I BELIEVE. . .

I'm going to the funeral today of an old friend. As I was doing my devotional reading this morning I read these words which allied forces found in an abandoned house in Germany following World War II; probably words of a holocaust victim. They were God's gift to me for the day and I wanted to share them with you. "I believe in the sun, even when it does not shine. I believe in love, even when it is not shown. I believe in God, even when He is silent."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

COUNTING THE COST

One of the truths of problem solving is, "there is no cost-free or painless way of dealing with the problem situation." Most of the time people expect the counselor to work find an easy-does-it cure, win-win solution, but that is an unrealistic expectation. The only pain-free cure is a miracle. I believe in miracles, but one of the characteristics of miracles is that they are rare. For the Christian, the Spirit will be along side and strengthen as problems are appropriately faced. The Spirit will help deal with the pain.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

CHOICES

"It is not your abilities, but your choices, that determine who you are." --professor Dumbledor to Harry Potter

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE BAD AND THE GOOD HABITS OF RELATIONSHIPS

Everybody is into controlling the actions of someone else--we all do it! Evangelical Christians do it more than most, which is one of the reasons that the divorce rate for evangelical Christians is a tad higher than the general population. There are 8 deadly habits that can kill a relationship:
1. Criticizing,
2. Blaming,
3. Complaining,
4. Nagging,
5. Threatening,
6. Punishing,
7. Bribery,
8. Ignoring.

There are also 8 healthy habits that can bless any relationship:
1. Supporting,
2. Encouraging,
3. LISTENING,
4. Accepting,
5. Trusting,
6. Respecting,
7. Negotiating differences,
8. Praying for each other.

This is simple "common-sense" stuff, but apparently, common sense isn't that common. If these positive skills can be made into habits, any relationship will be blessed.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

RELAX

When you are sick, relax. A lot of stress inhibits the function of the immune system. When you are sick you are already under a lot of stress, do not add to it with a lot of anxious or negative thinking. That will only prolong your illness. One of the ways to disarm negative stressors is to emphasize the positive and good. This is my paraphrase of Psalm 1:1-3:

Happy is the one whose way is not determined by the influence of the world nor the lies of satan. He delight is in the Word of God. It is in the Word that he meditates constantly, relating it to his life day and night. One who does this will always be able to bear fruit, even in times of great distress because God is his nourishment and his comfort.

Remember: Satan is the great discourager; the Spirit of Christ the great encourager. Meditation is the best relaxation.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

SWEAT EQUITY

According to some recent research at Iowa State, exercising elderly mice boosts their immunity systems so that they are more like young mice. For people it seems to be true too. Many of the diseases that afflict us in old age are simply caused by weakening immune systems. Exercise enough to sweat every day, that will help keep you young.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

LIFE IS A RODEO

This week I received a call from Abbyville, Kansas, the location of my first pastoral ministry. The church there has built a new building; it is being dedicated this Sunday. I sent the congregation a note of blessing on their new building to be read at their dedication service. Writing the note started memories flowing in my humble little brain.

Abbyville was my first ministry. Preaching and scholarship are not strong points of mine, but the church was blessed and Helen and I were blessed by them.

It was in Abbyville that I had my first pastoral counseling sessions. I knew a little psychology, a little counseling method, a little Bible and a little theology so I walked in where angels fear to tread.

It was in Abbyville that I did my first rodeo performance. The first weekend of May, Abbyville hosts the Frontier Days Rodeo. It was in 1973 that I rode a bare-back bronc in the rodeo before thousands of spectators. The horse was a good bucker, but I did the time, and I did score well--I should have made a career of it.

From all this I made the observation that preaching, counseling and bronc riding have some similarities. You have to pray hard, get a firm grip, use all your ability and skill, and trust God for the out-come. I could write a chapter about each of those similarities, but I want to quickly mention that the "firm grip" is having a firm grip on "Reality," the bronco we all ride. Having a firm grip in the gloved-hand of faith. When I rode that bronco I did it without a glove. It tore the skin out of the palm of my hand, so great was the power generated by that horse. Faith is a great protector(Ephesians 6:16). *

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I'm watching my granddaughter so I haven't time to finish it as it should be. If you have any thoughts, let me know.

BEAUTY TIPS WRAP UP 2

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14).

I meant to include this in the first beauty wrap up and simply forgot it. But it is too important just to let it go. The writer of Esther describes her as being "beautiful and lovely" (2:7). Esther had a natural gift of physical beauty. During a time of crisis the future of a people rested on her beauty and grace. Beauty is not an unimportant gift. It is good to cultivate it and enhance it with charisma because beauty without grace doesn't get one very far either; check out queen Vashti in that same book of Esther.

The blessing of natural beauty is a gift. It is necessary for those who possess it to consider how God wants them to use it; it may be for such a time as this!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS WRAP UP

Did you know that babies as young as eight months will stare at an attractive female face, of any race and culture, longer than an average or less attractive face. This early recognition of beauty may be one indication of what it means to be created in the image of God. God loves beauty. He creates it. He lives in it, "...strength and beauty are in His sanctuary" (Psalms 96:6b). "He has made everything beautiful in its time. . ."(Ecclesiates 3:11). I'm not a Hebrew scholar, but I do know that the word which is translated "beautiful" in this verse is the same one used to describe the countinance of David in I Sam. 16:12. It is only God who can take what is ugly and turn it into something beautiful!

The best makeup is a makeover for the soul, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, and the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (I Peter 3:3-4). It is not that good hair styles, jewelry and clothes are wrong. They can enhance your physical appearance. However if one depends on those things for beauty, it is wasted money! I have seen plenty of people who had all these things that literally looked miserable. Joyless lives were written into their faces.

Of Jesus it was prophesied that, "...he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him" (Isa. 53:2b). I doubt that Jesus was a handsome person. I see him as being Lincolnesque. Lincoln, the second great emancipator, was ridiculed because of his looks, but was made handsome by what he did. I have never thought of him as being anything other than handsome. So I think it was with Jesus. He was probably not a physically handsome individual, but was made beautiful by what he accomplished for you and me. So it can be with you. Great people wind up being gorgeous, but gorgeous people seldom wind up being great!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS 4

7. You get better with age. If we can keep a smiles on our faces so that we have smile wrinkles in our faces and work out with some degree of regularity, we will tend to look better and feel more attractive as we age. It amazes me at the amount of young people who already have frowns etched in their faces and flab stretched in their figuares. Just smiling and working out makes one feel more attractive, even more so as one ages.

8. Beauty isn't the "silver bullet" that will transform your life. Naturally beautiful people are no happier than the rest of us. I asked my wife once if I was handsome. She said, "Weeeeeell, yooou areeee ruggedly handsome." Even us "ruggedly handsome" folks have to deal with life like everyone else. Sure, there are times when we receive preferential treatment because of our looks, but our loved-ones die, we suffer from accidents, disease and hardship too. There has to be something more substantive that helps us through these things. Life can't be successfully lived on looks alone.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*The eight BEAUTY TIPS were adapted from an article in "Psychology Today"(June 2006).

BEAUTY TIPS 3

Have you considered that God wants His people to be attractive people? When one thinks of John the Baptizer, well may be not. A guy that didn't shave, dressed in camel's hair, ate locusts and wild honey doesn't sound like an attractive dude. However, he was a great speaker, was blunt and to-the-point. His style makes Dr. Laura sound soft and sweet, but just like callers call Dr. Laura, many came to the desert to have their toes stomped on by John. There is something about confident commitment to God that is attractive.

5. Become aware of your self-talk. I doubt that John ever said to himself, "You loser. What are you doing wandering around in the desert in this itchey camel's hair sweater. Why don't you get a real job?!?" Stop the negative self talk. God created you. Jesus died for you. You are of greater worth than anything in all the world. It is because of this truth that you are desirable to other people. When you understand this you become warm and interesting to other people.

6. Dress in a way that says, "I'm approachable." I'm sure John's camel's hair sweater said, "come and talk to me." It is not how beautiful you are but how approachable you are.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS 2

I apologize for keeping you all waiting on "Beauty Tips 2." With soy harvesting in full swing I have been busy. You might ask, "What does an old geezer like you know about beauty anyway?" I'm starting to get up there in years, but I'm not dead yet! Any one who knows the Lord knows something about beauty because God is the author of beauty. He is surrounded by it, and He is the one who knows what it takes to be truly beautiful.

3. It's not about you. Do not focus on your self. When you do that you become more critical of yourself. Rather, make yourself approach others and make them feel wanted. Then your own insecurities will diminish. It is this kind of socialization that will make you appear to be more attractive to others.

4. Do not think of your body as an object to be gazed upon, but as a performing object. If it is a performing object it can be trained and transformed. This change in thinking changes one from being helpless and passive to being more proactive and powerful and that is attractive.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BEAUTY TIPS 1

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).

