NONSEXUAL ADULTERY?4

"So Steele, what's the point of all this nonsexual adultery stuff?" you ask. It is important, in my view, to understand that adultery isn't about unlawful sex. Adultery is about basic disloyalty. Sometimes sexual intercourse is involved, many times not! In Hosea 7:4 God says of Israel, "They are all adulterers. . ." In 7:1 God says the "committed falsehood and thievery." In 7:5 God says they misused wine, and in 7:7 God says they devoured their rulers. These people were adulterers because they, as God's people, were disloyal to Him. It is for the same reason that a sign-seeker is an adulterer (Matthew 12:39). As God's people, we live by faith in Him. We trust in His provision. To ask for a sign is to accuse God of unfaithfulness. He may choose to give us a sign. As in the case of Ahaz, He may tell us to ask for a sign. But, generally, it is unfaithfulness that causes one to be a sign-seeker.

In marriage, the same is true. We have covenanted to love and cherish our spouse. When one of the partners acts in disloyalty to the vow, adultery has been committed. It's about an attitude, "I do not care what my wife says, I'm going to do it any way." It is about running up credit-card debt, or over-drawing a checking account without a spouse's knowledge. It is about abuse and addiction. It is about constant criticism, little positive communication where the positive to negative communication ratio falls below 5 positives to 1 negative. It's nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship at less than 5 to 1.

All of those deficiencies destroy trust and create bitterness just as surely as an affair. One cannot be self-righteous about this matter of adultery because nearly everyone has committed it in one way or another. So confess it, ask God for forgiveness and learn to do better.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

PS I'm indebted to Olan Hicks' book, What the Bible Says About Divorce, Marriage and Remarriage for helping me to think about this subject.

NONSEXUAL ADULTERY? 3

A term is defined by how it is used in context.

If this were an exhaustive Biblical study, I could show many examples of sexual sin that were not called adultery, I Corinthians 5:1-5 being one of them. My opinion about why Paul did not use the term adultery to describe this is; even though the father may have given permission for the son to have his wife (not mother) and thus is not a technical violation of the marriage covenant, it was still a sinful relationship!

There are Scriptural examples where the term "adultery" is used when sex is not a factor. Jeremiah speaks of Judah and Israel commit adultery by worshipping idols (3:9). Jesus used adultery in connection with seeking a sign (Matthew 12:39). James says that friendship with the world is adultery (4:4). Jesus says that divorcing and remarrying is adultery (Matthew 19:9).

I'm sorry, but the clock is calling again. I'll try to get to the point of this tomorrow.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

NONSEXUAL ADULTERY?

Is there such a thing? Yes. A quick reading of Matthew 5:28 reveals Jesus teaching that a man who lusts after a married woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Oh! Wait! I guess that is about sex too! In any study of adultery, sex is the first thing that comes to mind. Can there be adultery without sex?

In 385 CE Jerome translated the Bible into Latin. In that translation is where the term "adulterio" first appears. It means to alter or change by adding something. It doesn't necessarily have to be sexual. In 1385 John Wycliff did the first English translation. He used the term "avowteria" rather than adultery. In 1535 William Tyndale used the term "advoutrie" in his translation. These scholars understood that sex was not a necessary requisite to adultery. In my view, Jerome's "adulterio" doesn't convey the meaning of the original as good as "avowteria" or "advoutrie," both of which mean, "against the vow," or betrayal of the vow."

Remember, a term is defined by how it is used in context. I will pick it up here tomorrow because the clock is calling me right now.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

NONSEXUAL ADULTERY?

Because of the pressure to be in the field getting the crops planted, I will not post anything but this today. My next topic is nonsexual adultery; is it possible? Until tomorrow, the Lord willing, Grace&Peace;
Tom

SATURDAY HUMOR

Exhausted after driving all night, a man decided to pull over to get some sleep. He had just settled back to snooze when there was a knock on the window.

He opened his eyes to a jogger, who asked, "excuse me, but do you have the time?" "It's 8:10." "Thanks," he replied running off. The man had just dozed off when there was another knock. "What time is it?" asked a hiker. "8:25."

Fed up, the man put a sign in his window that read, "I don't know what time it is!" Knock, knock! He was suddenly awakened again. Scowling, the man rolled down the window. "What?!" he yelled at the Boy Scout standing there. "It's 8:45, mister."

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WHAT DO NATURAL DISASTERS MEAN?*

Use the opportunity that natural tragedy affords to offer comfort to those who suffer. II Corinthians 1:4 reminds us that God comforts us "so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." Help them to find something redemptive in their tragedy. "Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11). Every tragedy is an opportunity to witness to the compassion of our God.

There is something that is inspiring about a person who has successfully emerged from difficult circumstances. As that person goes about helping others, it is not so much about the words that are spoken; it is about the faith, love and courage that are implicit in the act of helping. It is not so much about saying as it is about doing that brings comfort to those who have experienced tragedy.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*Part 5, the last part, of a series.

WHAT DO NATURAL DISASTERS MEAN?*

Human beings are not some sort of Divine experiment in which God looks down at us, like we do lab rats, checking out how we will respond to certain situations. God knows us better than we know ourselves. If anyone is to learn anything, it should be us. Trials can both build and reveal character. Going through trial, whether it be a bad marriage or a terrible hurricane, can reveal to us how much work we have to do on our own character if we are open to being taught by it. "Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness" (James 1:2-3).

Rather than being a Divine experiment, God intimately participates in the process of making us NEW! He became flesh, and all that that means; something we do not fully appreciate. He knows what it is like to be human because He became human. He knows what it is to suffer because He did suffer as a human being. He know what it is to deal with temptation, because He dealt with real temptation as a human being. Let no one say, "God, you do not understand what it is like to be human," because He does!!! God has not insulated Himself from the pain of human experience. When we go through tragedy and disaster we know He feels our pain!! "For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:15-16).

While we are grieving it is natural to be angry with God. I have encouraged many grievers to have an angry talk with God. God is God; He can take it. But why does it have to be this way? I do not have all the answers for that, but I do know that God experiences our pain too. We are not alone in this! His Spirit will walk along beside us and give us comfort if we will let Him.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*Part 4 of a series.

WHAT DO NATURAL DISASTERS MEAN?*

One of the salient teachings of Christian theology is "the fall." Perhaps it is because of the fall that God has allowed satan to be active in His creation, but, at any rate, it is because of the fall that human existence became difficult. The world is not a perfect place. Because of the fall the world will be filled with heartache, pain and death--there is no escape. It is part of human existence.

What is the role of our adversary, satan, in all of this? A quick read of Job reveals the fact that satan was the cause of Job's sufferings, though Job never knew it, and God did not reveal it to him. God shouldered all of the responsibilities for Job's sufferings. I assume He did so because He could have prevented satan from carrying out his diabolical work, but He did not. Satan was the instigator of the muderous raids and the cause of the natural disasters that destroyed Job's family and wealth. Satan has always been on a leash. Sometimes it has been a long leash, sometimes a shorter leash, but he has always been restrained from freely working havoc on God's creation; notice the limits placed on satan's activity (Job 2:6).

I believe satan has a role in the natural disasters, and other difficulties we face in life. To what extent that is, I am not sure, but I do know that satan is a destroyer, he is as a roaring lion prowling around, looking for someone to devour (IPeter 5:8). He intends to destroy, but what satan intends for our destruction, God can use for our good, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God. . ." (Romans 8:28). What satan uses to devour us, God can use to strengthen us who love Him. What a wonderful God we serve who can reach into the blackest moments of human history, and bring good from them!!!

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*Part 3 of a series.

WHAT DO NATURAL DISASTERS MEAN?*

It is only the blood of Jesus that cleanses from all sin. It is available to all people. Hart makes the argument that if God were to punish any part of the world for its sin, the cross would not be necessary because those who suffered such a tragedy would have paid the penalty for their sin, and would not need Christ's salvation. Therefore, in the New Covenant, Divine punishment is not to be thought of as the purpose of natural disaster, or any other hardship. It is an interesting argument that I had not really though about until I read his editorial. While I think he is right, I need to wrestle with it a bit.

I have always believed that we should see natural disasters, and other troubles, more as discipline. Hebrews 12:10b-11 says, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we might share in his holiness. Now discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. In my view, one of the questions we should always ask ourselves when we are going through difficult times is, what does God want me to learn from this? Every situation is a learning experience that can make us wiser and stronger.

Grace&peace;
Tom

*Part 2 of a series adapted from an editorial by Archibald Hart that appeared in the Christian Counseling Connection.

WHAT DO NATURAL DISASTERS MEAN?*

Insurance companies call them 'acts of God.' These disasters have been so vast and devastating that they cause people to wonder about the role of God in these events. Could it be that people are being punished for their sins? To what extent, if at all, is God responsible for these horrifying happenings?

One doesn't just have to notice the giant tsunami's, tornados, hurricanes or earthquakes to be filled with fear and confusion. Every family faces, on a regular basis, some personal tragedy that raises the same questions: Where is God when terrible things hit us? Why doesn't He stop it from happening? These "smaller" tragedies are just as devastating to those involved as the big ones: cancer, a car accident, divorce, getting fired from a job, etc. I seems as if life is full of bad things waiting to happen.

