subjective; it's in the eye of the beholder). Their oppositeness is a complement to each other. The strong, silent guy needs a little excitement in his life. The bubbly, spontaneous woman needs a dependable, stable guy. After a while, though, being married to a strong, stable guy can seem like prison to a bubbly, spontaneous woman. Likewise, being married to a bubbly spontaneous woman can seem like life is out of control to a strong, silent-type guy. What drew them together pushes them apart!

There should be some complementation in a relationship; wouldn't life be dull if there wasn't!?
But, the greater the complementation is that draws a couple together, the more likely it is that the same oppositeness will push them apart.

Anyone who is contemplating marriage should take time to make a list of positives and negatives about the potential spouse. The list of positives has to be a lot longer than the negatives. If the positive list is the same as, or, shorter than the negative list, don't get married! Negatives weigh more than positives.

Also, if you think you absolutely cannot live without the other, you need to try!! That is a typical symptom of too much oppositeness.

Grace&peace;
Tom