Beauty is important in any culture; even those of more that 3,000 years ago. What makes a beautiful person? I think I can share some common-sense thoughts about beauty that are applicble to both women and men.

1. Do not compare yourself to others; it will not make you any happier. Even those who truly have a gift of physical beauty compare themselves to other beautiful people. It only creates anxiety, and in the long-run, that is not pretty. Rather, accentuate the positive with good grooming, dress and becoming the kind of person God wants you to be.

2. Develop positive relationships. Positive relationships help us to see ourselves in the best light while negative and critical relationships tend to make us view ourselves in a harsh light. If you have come to believe you are unattractive, perhaps you need to evaluate your relationships.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE GAIN IN GRIEF

A friend commented to me that the positive perspective of loss is that it opens the way for new opportunity. That it does. I think the following poem called THE VALLEY OF VISION expresses that truth.

Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
Where I live in the depths but see thee
in the heights;
Hemmed in by the mountains of sin
I behold thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
That to be low is to be high,
That the broken heart is the healed heart,
That the contrite spirit is the
rejoicing spirit,
That the repenting soul is the
victorious soul,
That to have nothing is to possess all,
That to bear the cross is to wear
the crown,
That to give is to recieve,
That the valley is a place of vision...
Let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley
(author unknown to me).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

MOVING ON

'Teach people to live with loss as opposed to forget and move on' (A paraphrased statement from grief workshop).

In our culture, dealing with grief has become a neat five-step process that, when it is finished, enables one to "move on" with their life. "Move on" has always been a troublesome phrase for me because of the implication that what is past should be left behind and that there should be no pain.

Moving on is necessary because life moves on; one is sick when they live in the past. Nevertheless, our very identity is linked to the past. The people, places and situations of our past all have something to do with who we are now. To leave them behind, try to forget and act as they never existed is sick too. Even heaven will not be a healthy place if there is no memory, no connection to the past because without that there is no personal identity.

Even though a person needs to learn to adjust to a new life and learn to function acceptably, does not mean that pain will end. There will be songs, smells, sights, and sounds, touches and tastes that will suddenly bring back memories of the one lost; at some unguarded moment feelings of grief will return. It must be understood that moving on means that some pain comes along in the baggage.

"...that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13). The great dynamic that helps us to move on is the hope that we have ahead of us when we will live for eternity with our loved ones in Christ!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

GRIEF IS ALWAYS AN ISSUE

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

I went to a workshop on loss and grief yesterday. One of the points the psychologist, who was the presenter, made was, "Loss is anytime life is different from how I wanted or expected it to be." If that is the case, and I think it is, then there are few counseling situations in which grief is not an issue. With every problem comes the realization that life doesn't match the picture of what life should be in our head. Our "should-be" world has been lost. So grief is always an issue.

Grief is a normal human response. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that only God can help you find meaning in.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE GOSPEL

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galations 3:28).

It was in the light of the cited text that James Russell Lowell wrote the following poem in 1845. Lowell was an abolitionist and the poem was intended to shape Christian thought as to their responsibility.

"Once to every man and nation
Comes the moment to decide,
In the strife of truth with falsehood,
For the good or evil side;
Some great cause, God's new Messiah,
Offering each the bloom or blight,
And the choice goes by for ever
'Twixt that darkness and that light.

"By the light of burning martyrs
Jesus' bleeding feet I track,
Toiling up new Calvaries ever
With the cross that turns not back;
New occasions teach new duties,
Time makes ancient good uncouth;
They must upward still, and onward,
Who would keep abreast of truth."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

FRANKLIN'S ASSESSMENT

A few weeks before his death, Benjamin Franklin wrote to Ezra Stiles, president of Yale College: "As to Jesus of Nazareth, my opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the system of morals and religion, as he left them to us, the best the world ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting changes, and I have, with most of the present dissenters in England, some doubts as to his divinity, tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the truth with less trouble. I see no harm, however, in its being believed, if that belief has the good consequence, as probably it has, of making his doctrines more respected and better observed." *

Franklin stood in judgement of Jesus the Christ and found him to be a great moral teacher, but that is all. Franklin expected to find out the truth when he died, but why did he not stop to think that at his death it might be a little late to do anything about it? Franklin was a man of common sense. Poor Richard's Almanac was a reflection of Franklin's philosophy and even some of the teaching of Jesus. However, though one must have common sense, God says that those who are righteous will live by faith and will trust Jesus the Christ.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*Jesus Through the Centuries
Jaroslav Pelican
Yale University Press

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED

"And the crowds asked him, 'What then should we do?' In reply he said to them, 'Whoever has two coats must share with anyone who has none; and whever has food must do likewise.' Even tax collectors came to be baptized, and they asked him, 'Teacher, what should we do?' He said to them, 'Collect no more than the amount prescribed for you.' Soldiers also asked him, 'And we, what should we do?' He said to them, 'Do not extort money from anyone by threats or false accusation, and be satisfied with your wages'" (Luke 3: 10-14).

Both tax collecting and soldering were not thought of as honorable occupations by many people then and now. But God sees them as necessary occupations in a fallen world. I'm not sure why he didn't include lawyering here--maybe that's because they are beyond redemption. That's just a joke. While there are some occupations that are not honorable, these are. Dignity is brought to them by how they are done. John the baptizer did not tell tax collectors to stop collecting or soldiers to stop soldiering! He told them how to do it in a way that honors God.

What are you doing? Where ever Divine providence has placed you, bring dignity to what you do.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

When God made us in His image, even though the fall into sin blurred that image, it was not obliterated; it can still be seen, and thus the need for connection with God is still in our hearts. We try to fill our need with other gods, other relationships and experiences, but the hole in our hearts will not be filled except by Him. I say that to introduce St. Augustine's confession, "Thou hast made us for thyself, and restless is our heart until it comes to rest in thee."

We have a need that ONLY God can fulfill.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

IS THERE EVIL OR JUST DYSFUNCTION?

When one studies psychology it is easy to come to the conclusion that people who do bad things are just dysfunctional. Is there truely evil? The Bible says there is. As we remember 9/11 this little blurb I found written by Walter Lippmann on October 30, 1941 is very appropriate; even more so in these present days. This was written when the Nazis were causing havoc in Europe and just five weeks before Pearl Harbor.

"The modern skeptical world has been taught for some 200 years a conception of human nature in which the reality of evil, so well known to the ages of faith, has been discounted. Almost all of us grew up in an environment of such easy optimism that we can scarcely know what is meant, though our ancestors knew it well, by the satanic will. We shall have to recover this forgotten but essential truth--along with so many others that we lost when, thinking we were enlightened and advanced, we were merely shallow and blind."

Walter Lippmann was a syndicated columnist during the 30's through the 60's. He tended to be on the liberal side, but he was right on target with this comment!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BE MERCIFUL

"for he (the Most High) is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:36).

In my personal Bible study I am reading through the gospel of Luke. This verse stood out at me this morning. How is God kind to the ungrateful and wicked? He allows them to live, enjoy the sunshine and the rain, and have an opportunity to choose the life He offers. Some will, but most will not; it's their choice.

We are to be that merciful. We are to be kind and gracious to all people. It is a terrible burden to carry anger and be judgemental. In the Matthew's sermon on the mount Jesus says, "blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy." That is not only true in our relationship with God, but it is also true in our relationship with our fellow men. We tend to be treated in the same way we treat others. If we are gracious it will tend to follow that we will be treated graciously.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

PROPER MOTIVES FOR PRAYER

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10).

A recent respondent questioned, 'How can I know I have a proper motive in my prayer?' John Calvin believed that a human being could do nothing good. If a person did something apparently good, it was done with an improper motive. The only way a person could do a genuinely good thing is if the Spirit of God motivated him to do it. I do not agree entirely with Calvin's conviction because we human beings are created in the image of God and do good things for each other.

It is a legitimate concern about the motive of our prayers, they may even seem to be selfish but remain legitimate. When the Lord taught his disciples to pray he said that we are expected to pray for our daily bread--our sustinance. Isn't that selfish? God cares for His children and wants them to have goood things!

Generally, though, our motive is to be to glorify God. I might want to do something or have something that isn't wrong in its self, but if having it or doing it doesn't result in glorifying God, the motive is self-serving. That is why self-examination is to be a constant in the life of the Christian. "Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup" (I Corinthians 11:28).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

HALF-HEARTED PRAYERS

". . . yet because of the mans's persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs" (Luke 11:8b NIV).

My son, Tom, is doing a sermon series on prayer. In preparation, he asked the question, 'does our persistence in prayer change God's mind?' One of the respondents to Tom's question pointed out the "persistence" might not be the best translation of the original. The KJV uses the word "importunity" and, indeed, that is what my analytical Greek lexicon uses as a translation. Importunity is to vex by demanding too often, to vehemently or unreasonably, according to "Webster."