From my study of the Scriptures, I believe that one cannot know what a specific event means unless God tells us. We can draw conclusions from what the Bible says, but they may, or may not, be accurate. I know of no living prophet that is trustworthy enough to tell me what a specific event means--that includes Pat Robertson.

Today, I want to leave you with this: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. And even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29-31).

Grace&Peace;
Tom

*Adapted from an article by Archibald Hart. The series will continue throughout this week.

ONE OF THE BENEFITS OF FASTING

According to Tamas Horvath, a researcher at Yale University, one might want to consider fasting before taking a test, or doing anything else that requires accurate short-term memory.

Ghrelin is a hunger hormone produced by empty stomachs. It enhances learning in the short term, at least in rats. Ghrelin speeds communication in the hippocampus region of the brain; the region associated with spatial memory.

While Christians are not commanded to fast in the New Testament, we see several examples of it in the first-century church. Here is just one more practical example of the benefits of fasting.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

FAITH DOES MATTER IN MARRIAGE

For years, the statistics I received said that Christian couples divorced at about the same rate as nonChristian couples. That has always puzzled and troubled me very much. I just read this blurb in Psychology Today that says otherwise.

"Black couples are at higher risk for divorce than white couples, but religion is a buffer against breakup. Black couples who attend religious services tend to stay together regardless of the importance of faith in their family or how frequently they attend services."

This is one of the first indications that some of the first research on Christian marriages was not thorough enough.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

THE DANGER OF LOVE

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. . .The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" (C.S. Lewis).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

BOUNDARIES

We all need to have personal and professional boundaries; our lives will be happier that way. Jesus said, '...let your yes be yes, and your no be no' (Matthew 5:37). Others need to know that when we say "yes" we mean "yes" and when we say "no" we mean "no."

Our modern technology tends to blur the boundaries. People who use mobile phones heavily have less satisfying family lives, according to a University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee study. The culprit is the "spill-over" effect when technology blurs the boundary between work and private life. Today's round-the-clock availability is tough on family. Keep the boundaries up.

Grace&Peace;
Tom

WE CAN WORK IT OUT

". . . so that your words may give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29 NRSV).

I found this blurb on communication in "Psychology Today" by Lauren Aaronson that I thought would be a good technique for all of us to use.

"Want to predict the outcome of a spousal spat? Tally up pronouns. The person who says "We" the most during an argument puts forward the best solutions, according to a study in Psychological Science. "We"-users may have a sense of shared interest that sparks compromises and other ideas pleasing to both partners. "You"-sayers, on the contrary, tend to criticize, disagree, justify and otherwise teem with negativity. But sometimes criticism comes in handy. When one partner complains that he or she feels under attack, the other can ease the tension by rephrasing sentences to use the winning "we."

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SOMETHING FOR THE YOUNG WOMEN TO CONSIDER

"Going to college increases a woman's chances of getting married; it also lowers her chances of getting divorced by 13 percent" (Psychology Today). I wonder if the research included those who went to a Christian college, and if so, what percentage of the total they might be. I think some research needs to be done on just Christian College marriages. Should I do it?

Grace & Peace;
Tom

BUYING UP OPPORTUNITIES

"Redeeming the time, because the days are evil" (Ephesians 5:16 kjv).

One of the central doctrines of Christian theology is The Fall. As a result of the first sin, creation was corrupted. The law of entropy came in force which says that closed systems* tend to disintegrate; the creation is dying. The Fall is the cause of the predominance of evil in the world; it is why it is so difficult to accomplish the required tasks of life. Truly great achievements require a great amount of energy and sacrifice. We truly live in a fallen world!

Modern translations of the Bible tend to translate this text, "making the most of the time" or "making the most of every opportunity." But these translations soften the intention of the Spirit. "Redeeming" means to pay a price for the freeing of time. It doesn't means just to take advantage of every opportunity that comes along. It means to buy up opportunities. This isn't easy! It takes time, commitment, practice, education, shoe leather, tires, gasoline, and money. At times it will seem like the rewards aren't worth it. Sometimes we will have to wait for heaven to see the results, but we continue on in faith, trusting in God for provision.

The congregation, of which I am a member, recently made a commitment to build a $300,000 gym and classroom annex for this reason. It scares me to do this because we are a small church of modest means, but this step of faith is going to buy up opportunities to work with kids and adults who come to use the gym.

The reason I do this blog is because of Ephesians 5:16. I do not know who will be helped by what is written here; it may only be a few, but if it is only one or two it will be worth it. I will have redeemed the time for them.

What can you do to redeem the time?

Grace and Peace;
Tom

*The earth is not a closed system by itself, but the universe is.

SLEEP, A WEIGHTY MATTER

According to a study at Eastern Virginia Medical School, people who sleep just 16 fewer minutes per night than the average person are significantly at risk of being over weight. As inconsequential as those moments sound, it adds up to nearly two hours of lost sleep per week. After controlling for other lifestyle and health factors, researchers calculated that missing two hours of sleep each week is associated with a ten-point increase in body mass index--or the difference between a healthy weight and obesity.

Since 1960, when the average amount of shut-eye was 8.5 hours, the average amount of sleep time has shrunk to about 7 hours. No wonder we struggle with our weight. Also, it isn't just the weight that is a concern, it is the immune system that is weakened and cognitive ability that is impaired. The onset of adult diabetes is also linked to skimping on sleep. So, turn off Letterman and get some Z's!

Even the Lord needed His sleep. The Bible doesn't say very much, but it does say that during a violent storm on Galilee, "Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. . ." (Mark 4:38). Even during the storms, do not be troubled and afraid. Get some sleep.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

CSI JERUSALEM 4

I hope you all had a blessed Easter. Helen and I returned from visiting our family in Iowa City. God blessed the Hawkeyes. The recent tornados missed the revered Kinnic stadium! We were bless with a wonderful time of worship at the Iowa City Church of Christ where son Tom is the preacher. And, we had some real quality time with Alex and Samantha, our grand children, and Suzi, our beautiful daughter in law. Son Paul, of Paul's Ponderings, has moved to Iowa City and will be teaching a Sunday school class at the church.

What does the resurrection of Jesus mean? The resurrection transformed the lives of the witnesses. They were willing to die for what they saw--they would not change their testimony! The witnesses knew what it meant! It means that Jesus is who he said he was, "I am the way--and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). It means that what Jesus says is true. As he told John in Revelation 21:5, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." It means that God has the last Word, ". . . that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father" (Philippians 2:10-11).

Now what will you do?

Grace & Peace;
Tom

CSI JERUSALEM 3

Some have questioned whether Jesus really died on the cross. Anyone familiar with Roman crucifixion would have no question. The lashing that Jesus received often killed people itself. The spear in the side, as Jesus hung on the cross removed all doubt. That a severely wounded man could have rolled the stone away is preposterous!

Something powerful had to have happened in Jerusalem two millennia ago. From a small band of frightened disciples, to a robust, functioning church numbering in the thousands in a matter of days is a miracle in itself. In the profundity of John Madden, "Boom," you have a church! It, indeed, was a big bang that changed the world. Legend and myth do not have opportunity to grow with this speed in a hostile environment like Jerusalem, where the church had its beginning. The Apostle Paul, writing within a few years of the resurrection said, "Then he appeared to more than five hundred brethren at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep" (I Corinthians 15:6). Paul, by implication, invited anyone who wanted to check out his story with one of the eyewitnesses to do it.

So, we can sing, with apologies to Martina McBride, "Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing, let the whole world know that today is the day of reckoning....roll the stone away, its Resurrection Day!!"

Grace & Peace;
Tom

CSI JERUSALEM 2

I believe in science. I do not trust anecdotal evidence. Testimonials, by themselves, have little value in establishing a fact. I have been misled by testimonials so many times that I have become more trusting of scientific research. However, scientific research is conducted by emotional and biased human beings, so the results of it are not always true either. With an issue so positively and negatively charged with emotion as the resurrection of Jesus is, logical investigation is difficult to come by. On this issue, I am not purely objective, but the evidence I share certainly has to be considered by any one who is making a decision about Jesus.

research is not just quantitative (scientific), it is also qualitative; that means that it deals with the testimonies and documents of human beings. Consider the credibility of the witnesses. They had no reason to lie. They were a small group of frightened people who had nothing to gain but persecution and death. They had no motive. They did die for their testimony! Their persecution and death establishes their credibility. Granted, there are discrepancies between the stories of the resurrection in the four gospels, but there is agreement on the event. All the disagreements mean is that the authors didn't get together to "cook" the story before they wrote it down. The writer of the Gospel of Judas does not fit into this category. He did have motive.

It also needs to be added that the tendency of the disciples was not to believe in the resurrection. Dead people do not come to life. Thomas' doubts pretty much sums it up, "Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe"(John 20:25). Thomas received his "scientific" proof and responded, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

CSI JERUSALEM

Nearly two thousand years ago Jesus of Nazareth was crucified near Jerusalem. He was crucified between two others and his death would have meant nothing more than theirs except that on the third day his tomb was empty! Now some claim that the body was stolen by his followers. some say that Jesus didn't really die, he merely walked away. some say that the disciples merely had auditory and visual hallucinations of Jesus being alive after his death. What really happened in Jerusalem on what we celebrate as Resurrection Day?

As Gil Grissom, of CSI Sin City, is wont to say, "Follow the evidence." The evidence says that once a person is dead, he stays dead. The evidence says that the place of burial was known to friend and foe alike. The evidence says that both friend and foe agree that the tomb (place of burial) was empty. The facts so far: Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and his tomb was empty.

For Christians, everything is at stake here because the validity of the Christian religion rests on this event. It was the preaching of the resurrection of Jesus that was the drawing power of the Church from the very beginning (I Corinthians 15:1-6). If the event didn't occur, Jesus the Christ was a fraud or a nut case. Christ was never preached in the first century Church as a good moral teacher or prophet, but he was always preached as Son of God, Lord and Savior. Paul, the apostle, sums it up best when he says, "If Christ has not been raised your faith is futile and you are still in your sins"(I Corinthians 15:17). Come to think of it, the preaching itself is evidence because the preaching was about the resurrection of Jesus. This event was preached in Jerusalem, itself, fifty days later. Friend and foe heard the first sermon. Counter evidence could have been presented. Christianity would have been stomped out at its birth. But, as a result of that preaching, three thousand believed it and obeyed the command to repent and be immersed. Wow! If there would have been powerful counter evidence the Church never would have had a beginning!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

ARRIVING TOGETHER

"The saddest sight I have ever seen was at the deathbed of an old couple who had lived together many years. Both had pneumonia. I watched the passing of the aged wife and then went to see the husband. I made not a sound. 'Mother's dead?' he queried. I did not need to answer. He closed his eyes, folded his hands over his chest and in a short time he also was dead. Don't ask me the meaning. The finest scenes I have witnessed have been the serene old age of such couples. As far as I can see, in order to arrive at the same place at the same time it is necessary to travel together. To so travel it seems that the burdens of life must be borne share and share alike. (Arthur E. Hertzler M.D.).

I hope I have not overworked Dr. Hertzler for you. I will give him a rest for a while, though he has more observations worthy of sharing later on.

Only about 5% of couples fit together like "hand in glove." The other 95% of us have to work at marriage to make it work. That is not a bad thing. It can both build and reveal character. Dr. Jerry Gibson has commented on the Greek word agape by calling it, "commanded love." "Husbands love your wives," the apostle Paul commanded the husbands in the Ephesian church. Jesus has command all of us to 'love our enemies.' Sometimes that is all we have, a command to be obeyed in faith. No romance, but a command. The truth is that, if in faith we obey the command to love, the romance and the feelings of friendship have a medium in which to grow. In the case of marriage, maybe we'll arrive at life's destination together. Isn't that romantic?

Grace & Peace;
Tom

FEAR OF DEATH; A PARADOX

"The doctor may start with the fundamental probability that if the patient has a fear of a disease he has it not. Queer fact, this, but often true, nor is it confined to fear of organic disease. A patient with a cancer of the stomach rarely is possessed of any fear. If he has it he accepts the verdict without emotion. When death knocks on the door no one is frightened. The smartest observation ever made was when Shakespeare said there is no need to fear death. It will come when it will come, and then, it may be added, it will be without fear" (Arthur E. Hertzler, M.D.).

If you are afraid you are going to die, you probably won't. If you are not afraid of dying, you probably will. Keep that in mind the next time you are in the hospital. Remember, Dr. Hertzler made that observation pre 1940, but it was an observation made from over fifty years of medical practice. I think, in general terms, it rings true today.

Is death a thing to be feared? Jesus asked, "And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?" (Matthew 6:27). I take my vitamins and do physical training not so much to add length to my life, but to add productivity to it. Whenever the Good Lord calls me home it's okay. I just want to be as productive as I can as long as I can. What is to be feared about death is the lack of opportunity to change. We are what we are. Our future is fixed. Until the time of death the Lord has given abundant opportunities for change; to follow His will. After that is judgment, there are no more opportunities for change (Hebrews 9:27).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

NOT EVERYONE WHO SAYS, "LORD, LORD"

"The ministers of the old days were not learned in a book sense, but many were men of great earnestness and high purpose. These men in general had an idea that something notable should take place at the moment of dissolution and seemed to think I should provide pabulum for their discourses. I had to tell them that saints and sinners died alike and that at the time of death, whatever might have been the antecedents, there was no pain. I have seen only one man who looked on death with terror and he was a sanctimonious old sinner, the pillar of his church, at the sight of whom one just instinctively grasped one's pocketbook" (Arthur E. Hertzler, M.D.).

Forgive me for bringing up the death topic so frequently, but it is an appointment we are all going to keep unless Jesus returns in our generation. Also, it is the time of year when we traditionally think about resurrection. We have a great hope! Nevertheless, we need to be reminded that we are not saved by faith only, but by a faith in Jesus that gives evidence that it is real. Repentance and baptism are the essential first manifestations of this, but it is also a life where the call of the flesh and the world does not get the first answer, but rather the call of the Spirit.

"On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many might works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me you evildoers'" (Matthew 7:22-23).

Grace and Peace;
Tom

A COMMON HOPE

Writing about the death of a loved one, Hertzler says, "It is a peculiar thing that, no matter what one's ideas may be in general, when one's loved one has gone before, there is a lurking hope that somewhere, somehow there will be a meeting again, Even the noted agnostic, Bob Ingersoll*, in the funeral oration over his brother expressed this hope" (Arthur E. Hertzler, M.D.).

It seems to be a common characteristic of human beings, no matter how technologically advanced the culture, to have a longing for life and fellowship in the "hereafter." "A slow ride in a hearse can't be the last ride," we all want to believe. But belief in life and fellowship after death without being in Christ is only credulity, and not a legitimate hope. The hope of the Christian is based on one documented fact in history; Jesus Christ has risen! We have a great future!

"Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so would I have told you that I go and prepare a place for you? And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and take you to myself, that where I am you may be also" (John 14:1-3).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

*"Google" Robert Ingersoll. The atheists claim him.

AFRAID TO DIE?

Several years ago I found a book in a library discard pile that has been a priceless read for me. The book is Horse and Buggy Doctor, by Dr. Arthur E. Hertzler. Dr. Hertzler practiced medicine on the Kansas prairie from the Late 19th century to the 1940's. He built a clinic in Halstead, Kansas that, for a short time, rivaled the Mayo clinic in Minnesota. (Halstead is a 45 minute drive from my first ministry in Abbyville, KS.) Hertzler was the son of a lay Mennonite minister, but became very cynical about Christians, though he was a man of faith. Nevertheless, this book offers some important insights into human nature; some of which I will share in the nest few days.

"As a matter of fact, fear is too little regarded as an adverse influence in the outcome of an operation. . . Even today, I refuse to operate on a frightened patient. I have seen, to often, patients who stated that they would not recover, who proceeded to make good their prediction. Some of these cases did not show the cause of death, even at autopsy. I believe they were actually and literally scared to death."

"For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive" (I Corinthians 15:22). The promise is only for those "in Christ." The hope we have is not wishful thinking, but it rests on one thoroughly documented event, the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

A GIFT

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift--that is why it is called the present" (unknown).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

MEDICATION IN PSYCHOTHERAPY

William Glasser guesstimates that for every 10,000 to 20,000 patients who choose to depress, there is one who is depressed because of a primary chemical imbalance. He says the figures are the same for psychotic people yet antidepressant and antipsychotic medications are prescribed in vast numbers. ". . . used in small doses as temporary relief until the patients can be counseled to regain control of their lives, these drugs have benefit; but used to cure, they promise a hope that they cannot fulfill and are a cruel delusion to the patient and the patient's family" (William Glasser). Amen!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, and the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

Priceless! (Contributed by TJE)

Grace & Peace;
Tom

THE NEED OF SELF EVALUATION

"Some people are afraid of taking stock of themselves because they know, however subconsciously, that if they do, they will have to change--that is, surrender comfortable but unproductive patterns of living, work more diligently, suffer the pain of loss, acquire skills needed to live more effectively, and so on" (Gerard Egan, The Skilled Helper).

It is interesting to me that psychotherapists discover truths that have been in the Scripture for millennia. Long before Egan, Paul the Apostle challenged Christians, "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are holding to your faith" (II Corinthians 13:5). I believe this is the reason behind the command in I Corinthians 11:28 that a Christian examine himself before participating in communion. Serious self-examination means that we cannot settle; that growth must continue to occur in our lives. Real self-examination is not easy nor is it comfortable, but it is life changing because, by doing it, we have given God permission to partner with us in the process of being made whole. Self evaluation must happen each time we meet around the Lord's Table to remember Him.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

THE VALUE OF FRIENDS

I found the following blurb on the pages of Psychology Today. "People who have many friends and who spend a large amount of time with them live longer than people with fewer social outlets, according to a study of elderly adults. . .Over the course of 10 years, the most socially connected of subjects were 22 percent less likely to die than people who had few close friends and little social contact. Researchers speculate that close friends help their companions stay on top of physical and emotional problems." The researchers did not see the same connection with longevity and time spent with family. Could it be that one cannot open up to family in the same way as with friends? I think so. There is a lot of emotion connected with family relationships.