When a person is importune he is bold and shameless in his requests. He doesn't care what the other person thinks. He is going to get what he wants! Earlier this week I published the prayer of Martin Luther for his friend, Frederick Myconius. Luther only prayed it once, but it was certainly bold. One beloved reader responded that she was finished with "whimpy prayers." That certainly fits here! I do believe that our bold persistence has value and significance because it is indicative of the passion that we have. Will God listen to half-hearted prayers?

Grace&Peace;
Tom

NO "WIMPY" PRAYERS!

"You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures. Adulterers!" (James 4:3-4a).

God wants us to ask! Because of Christ, we can boldly approach the throne of grace and make requests of God. We do not have to cower in fear, only bow in reverence and respect to our loving and gracious Father who wants us to have what is good for us. We needn't be wimps! We can ask for the impossible! The only requisit is that our requests be not selfish. Our commitment is to God. When our requests are self-centered we are being unfaithful in our relationship to God. We can pray for great and impossible things, but not with a selfish motive!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

GOD INVITES YOU TO ASK

"Ask and it shall be given. . ." (Matthew 7:7).

Many times in the Scriptures, God invites His children to ask, 'You have not because you ask not' the apostle James says in his letter. God is our rich friend; He is our rich father who wants us to have what is best.

I found this story in a sermon by Peter Marshall that I want to share with you; it is supposed to be historically accurate.

In 1540, Martin Luther's great friend and assistant, Frederick Myconius, became sick and was expected to die within a short time. On his bed, he wrote a loving farewell note to Luther with a trembling hand. Luther received the letter and instantly sent back a reply, "I command thee in the name of God to live. I still have need of thee in the work of reforming the church. The Lord will never let me hear that thou art dead, but will permit thee to survive me. For this I am praying, this is my will and my will be done, because I seek only to glorify the name of God." One week later, Myconius recovered and died two months after the death of Luther.

Our motives have a lot to do with how our requests to God are answered!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

What Keeps Me Going?

"Christ is not only the source for my work; He is also the outcome. If the dominant note is the needs of others, then success is measured by how many of those I meet. However, if Christ is to be the outcome of our work, then success becomes another thing altogether. Success is what pleases Him, glorifies Him, and looks like Him. Success is not a body count of those who turned out a certain way. Success is rather whether or not I looked like Him no matter the outcome."

"We are in great danger when we put the emphasis on the results we see in the lives of others. The work of the Spirit in our lives is not evidenced in the number of people we fix, but in the character we manifest whether people are fixed or not. What happens in the lives He brings across my path is under His jurisdiction, not mine" (Diane Langberg, PhD).*

*Dr. Langberg is a licensed psychologist and a contributer to the Christian Counseling Connection, from which I obtained this blurb. She spoke what I believe and I wanted to share it with you.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE PRAYER OF FAITH

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well. . ." (James 5:15).

Many, many times people have prayed for physical healing that did not come. Any hospital chaplain will tell you about the testimonies shared with them of people who have been able to cope with the stress of illness because of prayer. What kept them going despite difficult circumstances? Prayer!

Many will testify that prayer has changed the course of an illness, but many more will testify that prayer has changed how they viewed their illness or their situation. It is in changing the view of a situation or an illness that changes false beliefs and helps a person develop true ones. It is the truth that brings freedom and health.

The change in my perspective as a result of prayer has blessed me at significant moments in my life.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

PRAYER AND RELATIONSHIP

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will com in to him and dine with him, and he with me" (Revelation 3:20).

The context of this verse concerns the church at Laodicia. Jesus is inviting Christians, who have allowed their relationship with him to stagnate, to allow him back into their lives. The lack of prayer, opening the door, in the life of the Christian is symptomatic of a lack of relationship with Christ. If you love him, you will talk to him!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHY SHOULD WE PRAY?

"Our Father who art in heaven . . ." (Matt. 6:9).

Because it works? Tell that to those who have prayed and prayed about loved-ones who were teminally ill and died anyway, or those who have lived in desperate situations and found no way out. There have been several double-blind studies done which have shown that hospital patients who were prayed for recovered at a rate no better than those not prayed for.

If what I have just said means to you that there is no reason to pray then your relationship with God is suspect. What kind of relationship is it that is predicated on what works? It is like being friends with a very rich person who could give us whatever our hearts desired. If we spent all of our time asking for the desires of our heart, wouldn't our rich friend wonder if we would be friends at all if he had no riches? What kind of relationship is that?

Having a relationship with anyone means that there is some mutuality. We care about the same things, we have similar values and we enjoy spending time together. Spending time together isn't done just when it is convenient. God is our very rich friend, in fact, our Father. He wants to spend time with us. Do you with Him, except to ask for favors? If prayer is only utilitarian to you, forgetaboutit!

By the way, a double-blind study makes God nothing more than a natural force, a majic act or a genie. God is super natural, not natural--He can't be measured by natural means. Not only that but who can guarantee that those in the not-prayed-for group weren't prayed for? Almost everyone has someone who cares about them enough to pray.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

2 MORE EVIDENCES FOR CHRIST'S RESURRECTION

While doing some reading early this morning, I stumbled on some bits of evidence that I had never attributed much significance to, and yet they are significant and one of them is a salient feature of the resurrection story. Because of limited time, I will not fully discuss the implications of the evidence, but only cover it in broad strokes.

1. The bodily resurrection of Christ from the grave is the foundation of the Christian faith; if Christ did not rise from the dead, none of it is true (I Corinthians 15:12-19). Every time the gospel was preached to the Greeks the resurrection is spoken of as evidence of the truth of the gospel. Yet, because of the religious and philosophical background of the Greeks, resurrection of a body was not a good thing--matter was not good, it was evil. The tendency of the Greeks would have been to disbelieve it or to change it to something more acceptable. There was no advantage in making converts by speaking of resurrection!

2. It was the women who found the tomb empty and met the risen Christ first. Given the male preference and dominance of that culture, this is evidence of the truth of the story. If the story were made up it would have been one of the male apostles, Peter or John probably, who first met the risen Christ to give gravitas to the story. But, no, it was the lowly women, perhaps the most lowly one, Mary Magdalene who had the honor of first meeting the risen Christ. When the story was related to the men, 'it seemed as an idle tale to them.'

These are just bits of evidence that only enhance the great amount of evidence for the resurrection of Jesus. It is because of this event that we can hope to enter the eternal country whose builder and make is God.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHAT?

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before.

--The Leininger Collection

Grace&Peace;
Tom

DEALING WITH ANXIETY

Since returning from California I have been struggling with a bad sinus infection. To treat it I have been using a couple of products containing pseudoephedrine. Though these medications work fairly well, one of the side effects I experience is anxiety. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that my wife, the lovely and gracious Helen, is in Kansas visiting her parents; the house feels so empty. So this morning I woke up at about three with feelings of anxiety. To try to stay in bed merely fosters racing thoughts, so I begin with a remedy that has always worked, running. I have a great running buddy, Obie the wonder dog. We headed down the gravel road together, covering a mile plus a hundred-yard wind sprint at the end. The rhythm of the exercise, the deeper breathing, the companionship of my dog, does wonders for dealing with stress--it is a remedy that always works for me. It is a weird time of the day to be running, but it is a lot better than sitting around dealing with racing thoughts.

Returning to the house a few minutes later, I heated some water and made some herbal tea and read these words, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Try some exercise with your prayers.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

COMMUNION MEDITATION

Purely materialistic scientists believe that 'man is the result of a purposeless and natural process that did not have him in mind.'** That makes you feel special, doesn't it? When they say this they have left the realm of science and entered the realm of faith, because that is an untestable position. These scientists believe that life spontaneously generated from nonliving matter. One of the factors that drives the space program is the need to find life elsewhere in the universe. I'm not much of a scientist, but my response to the materialist is, "If life evolved from nonliving matter then demonstrate it in the lab. Surely, with all of our knowledge and technology, we should be able to duplicate the nonlife to life process." It has not been done, but wouldn't it be great if it could? Our seedstock companies would love it.

The Bible says that God created us in His image; that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). The Bible says that God loves us and that Jesus died on the cross for our sins! (Romans 5:8). That makes you feel special! Why do I believe it? Because according to credible witnesses, Jesus rose from the dead. The truth of all we believe rests on that event (I Corinthians 15:14). By the way, that event is repeatable as we will rise from the grave some day.

God created us for a purpose. God loves us enough to sacrifice for us in Jesus. This is what we celebrate as we gather at the Lord's Table.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*We made it safely home from California. It was a great adventure!
**Paraphrased from a science article whose author I have forgotten.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THIS?