One of the primary characteristics of the first century church was fellowship (Acts 2:42). They liked to be together! There is nothing better than having a small-group Bible study and coffee!

Grace & Peace
Tom

EFUDEX AND THE GREAT RESURRECTION

I'm a fair-skinned kind of person. That means that I'm really white and tend to sunburn easily. If my skin was the only consideration, I probably shouldn't be a farmer because I am out in the sun so much. Four years ago, an elder brother of mine died as a result of melanoma, an aggressive type of skin cancer. He was more fair-skinned than I. Since then, I have tried to take care of my skin a little more, seeing the dermatologist once a year. The last time I saw the skin-doctor, he gave me a prescription of efudex for my skin. Efudex causes the first layer of skin to peel off, taking away the precancerous lesions with it. I didn't realize I had so many. It takes twenty one days to complete the process, but when it is finished and healed, the skin will be new. This process reminded me of a little known fact, every seven years there is a complete change of cells in your body. You are a completely different person than you were seven years ago except you look the same, act the same, personality is the same and memories are the same.

Efudex made me think about the resurrection. Paul, the apostle, says, "But some will ask, 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come" (I Corinthians 15:35)? If God has created a means by which all of the cells in our body can change in seven years and yet we retain our identity, He will have no problem retaining our identity in the resurrection. We will live in perfect bodies powered by the Spirit, rather than a body powerfully influenced by the desires of the flesh. That is the difference between our old bodies and the new ones we will receive in the resurrection. The new body is still a real, tangible and recognizable body. It will not be ghost-like! "It is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body" (I Corinthians 15:44). What a great future we have in Christ!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

CHILDREN AND DIVORCE

Because personal peace, happiness and prosperity are the core values of contemporary life, a marriage and children are expendable. Personal happiness, peace and prosperity for the parents have not translated into happiness and peace for the children of divorce. Children pay the price!

In the little speeches divorcing parents give to their children, the authorities tell them to say, "Mommy and daddy can't live together any more because we can't get along, but we will always love you, we will always be your parents." On the face of it, it sounds good, but when a child is able to ruminate on it a while it is easy to come to the conclusion, "If mommy and daddy can't get along and so they can't live together, when I am bad they won't want to live with me." When a couple violates marriage vows, that they will break their promise to the child is a very real possibility to the child. Adding to this is being shuttled back and forth between parents. The kids have not a place to call their own, thus having less of a sense of permanence and significance.

Though we say that the best interest of a child comes first, children are commonly used in our culture to reward and punish adults. The custody battles reflect this. That there is psychological damage that results from this is not to be doubted. Yet the divorce literature says that our divorce speech to the children should "admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone" (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry). Children have to pay the price for the parents' sins. Actually, a kind of role reversal is the result. Adults get to break the rules and be sad, and the children, when they are feeling sad, are supposed to remember how sad mom and dad are and be good! How twisted and dysfunctional is that?

If parents can be civil to one another, even if they are unhappy and can't get along, they should stay married. The children will fare and do much better. It is right to do it for the kids!

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN

How many have a stake in the success of a marriage? Today's marriage and family therapists would say, "We are in the business of saving individuals, not marriages." Today the view is that it is only the married individuals that have a stake in a marriage, but most certainly, children have a stake in the success of their parents' marriage, extended families, and because of the social costs, the entire nation has a stake in the success of a marriage.

Because of my Faith and counseling experience, I believe that "marriage for the sake of the children" is a valid concept. There are three caveats to this, easily remembered by the triple A's, Abuse, Addictions and Affairs. If any of the triple A's is present in a marriage, the spouse must protect the children and him/her self. Practice "safety first" in these situations. Each one of these A's is a violation of the marriage vow and thus constitutes adultery. Surprisingly, these situations are not the cause of most divorces. The triple A's only account for about forty per cent of divorces. Where family safety is not an issue, marriage for the sake of the children, is a valid concept.

There is more at stake in a marriage than personal happiness. Increased happiness for the adults has not translated into increased happiness for the children. Statistically, children from divorced families suffer much, much higher rates of abuse. They do not do as well academically and drop out of school at higher rates. The become involved in early sexual activity and resulting pregnancy at higher rates. They tend to be involved with drugs and alcohol higher rates. They are more likely to suffer poverty. Finally, kids from divorced families need psychotherapy at higher rates. Kids who lack an appropriate dad in their lives are more likely to be involved with gangs and violence. Girls have a dad-shaped hole in their soul that they tend to try to fill in relationships with guys.

Statistically, there is a fifty-fifty chance one can beat the odds and things will seem to work out okay for the kids. But after working with forty-something adults who still struggle with their parents' divorce, it is my opinion that no child comes out of a divorce without a few scars that will be a source of pain for years to come.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SATURDAY HUMOR

Have you ever been around a person who uses finger quotes? They will say, "quote, quote" at the same time as lifting both hands and moving extended index and middle fingers of both hands to frame a word or phrase. People who do this tend to do it often, so I'm sure if one had to live with a person who did it, it would annoy to the point of exasperation.

So I have this couple in my counseling office. The wife says, "'Harry,' if you say 'I love you' with finger quotes one more time, I'm outa' here!" Well, you probably know the rest of the story because there is no curing a finger quoter!

Many Blessings;
Tom

p.s. Yes, I know the guy had intimacy issues.

THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE TO KIDS

When a young couple with marital problems comes to me for counsel, the first question I ask them is, "Do you have children?" If they do, I tell them what their marriage means to their kids. I cite to them some data from Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead's book, "The Divorce Culture." In it she cites a Canadian study, which found that children in stepfamilies are FORTY TIMES more likely to suffer physical or sexual abuse as children from intact families. Then I ask them the question, "Is this what you want for your children?" If they are mature enough to understand that life isn't "all about me," I have bought some time and purpose for them to work on their marriage.

In this time when cohabitation is becoming accepted as normal as divorce and remarriage to our culture, we have to stop and think about the price our kids are paying for all this. I can't stop thinking about a little three-year-old Shelby Duez who was unfortunate enough to have a mother in a live-in relationship with a man. Shelby died of abuse even though the Iowa Department of Human Services supervised the arrangement!

Marriage isn't all about personal fulfillment. It is about raising a family and providing a stable, nurturing environment for the children. What more could a father do to "exasperate"(Ephesians 6:4) his children than to cause a breakup of a marriage?

Grace & Peace;
Tom

CHICKEN OR THE EGG?

From research we have learned two things: emotions can effect body chemistry and body chemistry can effect emotions. For example, perceived danger causes the body to produce more adrenaline (epinephrine), which prepares the body for fight or flight, or, a malfunctioning thyroid gland can be a cause for depression.

God created us, but in some ways we are co creators of our selves. Those who believe in organic diets often use the phrase, "we are what we eat." What is even truer is that we are what we believe, or we are what we think, because our thoughts and beliefs can change our body chemistry, resulting in health or disease. Our bodies are naturally subject to disease; so much of human behavior can be attributed to diseased bodies. True mental illness results from a body that isn't functioning properly.. By far, however, dysfunctional behavior, otherwise known as sin, begins in our thoughts.

Our bodies are not immortal. They are subject to disease, decay and death. The best maintenance for our personal lives is faith in Christ because pure thoughts, true beliefs, as opposed to deceitful beliefs, and a legitimate hope result in properly stressed and healthful lives.

". . .Lord, I believe;help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24 kjv).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

p.s. Sorry I didn't talk about chickens or eggs

WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATOR?

Christianity is a motivated life; it is not a regulated life. Life lived under the Old Testament Law was regulated, but life lived by the Holy Spirit under the New Covenant is motivated. There is a world of difference, and that difference is freedom in Christ.

The question is, how do we know what motivates us? Is it the world? The flesh? The devil? The Holy Spirit? Perhaps the following Scripture will help you decide. "Now the works of the flesh are plain: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy drunkenness, carousing and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:19-23).

We can lie to others. We can lie to God. We can lie to ourselves, but our behavior does not lie. Evaluate your behavior and you will know your motivator. Those who are motivated by the world, the flesh and the devil will not be a part of God's Kingdom. Those who are motivated by His Spirit will. Who will you allow to motivate you?

Grace & Peace;
Tom

THE DOLLAR VALUE OF MARRIAGE

I found this blurb in a book called "The Divorce Culture" by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. It is somewhat dated information, as this book was published in 1996, but I think it would be true in what ever time frame it was written because human nature and the laws of economics change very little.

"Indeed, recent data suggest that marriage may be a more important economic resource than a college degree. According to an analysis of 1994 income patterns, the median income of married-parent households whose heads have only a high school diploma is ten percent higher than the median income of college-educated single-parent households."