So, here I am, Helen too and our two grand children in Ceres, California. We are visiting in my daughter's home. We are having a great time, presently, but we will probably be here a day longer than planned. Our 2003 Chrysler minivan lost it's transmission in Winnemucca, Nevada last Saturday afternoon. The car was a recent purchase for us; we bought an extended warrenty. The car needed to be towed 50 miles to the nearest Chrysler dealership; cost, $260.
We had to stay in Winnemucca, Saturday nite and Sunday nite. We walked to the nearest church, a Baptist church to worship on Sunday. On Monday morning we put in a call to the Enterprise car rental agency and were able to rent a vehicle, just ahead of the forest service who wanted to rent it for firefighting crews. (Somewhere in the West a fire is burning a little longer because the forest service didn't get a truck.) The gal at Enterprise was so busy, she forgot about us so we lingered at the motel until 12:30p.m. Through communications with both dealers, we learn that it will be 5 working days for them to get a transmission and a day to install it, at a cost of $2200. We were scheduled to leave on Monday, but now it will be Tues.

During all this, I cannot say that anyone has been unkind or discourtious, but I think many have been thoughtless and uncaring. From the dealership from which we bought the car to the dealership that is working on the car, to the Baptist church and the rental agency. No one ever really gave any indication that they cared beyond a customer relationship.

It has made us examine ourselves; are we willing to go the "second mile?"
Great service is always a part of success in business. Demonstrating love is always a part of a successful Christian life.

It is a great life! We are having a great time! Lord help us learn from each situation!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

YOUR LIFE IS LIKE. . .

"Your life is like a book: The title page is your name; the preface, your introduction to the world. The pages are a daily record of your efforts, trials, pleasures, prayers, hopes and discouragement. In Hebrews 12 it says; 'The race is set before us.' We are reminded it is God's job to set the course; it's your job to run it. As you pass onward, day by day, your thoughts and acts are inscribed in your book of life. Hour by hour, the record is being made that must stand for all time. One day the word finis must be written. Let it then be said of your book that it is a record of noble purpose, generous service, and work well done. . . And that all will see the values of faith, love and hope demonstrated in your life. 'We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ'" (I Thessalonian 1:3). --From the Leininger Collection

Grace&Peace;
Tom

ASSURANCE FOR AN ANXIOUS HEART

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22, 23).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

LEARN FROM LIFE

"A wicked man puts on a bold face, but an upright man considers his ways. No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the Lord" (Proverbs 21:29-30).

My time has been limited so I have had to rely on the "Leininger Collection." Here are a couple of Quotes from LC.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" (Soren Kierkegaard).

"Life is the greatest therapist. It is the only one that does not ask us if we will take the treatment" (Karen Horney).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

VALUE EACH MOMENT

"LISTEN TO YOUR LIFE, SEE IT FOR THE FATHOMLESS MYSTERY THAT IT IS. IN THE BOREDOM AND PAIN OF IT NO LESS THAN THE EXCITEMENT AND GLADNESS; TOUCH, TASTE, SMELL YOUR WAY TO THE HOLY AND HIDDEN HEART OF IT, BECAUSE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS, ALL MOMENTS ARE KEY MOMENTS, AND LIFE ITSELF IS GRACE" (Frederich Buechner, from the Leininger Collection).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING INSTEAD OF NOTHING?

"He is the image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creation; for in him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or authorities--all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:15-17).

"It seems to me that when confronted with the marvels of life and the universe one must ask why and not just how. The only possible answers are religious . . . I find need for God in the universe and in my life" (Arthur L. Schawlow, professor of physics at Stanford University, Nobel prize in physics, 1981).

There never has been "nothing." Purely naturalistic cosmologists have speculated a beginning resulting from a coalescence of subatomic particles. But a particle, no matter how small it is, is still a particle.* It reminds me of the story about a boy who asked his grandmother, "What holds the world up?" "The world sits on the back of a turtle," gramma replied. The boy asked gramma, "What does the turtle stand on, gramma?" "The back of another turtle," gramma answered. What does that turtle stand on, gramma?" Becoming frustrated with all the questions, gramma replied, "Stop asking questions! It's turtles all the way down!"

It would be easier to have nothing than something--ask any poor person! But, here we are living in a world teeming with diverse, complex, intricate, beautiful, ugly life. If we try to account for this life completely by macro-evolution, we would expect scientists to be able to duplicate evolution in the lab, making life from non-organic materials. They can't! If we use macro-evolution as an explanation for this life, we would expect to see the universe teeming with life, since evolutionists credit minerals with self-organizing properties to adjust to the environment in which they exist. There isn't! What drives the space program is the desperate search for life in other places in the universe to support the faith of the naturalist. This great diversity of life in our solar system is found only on earth. It is the only place that will support life as we know it. Is that by chance? Hummmmm.

To macro-evolutionists, one form of life is no better than another. A human being is no more significant than a cockroach. There is no love in their world, only altruism; what a sterile word!
This is the description of a world that is the result of time plus chance.

There has always been something, I should say, Someone, who stands above the laws of physics; who was the author of them. That Someone stepped into space and time for a few years that we should know Him. It is only in Him that we have hope for a great future.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I'm fully aware that the smallest sub-atomic particles are not particles but energy. But it always begs the question, "Where did that come from?"

TOO MUCH HELP

"Eight people can do the work of ten people better than twelve people can" (Leininger Collection).

THOUGHTS ABOUT LEADERSHIP

"For a bishop, as God's steward, must be blameless; he must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of goodness, master of himself, upright, holy, and self-controlled; he must hold firm to the sure word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to confute those who contradict it" (Titus 1:7-9).

Ministry is more than something a person does, rather ministry must be something a person is. That is the concept of servant leadership. Servant leadership requires the development of personal and social skills: Personal discipline, compassion, positive attitude, speech, manners and dress. In most cases, these qualities do not come naturally, but a developed and failure to be diligent in the development of these qualities is planning to fail at leadership.

Like King Caspian of Narnia could not leave himself in the far eastern lands for the greatest adventure because he belonged to his people, so the servant-leader belongs to his people. Sometimes the great adventurer disqualifies himself from leadership because he leaves his sheep without a shepherd for an adventure.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WINNING IS FINISHING

". . . and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1b).

I would have rather been sleeping,or doing about anything else, but at 6 a.m. I'm jogging down the gravel road with my wonder dog, "Obie"(Obediah) a purebred Border Collie. I am reminding myself about why I do this; it is critical to my physical and emotional health (I've been a reluctant jogger for 35 years). The thought entered my mind about the race we run for the Lord. It isn't about who crosses the finishing line first; it is about who finishes faithfully. It is an endurance race that we run for the Lord. To finish it, being faithful to Him, is winning!!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

LIVE INTENTIONALLY

"If you don't know where you are going, all roads lead there."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY WRAP-UP

"For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it" (James 2:10).

"Functioning based on principle requires a tolerance of anxiety and a willingness to focus on self. Functioning based on feelings and subjectivity succumbs to the pressure for a quick reduction in anxiety and is aimed at changing others rather than changing self" (Kerr/Bowen, p.133).

I hope the series on emotional maturity has been helpful. I've tried to keep it simple. There are so many variables to consider that emotional maturity can become a very complex subject. I decided to do the series for three reasons:

1. So that you readers can see the lens through which I view individuals and families. All counseling is really family therapy. Each individual has dynamic connections to those with whom he has blood, marital, fellowship and work relationships.

2. To do some conscientiousness raising about how emotion works. Not everyone displays his emotions in the same way. A person experiencing stress may appear to be nonreactive, but his inactivity, or hypoactivity, is as much an emotional response as the person who becomes hysterical and hyperactive. Indecisiveness and dysthymia are good indicators of high emotional reactivity.

3. To deal with self-righteousness. "She had the affair, I didn't" a husband might insist, thinking she is the cause of the problem, there's nothing he needs to change. Both contribute to the problem. Both must understand what they do contribute. It also must be understood that the same emotional process that leads to an affair leads to gossip, obesity and addictions.

Restating the best means of dealing with high levels of emotion:

1. Trust in God; faith in Christ.

2. Fellowship; hanging around good people.

3. Exercise. This wasn't in my first list; I thought that I should separate it out of education.
Exercise burns more than calories; it can burn stress too!!

4. Education.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND TRIANGLES

"You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother's son" (Psalms 50:20).

"A two-person system may be stable as long as it is calm, but since that level of calm is very difficult to maintain, a two-person system is more accurately characterized as unstable. When anxiety increases, a third person becomes involved in the tension of the twosome, creating a triangle. This involvement of a third person decreases anxiety in the twosome by spreading it through three relationships" (Kerr/Bowen, 134).