Marriage is a Divine institution through which God blesses people and nations in so many ways. The economics of it is just one of them.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SPRING IS HERE

Unbelievable! Spring is here already, though I have shoveled a lot of first-day-of-spring, it's nice that it is here! That means my life will become much more complicated and busy for a couple of months. Preparing machinery for the field; doing the list minute planning for application of fertilizers, herbicide and insecticides; doing the actual work of soil preparation and planting will mean that I will have to get up earlier and stay up later for a while. I'm saying this because I do not know if I will be able to post on a daily basis until the crop is in the ground, but I will try.

Another matter that is on my plate is a proposed building project for the church of which I am a member and president of the board. The building proposal is a gymnasium and classroom addition that will also have restrooms and a kitchen. We believe this to be an important tool for evangelism in a community of 700 that has no gym. Sutherland is a part of the South O'Brien school district that continues to experience declining enrollment. Nevertheless, there are still significant numbers of people who are unchurched and unsaved in the immediate area. We want to have a tool that will help us to reach them. The cost of that tool is $300,000. For a church of 100 people of modest incomes, it seems like an impossibility. We do serve a God that makes the impossible possible and can bring together the resources to make this happen. There is a reader of this blog who could write a check for the whole thing. May the Lord touch his heart to do half that.

This project has to be brought to a congregational vote on April 9th. We have a congregational informational meeting March 26th. This week I have to prepare for that meeting. I would appreciate your prayer support for me, and the church, in this matter.

"With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SATURDAY HUMOR

Did you hear about the guy who was crossing a street in the city? He was hit by a bus and he thought he was dying. So, as a group of people began to gather he called out, "will somebody get a priest?" One of the group said, "I'm not a priest, but I listen to the services at St. Agnes church." So he kneels over the injured man and chants, "B-14; I-19; N-38; G-54; O-72 . . ."

MANAGING GRIEF 4

". . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13).

As I have said earlier, my belief is that one never really stops grieving; one learns to manage grief. Ask any widow how many years it has been since their spouse passed away, or any parent how long it has been since their child died. They know! Grief feelings can come at any time, even many years later. Any loss leaves a scar, even though there has been healing, a scar can be a source of pain.

There are some folks who will not heal. This is called "unresolved" or "complicated" grief. It is diagnosed by the intensity of the symptoms or by the extended length of time. This is a complicated area that I will try to handle with sensitivity, but it is also an area where one can refuse to make the choice which will bring health to him/her self. I believe that God has provided the resources but one must make the choice to make use of them! If a person is already suffering from clinical depression and is already taking an antidepressant, managing grief will be much more difficult. Learning to manage grief will take an extended period of time.

Sometimes unresolved grief results from circumstances i.e. a young woman has an abortion. She ended a life. She might feel that she is doing penance by grieving. Because of the guilt she is feeling, she would feel shame if she stopped grieving, and so she believes there is virtue in wallowing in grief. The Scripture is clear, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). God does not want us to wallow in grief; He wants us to live healthy, Godly lives for Him.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

MANAGING GRIEF 3

". . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope (I Thessalonians 4:13).

Managing grief is teamwork. I suppose it is possible for grief to be managed alone, but that is not the way of Christ. The Scripture directs Christians to, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ"(Galatians 6:2). Grief management is a shared responsibility and it is first shared by our presence. Little can be said that can ameliorate grief in its deepest and darkest moments. "If only I knew that God cared!" sobs the grieving heart. God shows his care in the Faith, and in His presence, as His people are present. "Just being there" is an essential ministry!

If words are spoken, they should be appropriate positive thoughts about the one who has died. To the one who is grieving, this is recognition that the loss is real--it shows some appreciation of the depth of loss that is being experienced. Whether the loss was a pet or a person, something good can be said about the one who was lost.

Words of faith can be used, but must be used carefully and appropriately, not to minimize the depth of loss, but as a simple reminder of the hope that is ONLY found in Jesus Christ. It is this hope that is the most effective in grief management.

Diet and exercise are important components of grief management. Poor nutritional choices and lack of exercise can maintain depression, sorrow, anger and anxiety. If you want to help another in grief, give them some good, nutritious food, or take that one on a walk, play some golf, or other moderately strenuous activity. This is a way of sharing burdens too.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

MANAGING GRIEF 2

". . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13b).

Much more can be said about grief management than I will share with you, but hopefully, these thoughts will bless your life and, in some small way, help you to cope with the feelings you may be experiencing.

I know it isn't easy when one is in sorrow because of the loss of a loved one, but it is essential to be thankful for what you had. Though the loss may have been a baby, or even one unborn, remember and be thankful for the joy that was brought into your life because of that little one. Length of life means little. Meaning is everything. The one who was in your life had purpose, no matter how long their life was. Be thankful for the blessing that was brought to your life because of that life. "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

It is possible to live your life in memory of the one who has died. Sometimes folks will give a memorial to a church or charitable institution in memory of a lost loved one. Is it possible to live a life that way? I think so. I suppose there is a danger that this could be over done, but to dedicate one's life to the memory of another can be motivating. Think how a life might be honored by dedicating one's own life to a noble calling. I can think of no higher honor that can be given than a life lived in a noble manner in memory of a loved one; a life lived for a great cause. The purpose is not to worship them, but to bring an honorable memory to their name. There are few things more dishonoring to a person's memory than lives that become dysfunctional and paralyzed by grief.

Grace & peace;
Tom

MANAGING GRIEF

". . . That you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (I Thessalonians 4:13b).

I'm convinced that no one ever really conquers grief; one can only learn to manage it. Managing grief is not a neat six-step process which one works through, but managing emotions which return from time to time, sometimes when they are least expected, to bring tears, and other manifestations of anger, anxiety and gloom. Even in the years following a loss, after apparent stability has been reached, some random experience will trigger a grief experience.

The foundation of grief management is faith. To me legitimate faith is what makes grief survivable. I know that there are other "faiths" that promise life after death, but why should they be believed? Just because some religious leader promises life after death, why should he be believed? To believe someone like that is merely wishful thinking. It is credulity and nothing more. The faith in Christ is different. There was a moment in history when one man conquered death in resurrection, never to die again! The historical evidence points to the truth of this event! The meaning of Christ's resurrection is that death is not the end for those in Christ! It means that relationships on earth are not ended, only interrupted, in Christ! Those outside of Christ do not have this hope.

"For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep" (I Thessalonians 4:14).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

2 DANGERS

God has offered us a gift beyond the ability of words to communicate its value; the gift of salvation in Jesus Christ. There are some who do not accept it because they believe they have sinned too much. "If you really know how bad I am you would never care about me and certainly God could never forgive me" is the response a number of people give to those who share the Good News about the offer of salvation in Jesus Christ. But the Scripture is clear, the blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin. For those who believe in Him, change their thinking about who comes first in life's choices, and are baptized, forgiveness of sin, the Holy Spirit and salvation are freely offered (Acts 2:38). The first danger is to believe you have sinned too much for God to love you and to be saved.

The second danger is to believe that you are a good person, "I'm as good as anyone who goes to church. If they are going to heave, I will too." There are many unbelievers out there who are good people; maybe even better people than the ones in church. The truth is, though, that those in church know that they are sinners in need of redemption and seek the will of the Savior; those outside of Christ do not.

Which is the more dangerous of the two dangers? To believe you are good enough by your own merits and therefore never seek the pardon that is freely offered in Christ Jesus. Granted, some people are better than others. By social necessity, some have to be in jails and institutions. The truth is, however, that ALL have sinned and fallen short of God's standard of righteousness (Romans 3:21-26). We ALL stand before God in equal need of His Grace.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SELF DISCLOSURE

I shared my request with Helen just this morning that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine. "If that ever happens, just pull the plug," I told her. So she gets up and unplugs the TV. Now you have a little peek at our relationship. I rest in comfort knowing that she will carry out my every wish.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

p.s. Just make sure, Helen, that it is a vegetative state!

M. SCOTT PECK & GRACE

During my seminary days some required reading was, "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Peck is to liberal for me, yet one could not accuse him of being dishonest. He would describe himself as being a 'mystic psychiatrist.' He is somewhere on the continuum between an Apostle and the Antichrist, though some have accused him of being just that. When "Psychology Today" interviewed him, I was interested in what he had to say for himself. A couple of things from that interview I would like to share with you:

". . . take people with phobias. Two things characterize them. One is that they see this world as a very dangerous place. The other is that they see themselves as isolated in this dangerous world. So it is up to them, by their wits alone, to keep themselves alive. You usually treat them by converting them to adopt a more benign view of the world as a less dangerous place, or by persuading them that there is something called grace protecting them so they don't have to worry about everything all the time." Grace is the environment in which we all live. It is the atmosphere that we breathe. It is the power of Christ that sustains and makes provision for His creation, and the salvation of His people (Colossians 1:15-17).

"Psychology Today" asked, "You had, many years ago, a problem with infidelity that you later overcame. How did you overcome it?" Peck replied, "I didn't overcome it. I lost my libido." What honesty! He didn't claim any virtue. His physiology changed so he had no sexual desire any longer. It emphasizes the point that there is no virtue in simply not doing something simply because one doesn't desire to do it. What makes "not doing" virtuous is to desire, and have the power to do, wrestle with it and make the decision not to do. My wrestling match may not be your wrestling match, but we all have them and we all lose them. The problem is that we tend to be judgmental of another person losing a wrestling match that we do not have. We all need to thank God for the provision of His abundant grace in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

FREEDOM

You all know that I have a great fondness for Victor Frankl because I quote him so much. In the world of psychotherapy he is a voice for personal responsibility that is refreshing when others see people as nothing but the result of heredity, body chemistry, environment and conditioning. He sees people as being capable of making free choices and the necessity of being responsible for those choices. His experiences in 4 Nazi concentration camps convinced him of this.

"Freedom . . . is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the east coast be supplanted by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast."

Or as the Apostle Paul said, "For you were called to freedom, brethren (and sisters); only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; but through love be servants of one another" (Galatians 5:13).

Or as the Apostle Peter said, "Live as free men (and women), yet without using your freedom as a pretext for evil; but live as servants of God" (I Peter 2:16).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

A REPLY TO "HUSKER RED"

Husker Red commented on my blurb "100% OF THE TIME." He/she said that making a gratitude list didn't work for him/her, and that nothing was going right in his life to be thankful for.

Husker, it sounds like there is a lot of blue in your life right now. I don't know why it is that you are feeling this way, but could you make a list of things you would like to continue? At the seminary where I took my graduate work, there was, and still is, a secretary who suffered from Multiple Sclerosis. One of the simple things she thanked God for was that her "personal plumbing" still worked. If you've ever had to deal with incontinence you would be thankful that your personal plumbing still worked and would want it to continue to work. With disciplined diet and exercise, she is doing all she can for that to continue. Do you want the food, clothing and shelter that you have to continue? Do you want the relationships that you have to continue? The freedom you have as an American? The storied and proud tradition you enjoy as a Husker fan? I do not know about your Christian faith, but how valuable is that? To make a list of the things you want to continue means that you place value on them and are thankful.

Remember this Scripture: "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Grace & Peace;
Tom

p.s. Stay in touch, Husker.

100% OF THE TIME

There are not very many things that work 100% of the time, but I know one thing that does. Chris Peterson is a psychology professor at the University of Michigan. He has an assignment he gives his students: Write a gratitude letter. It's a kind of thank-you note to any one, including God. Peterson says his students feel happier 100% of the time. This exercise provides a long-lasting mood boost to the writers.

There is a caveat to this. If a student is skeptical that the exercise will work, it will still work. If a student is cynical, it will not. Cynicism is the attitude that, "I really do not have anything to be thankful for," or "I have to be thankful for this?" Then the gratitude note will not work.

So, do you want to feel happier today? Write a gratitude note today to anyone--oh, send it too. It works 100% of the time. Make Thanksgiving Day 365 days a year.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SUMMARIZING SUBMISSION

That God has place men in such a privileged position is interesting. In my humble opinion it means that the order of creation and the order of the fall have a significance that we do not appreciate even though it is a very significant matter to God. It is a matter of faith because from a purely secular perspective, in today's society, there is no reason why a wife should be submissive to the husband. The truth is, though, that when husbands and dads take responsible leadership seriously, homes work better; regardless of the perspective one has on this issue.

There are times when a wife must act independently of her husband, for the sake of her family. To act independently of the husband is a dangerous thing, but extreme demands that violate the will of God, affairs, abuse and/or addictions can justify that independence. In every case, the wife will act in the husband's best interest, and will tell him why she did it. That is how Abigail acted with Nabal. There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman. One of the worst things a wife can do for her husband is to be an enabler, enabling him to continue in irresponsibility. I believe that to be a part of Biblical submission. But, when a wife acts independently of her husband, spending money at her whim, she endangers the well-being of the family and stresses the marriage. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. Financial stability is critical to the stability of the family. Irresponsible spending is a violation of the marriage vow, regardless of who is doing it, and thus constitutes adultery.

The husband's authority in the Christian home is to be guided by the Spirit of Christ. To rule as an autocrat is not the Spirit of Christ. It happens very often that when a husband leads his home in this way, the wife, or one of the children will develop symptoms. Addictions, affairs, irresponsible spending, eating disorders, running away from home, etc. can be symptoms of overly rigid, autocratic husbanding and fathering. Symptoms are a way of speaking without saying a word, voicing disagreement with the kind of leadership that is going on in the home. Always, when symptoms appear, husbands and fathers have to take stock of the kind of leadership they are manifesting in the home!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

WHY SHOULD WIVES BE SUBMISSIVE TO THEIR HUSBANDS?

What is there about a husband that is superior so that a wife should be submissive to him? Is it because he is smarter, wiser, more talented, more spiritual, or more sensitive? Is it because he has the ability to make more income? In many cases any of those things might be true, but they are not all true in all cases. In fact, in some cases the husband is a better nurturer than his wife! From a secular perspective, there is nothing about a husband that would indicate that a wife should be submissive to him. Even secular structural family systems therapists, however, admit that families work better when dad takes a functional place in the family hierarchy.

From a theological perspective, the reason a wife should be submissive to her husband is simply because God said so. It is a matter of faith. It is a privilege that God has granted men and it is a way of reminding us all of the order of creation, of the fall and the curse (I Timothy 2:11-14). In every case, there is responsibility that goes along with the privilege of being a husband and that is the responsibility to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). There are husbands who are simply autocrats, expecting the wife and the children to obey his whims. Such is not the Spirit of Christ. His leadership in the home is to be motivated by Christian love and is demonstrated by service and sacrifice. Just as the Lord listens with love, patience and understanding when we pour out our anxieties, requests and sins to Him (Hebrews 2:17,18) so husbands need to listen with the same love, patience and understanding, first to his wife, then to his children, for the wife is an essential partner in the executive hierarchy of the family.

Once in a while a very capable woman will get hooked up with a real loser. Abigail is a woman from the Bible who comes to mind. She was married to a wealthy farmer named Nabal. Nabal hardly seemed to be a loser as he had fields of grain, 3,000 sheep and 3,000 goats. He was a fool when it came to public relations and it nearly cost him his own life and the lives of all the men who worked for him, but his wife, Abigail, baled him out. She acted independently of him, but she did act in his best interest. That's what a wife of faith does. That is submission. You can read the story in 1 Samuel 25.

Final thoughts on submission on Monday.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SUBMIT 3

One of the ways we understand the meaning of Biblical submission is to look at the way the original word that is translated "submit" in the text, Ephesians 5:22-23, is translated in other texts of Scripture. The ancient translators who translated the Old Testament from Hebrew to Greek used the word found in our text to translate Psalm 37:7 and Psalm 62:1,5. Catherine Clark Kroeger, PhD, comments on the use of the word in these Scriptures, "hupatasso is employed to translate a Hebrew verb that signifies listening responsively in an attitude of expectancy. In line with this understanding, The Message renders hupatasso in 1 Peter 3:1 'Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs'" (Christian Counseling Today, 2005 vol. 13 no. 3).

Submission and obedience are not synonyms. Children and slaves are told to obey (hupakauo), but wives are commanded to "be subject" (hupatasso) ". . .to demonstrate loyalty and support rather than subterfuge"(Kroeger). Submissive wives are wives that are loyal to their husbands. Prior to marriage, one of the tasks for a potential wife is to find out if the aims and goals of this guy are aims and goals she shares and can be loyal to. Certainly, a submissive wife will not undermine her husband. When a wife runs up huge credit-card debt unknown to her husband, or is financially irresponsible, she is guilty of an infidelity fully as destructive to the marriage as an affair. This cannot be justified by the lack of the husband's income or the lack of available money she has to spend. It is a problem that needs to be worked out between the two of them, perhaps with the help of a counselor (I'm always trying to generate business).

A submissive wife is a woman who works at understanding her husband so that she can be responsive to his needs. Men are not to complicated. If some basic needs are met they are generally pretty easy to get along with. Good food, good lovin' and general affirmation, at least 5 compliments to every 1 criticism, and they will do well for the most part. A submissive wife will be loyal to the aims and goals of he husband unless those aims and goals violate the will of God. She will not undermine her husband.

What about the husbands!? Tomorrow.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

Many years ago one of the men in the church I was serving with would tell his wife to, "submit!" She would ignore him, and they would laugh, and she would go on doing what she was doing. It is from this husband that these posts get their title. They had a good marriage and she was on of the most truly submissive wives I have known.

One of the clues to the meaning of Biblical submission is found in the description of the ideal wife of Proverbs 31:10-31. The picture of the ideal wife found here is not one of a woman who waits for a directive from her husband about every detail of life, but of a woman who is capable of making decisions, entering into business deals and administrating a household all in the best interest of her husband. This is what a God-fearing wife does.