Children learn early in life what a triangle is. Children also learn early how to triangle relationships. When sibling disagreement occurs, one of the siblings will run to one of the parents. This dynamic is carried into adulthood into adult relationships. When there is tension in a relationship, it has already been learned to go to another for support. Gossip is one of the ways this is done; so is having an affair. The third "person" in the triangle doesn't have to be a person at all; it can be a substitute like food, work, hobby or medication. The same emotional process at the root of an affair is at the root of obesity. Of course, going to a counselor, to God, or pastor, "God" with skin on, is triangulation too. Forming a triangle is not a bad thing, though we have seen that it can be, it just depends on who the "third person" is. A mature third person will support the person, but will not enable destructive emotional release! Many times immature people will not accept that and will find a new "third person;" one can always find a counselor that makes them happy.

I've run into several family problems that have incorporated this kind of triangle. A child makes himself a problem when tension reaches a certain level between his parents. This draws one or both parents' focus to him, thus reducing the emotional tension between them. Many, many "kid" problems find relief in marital therapy.

All psychotherapy is family therapy. None of us live our lives in solitary, though many attempt it. Even the apparent lack of relationships is a reaction to a relationship with someone. Any time a person has a problem, think in triangles.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND HEALTH

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22).

"The activity of cells that comprise the immune system is assumed to be influenced by anxiety" (Kerr/Bowen, p.74).

Why is it that people can have cancer cells, tubercular bacilli and HIV and not develop clinical symptoms? Why is it that there are people who have been terminally ill, who were medically hopeless, who experienced healing when they found purpose for their lives? There is enough real casework history out there to show that these instances happen in significant numbers.

Emotion is a significant dynamic in the development of any disease; physical or psychiatric. Many people carry a heavy load of chronic anxiety with them. They are always thinking about what might happen, what could be or what other people might be thinking rather than dealing with what actually is. It is this constant load of emotion that stresses the immune system and can allow the development of disease.

It is important to remember, however, that even if we were all perfectly emotionally mature, we would still get sick. Nevertheless, emotional stress can hasten the development of disease. Any pastor, chaplain or counselor needs to think in terms of emotional dynamics when working with their patient. Why is my patient sick now; what has been going on in their life? What meaning can be found? Finding meaning and purpose for life diffuses a lot of emotion. Finding and strengthening faith in Christ does the same; check out Matthew 11:28-30.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND ATTRACTION

"My beloved is mine and I am his . . . " (Song of Solomon 2:16).

"The lower the level of differentiation (emotional maturity) the more likely it is that the source of peoples' compatibility will become the very sources of their incompatibility" (Kerr/Bowen).

Emotional maturity is not an exact equivalent of undifferentiated ego mass, or differentiation, but it's close enough and easier to understand. One who is emotionally mature is able to function as an autonomous, responsible, thoughtful person. She/he does not make decisions based on what feels right. Her/his functioning is not dependent on, or effected by, praise or criticism. Few people attain that level of emotional maturity (tes).

Like the opposite poles of magnets attract so too do "people opposites" tend to attract. In an earlier post I mentioned that people of similar levels of emotional maturity tended to be attracted to each other and get together. That much is true. The emotional maturity levels may be manifest is opposite ways, but the emotional maturity levels will be similar. For example, a bright, bubbly, spontaneous woman is attracted to a strong, silent-type man. They even see each other as beautiful and handsome because of the similarity of emotional maturity (There are objective measures of beauty, but much of it is subjective; it's in the eye of the beholder). Their oppositeness is a complement to each other. The strong, silent guy needs a little excitement in his life. The bubbly, spontaneous woman needs a dependable, stable guy. After a while, though, being married to a strong, stable guy can seem like prison to a bubbly, spontaneous woman. Likewise, being married to a bubbly spontaneous woman can seem like life is out of control to a strong, silent-type guy. What drew them together pushes them apart!

There should be some complementation in a relationship; wouldn't life be dull if there wasn't!?
But, the greater the complementation is that draws a couple together, the more likely it is that the same oppositeness will push them apart.

Anyone who is contemplating marriage should take time to make a list of positives and negatives about the potential spouse. The list of positives has to be a lot longer than the negatives. If the positive list is the same as, or, shorter than the negative list, don't get married! Negatives weigh more than positives.

Also, if you think you absolutely cannot live without the other, you need to try!! That is a typical symptom of too much oppositeness.

Grace&peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND CONFLICT

"It is often said that the 'causes' of marital conflict are disagreements over such things as children, sex, and money. If no issues surfaces in any of these areas, people would probably get along better. However, people do not have trouble getting along because of issues in these areas. These issues tend to bring out the emotional immaturity of people and it is that immaturity, not the issues, that creates the conflict" (Kerr/Bowen, 188).

"And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds . . ." (Hebrews 12:24).

One of the manisfestations of a low level of emotional maturity is chronic conflict. In a marriage like this, each of the spouses believes that it is the other that needs to change to bring about a change in the relationship. In reality, each is contributing equally to the problem. [Stealing from a future "Bullet." one of the qualities that attracts people to each other is a similar level of emotional maturity. Each partner possesses a similar level of emotional maturity to the other.] When one of the spouses is aggressive, most often, the other will be passive-aggressive, but each will contribute equally to the conflict.

In a conflicted marriage, and/or, relationship, there is a keen sense of what "should be" or "ought to be." This creates a sense of entitlement to have more of what we want. It is the insistence that we have more of what we think we are entitled to that ensures that we will get less. Thus, the conflict continues.

The solution, generally, is not to divorce and find someone else. The "someone else" will be a person of similar emotional maturity and the process will start all over. The solution is not easy, but is found in understanding and practicing 4 things:

1. Learning to listen without reacting.

2. Recognizing the effect of your emotional reactivity on yourself and your spouse.

3. Recognizing that you are responsible for much of the conflict.

4. Being content with, and thankful for, what is freely given (Philippians 4:12).
Attempts to coerce a behavior in a relationship may appear to be successful, but feed resentments that will eventually manifest themselves in destructive ways. Teach by example and trust that if a person is sensitive to the Spirit's prompting, they will become the spouse they need to be.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONAL MATURITY

"A child is born with a nervous system that has all the biological wiring in place for anxious responses to parents' and other family members' anxieties. The child's anxious response to parental anxieties soon contributes as much to their anxieties as their anxieties contribute to his anxious responses" (Kerr/Bowen, 116).

"have no anxiety about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6,7).

One evening, during the course of Mom's Birthday Bash--it was of biblical proportions, 3 days long, my wife, children and I were discussing family dynamics. I shared my thoughts with them and thought I would outline them for you other readers too.

One facet of emotional maturity is the ability to regulate the emotions. Every person has a unique level of emotional maturity. Emotion isn't a bad thing; how dull would it be to live in a community of Vulcans like Spock?! However, it wouldn't be a lot of fun living in a community where everyone is dominated by their emotions either; we get enough histrionic displays as it is! I doubt that a community could even exist where everyone is completely emotionally driven. There has to be an appropriate balance between the rational and the emotional for a family, church or community to work functionally together.

Anyone who is observant recognizes that there are different temperaments that characterize each individual. One is born with a temperament; any mother will tell you that. Any mother will also tell you that she knows the differences in the temperaments of her children before they were born. Some children are more emotionally driven, and others more rational. Parental emotions influence the emotional maturity of the children, too, so that emotional maturity is a product of both biology and family emotional dynamics.

Emotional maturity levels are set in early childhood; they are hard to change, but one can learn to function at higher levels of emotional maturity. There are 3 dynamics that help a person raise their emotional maturity level:

1. Education. Knowledge can help a person develop a healthy perspective about life, and open doors to a less stressful life. Education is necessary for relationship skill development. I want to emphasize that intelligence is not much of a factor in emotional maturity. Some very smart people can have some very big personal problems because their emotions bind their intelligence. For all their intelligence, some never seem to learn!

2. Faith in Christ. Faith brings the power of God to bear on our emotions.. We are assured of His love because He created us and Jesus died for us. Even though we have problems, God loves us. His love is unconditional: that sure relieves us of a lot of pressure! I might add that it is through faith that we find wisdom; knowledge is not enough.

3. Fellowship. One can learn to function at a higher level if he hangs around the right people; it really is more caught than taught.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

OVEREATERS AND ADDICTS

The following except was lifted from an article by Stephen Arterburn:

The comparison between overeaters and alcoholics and addicts is helpful in understanding the fallacy of expecting a new diet to produce lasting results. The overeater and the addict have quite a bit in common:

1. Both use a substance to alter mood and medicate emotional pain.

2. Both develop a high tolerance, requiring more and more of the substance, in a futile attempt to experience previously attained or imagined levels of temporary comfort and relief.

3. Both eventually experience despair rather than relief or comfort from the substance of choice.

4. Both continue destructive behavior in the midst of adverse consequences.

5. Both experience withdrawal, craving relief throughout attempts to go without the substance of choice.

6. Both will die early if there is not a change in behavior.

7. Both have family members and friends who either perpetuate the problem, enable the problem or sabotage attempts to change.