The Scripture does not give us a picture of extreme dominance of the husband in the marital relationship, or of unqualified submission of the wife. In other words, the Bible does not teach, "knuckling under," but it certainly teaches submission. The Scripture does teach that, ultimately, "we must obey God rather than man" (Acts 5:29). In every case, the will of God comes before the will of any husband who is extreme in the demands he makes on his wife. Just as we all, as citizens, must submit to the civil governing authorities, yet when their demands become immoral, sinful and unlawful, it is right to resist them.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SUBMIT

I have seen it a number of times. A Christian family comes for counseling. A rebellious daughter has run away from home. While I'm learning about the problem the dad asserts that he is the head of the house. I'm beginning to get a clue. Yes, he is the head of the house, but to assert it means that he is so rigid that he isn't listening to his family.

A Christian family comes for counseling. The wife has run-up a huge amount of credit card debt that is unknown to her husband. It has become so large that it is impossible to conceal. He feels betrayed. She feels justified. 'If he would give me more money to spend we wouldn't be having this problem.'

In both cases there is a battle for control. Who is in charge here? In the first case the rebellious daughter is speaking for herself and the rest of the family about dad's rigidity. In the second case, who ever has the money has the control.

This brings me to my text, "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:22-23).

The whole idea that the husband should "rule over" his wife (Genesis 3:16) came as part of the curse that God placed on His creation as a result of the fall. Prior to the fall, Adam and Eve did not relate to each other in this way. This is where the battle for control of the family began.

What is Biblical submission? What is the kind of submission that honors God? How does Biblical submission strengthen the family? Hopefully I can answer those questions in up coming posts.

Grace and Peace;
Tom

EXISTENTIAL VACUUM

I love Victor Frankl. His book, "Man's Search for Meaning," is one of the well-worn, many read volumes in my personal library. His "logo therapy" was developed as a result of his personal experience as a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. For a non-Christian, he came close to the Kingdom. Frankl recognized that every person has to find a purpose for their lives or they will experience what he called, "existential vacuum," a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness. Symptoms of existential vacuum are depression, aggression and addiction. I chuckle at the phrase "existential vacuum." It sounds so sophisticated yet it is just saying in secular terms what Augustine said in theological terms, 'God has made us for Himself. Our souls cannot rest until they rest in Him.'

Grace & Peace;
Tom

Divine Providence?

We are back! Helen and I enjoyed our trip to California. The weather was great, but even better was meeting Parker for the first time. To be with Faith and Deacon was a treat too! If I would have known grand children were so good, we would have had them first!

This trip did not do much to increase my confidence in commercial aviation. We were to leave Omaha at 7:00 A.M. on the 18th. It was 10 below 0. When the heat was turned on the windshield it cracked. 3" thick glass cracked! The flight had to be cancelled. We were 12 more hours getting out of Omaha. We were all thinking that we were very blessed that it happened on the ground rather than in flight. Was it special providence? If the windshield would have cracked like it did in flight you would not be reading this. We would have been a statistic. The crack was more like a shatter as it looked like a spider web across the windshield.

Yes, I think the Lord blessed us with a safe trip, and a wonderful week with our California family!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

I'VE GOT TO BE ME: The more you try the less you are

"What is called self-actualization is not an attainable aim at all, for the simple reason that the more one would strive for it, the more he would miss it. In other words, self-actualization is possible only as a side effect of self-transcendence" (Victor Frankl). Or as Jesus said, 'He who saves his life will loose it, but whoever looses his life for my sake will find it.'

Helen and I will be in California for a little more than a week getting to know our newest grandson. We will also be enjoying the weather. The Lord Willing, I will be posting again by the 27th.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

REVEALING: What Your Desk Says About You

What does your desk and office space say bout you? In my counseling office I always keep a bowl of Hersey's Kisses on the desk and a pot of coffee brewing in the corner table. It beckons social interaction. It says this is homey and safe. If you have a well-nurtured plant in your office space it says, you have roots and you plan to stay. Surprisingly, family photos might not communicate closeness, but could be only a status symbol. It depends on how the photos are placed. If placed for the predominate view of a visitor, it's a status symbol. Inspirational and motivational plaques say, "This guy is into his job." A neat desk communicates that you are an organized person. It is very difficult for a disorganized person to disguise this. Their desk seems to always betray them. An empty desk is a communicator of a lack of commitment. Make sure you have lots of different kinds of books and magazines in the office. It communicates openness.

So take a look at your desk and office. What does it say about you?

Grace and Peace;
Tom

*These thoughts were inspired by an article in "Psychology Today;" August 2005.

TERMS OF ENTRANCE

The Lord has given me the privilege of announcing the wonderful news that Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior! For 33 short years Heaven stepped into history; the Word became flesh; God became man. By His life, Jesus lived as an example and demonstrated His identity. In the shedding of His blood and death on a Roman cross Jesus paid the price of pardon and salvation for all. By His resurrection He removed any doubt that all this was true! Jesus left all His disciples a commission to go into all the world and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all He has commanded. Along with that commission is a wonderful promise that He would be with us always as we carried out that commission (Matthew 28:18-20).

Jesus has not called me to be successful, but He has called me to be faithful. It is not for me to be judgmental of other servants. They, themselves, will have to give an accounting for how they have accomplished the task to the Master. The Lord has commissioned us to announce the Good News. Everyone is invited to the wedding banquet. But to get in you have to put on the wedding garment that is supplied at the door. No other suit is good enough to get in, even if you have some pretty snazzy duds of your own. You can't come to the great wedding banquet on your own terms (Matthew 22:1-14). The one who did accept the invitation, but came on his own terms, was thrown out. The banquet has been bought and paid for. Everyone is graciously invited. Whosoever will may come, but they must put on the wedding garment, the Jesus suit.

Many accept the gracious invitation, but they want entrance their way. One has to have the wedding garment to get in. It's free. It doesn't cost anything, but it has to be put on. You can't just carry it in. So how do you put on the Jesus suit? You believe that Jesus is the Lord and only savior; only He has paid for your sins. You change your priorities. No longer does the flesh and the world come first; Jesus has the first claim on your life. You are baptized into Christ for the remission of sin. He who has been baptized into Christ has put on Christ (Galatians 3:27), Baptism is into the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, that which purchased our pardon, thus it is for the remission of sins. That's how one puts on the Jesus suit. Many will accept the invitation to the Great Banquet. The servant who allows entrance without the Jesus suit--well that's between him and God, for God can allow entrance to anyone He wants. Until God says otherwise, however, I have to be faithful to the commission He has given me.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

FREEDOM

The Sioux City Journal had an article in their religion section from which I would like to share some blurbs and my thoughts. The article is actually a review of a book written by Rodney Stark, sociology professor at Baylor University. The book is, "The Victory of Reason: How Christianity Led to Freedom, Capitalism and Western Success" (Random House). Stark contends that, ". . .The success of the West, including the rise of science, rested entirely on religious foundations, and the people who brought it about were devout Christians . . . real science arose only once: in Europe. Only in Europe did alchemy develop into chemistry and astrology into astronomy, with thinkers moving beyond mere technology into true research. . . Christianity was oriented to the future while the other major religions asserted the superiority of the past." Stark also says, "In most religions the material universe is regarded as eternal, without beginning or purpose and without a creator, and the cosmos is a supreme mystery, inconsistent, unpredictable and arbitrary. . . . The path to wisdom is through meditation and mystical insights that do not produce empirical knowledge."

The differences between the so-called races are negligible! There is no significant difference in the capacity of achievement between the races. There truly is only one race, the human race! Nevertheless, cultural differences are significant. What a person believes has everything to do with his success! Even as family beliefs have a lot to do with how individual family members behave and perform, so ethnic culture is a powerful dynamic in the performance and behavior of its people. Thus, the success of the West was not because Europeans were smarter or superior, it had to do with what it believed. Now that the West has cut itself off from the belief system that made it flower, I wonder what will happen next? As a Christian and an optimist, things will work out according to God's plan, and it's a wonderful plan!

Happy Valentine's Day! Remember, it was Christianity that defined LOVE!

Grace & Peace;
Tom

IT'S A GREAT FUTURE!

Admittedly, there are a lot of challenges ahead of us, but we have a great future! One of the characteristics of the people of God is that they are optimistic! His people never loose! Even when things apparently seem to go wrong, they turn out right (Romans 8:28)! Having said all that, things are going to get really interesting in the future on the farm. Last week I helped my 2 nephews work the cows and calves, they bought from me, through the chute. We vaccinated, deloused, pregnancy checked cows and castrated calves. While we were doing this I told the guys about the following blurb I read in "Feedstuffs" magazine, "Last year, Jason Matheny, a researcher at the University of Maryland announced that meat could be cultured in a lab from cow blood. One of the benefits, as touted by the researcher, is that it does not require the killing of animals. Matheny is one of 11 Ph. D. and/or M.D.s that make up a nonprofit organization called New Harvest. New Harvest is a research organization working to develop new meat substitutes, including cultured meat--meat produced in vitro in a cell culture rather than from an animal. . ." I simply ended by saying, "Cowboys of the future will be wearing lab coats instead of chaps and spurs."

The cowboy running the squeeze gate that guides the cows into the squeeze chute said, "That can never happen!" I happen to believe there will always be a market for real prime rib. Think how unromantic it will be for your meat to come from a lab rather than a feedlot. But changes are a comin'!

In his State of the Union address, Pres. Bush talked about energy coming from switch grass and other cellulose. People outside of agriculture laughed, but anyone who knows anything about cellulose ethanol production was not laughing. There is a huge potential of ethanol production in switch grass. It has more energy than corn, unless you count the cornstalks, which can also be turned into ethanol. With the wind turbines, ethanol production, nuclear power and efficient use of our own fossil fuels, the United States can be energy independent! It is a critical factor in turning off the funding faucet for terrorists.

For me, things are going to get extremely interesting down on the farm!

Praise the Lord!
Tom

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

I found this blurb in "Psychology Today" that was interesting to me because both Helen and I have had to deal with Asperger's Syndrome in our work.

"Buried deep inside your skull are special brain cells that read the minds of others and know their intentions. Dubbed mirror neurons, these cells fire in response to the 'reflection' of another person, Whether you lift your coffee cup or watch you coworker lift his, the neurons respond to both actions as if they were the same. Neuroscientists believe these cells are what allow humans . . . to feel empathy and compassion to others.

A new study by researchers at the University of California, San Diego, now links improper function of these tiny cells to a mild form of autism known as Asperger's syndrome. A brain imaging study of 10 autistic boys found their mirror neurons fail to fire in response to the movements of another person.

Autism is a brain disorder characterized by deficits in social interaction and communication skills."

People with A.S. are mostly male. They can be very intelligent and verbal but social interactions are very difficult for them. As a good basketball shooter has "touch" and a poor one just throws the ball at the hoop, when it comes to social interaction, the person with A.S. has no touch. Finding and keeping employment is very difficult for them. What is important for them is to persevere and work at developing people-pleasing traits as much as possible. Over time the coping skills will increase and life becomes a little easier. All the Lord requires from us is to make the most of what we have.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

". . . and to self-control, perseverance. . ." (II Peter 1:6). Peter's stair steps of virtues continues with perseverance. Perseverance is the stick-to-itivness that is required to succeed in the Christian life. It is what one might call "true grit." It is a common trait found in successful people. It's keeping on going when one would like to quit. It's getting one's self out of bed in the morning and facing the day when it would be easier to stay in bed and hide from the world. The Lord promised that he would be with us, and that is one of the promises we can cling to as we get up and face the day, and live up to our responsibilities. What precedes perseverance on the stair steps of virtue? Self-control! It is a requisite for perseverance.

I'll come back to self-control at other times in the future because there is much more to be written. Tomorrow I have a blurb about Asperger's disorder.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SELF-CONTROL 2

"For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control. . ." (II Peter 1:5). Peter makes a stairstep list of virtues. That means a person needs to have the first one before the second is achieved. Notice that knowledge precedes self-control. Temperance and self-discipline are synonyms of self-control. There are some good strategies out there that are helpful in developing self-control. It's important to at least be aware of them. That's why I recommended the Messina's site yesterday. Check it out if temperance, self-discipline, or self-control is a problem with you.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

SELF CONTROL

I sit here with my eyes watering, my nose running, my head throbbing, and my joints aching from the effects of the common cold so this will be short. Any Christian is aware that one of the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control. There are many many Christians who struggle with self-control. They have the idea that this is something the Spirit does with no effort from themselves. It's important to understand that this is something the Spirit does as He works in cooperation with us. With that in mind, I stumble on a web sit called Coping.org by Jim and Connie Messina, PhD's. If you go there, click on the menu Tools for Handling Control Issues.
I do not know if the Messina's are Christians or not, but the materials there are quite good.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

EMOTIONS CONTROL HORMONES

Emotions control your hormones through biochemical changes in the brain. Fear, for instance, is accompanied by the production of one set of brain chemicals that can make you alert and ready to flee, while pleasure triggers the release of other chemicals that soothe and calm. Stress can cause a sustained production of stress hormones, which can then damage the hippocampus, a part of the brain that's crucial to learning and memory. Thus it is important to control our emotions because of their relationship to physical health.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

PASTORAL COUNSELING REFERRAL

There are several reasons why a pastor should refer one of his counselees to a clinical counselor.
1) Dual relationships. A dual relationship is when the counselor has more than on relationship with the counselee. Being a friend, a pastor and a counselor to the counselee qualifies as a dual relationship. In pastoral ministry it is impossible to avoid dual relationships, but one needs to take care to minimize them. Dual relationships are dangerous because they enable the counselor or the counselee to disregard natural boundaries. It is my belief that pastoral counseling be limited to 3 to 4 hours at the most. When a counselee risists this by saying "No one listens like you, pastor" then one knows that the time has really come for referral.

2) Time. With all the hats the pastor wears is there sufficient time. It was for this reason that one prominent pastor I know, with an advanced degree in counseling, said to me that he makes a referral after the first hour of counseling.

3) Counseling ability. Not all pastors have counseling ability nor the desire to counsel. This might seem incongruent with our calling to share the counsel of the Wonderful Counselor, but it is a wise understanding of one's limits.

4) Mental illness. Clinical depression would be the leading cause in a pastor's caseload. Real mental illness needs to be medicated. Real mental illness represents a small part of the counseling load. There is a tendency in the counseling field to extend the mental-illness treatment model to all emotional problems. Thus sin becomes sickness and no one bears personal responsibility for his or her behavior.

What is important for pastors to understand is that their counseling is NOT inferior to a professional counselor. He has knowledge, skills and resources available to him that are foreign to a secular counselor. We understand that the Holy Spirit is already at work in the situation. Prayer, the truth of Scripture and the fellowship of the church are powerful resources.

For a pastor to refer a counselee to another counselor is NOT an implication of incompetence, it is a simple recognition of the limits of time, boundaries and the limits of medical expertise.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

THE PROBLEM WITH LABELS

"The counselee is not the problem, the problem is" (Charles Kollar). Labels are useful as descriptions of symptomology, but labels can also inhibit, if not prohibit, real therapy by making a client resistant to therapy. People often describe themselves by their label: alcoholic; codependent, obsessive compulsive, etc. They live consistently with their labels because their label is their identity.

We tend to look for evidence that confirms the label, and we always find what we are looking for. In grad school* I read of an experiment by a professor of psychology and law at Stanford University. He had eight emotionally healthy people admitted to different psychiatric hospitals. The psychiatrists who were assigned to these "patients" were simply told that they were "hearing voices." Each was diagnosed as schizophrenic. One was also diagnosed as bipolar.

It is important to know that each "patient" acted normally. Yet once they were viewed as mentally ill, their normal behavior was viewed as a pretense--masking abnormality. The patients were hospitalized from 7 to 52 days and administered 2100 pills--none of them the gospill. The professor eventually informed the hospitals of the deception, but said he would do it again. Though he never did repeat it, the professor checked with the hospitals. Of the next 193 admissions they found 41 impostors.

Labels and blaming keep a person focused on the problem rather than the solution. Though labels do serve a useful function, they can also do real harm. Do not use them any more than is necessary and do not accept a label at face value. Our job as pastors is to help each person enter into becoming that "new creation" (II Corinthians 5:17) that God intends rather than being identified by the old one.

Grace & Peace;
Tom

*Charles Kollar writes of this experiment in "Solution Focused Pastoral Counseling," but I read of it in another source as required reading for Assessment, Diagnosis and Treatment.

MY COUNSELING ASSUMPTIONS

COMPLEX PROBLEMS DO NOT NECESSARILY REQUIRE COMPLEX SOLUTIONS.

"He is before all things and in him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). The power of Jesus Christ sustains the universe. If we assume his activity in the life of any person with problems, then we can also assume that he will help us to deal with those problems in ways that we have been blind to before. When a person has a problem he generally makes an assumption that he has that problem all the time. That assumption blinds him to the truth that he doesn't. The truth is that there are moments when nearly everyone has mental health and moments when they feel good. Nearly every marriage has times when things go well. Our responsibility is to look for those moments. Why are they happening? What are the good things you want to continue?

FINDING EXCEPTIONS HELPS CREATE SOLUTIONS

Focusing on these exceptions to the problem helps a person find a new perception, and we all know how important perception is; it is reality. Aren't these exceptions the work of God in the life of the person with a problem? I believe these exceptions give clues as to how to proceed in dealing with a troubled life. Everyone possesses skills and resources of which they are not aware. Finding exceptions and focusing on them, rather than the problem, helps bring those skills a resources to light.

Grace & Peace;

Tom

GRACE EVENTS

One of the things I assume when a client, any client, comes with a problem is that God is at work in his/her life. God has created us. Jesus has died for us all. God loves us. He has not abandoned us, even though it might seem like it at times. The problem itself may be a grace event that prods a person to change and to grow. We think of grace as having to do with atonement, pardon and forgiveness of sin. It does! But grace is also the environment in which we live. It is how God teaches us to change, grow and mature. Thus, our problems could well be grace events, "But he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'. . . That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (II Corinthians 12:9-10).

I believe it is more likely that one can successfully come up with a solution if one thinks a little differently about the problem. Perhaps it is God's way of stimulating one to reach out for Him. Perhaps it is His prodding and pruning to stimulate growth and fruit production.

Grace & Peace;
Tom