Contributing author, Janel Puff, said, "The problem is physical, the cause is emotional, but the cure is spiritual." Or, as Jesus put it, "Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHY SCHEDULED EATING IS IMPORTANT

I found this in the Christian Counseling Connection. I believe it holds true whether one has a family with children, is a single without children or an older empty-nest couple. "Are meal times unscheduled with family members coming and going? . . . Is snacking an all-day event? . . . And research shows that having regular family meals does wonders to help a child nutritionally, but is tied to a decrease in teen risk of psychosocial problems, drug use risky sexual behavior, and suicidal intentions." It is more healthy to go to McDonalds for a scheduled meal than grazing on snacks all day around the house. Granted, not everyone has kids. Still one feels better about herself if her eating time is disciplined. God's will is to produce the fruit of self-control in the life of the Christian (Galatians 5:22-23).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*This last week we Steele children celebrated our mother's 86th birthday. As a result, my children and their children were all here visiting. The house was packed! I couldn't even get to the computer, let alone write a post. Our summer schedule will continue to be busy, so there will be times when posting will be irregular and/or rare.

RELIGION PAYS

Economist Jonathan Gruber has found a statistical correlation between attending church and a better economic outcome. Published in a National Bureau of Economic Research paper, he finds a household with double the normal rate of religious attendance has 9.1% more income. That extra religious activity correlates with 16% less than usual welfare participation, 4% lower odds of being divorced and 4.4% higher likelihood of being married.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*This information was taken from "The Foster Report" a column in the Christian Counseling Connection.

ADHD AND SLEEP-DISORDERED BREATHING

Although this will be short, I thought it was too good to pass up. Those of you who are parents of young children, or who are teachers and caretakers of young children need to know this. It has been found that kids with ADHD and sleep-disordered breathing can be cured of both with a tonsillectomy. "One year after the surgery, most of the children had improved in measures of attentiveness, hyperactivity and sleepiness. In fact, half of kids who had ADHD before surgery no longer qualified for the diagnosis" (Psychology Today, August 2006).

Does anyone know if there has been any research done on adult sleep and if there is any connection to adult ADD?

Grace and peace;
Tom

FUTURE CHURCH

Christian researcher, George Barna, has found that contemporary Christians are more interested in being the church than attending church. There is a segment of Americans who are leaving churches precisely because they want more of God. Instead of going to church, they have chosen to be the Church, as it's detailed in the Book of Acts. Today the local church is the primary form of faith experience and expression for about 66% of U.S. adults. Barna projects by 2025 the local church will lose roughly half of its current market share and alternative forms of faith experience and expression will take up the slack. If Barna is right, all of us who are leaders in the church should be concerned!

The Church is God's idea and of His design; He has a mission for it (Ephesians 3:8-10). Church leaders always must be assess the direction of the Church, making sure that it is staying true to the will of God and accomplishing His mission. When that is done the Church has a bright future. When the church begins to push a political agenda its days are numbered.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*My daughter's family just drove in from California for a week's stay with us. The Steele family is having an early celebration of mom's 90th birthday this weekend. Mom is 86. All of the rowdy Steele's will be together so we will have a great time!

PRAYER AND PAIN

These days it seems as if prayer is getting a lot of attention from researchers. "More than half of those who responded to a Stanford University Medical Center poll say they use prayer to control pain. Of those 90% say it worked well, and 51% say 'very well.' Among a dozen therapies, including bed rest, massage and herbal remedies, only prescription drugs were as successful as prayer in easing pain" (Gary D. Foster, Christian Counseling Connection).

When I shared that bit of information with Helen she said, "I pray and take the aspirin."

I hate to admit this, but I hadn't ever thought of just praying to control pain; I, like Helen, always thought about taking something too. We are an over-medicated culture! What this research means is that prayer is an indispensable part of life to a significant number of people in our culture; that is why researchers are so enchanted by it. It is illustrative of the statement of Jesus, 'Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God' (Matthew 4:4).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE FINANCIAL VALUE OF VIRGINITY

I found this blurb in the "Christian Counseling Connection." "'Men and women who were virgins at age 18, when evaluated approximately 20 years later, had about half the risk of divorce, had completed about an additional year of education and had annual incomes of nearly 20% higher than those who were not virgins at 18. We used 18 as the cut of ace because it gave approximately equal populations of virgins and non-virgins to study,' says Focus on the Family Medical Issues Analyst, Reginald Finger."

It is worth it to be self-disciplined and committed to doing God's will! It is not about just money and education; it is about living a full life.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I'm back from camp. It was a great week being dorm-dad to 33 5th and 6th grade boys; I relearned a lot! Please bear with me because my posting schedule will remain erratic over the course of most of the summer.

JESUS AND WORLD HISTORY

Biblical scholar, historian and author, Philip Schaff (1819-1893), once described the overwhelming and unmatched influence that Jesus has had on world history and culture:

"This Jesus of Nazareth, without money and arms, conquered more millions than Alexander, Caesar, Mohammed, and Napoleon; without science and learning, he shed more light on things human and divine than all philosophers and scholars combined; without the eloquence of schools, he spoke such words of life as were never spoken before or since, and produced effects which lie beyond the reach of orator or poet; without writing a single line, he set more pens in motion, and furnished themes for more sermons, orations, discussions, learned volumes, works of art, and songs of praise than the whole army of great men of ancient and modern times. There never was in this world a life son unpretending, modest and lowly in its outward form and condition, and yet producing such extraordinary effects upon all ages, nations and classes of men."

Yes, Jesus the Christ was such an extra ordinary life, and yet so humble, what a paradox, that all time is dated from the time of his birth. He not only is the divide of history, He is the turning point of life. Your future is decided by the decision you make about Him.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE CHURCH; GOD'S INSTITUTION FOR HELPING AND HEALING

"Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).

I have thought this for a long time, but Dr. Larry Crabb has written it eloquently, "When I was in private practice, it struck me with high-noon clarity that whatever good I was doing in my office could be done better in the Church. . .by providing real community for everyone in the Church. It seemed to me that honestly facing your hidden life in safe relationships was a pretty powerful experience" (Christian Counseling Today). Amen! Not only does one experience the blessing of a safe community in a healthy church, but one also feels remission of sin, freedom from shame and guilt, by receiving baptism and the Lord's Supper with a proper understanding. How healing it is to be part of a healthy church!

A healthy church is a healing church! Relationships with God are restored. This is the primary healing task and characteristic of the healthy church. When relationships with God are healed, then the healing of other relationships will tend to follow. Physical healing tends to follow too because many of our physical diseases are the result of grief, anger, anxiety and depression. When the relationship with God is healed one is more able to manage these emotions. Ultimately, all of our physical diseases will be healed in the resurrection.

A healthy church is a safe place for relationships. It is a place where one can "spill his guts" and still find love and acceptance.

A healthy church is a church where there is structure and discipline. It works like a healthy family works. If the structure is too rigid or too flexible there will be dysfunction whether it be a family or a church! Without an understanding of who the authority is, and without accepting and trusting that authority, there will be dysfunction in the family or the church.

A healthy church is a church in which Christ is truly the gracious authority and there is an appropriate balance between structure and grace. You will be blessed by being a part of a healthy church!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I will be helping a church camp next week. I'm not sure if I will be able to post at all, but will try.

THE CHURCH BY GOD'S DESIGN

". . .that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 3:10).

The contemporary church seems to mirror the contemporary culture at large. Divorce, addiction, abuse and infidelity rates are nearly the same in the church as outside it. This is extremely troubling to me, but it reminds me of a statement made by a great Christian thinker, 'A Christian may be no more moral than anyone else, but this is what makes him different; he knows he is a sinner and is trying to do something about it.' At least that much is positive!

Are we missing something as we do church? We have emphasized meeting "felt needs." Perhaps we need to get back to meeting real needs because personal happiness seems to be the felt need of most of our church members. Is the Spirit being formed in our people? It is interesting to note that the divorce rate within the Catholic Church is lower than the general population while in evangelical and "Spirit-filled" churches it is a bit higher than the general population. Could it be that the reason for this is the emphasis on God's grace and making the easy assumption that God will forgive? Has grace become "cheap" in evangelical churches?

I am not saying I have answers. I do believe that the Church is a hospital for sinners and that it is in this environment that the greatest battles for souls are waged! It could well be for this reason that the church reflects what is going on in the culture at large. The Church is not an accident. It is not the creation of men; it exists by God's creation, design and provision. The Church will fulfill it's purpose!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE TRUTH ABOUT CHANGE

"Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand" (Matthew 3:2).

People change when they want to badly enough. People succeed when they recognize that their addiction/compulsion interferes with something they value and when they recognize that they can change. Statistically, of the people who overcome addictions, most do it on their own without treatment. That is not to say that treatment is not useful, but it also points out the possibility that people have the power to change!

God places the responsibility for commitment to change upon us. He treats us as competent individuals, not as hopelessly sick people who could not be responsible for anything. That is tough love--it's very affirming!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*The Surprising Truth About Addiction, an article in the June 2004 "Psychology Today" was source material for this "Bullet."

6 SUGGESTIONS THAT ENCOURAGE SUCCESSFUL CHANGE

If you are struggling with any kind of habit, addiction or seemingly compulsive behavior, here are six suggestions that will encourage change.

1. Believe you can change! God is in the change business. He doesn't want you to continue on as you are. "Repent," "new creation," "new life" and "resurrection" are New Testament words and phrases that indicate that, as a Christian, you will not stay as you are if you allow God to work in your life! Believe it! You can change!

2. There must be a commitment to change. Meaningful, personal change is impossible without it! That is what repentance is about.

3. Seek inspiration. What inspires you to stay on track? It may be a support group of people in a similar situation. It may be the cheerleading of a life coach or mentor. It may be time spent in Bible reading, prayer and communion. Make sure you seek inspiration to stay on track!

4. Skill development. Bad habits, addictions and compulsive behaviors are coping mechanisms that we think help us to cope with life, BUT THEY DON'T! Thought-stopping and stress-reduction skills are critical. Developing good social skills are essential as well. As appropriate skills are developed, the coping mechanisms are extinguished.

5. Do not be afraid to repeat your efforts! Most of the time there will be failure. Do not let that discourage you! Try to learn from failure. Failure can teach us how not to do it the next time. Change is seldom instant. Even with a miracle, one has to "take up his bed and walk."

6. Acknowledge improvement! Celebrate the small victories even though the whole problem hasn't been overcome! This can serve as inspiration for further progress.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

ADEQUATE FAITH

"Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe: help me overcome my unbelief" (Mark 9:24).

I do not believe that God requires us to have perfect faith, only an adequate faith. Like this father who had sought help for his son only to have his hope smashed, so life experience has come crashing down on our dreams and hopes. We have honest doubts because of our experiences and a misunderstanding of what those experiences mean. Like Jesus did not require a perfect faith from the father that the son might be healed, so God doesn't require a perfect faith for salvation, only an adequate one. Jesus won't reject us because of honest doubts. Remember, one of the most important prayers we can pray as we face life is, "Lord, I believe; help me overcome my unbelief."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

"FAITH ONLY"

"You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith only" (James 2:24). As a result of James' teaching about faith, Martin Luther called the book of James, "an epistle of straw."

The truth is that we all live by faith; the big question is, faith in what? We all have our beliefs. Sometimes our belief is, for example, that, "I must be liked." As a result, we will do what it takes to be liked. We will over-spend and over-do to impress other people. This kind of thing isn't all bad, it is what causes us to brush our teeth and put on deodorant in the morning. It becomes bad when it causes personal and family problems. Many people are in counseling because of living by their belief in the need to be liked. True beliefs always work themselves out in our lives--it is impossible for that not to be the case! One whole school of psychotherapy is dedicated to the proposition that there are irrational beliefs that motivate people to feel and act in ways that cause problems.

Faith in Christ that has no effect on our outward life is not faith; it is only intellectual assent, if that. There was a school of thought in James' time that suggested that the body was evil and thus, works done in the body were not that important. The only thing that mattered was that one believed in God. If one only believed right, the works done in the body made no difference because God would show more grace. That is not Christian faith! A faith that doesn't result in reliance upon God, an affection for Jesus and a desire to be like him, and a compassion for others is not real faith in Christ!

What you believe in always reveals itself in your life! What does your life say about what you believe?

Grace&Peace;
Tom

FAITH IS BELIEF THAT MAKES A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE

"Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1).

"For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so faith apart from works is dead" (James 2:26).

It is common for people to believe in Jesus, but that belief does not change their life. A belief that does not result in a change of life is not faith at all; it is only a masquerade. For belief to be faith, not only must there be acceptance of testimony, there must be trust or reliance on that testimony. There also must be active expression of that testimony in life--this is where many of us are weak. Also, in the case of faith in Christ, if that belief doesn't result in affection for Jesus and the Father, it is not faith; as James says, 'even the demons believe and tremble' (2:19), but they have no affection for our Heavenly Father.

So, I ask the question, is your belief real faith?

Grace&Peace;
Tom

FAITH

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? . . . Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message through the word of Christ" (Romans 10: 14-17).

Nowhere in the Scriptures has God produced faith in a person apart from His word. It is through the preaching of the gospel that a person comes to faith in Christ. The gospel is a unique literary genre; it is the good news about Jesus, who he is and what he has done.

Christian faith is the belief of the testimony about Jesus. Is the faith that we have in Jesus blind faith or gullibility? It is if it is based on hearsay, rumor and simple anecdotal testimonials, but that is not the case with faith in Christ. Faith requires the kind of adequate and authenticated testimony that is counted as proof in a court of law.

The evidence for the gospel would stand up in court. There were more than 2 witnesses whose integrity was proven by persecution. Their testimony agrees on the matter in question, though the details may not agree; this is normal and is indicative of their integrity, not of conspiracy. The testimony was first given in a hostile place to a hostile people with the result being that many of those hostile people became believers too!

Remember, the faith we have in Jesus is not wishful thinking; it is based on a solid foundation of evidence. The world says, "This is all there is," or "You only go around once in life so grab all the gusto you can get." Christians see it a different way because of faith; we are not going to sell out to the popular culture; because of faith, we have a great future that those without it can never appreciate.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

DO NOT GIVE UP!

"And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, always and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father" (Ephesians 5:18-20).

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).

There are many Christians who are caught in sins of compulsion. It seems that they cannot stop! The rest of us do the respectable sinning, a little gossip now and then, a little disrespecting or favoritism, etc.--everybody does it, but it is just as sinful!

It could be that the little sinners are in more danger than the big sinners because it is so common we stop recognizing the little sins as sins, and thus stop confessing them. Those who are caught in the compulsive sins, like the different kinds of addictions, are keenly aware of their sins, but seem powerless to stop them.

Praise God! He is not like people. If we wrong another person and ask for forgiveness, we might be forgiven perhaps up to seven times, but we all reach our limit. With God, His forgiveness is 70 times 7--infinite! Do not give up on recognizing your sin and asking God for forgiveness!

God has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to live lives that bring glory to His name. But how do we appropriate that power? Paul suggests these things in the text: great teaching, great preaching, great singing, great fellowship, great prayer and observance of the Lord's Supper. You might be thinking, "Steele, I think you are reading a lot into the text." Perhaps, but I don't think so. The participles indicate the manner in which one is filled with the Spirit; it is when Christians are faithful in worship and fellowship. Little by little we are shaped into the image of Christ because we allow the Spirit to be at work in our lives!

When one stops worshipping and fellowshipping with those who do worship, the chance for change is almost zero. Never give up on worship!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BAPTISM IN THE HOLY SPIRIT

"For we are all baptized byone Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given one Spirit to drink" (I Corinthians 12:13).

"Christian baptism has two facets, human and Divine. Christ baptizes in the one Spirit those who yield themselves to him as servants of righteousness in the baptism of water. Together they constitute the 'one baptism' of Ephesians 4:5" (Russell Boatman).

In Acts 2:17, Peter, quoting the Old Testament prophet Joel, says, "In the last days, God says, 'I will pour out my Spirit on all people." Now what I understand Peter to mean by "all people" is all people who come to Jesus for salvation regardless of age, sex, race, economic achievement or political persuasion. The Holy Spirit is not for a select few, but for all who come to Jesus!

The sign that credentialed Peter, and the others speaking at Pentecost was the 'speaking in tongues as the Spirit enabled them' (Acts 2:4). In Acts 10:44 it was the household of Cornelius that received the credentialing sign, just as the apostles received it at Pentecost. It was by this sign that Peter overcame his Jewish prejudice and recognized this family as proper candidates for water baptism. The Jewish Christians needed to understand that God had granted salvation to the Gentiles too (Acts 11:18).

The point I want to make is that speaking in tongues in these instances was a credentialing sign, but not required for baptism in the Holy Spirit. Suppose I should be found speaking in another language I had never learned, as the apostles did at Pentecost, I would not hesitate to claim the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Suppose I should be found loving as Christ loves or be found at peace in the midst of trial--that is not my natural spirit. Could I not also claim the baptism of the Holy Spirit?

We still have to contend with the world, the flesh and the devil. It is not easy! "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25). Though we lose some battles we find courage to fight on because of the Holy Spirit within us. The Holy Spirit's presence is our guarantee of salvation!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

BAPTISMA NOT BAPTISMOS

"There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called--one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all" (Ephesians 4:4-6).

"I baptize in water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry, He will baptize you in the Holy Spirit and in fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering the wheat into his barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire" (Matthew 3:11ff).

The image of baptism is one of being overwhelmed, whether it is by water, fire or Spirit. Baptisma is a word used 22 times by the inspired writers of the New Testament to describe whole Christian baptism. It is interesting that baptisma was never found outside of the New Testament in ancient literature. Baptismos is a word used both in the N.T. and ancient literature to describe washings, ceremonial and otherwise, but it is not used to describe Christian baptism because it only focuses on the act. The ma suffix of baptisma indicates the state of mind that accompanies the act.

What baptisma describes is the surrender of our bodies to the engulfing, overwhelming water as a visual dramatization of our personal trust in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is also descriptive of our personal surrender of our spirit to the Holy Spirit that we might be led of the Spirit from that point on in newness of life.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*I am indebted to Russell Boatman and Karl Ketcherside for drawing my attention to the distinction between baptisma & baptismos.

ADDENDUM

Noting the difference between baptisma and baptismos reveals the deficiency in the traditions that focus on the act of baptism, the traditions that focus on faith only and the traditions that see baptism in the Holy Spirit as a separate and distinct baptism apart from Christian baptism. I will be writing about that tomorrow, the Lord willing.

ASSISTING GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

"how shall we escape if we ignore such great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will" (Hebrews 2:3-4).

"Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? But eagerly desire the greater gifts and now I will show you the most excellent way" (I Corinthians 12:29-31).

In the very earliest days of the church, the only available Scripture was the Old Testament; not much of New Testament Scripture was written nor widely circulated (There are fragments of Mark's gospel dated in the 50's that have been discovered. All of the cannon of NT Scripture was written before 70CE). Sufficient numbers of appropriately trained preachers, teachers and leaders were not available, except by Divine intervention, to assist the church in its function as the Body of Christ(I Corinthians 12:27). And intervene He did, supplying the church of the New Testament with those assisting gifts.

"When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the laying on of the apostles' hands, he offered them money. . ." (Acts 8:18). It is apparent that these assisting gifts of the Spirit were given through the laying on of the apostles' hands. Like Simon, there are many who have lusted after apostolic authority to dispense Spiritual gifts, but that was a special authority delegated to only the apostles of Christ named in the New Testament.

What is important to remember about miraculous gifts is that they are not indicative of a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. It is possible to have one and not be a Godly person at all; Balaam and his donkey, and Caiaphas, the high priest are a couple of examples.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

THE ABIDING GIFT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

"Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sin and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38).

Not only has every Christian been given the gift of eternal life, every Christian has also been given the gift of the Holy Spirit Himself. This abiding presence of the Holy Spirit was promised by Christ to His disciples, "I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor, the Spirit of truth, to be with you forever" (John 14:16-17). It is this abiding gift of the Spirit that leads us to seek God's truth within the Scriptures. It is this abiding presence that is the Spirit of adoption, who enables us to feel perfectly at home addressing God as "Abba, Father" (Romans 8:14-17). Abba, Father are common words, and therefore accurately translated, Daddy, Daddy!! The Spirit of adoption allows us to have an intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father!

The abiding presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives begins to make Himself known IF we allow Him. The Holy Guest is not pushy, nor does He make us act against our own will. His presence in our lives is manifested in our fruit production. Fruit production is not flashy; it is pretty plain stuff, but essential as we prepare for heavenly life. As we cling to Christ (John 15:1-17) and allow the abiding Spirit to work in our lives, His fruit is produced little by little, ". . . love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control" (Galatians 5:22). The fruit of the Spirit are grown as we cooperate with the Spirit's work in our lives; they are not bestowed. I wish it were that we were "zapped" with the fruit of the Spirit, instantly; life would be soooo much easier!!

Jesus taught us to pray, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven" (Matthew 6:10). The abiding presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives is the first answer to that prayer. Little by little He molds and shapes our lives with a view toward making God's will being done in our lives, just as it is done in heaven.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

SPIRITUAL GIFTS

"May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises that through these you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of passion and become partakers of the divine nature" (II Peter 1:2-4).

Many Christians may feel like they need more of the Spirit, or they may feel deprived in their spiritual lives, like they are lacking something. Peter indicates that the Christian already has been given all things that pertain to life and godliness. It is essential to understand that the greatest charismatic gift is the gift is the gift of eternal life in Jesus Christ, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift (charisma) of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our lord" (Romans 6:23).

All Christians are charismatic because they have been given eternal life and the abiding gift of the Holy Spirit, "Peter said to them, 'Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38). Praise the Lord! We have been given a new life in Christ! We have the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit! What does that mean for us? Check in on Monday to see!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

AN ADDENDUM TO WHO ARE YOU?

I thought yesterday's post needed an addendum Scripture: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing for your flesh and a refreshment for your body" (Proverbs 3:5-8).

As a culture, we have come to believe genes influence character more than anything else. Though genetic influence is significant, it is not the whole story; the Lord can shape us into something much more than it would seem we could be IF we trust Him.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHO ARE YOU?

Much of what we know of personality factors is learned from the study of identical twins. Two personality factors: openness to new experience and Extroversion/Introversion are known to be genetic in nature because of research done with identical twins. Identical twins are living, breathing clones of each other, so one would assume that they would be just like each other in every respect, but that is not true.

There are many case histories of identical twins whose functional lives turned out to be quite different from each other. One who struggled with mental illness much of her life, yet her sister is a practicing psychiatrist--well maybe they are not so different after all, LOL. Mothers of identicals will tell you that their babies are distinct from the moment they are born. Researchers believe that the prenatal environment accounts for some of the differences in identical twins as they compete with one another for nutrients.

The point I wanted to make with this blurb is that we know that certain genes make people susceptible to certain traits like aggression and depression. But, from our study of identical twins, we know that susceptibility is not inevitability!!! To some degree, we are co-creators of ourselves with God. Our genes may not be the best, our environments may leave something to be desired, but by trusting in God, our lives will be blessed beyond our wildest dreams. "Now to Him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen" (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

IS IT ADULTERY?

Last Friday, Harriet commented that she thought it was silly to think that a less than 5 to 1 positive to negative communication ratio constituted adultery. I'm sticking to my position. Marriage is a relationship where both partners vowed to love and cherish each other. Certainly there will be times in that relationship when one will feel like neither loving nor cherishing, but that doesn't diminish the responsibility to act in a loving and cherishing way.

Dr. John Gottman has done a lot of research in the area of marital communication. As I recall, he is the one who stated that when the positive to negative communication ratio falls below 5 positives to 1 negative, the marriage is not healthy. Negatives weigh a lot more than positives, so everyone needs a lot of positive strokes.

When I was the interim executive director at Midwest Christian Services, I interviewed an applicant who had been fired from a well-known residential treatment facility. I asked her the reason for her dismissal. She said, "I didn't keep up my positive to negative communication ratio of 7 to 1. " At that time Midwest wasn't even tracking that for employee evaluation. I hired her and she worked fine for us. It is interesting, though, that even residential treatment facilities recognize this as a requisite for effective treatment of kids!

Harriet, your husband might be acting as if everything is okay, but inside things are not. Solomon didn't write this for nothing, "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman" (Proverbs 21:9).

If you are not being kind to your spouse 5 times as much as being negative, are you keeping the vow?

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WOMAN, MARRIED WOMAN OR WIFE?

"BUT I SAY TO YOU THAT EVERYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN LUSTFULLY HAS ALREADY COMMITTED ADULTERY WITH HER IN HIS HEART" (MATTHEW 5:28).

In response to my post of three days ago, Anonymous questioned my use of "married woman" in place of "woman" in Matt. 5:28, when the translators have almost universally said "woman." Anon thought I was adding to the Scripture. Why did I do what I did?

A little time spent with an analytical concordance reveals that the Greek term "gune" is translated in the King James Version as "wife" 92 times; as "married woman" only once; and as "woman" 129 times. How "gune" is translated depends on the context, but it seems to me that in many cases "woman" is an arbitrary translation rather than a contextual one.

Jesus spoke these words to those with an Old Testament understanding, not a New Testament one. For any man to desire a woman was not sinful. It only became sinful when a woman was married and the marriage covenant was disregarded. Physical attraction is not a bad thing. It is one of the factors that motivates guys to check out gals. That is how God created us. What is bad is if physical attraction is the only thing! I do not believe Jesus was out to make an adulterer out of every young man. They become adulterous by continuing to desire a woman regardless of her marital status. Desire becomes sinful when it is out of bounds and out of control. Thus, in my view, "gune" should be translated, "wife" or "married woman" in Matthew 5:28.

The Greek term "thelus" is translated "female"twice and "woman" three times in the KJV New Testament. Jesus could have used that term if it could have been just any woman.

Grace&Peace;
Tom